The Stillwater Bay Collection (Books 1-4): Stillwater Bay Series Boxed Set

by Steena Holmes

  The guilt ate through her. It tore her soul like cancer, destroying every good thing in her life. She blamed herself for what happened. Blamed herself for not seeing the truth sooner, for not getting the proper help Gabe so clearly needed, for thinking she was doing enough when “enough” wasn’t good enough.

  “What did my son say to you?” Julia demanded to know.

  Jordan still didn’t speak. He just shook his head, as if unable to speak the words. Words she realized she needed to hear.

  She pushed herself to her feet. “Then leave. I don’t want you in my life, and God knows I don’t need you in it anymore.”

  “I’m so sorry.” The words were raw, as raw as her barren soul.

  “It’s too late for apologies, Jordan.” It was too late to make amends, to right wrongs, to change the past.

  Her son was dead. No words, no actions, no amount of sympathy could change that.

  Her son was dead. He died because he discovered the truth and in the end couldn’t handle it. That was on her. On Jordan. They carried the weight of those deaths at the school on their shoulders.

  “It’s my fault.” Jordan’s voice drifted with the breeze and stopped her as she climbed the steps to her back deck.

  “It’s my fault, Julia. My fault he’s dead. My fault they’re all dead. I could have stopped it; I could have–” His voice broke as she sat there, one hand gripping the chair rail tight.

  “He asked me if it was true and I lied. I lied. If I’d told him the truth, maybe he would have just walked away and no one would have died that day.” Jordan shook his head, and when she turned to look at him, she knew he was haunted by the past. “They call me a hero but in reality it’s all my fault.” He stood and turned to look at her, his hands reaching out for help.

  “How do I live with that?” he asked her.

  She’d been asking the same question all along. She wasn’t sure how to answer, but all she could think about was something Lacie had said to her.

  “You don’t,” she said. “What you do is figure out a way to live despite that.”

  “A way to live…” Jordan’s voice was quiet but full of something she hadn’t heard in a long time.

  Hope.

  There was a stirring in her soul as she stared into his eyes. There was something there, something she couldn’t see, couldn’t read but she heard it. Saw it.

  “What are you thinking?” She asked him, unsure if she really wanted to hear what he had to say.

  10

  Taking in a deep breath, Charlotte stood at the edge of the shoreline, her toes sunk deep into the sand, and enjoyed the crisp feel of the water as it washed over her. The fog from earlier this morning was lifting and, fingers crossed, the sun would come out from behind the clouds.

  She was scheduled to help out with the Teddy Bear Picnic later this afternoon.

  But first she needed to meet with Samantha.

  Charlotte knew that she needed someone to help handle the PR of the school reopening. She wanted to set parents’ hearts at ease, to reaffirm to the children who would be attending that they were safe, and she needed to do it in a controlled fashion that would protect the Stillwater families.

  That was important to her. Protecting her family.

  She looked behind her, to where she could see Gina’s café. Things were quiet this morning downtown, but it was a peaceful quiet, which was nice. In a few weeks things would get chaotic as they prepared for their year-end summer beach party, an event at which they officially said good-bye to their summer families. The committee was already in full swing and, according to the notes she’d read this morning from Sheila, barring any last-minute hiccups, things should go smoothly. Charlotte was going to host her annual cupcake bake-off, and Jordan would be on duty by the barbecue tending to the burgers and hot dogs.

  With her sandals in hand, she headed back up the beach, surprised at her reluctance to leave it. She was finding it harder and harder to remain in that calm, quiet place within herself. Everything seemed chaotic and hectic, like a swarm of bees fighting over an orchid rather than the only lazy bumblebee resting on the petals. She didn’t like it.

  Gina greeted her as she walked in, her hands full as she carried a basket of freshly baked muffins out of the kitchen.

  “You’re the last one to arrive. The others are waiting for you in the corner. I’ll be right over with coffee.”

