Through Lemons & Peaches

by Shivangi Ruperee

  At that moment I took a decision for myself, If I took a leap for my dreams earlier why was I succumbing now? I wanted to focus all my time in preparations and go for an MBA by taking CATT in November. I told him the same, which meant I had to leave my job and he did understand. “Just don’t push yourself too much, if you need any help with preparations, let me know”, he smiled. I had a clear goal, I had an action plan and I didn’t feel alone anymore, all this over just one dinner. Looking at his gorgeous smile, something in me just didn’t want me to stop seeing him again. “I’ll practice most of the things myself but over the next few weekends till CATT, would you be open to meet me and help me solve those questions where I get stuck?”, I asked while blushing like a cherry blossom. “Seriously, is this how you flirt?”, he laughed. “Okay! see you next week then”. We were chirpy, spontaneous & happy. He dropped me home and, on the way, we held hands. The feeling was something I had never felt until now. As we drove past the busy streets, playing our favorite music in the car, for the first time I felt happy of the choice I had made, I had begun to laugh from my heart and not for the world.

  The next morning, I told my parents about my new plan. My dad was worried, “My colleagues here discuss that it takes students a minimum time of a year to study well for this exam. You are being unrealistic! Did you leave your second job too? What if you don’t get a score?”. “If I don’t, then I will search & take up another job like I did this time Dad. But if I don’t try for it this year, I have doubts if I’ll ever do an MBA”, I said. “I don’t know what you are doing anymore, try! that’s all I can say”, my father was upset and he left for Delhi. My mom stayed back with me and motivated me to go for CATT, we went online to check the application due date and it was 25th September 2017, submissions were closing in seven hours! I & my mom rushed around to get passport size digital photo of the mentioned specification & a professional digital scan of all the original documents. We made it just in time that day, the server luckily stayed strong. I bought all the practice material online and started to study all the sections of the exam in parallel.

  As the weekend approached, I realized that it was time for me to disclose what I felt to Pankaj. We used to be best friends in college and since the past two years, our relationship had just deteriorated. That one time I went for dinner with Aman, felt so much more natural than the two years I was trying to force myself to fall for Pankaj. If I wasn’t happy, how could Pankaj have been happy? That night when he called, I told him how we were always meant to be friends, as we were way happier & peaceful when we kept it that way. Pankaj understood what I meant and we mutually decided to go back to what we used to be. Everything finally felt right.

  On Saturday, I went to meet Aman with a hope to have a great conversation at a cafe & study a bit but none of what I had planned happened. We couldn’t stay at the cafe for long and went to watch one of his favorite sci-fi movies, which I had no idea about as I didn’t follow the series. He explained me the scenes, the entire time, even if people stared at us. We laughed and he held me close. I felt really shy but also didn’t want it to stop. This was what I liked about him! He was a confident free bird and he bought out the best in me, never subdued my energy. Our beautiful series of weekend shenanigans continued. Every weekend he made me experience something I had never. From painting workshops to bowling. I was learning a lot about myself, time never felt to be enough when we were together. Every time it felt we could have done more.

  Before I could realize November had started, there were just three weeks left! We decided that for the last two weeks before CATT, I’ll focus only on studies & Aman planned a business trip to Dubai during that time which meant after the coming weekend, we would not be able to meet for a while. That weekend we kept it spontaneous! We met at the most famous brewery in Bengaluru at 11:00 am on a Saturday morning and he ordered for us the entire tasting menu! I had never had alcohol in my life. But being with Aman was always about getting rid of my reluctance. That afternoon I couldn’t believe that I had so much of beer, we both were tipsy, booked random movie tickets, took a cab and went on giggling about something or the other the entire way. We reached the theatre when it was dark & advertisements were on, the two of us made to our seats holding hands through the darkness, the anti-smoking commercial came. “I hope you don’t smoke”, I said. “Why?”, he asked with a smile. “I don’t want you to suffer”, Suddenly I felt his breath on my neck,” So you care about me now?”, he had come really close to me and I couldn’t speak a word. “Got you!”, he went back and held my hand during the entire movie. I had never felt that rush. Throughout the movie I couldn’t help but steal glances at him, thinking how can he be so perfect. But our day just kept getting better! We saw that our favorite band was about to perform there in a few hours and we were both ecstatic. Meanwhile, we decided to go around having awesome desserts, trying out new coffee places & fill up on starters.

  We tried looking up for tickets but all the good ones were sold out. Soon, the concert was about to start, “Hey! here’s a better plan”, Aman had bought a few beers and pointed towards an open-air courtyard. “Really?”, I looked at him playfully. “You’ll see”, he pulled me and took me there. The music started and we could hear the singer so clearly, we had a few beers and started to sing & sway around. It was bliss! No fear of being judged even if there were people all around us. We were in our own heaven. Ten foolish songs later, was the one romantic melody, which made us both a little serious. As we were swaying along on it, he held me close and we danced under the beautiful moonlight. His eyes were twinkling and I could feel all he wanted to say but didn’t, he kept his hand on my cheek and smiled. I gave in and kissed him, with him I had my first kiss. “Think about it, Shivangi! People say that I am a womanizer. I don’t want to hurt you ever, do it only if you trust me”, “I don’t have to know your past, it’s the present I care about”, I smiled. He pulled me all of a sudden, and we kissed. I could feel his heartbeats.

