The Stillwater Bay Collection (Books 1-4): Stillwater Bay Series Boxed Set

by Steena Holmes

  “Expecting company?” There was an edge to her husband’s voice that didn’t surprise Grace at all.

  She sighed, rubbing her forehead, but didn’t say anything. It wouldn’t have mattered regardless.

  “Guess I should have given you more notice I was coming home.” The sarcasm in John’s voice was thick as his lips thinned and a muscle in his cheek pulsed.

  “It’s not like that and you know it,” Grace said beneath her breath as Nathan approached.

  “Really?” John stood and moved away from her, leaning on the railing of their porch, arms crossed as he stared at the man who stood there with an awkward smile on his face.

  “Hey, guys.” Nathan Hansen stuck his hands in his jeans pockets.

  “You’re early.” Grace attempted to smile despite the obvious tension.

  “Really?” Nathan looked distressed. He glanced at his watch and winced. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s not like I gave you a time or anything.” Grace attempted to keep her tone light, not missing the obvious look of relief on Nathan’s face.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be working or something?” John asked.

  Nathan shrugged. “I’ve got quite the backup of assignments to tackle, but Arnold has been good, given my situation.”

  “Situation,” John muttered. There was a look on his face she couldn’t read. “We’ve all got situations, man.”

  Nathan blanched, his hand reaching for the ledge of the balcony. “I know, sorry, it’s just…I meant—”

  “It’s okay, Nathan. We understand,” Grace quickly interjected.

  “Sure we do, buddy.” John’s words were laced with sarcasm. “Just like we understood the past times you’ve used what happened to you as an excuse to use my wife. Because that’s what you’re doing, right?” He shook his head and pushed to his feet.

  “John,” Grace said softly.

  “Thanks for the file. Guess I know now why you met me out here and not inside.” His lips tightened into a grimace. “I’ll see you when I get back home.”

  Grace looked at her husband, tried to tell him how she felt through her gaze, but he either wasn’t listening or didn’t want to know.

  She was sorry, she wanted to say.

  It’s not what you think, she tried to say.

  You don’t understand, she needed to say.

  But she didn’t say anything, and only watched as he eventually drove off.

  She turned to the reason Nathan was here—for his daughter. “Sophie’s asleep.”

  “I’m sorry.” Nathan leaned against the rail, his legs crossed, his shoulders hunched.

  Grace shook her head. “There’s nothing for you to apologize about.”

  “I hate to wake her.” He looked down the street. “Maybe I should take her home, though. I can… I’ll call my mom and see if she can watch her. It’s not fair to you.…” He shuffled his feet.

  Grace sat up straight. “No.”

  She’d made a promise to Katie that if anything should ever happen to her, Grace would always be there to watch over Sophie, to help raise her.

  It was the least she could do.

  “Nathan, it’s fine. Trust me. Besides, I already promised you I’d take care of Sophie for the summer while you’re at work. It’s no trouble, believe me.”

  “You’re sure?” The hopefulness in his voice eased her heart.

  “I’m positive. Head on home and I’ll walk her over when she wakes up, okay?”

  He nodded and turned to leave. “Actually, I’ll probably just go back to the office then, if you don’t mind.” Nathan worked as an editor for the Stillwater News, and also helped to maintain the Whidbey Island tourism Web site and community magazine. “Bring her there maybe? I have a couple more calls I was putting off that I could make, and I’m sure the girls at work would love to see her. They keep begging me to bring her by.”

  “Absolutely. It’s a nice day for a walk, and the motion of the stroller seems to soothe her,” Grace said, hoping her tone wasn’t too pointed. Nathan had to learn these things about his daughter.

  Nathan nodded and looked away. “I’m going to start working from home soon.”

  She nodded. He’d said that almost weekly to her. One day he’d mean it.

  “You should probably start sooner, rather than later. You look exhausted, Nathan.” There were dark circles beneath his eyes, his jaw was covered in a scruff she knew Katie would never have tolerated, and his shoulders slumped, making him look almost bowed over. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself—or to Sophie.”