  “Others?” There was supposed to be only Samantha waiting for her.

  “Samantha and your husband. They arrived a few minutes ago.” Gina disappeared into the kitchen while Charlotte stood there, anxiety filling her until her body thrummed to its chaotic beat.

  She rushed over to the table and stopped short to see Jordan speaking with Sam.

  Something was wrong. There was a polite smile on his face but his body was stiff, shoulders pushed back, hands clasped together on the table.

  What were they talking about? Why was he here? How had he known about their meeting?

  “Here you are, love.” Jordan stood, his hug stiff and cold.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered into his ear.

  He gave her a look, and she knew from experience he was trying to tell her to trust him.

  Except she couldn’t. Not with Samantha sitting across from him at the table.

  “Samantha, would you please excuse us? There’s something I need to discuss with my husband.” Without waiting for Jordan to respond, she pulled him out of the front door of the café, making sure it was closed tight behind them before she turned to him, fury radiating from every pore in her body.

  “What. Are. You. Doing. Here?” How could he do this? How could he go against everything they’d agreed on? Do the one thing she’d begged him not to do?

  “I know, I know.” He reached out but she pushed his hand away.

  “You know nothing.”

  Jordan stepped back as if slapped.

  “Charlotte, it’s not…” He reached out again, dropping his hand when she stepped away. “It’s not what you think.” Dejection filled his voice and his gaze.

  Not what she thought? Was he kidding? What else could it be? He was here to confess.

  “It looks to me like you went behind my back and did the one thing I specifically asked you not to do. Unless I’m wrong?” Please let her be wrong. If he did this, if he admitted his lie and told Samantha everything…it was all for nothing. Every single thing she’d done trying to help foster healing and forgiveness would be for naught.

  His reveal would destroy everything they’d worked so hard to rebuild.

  “Sheila told me you’d be here, meeting with Samantha.” His gaze remained steady.

  “Why would Sheila tell you that? When?” Charlotte didn’t understand.

  “About twenty minutes ago. I…I called to talk to you and she mentioned you were out, that you would be here with Samantha. So I thought…” By now that steady gaze was now turned towards the ground as he shrugged.

  “So you thought this was your chance to come clean, to bare your soul, right?” Every vein in her body throbbed with rage. She wanted to lash out, to yell and scream, to lose it like she’s wanted to for so long but couldn’t…

  “I’m sorry.”

  Sorry. That was his reply. Fury ate at her insides, burning her up until she swore she was on fire.

  “Sorry?” Her hands shook at her sides. “You’re sorry that you’re doing this despite promising me you wouldn’t?”

  “I said I’d wait till after we’d talked.” He finally looked her in the eyes. She stumbled back at the banked fire in his gaze. “Except, we haven’t had that talk. Which is why I was trying to get in touch with you today. What do you expect from me, Charlotte? This,” he pounded his chest with his closed fist, “this is eating me up inside. It’s tearing me apart and I don’t think you’ve even noticed, have you?” He spat the words out.

  “Noticed? Noticed?” Charlotte struggled to keep her voice down. “Of course I’ve noticed, Jordan. How
could I not? But I’m sorry if you’re feelings haven’t been the top priority for me…I’m kind of trying to think big picture here, you know? Your secret doesn’t just affect you, or us, it affects everything.” She brought one trembling hand up and held it tight against her lips. Her heart bled out the words that tumbled from her lips and tears pooled in her eyes. She stared upwards, towards the sun, forcing those tears to dry up before spilling down her cheeks. There was nothing she hated more than angry tears…and she only cried when she was on the verge of breaking down.

  “With the town or with you?” His words tore into her soul.

  “I think you’re more worried about your image than you are about me, about us and about our marriage. My secret is going to destroy me, us and our marriage, Charlotte. Doesn’t that count?” As the words ripped from his body, all the anger that flowed through Charlotte’s body disappeared.