  Over the next few weeks, career took over both of us and we ventured into our plans. I practiced countless mocks and just a day before gathered all my courage. “You have to try your best!”, my father said. My mother and Pankaj accompanied me to the examination center which was in the outskirts of the city. I knew I had to do it to make it back on track, it was do or die. The examination started and I kept fighting all the problems, in between, I lost my energy then regained it thinking of how high the stakes were. I poured in all I had in that test that day and came out to meet my mom and Pankaj totally drained. The results were being anticipated now and nothing could be said for sure as it was extremely competitive. Aman was also keeping busy and was about to return to India in a week. Me and my mother were trying to unwind as we had a tough few sleepless weeks, I had gone out to shop while my mom was getting some sleep. I reached my apartment to find Pankaj standing downstairs teary eyed. “What happened, Pankaj?”, I shrieked out of nervousness. “You are with Aman?”, tears started rolling down his cheeks. “You have lost your direction completely, Shivangi! Someone clicked a picture of two of you at a restaurant and shared it with me. First, you left your prestigious job and now this… don’t you know how many relationships he has had, in & outside the campus? You are his next, he will use & leave you”, said Pankaj as he sobbed softly. “Pankaj! He is not how people say he is! I know him. It’s all okay”, I assured. “Of course, he would have brainwashed you! You are falling for a really wrong guy this time, Shivangi! Don’t ruin yourself. Anyways, I can’t be your friend anymore, I just can’t see you with anyone else”, he cried. “Pankaj, please calm down, I wasn’t the right partner for you. One day you’ll find the girl who loves you deeply”, I said. “Like you love Aman, right?”. I was speechless and felt horrible to see Pankaj this way. When he was okay being a friend earlier, why was he reacting this way? “Pankaj, calm down”, I said after a while. “I am leaving your house to never return back, I wish you the best, don’t wreck your life and don’t get manipulated. Please n
ever reach me again”, he left without listening and blocked me from all the communication channels. I lost my best friend that day and the pain was unimaginable but I knew me not being there in his life will help him move on.

  Aman came back to Bengaluru and we started our weekend plans again. It was still the same, our usual bliss. Although, after what Pankaj had told me, I started to notice so many women around him, his social media accounts were full of them. Apart from that as the news about us grew, all the girls from his past started to come around again. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but somehow, I did trust him and we grew closer. We called in Christmas and the new year together, wishing all stays well between us.

  It was January 2018! the CATT results were out. I & my mom hugged each other and logged in to see the results. I clicked enter and covered my eyes, my mom screamed. I saw the screen totally perplexed, I had scored a 92 percentile! Which meant I would at least be getting interview & group discussion calls from a few top colleges. My mom called up my father and he was relieved. We celebrated like crazy that day. Over the next few days, we applied to colleges with my score and got interview invites. The process was demanding and I kept all my attention on cracking the interviews as everything still depended on them. On 12th February 2018, I received my admission letter from one of the top 10 universities in the world, located in Italy with an Asia Pacific hub in Mumbai, which required me to be in Milan for four months & for the rest of the program in Mumbai. We were overjoyed. We took a huge risk and had won a battle!

  Now that I had to shift to Mumbai soon, what would happen to me & Aman? I was happy that I achieved my goal but my heart was unsettled. That weekend while we were taking a stroll in the park, I decided to ask him a few questions about what he had thought for us? “I’ll visit you! & when I can’t, you drop by. It’s simple…we’ll figure out something”, he said. But that was not the only thing I wanted to hear. Pankaj was right, I had fallen in love with him. They say fallen for a reason - it’s unplanned. I tried to restrict my feelings all this while because I knew I had plans for an MBA, but now that it was happening, somewhere I wanted his word.

  He had told me all about his previous relationships & I could understand why he would definitely fear commitment especially in a long-distance setting. The cherries on top were the hundreds of women who were mad after him & could go lengths to influence him. My love for him was all heart and had the potential to numb my mind at times. I was scared that I’ll trust him & get my heartbroken. I felt insecure and it grew every day, as the day I had to fly to Mumbai came closer. He was special to me, was my first real love. I just couldn’t see it end with me being shattered, so I decided to part ways as I left Bengaluru. He didn’t say anything, didn’t stop me from doing so, but was deeply disappointed in me. I had lost my career once & had just recovered from it. Now, I just couldn’t risk my heart & I chose to bear the harsh pain today rather than having a possibility of facing deeper sadness in future.