  “I know.”

  Grace sighed. “I picked up a new parenting book; it might give you some suggestions. I started to look through it last night, and I’ll add Post-It notes to the pages you should look at.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.” He half turned to leave, then stopped. “I really do, Grace. I don’t know how I would do this without you.” He swallowed hard, and a haunted look crept into his eyes. “I know Katie…”

  The sound of her best friend’s name punched into her heart, bruising her in a way she’d never heal from. “Katie would have done the same.” She blinked rapidly to dispel the tears that threatened, even now, to gather. “It’ll get easier soon. It has to.” She attempted a brief smile but knew he didn’t believe her.

  She didn’t even believe herself.

  “Have you taken her out for a walk at all, Nathan?” she asked him. “I find it always helps calm her. You might want to try it when you can’t get her to sleep at night.”

  He shook his head. “It seems like so much work, getting her ready, making sure I have everything, and what if…” He stopped and shrugged. “I know, I know. I should. Maybe tonight I will.”

  It was the same thing she’d heard over and over from him. John said Nathan used her as his crutch when it came to his daughter, and at times she agreed with him.

  But it wasn’t fair that Nathan was now a single father to a baby and forced to raise Sophie on his own, and Grace needed to make it up to him somehow.

  To make it up to Katie.

  To make it up to her own baby. The one she lost shortly after the shooting.

  She could never atone for what had happened, but she could try to make it right. Make Nathan’s life easier.

  “Nathan, you need to find ways that work for you to calm her. She needs you,” she said softly.

  A stricken look filled his eyes. “This was all Katie’s area, you know? She was the one who read all the books and parenting magazines and would know exactly what to do. God,” he groaned, “Sophie was supposed to be raised by two parents, not just one.”

  Guilt, the weight of it heavier than she could carry already, almost drowned her with his words. The shame, the grief, but most of all, the guilt of what happened that day threatened to crush her.

  “I know,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”

  ***

  For the next hour as Sophie slept, Grace cleaned her house with a manic passion. She’d sent John a text attempting to break the tension between them, but he’d yet to respond.

  Not that she blamed him.

  Hopefully he’d come home before Paige arrived and they could talk. He hated that she was taking care of Sophie, and Grace hated that and whatever friendship had been between him and Nathan had all but dissipated over the past few months.

  They used to be inseparable, the four of them—Katie and Nathan, her and John. Best friends, always together, doing couple things…she and Katie used to chuckle about growing old together and getting side-by-side suites at the local retirement home.

  Until the day Grace called Katie asking her to cover her morning class. When she decided to play hooky and leave early to see her sister in Seattle. When Katie ended up being the one to protect the lives of their kindergarten students with her own body while Grace drove down the highway, window down and music turned up.

  The day everything changed.

  Grace peeked into the room where Sophie slept a
nd was surprised to find the little one lying there, wide-awake and with a smile on her face. “Well, hello, there.”

  Sophie’s arms reached out the moment Grace appeared at her side.

  “Look who’s awake and happy.” Grace picked her up and snuggled the four-month-old close to her chest, gently kissing her on the top of her head. She loved this baby more than she thought possible.

  As she repacked Sophie’s bag and prepared for their daily walk, she noticed a magazine she’d set to the side that was flipped open. It was all on bonding with your baby, and she stuffed it into the bag. Hopefully Nathan would read it.

  Sophie loved the walks. Grace thought it must be the vibration of the pavement beneath the wheels that helped soothe her, because she never cried while in the stroller.

  She made her way down Second Bridge Street, taking her time as she walked along the bridge. The water was calm but crowded with motorboats heading out into the bay. She waved to those below and then caught sight of Charlotte Stone up ahead—Grace usually ran into the mayor on her walks, often stopping to say hello.