  In front of her was a broken man. She’d known he was breaking but she thought she could fix it, fix him, in time.

  She’d been too late. This wasn’t something she could fix with kind words, determined strength or even a hug. The cracks were too many. The splinters too small. One harsh word could destroy him.

  “I’m sorry.” Charlotte apologized. She reached out and rested her hand on his arm. “You matter. You do. I thought…” she thought she could fix this, but she couldn’t. She was only making things worse, wasn’t she?

  “Then help me, please. Help me do the right thing. That’s why I’m here.” He begged her.

  The right thing? That scared her more than he could possibly understand.

  “I will. I promise.” Her mind flew into a fury trying to figure out what the right thing was.

  “I will.” She repeated herself, “but right now isn’t the time.” She dropped her voice as people brushed past them to enter the café. “You need to leave.”

  Jordan rubbed his face with the palm of his hand.

  “I need you to trust me.” He was insistent and Charlotte couldn’t understand why.

  “Trust you? What is going on? What haven’t you told me…” her voice trailed as he shook his head.

  “Not now”—he threw up his hands to stop her from objecting—“I was wrong to come here, I know that. But…please? Come home soon so we can talk.”

  “I will.” She couldn’t read him. Until today, she would have said she could read him like an open book but he was closed to her…what wasn’t he telling her? What had she missed? She watched her husband walk away, his body almost folded over. She was missing something, something obviously important but for the life of her she couldn’t understand what it was.

  “Everything okay out here?” Gina stood in the open doorway, her voice laced with concern.

  Charlotte took a few moments to compose herself. She had to repeat some breathing exercises a few extra times and remind herself to remain calm, cool, and collected.

  In control. She was in control.

  But the moment she walked back into the café and caught sight of the back of Samantha’s head, that control snapped like a stretched elastic.

  “How dare you.” The words came out like a hiss before she even neared the table. Heads snapped toward her, confusion replaced friendly smiles, and Charlotte ignored them all.

  “Charlotte, I—” Samantha pushed back her chair and stood, but Charlotte cut her off.

  “This meeting was between us. About this town and the upcoming school opening. It didn’t involve my husband or our lives or anything else you were trying to ferret out of him.” Charlotte’s body vibrated as she pushed herself into Samantha’s personal space. She pushed the palms of her hands tight against her thighs.

  “This town has welcomed you with open arms. We allowed you to be here in our time of grief. You’ve seen us at our most vulnerable and we trusted you”—she swallowed—“trusted you with our hearts.” The emotion Charlotte felt overwhelmed her. Rage. Sadness. Betrayal.

  “I trusted you.” The words came out, scraping her throat along the way until it was in shreds. “I trusted you and you went behind my back.” She shook her head, tears welling as she was unable to calm herself down, unable to pull back the words that poured out. “I can forgive a lot of things. I can look past your not agreeing with my decision regarding the interview, and I can attempt to put myself in your shoes to see why you continue to request one. But what I can’t forgive is your betrayal.”

  Charlotte’s body shuddered with a pent-up sob, and she jumped as a hand rested on her shoulder.

  “It’s okay, love; it’s okay. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll leave Samantha here alone. Okay?” Gina was at her side, her calming presence enough to jolt Charlotte back to reality.

  She noticed the way people were watching her, the pity on the faces, the way their gazes skittered from hers as Gina led her past them.

  Humiliation filled her as she realized she’d done the one thing she prided herself in never doing.

  She’d lost control.

  11

  Charlotte buried her head in her hands in Gina’s tiny little office, ashamed at herself for losing it back there.

  “What did I just do?” she muttered.

  She’d made a fool of herself; that was what she’d done.

  Her phone kept buzzing with text messages she was purposely ignoring. She could only imagine what people were saying.

  Are you okay?

  What’s going on?

  What is the matter with you?

  That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? What was wrong with her? She was in the middle of a vortex, whirling around uncontrollably and without direction.