  7

  It was 2nd July 2018, I had reached Mumbai with my mom & dad a couple of days ago, but it was time to stay like a student yet again & check in to the hostel located in Powai. Unlike under graduation, this time we were all adults with fully formed personalities and hence we were given our own individual rooms. As soon as I finished unpacking & was about to call it a day - *I miss you. Anyways, Good luck *, Aman texted. I did miss him too & I replied. It was certain that we would continue to remain in touch. The next morning, I woke up and headed out early donning my new formal attire, it was my first day as an MBA student. I reached the venue & couldn’t help but notice how modern the interiors looked - the great taste in art they possessed, just when I saw a room full of 118 students cheerfully greeting each other. I was hoping to find some amazing people amongst them. We had a terrific commencement ceremony, addressed by the Managing Director & the Dean of our university after which there were team-building activities. We were divided into random groups of six and were asked to create the tallest stable structure with newspapers. My team was happily on it except one who was rolling eyes at me the very first day, Chaitra Vaishnoi. I had no idea even in my wildest of dreams regarding what could I have done? “Guys, let’s split up the tasks individually”, I was confident of our plan. “Guys! Lala Lala…”, Chaitra just teased me with a weird expression. Everyone was dazed & I knew she was someone I never wanted to be around & thankfully I didn’t have to do that for a long time that day as well, the selection process for student bodies started. I had no idea what I wanted to do, I just knew I wanted to engage myself well as in a business school, it mattered.

  The first process was for the class representative. It was for two candidates - one male & one female. Contenders had to give a 5-minute pitch & then the floor was opened to the batch to cast their vote. I wanted to test how persuasive I can be and I went for it. Amongst the 15 students, I was the last one to narrate how I would be their best choice, I kept it simple & funny. We were then sent out as the voting was on - the students were given a piece of paper to write their choice & submit it to the two class representatives from the senior batch conducting this process. Twenty minutes later we were called in, there was a clear winner in the male category, but I saw there was a tie between me & another girl. We had to pitch again and we did. She was the chirpy one - promised alcohol & attendance relaxation. I knew I couldn’t promise that, I had been a disciplinarian all my life and hence kept it real. Votes came in, this time they were counting them in front of us and I kept a count in my head, so did many others around us. I saw my score going to 59, so did the senior class representatives and they smiled at me just when a senior girl from the marketing club committee barged in & out of nowhere, took the mic away from them to declare the other girl had won the election. The class was a little confused at that time, I had no idea why that senior girl took a biased side? Why was she able to overpower the ones who were conducting the process? But I had no patience left to analyze politics anymore after the things I had been through. I had two choices - I could have gone for recounting or not care about it because I didn’t really see the utility of me being in that position anymore. Instantly, I chose the latter & congratulated her, claps from her friends in the audience followed and slowly from the entire class. I was satisfied! I knew I still had the influencing capabilities in me even after how my confidence was torn hundreds of times whenever I chose to speak in the last two years, behind the conference room doors. I did win that day and I was elated, looking even happier than the one who had got the title. My parents were waiting downstairs for me, I hugged them & they were overjoyed to see me glowing, we went to a lovely Indian restaurant for dinner before they left to catch their flight to Delhi.

  The following week was packed with many more committee & club selections, the core team members from the senior batch would tell us about the achievements & interests of their club and then would start with the selection process for those who enrolled. The first one was - “The Placement Committee”, popularly known as Placecom, six uptight looking members of their team started to take us through the presentation they had made. “It’s only for the top 5% of the batch! It’s the most prestigious student body, valued the most by the recruiters”, said the chief of placement committee - Srishti Verma. Her words made us all feel that we would be worthless if we didn’t make it to the “exclusive advantage club”. She asked for all those who wanted to enroll and out of 119, 100 raised their hands including me, obviously, no one wanted to be unprivileged! She gave us physical forms and we started to fill them up. “Guys! Let me make you understand the real work it demands, it needs you to devote your precious time in coordinating & searching for recruiters not just for you but everyone else in your batch! You have to be selfless as most of your time will be spent in correcting resumes, hunting for guest speakers & if they agree to come, making all the necessary arrangements for them”, said a strong voice from the front. We all looked up to see an extremely wise-looking guy, radiating confidence. “He is Ankit Sharma, one of
the oldest students of our batch & yes the seventh member of the placement committee. But he has more of his interests in the finance club! He is our finance guru, less of a placecommer”, said Srishti while introducing him to us in detail as she had done for the other members, but now looked nervous as many students began to unenroll after the reality check given by Ankit. I was impressed by his courage & his honest persona, although I didn’t like the way Srishti used the word “oldest”, he was 27 and I was turning 25 that year & I don’t think I was becoming old at all! But yes, for others in the room, including Srishti it might have been different as the average age of the selected candidates was just 22 that year.

  I decided to definitely be a part of the finance club but before that, I had to think about what I wanted to do with my filled application for the placement committee. “Give me! I’ll submit it for you!”, said Nishtha, a cute looking bubbly girl with contagious optimism, she was a fresher which explained her perfect view of the world she lived in. I liked her, after all, she was just like I was two-and-a-half years ago. “I don’t know, Nishtha”, I replied. “What will you do if you don’t apply here? This is the only process happening for a week, all clubs start later. I also lost the student representative elections with you. Don’t be bogged down! Let’s just enroll & we’ll have fun together”, Nishtha hardly knew what happened at those elections but her innocent smile moved me. “Okay! What the hell!”, I submitted my form.