  She’d been so impressed with Charlotte and her husband Jordan, the principal of Stillwater Elementary. Without those two as a team, she really wasn’t sure how the town would have managed to survive. Every day they’d been there for the families affected by the shooting, worked with the hordes of reporters that swarmed the town, and somehow kept their calm.

  They were heroes to many in their community—Grace included.

  “It’s a beautiful day for a walk, isn’t it?” Charlotte greeted her as Grace swerved off the sidewalk and onto a path that went through a small park.

  “We’ve had great weather this summer so far.”

  “I thought you were planning on gardening today?” Charlotte smiled down into the stroller and let Sophie grab hold of one of her fingers.

  “I did, or rather, I tried.” She shrugged. “I can’t seem to keep things alive around me.” The smile that was on her face disappeared and her stomach dropped as she realized what she’d just said. She knew from her sad smile that Charlotte caught her words.

  “With plants,” Grace clarified. She swallowed hard.

  “You should call Paige for help.”

  Grace nodded. “It’s like you read my mind. She’s coming over for dinner tonight.”

  “If anyone can fix your flowers, it’s her. She’s a natural.” Charlotte smiled. “Headed anywhere special today or just out for a walk?”

  “I’m taking Sophie here to see her daddy.” Grace smiled down at Sophie, who was stuffing her fist in her mouth. “What about you? Where are you headed?”

  “Just my daily walk.” Charlotte glanced around. “I don’t like to spend much time in my office during the summer if I can help it.” Charlotte’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “We’ve missed having you take part in the teddy-bear picnics.” She glanced down at Sophie.

  “I know.” Grace looked away, feeling a stab of guilt. “I just never know how Sophie will be, and I figured you probably have more than enough help.”

  A slight frown marred Charlotte’s face. “No one could replace you. Have you thought more about my offer to find some teenagers willing to babysit Sophie during the day?”

  Grace shook her head. “I love being with Sophie.”

  Charlotte gave her a penetrating stare.

  “I feel closer to Katie when I’m holding her daughter,” Grace admitted. She moved the stroller back and forth once Sophie started to fuss in an attempt to ease her. She appreciated the distraction. It was nice of Charlotte to care, to be concerned for her, but she didn’t need to be.

  “I understand,” Charlotte said quietly. “I’m here if you need me; you know that, right?”

  Grace nodded. Everyone in town knew that. Sometimes she wondered who was there for Charlotte, but just as quickly she pushed the idea from her mind. Charlotte was surrounded by amazing friends, a strong group within the community. She wasn’t alone.

  Besides, she had Jordan to lean on. If anything they’d proved to be stronger because of the tragedy that hit their town. Nothing could tear them apart.

  “Enjoy the rest of your walk, Grace.” Charlotte gently squeezed her forearm.

  Grace took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, letting it fill her before she released it and continued on her walk.

  Filling the hole in her heart…nothing could do that.

  Shortly after losing her best friend in the school shooting, Grace had suffered a miscarriage. She lost her own child, the child she’d dreamed about for years.

  People thought it was easy to move past a miscarriage, but what they didn’t realize was that it was still a death to be grieved. A death of dreams, of wishes and hopes for a future.

  She glanced down to find Sophie staring up at her with wide eyes.

  “And what are you staring at, Sophie mine? Is that a smile I see? You like our walks, don’t you?” Katie used to talk to her daughter all the time, even while she was pregnant. She’d play music all the time as well—probably one of the reasons Sophie calmed and slept so peacefully at Grace’s home with the iPod playing.

  There was a sharp pain in her chest that Grace rubbed away while she continued on her walk.

  Camille Bloomin, Paige’s older sister, was arranging flowers in the buckets outside her shop. Grace noticed a bundle of wildflowers and was immediately drawn to them. Katie loved wildflowers and would fill her house with them whenever she could. They used to go out and pick them together on weekends.

  “They’re beautiful, aren’t they? I just received a fresh load.” Camille picked out a bouquet and held it out, the flowers vibrant in lavender, soft blue, and bright pink.