  Rather than remain calm, talk to the journalist in a kindly manner, she’d shown her hand, confirming whatever suspicions Samantha had about her and Jordan.

  She could kick herself.

  “Knock-knock.” Gina slowly opened the door and gave her an unsettled smile.

  Charlotte attempted to apologize. “I’m so sorry—”

  “For what? For speaking your heart, for being real back there? Think nothing of it.” Gina leaned against the wall and gave her a wink.

  “Did anyone say anything?” The memory of the murmurs that filled the café as Gina led her away came back, and she squeezed her eyes closed, needing to block it out.

  “A few.” Gina confirmed her worst nightmare. “Things along the lines of, ‘It’s about time someone said something to that journalist,’ and, ‘She’s been strong for so long, what can we do to help her?’”

  Charlotte lifted her head. “Seriously?” No condemnation? No words of pity?

  “I’m not lying. Samantha is still out there. Her head is high and her shoulders squared but she didn’t run. She said to tell you she’ll wait until you’re ready.”

  With a deep breath, Charlotte rose and attempted to compose herself. She couldn’t believe Samantha was still out there. If it had been her, she’d have left as fast as she could.

  “I should go apologize.”

  “Perhaps.” Gina gave a slight shrug. “Regardless, it won’t hurt to find out why she did whatever she did.”

  The words to explain why she’d lost it were on the tip of Charlotte’s tongue, she but held them back.

  Gina must have noticed.

  “What aren’t you telling me? What is going on that has you on edge?” She held out her hand. “Don’t bother denying it. Anyone can see you’re wound up tighter than a jack-in-the-box about to go off.”

  Charlotte rubbed the back of her neck. “Really?” She thought she was handling things better.

  “I don’t lie. Those who know you know your tells. You’re withdrawing from us girls, drinking way more coffee than you normally consume, and you’re all over the place—more so than normal. Do you know how many times Sheila calls me throughout the day to see if you’re here?” Gina shook her head. “If you don’t want to tell me, then that’s fine. But you need to talk to someone, get it off your chest, at least.”

  Now Charl
otte felt bad. Like, really bad. She hated keeping secrets from her friends…especially when people knew she was obviously keeping one.

  “It’s not for me to tell,” she said quietly. Hopefully Gina could respect that and maybe share it with the others.

  “Then don’t.” Gina’s stance softened. “You can’t keep carrying everyone, though, Charlotte. At some point you need to trust others to carry you too.”

  Before Charlotte could reply, Gina turned and walked down the hallway.

  Charlotte waited a few more minutes before she followed.

  Samantha’s head was tipped toward her lap, studiously examining her fingers when she approached the table. Charlotte stood to the side and placed her hand on Sam’s shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “My outburst was uncalled-for and inappropriate. You didn’t deserve that, and…honestly, I know better.”

  A smile gathered on Sam’s face as she stood and reached out to give Charlotte a quick hug. It caught Charlotte off guard and she didn’t know quite what to say.

  “I’m so sorry,” Samantha apologized in turn. “You were right. Absolutely right, and you don’t need to apologize at all. I was surprised to see Jordan here but when he told me you didn’t know he was joining us, I should have respected your decision and waited for you to arrive before asking him any questions.”

  “Did he answer?” Charlotte took a seat. The thought of him saying anything incriminating…the worry ate at her.

  Samantha shook her head. “He clammed up the minute I mentioned I wanted to share his side of the story.”

  Charlotte caught Gina hovering off to the side with a jug of water in hand. She gave her a brief nod, letting her know she wasn’t interrupting anything.

  “Let’s agree we both made bad decisions and reacted accordingly and move on?” Charlotte suggested, feeling the need to start fresh.

  “You know, there’s something here, in this town, that I can honestly say I’ve seen only a handful of times throughout my career. Things like what you’ve gone through…they can tear a community apart, but here it’s done the opposite.”