  “I’ll take two, please,” Grace said. She pulled out some money from her wallet and handed it to Camille, who headed inside her store. Grace was going to follow, but when she noticed the boxes of flowers all over the floor inside, she stayed where she was. There was no way she could maneuver the stroller in there.

  “You should tell your husband I’m having a sale this weekend. It’s been a while since he’s come in, and you shouldn’t be buying flowers for yourself.” Camille placed the bouquets in a brown bag for her and handed her the change.

  Flowers were the last things John would buy her right now.

  “I think he’s trying to make a subtle point with me. We spent a lot of money on potted plants for the porch and backyard and I kind of let them all die.” Her nose wrinkled at the admission, and she wasn’t surprised to see the mirth in Camille’s eyes.

  “Didn’t that happen last year too?”

  Grace nodded. “And the year before that as well.” She shrugged. “I like the idea of plants and flowers, but…they don’t seem to like me all that much.”

  Camille’s brows rose. “You do know we can help you with that, right?”

  “I do. I sweet-talked Paige into coming over for dinner tonight in hopes she’ll take a look at my disastrous garden and attempt to fix it. I might as well put you guys on retainer. You’re more than welcome to join us too, if you’d like?”

  Camille bent down and rearranged the flowers in the bucket at her feet. “Thanks for the invite, but all I want to do tonight is relax in my tub with a glass of wine and a good book.” She looked down the street toward the corner. “How’s the little one doing?” She turned her head to smile at Sophie, her facial features softening.

  “A bit overtired, but that seems to be normal lately. One day she’ll figure out she needs to sleep.”

  “How’s Nathan? Last time I saw him he appeared a bit haggard.”

  Grace swallowed. She didn’t feel comfortable talking about Nathan or how he was handling his grief. That was his story to tell, not hers.

  “He’s okay.” She pushed the stroller forward a smidgen. “We’re actually on our way to see him right now.” She stopped herself from saying anything more. Why did she continually feel the need to explain herself or him or why she was always taking care of his daughter
? It was no one’s business but their own.

  After saying good-bye, she continued down the street toward Water Avenue, which crossed Main Street. On one end were the library and newspaper office, and on the other were the town hall and the new memorial that had just been set up.

  No matter how many times she saw the memorial, she found she couldn’t breathe for a few moments.

  The large silica-glass heart molded from sand struck by lightning shone as the sun hit it, but what really stood out was the smaller glass heart within etched with the names of those who lost their lives in the May school shooting.

  It was beautiful and breathtakingly heart-wrenching at the same time. Battery-lit candles and bouquet of flowers encircled the statue, and as usual, tears welled up in Grace’s eyes at the outpouring of love the town had shown.

  Every time she saw the memorial, the knowledge that her name should have been etched on that glass instead of Katie’s hit her hard.

  She added her own small bouquet of wildflowers to the others, her fingers reaching out to touch Katie’s name.

  “It should have been me,” she whispered.

  “I don’t think she would agree with you.”

  Grace blushed at being heard and turned to see the reporter who remained in town standing slightly behind her.

  “Grace, is it? I’m Samantha.” She reached out her hand. “I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced.”

  Grace cautiously shook her hand, wishing she were anywhere but here. She’d done her best to avoid Samantha, even to the point of turning the other way each time she saw her walking down the sidewalk.

  Samantha nodded. “And this must be little Sophie. Her dad talks about her all the time when he’s in the office.”

  Grace’s brows knitted together. How did she know Nathan?

  “I’m doing some freelance work for the Stillwater News for the summer.”

  “I thought you would have returned home for another assignment by now?” Grace pretended to be interested.

  “I decided to take a little vacation.”

  Grace’s brows rose. “In Stillwater? After all that happened?”

  “I fell in love with this town, with the people. There’s something here that… Actually, I’d love to talk to you, if I could. I’m working on some articles about the people here in Stillwater.” Samantha stood there, her hands relaxed at her sides, and smiled.