Undead and Uneasy

by MaryJanice Davidson

  Jessica said nothing. And I kept my face perfectly straight. So Nick didn't know everything about me. Thank goodness! He probably thought a cross or holy water would hurt me. Excellent.

  "You know something, Nick? I'm glad you don't like me. Because you're a self-absorbed, overreacting, testosterone-filled, gun-toting dipshit. "

  "Will you two cut the shit?" Jess demanded. "I'm having a real crummy day. Night. Whatever. "

  "He started it. "

  "You started it. "

  "I'm ending it! I will turn this hospital bed around right now if you two don't knock it off. And before you ask, Bets, I didn't clue him in as to what you are. "

  "Of course you didn't. " Jess looked ghastly and had lost more weight. Trouble was, she didn't have that much to lose in the first place. Five pounds from her was, like, 10 percent of her body weight. Or whatever. "Sinclair's mojo wore off. Nick and I already discussed that. "

  "Yeah," she said. "You know, when I'm out of this bed, we're going to have to find a way for everybody to play nice. "

  I grimaced. And Nick looked like someone had placed a scorpion on his tongue.

  I stepped over the unconscious asshole, gently put a finger on Jessica's chin, looked at her neck, then turned her head and looked at her other side. Then I looked at her wrists.

  Clean as a whistle. I'd check her thighs, next (wasn't looking forward to that wrestling match), and then her-

  "Don't bother," Nick grumped. "I already looked. " "Yeah, and here I thought we were going to get sweaty, and it was just another exam. What are you guys looking for?"

  "There's a lot of weird stuff happening all at the same time," I replied. "I thought it was kind of interesting that you had a big-ass relapse around the time everybody started disappearing. "

  "No bites," Nick told me. "Not even a scratch. "

  "So this is just bad timing?" "Luckily for you. "

  "Oh, put both your guns away," I snapped. "Nobody's impressed. "

  "I am," Jess said cheerfully. "In fact, it's turning me on like you wouldn't believe. "

  "I'm outta here. "

  "Wait! You said everybody was disappearing? Who?"

  "I'll tell you the whole story after. "

  "After what?" I heard Nick ask as the door started to wheeze shut behind me.

  "After it's all over," Jessica sulked. "She keeps me out of the cool stuff until it's too late to have any fun of my own. "

  "Humph," Nick replied.

  I couldn't believe, all this time, that I thought he'd been on my side! That he'd liked me. Here it was all a lie, hated my guts and fed me info just to get creeps off the street. Not caring, I assumed, if I got hurt or even killed in the process.

  Jeez, he'd made a special trip to my house to tell me all about the serial killer Laura went to town on! He must have known I wouldn't have known about him, avoiding the news as I did.

  What a manipulative bastard! He'd been pulling all our strings for so long, I didn't-

  Whoa. What?

  I wheeled around, marched back to the room, shoved the door open, waited patiently for it to actually be open, then rushed in and grabbed Nick's head in my hands before he could turn, much less find his gun.

  "Betsy! What the hell do you think you're-"

  I ignored her. "Nick. "

  "Yes. "

  "You have to tell the truth, Nick. "

  "Yes, I do. "

  "Are you responsible for Sinclair's disappearance?"

  "I wish. "

  "Do you know who is?"

  "No. But good luck to them. "

  I thought for a second, never breaking eye contact "Do you have any advice?"

  "Go back to the beginning. Find them. Kill them. "

  "Go back to the beginning?"

  "Who else is gone?"

  "Marc. Cathie-the-ghost. Tina. My father and his wife. Antonia. Garrett. "

  "Then it's personal. You already know who's doing it. Go back to the beginning. "

  I stared at him thoughtfully. He was dreaming with his eyes open, looking not at me but through me, past me. "I'm sorry for what I did, Nick, and for what I did just now. You'll remember everything. . . in five seconds. "

  "Great," Jessica snapped. "Leave me to deal with the fallout. "

  "Sorry, hon. Catch you later. "

  "Let me guess!" she hollered. Wow, water had certainly perked her up. "After you go back to the beginning!"

  Well, yeah. Chapter 24

 

  What did it mean? I wasn't a detective, God knew. And the people around me usually did the thinking. That was how I liked it. I liked that Tina and Sinclair dealt with most of the shit. I liked that another vampire looked after the other Fiends, that two other vampires looked after my nightclub, Scratch. Shit, Jessica had even hired someone to feed my cat. My time was spent reading, snacking, fucking, wedding planning, playing bartender in the kitchen with my friends, and occasionally vanquishing evil. . . again, with help.

  The answering machine in the kitchen was blinking. I scowled at it, then pressed "Play. "

  "Hi, Betsy. Michael Wyndham. We're coming up empty. Completely cold trail. The Pack members in the area haven't seen either of them. We're still looking. Call me if you find anything. "

  "Hi, hon. It's Mom. The baby is doing fine. I thought you might want to know. Laura's here, if you need either of us. So. . . talk to you soon?"

  My, my. Weren't those two getting thick as thieves?

  "Hi, Betsy, it's Marc. Man, I hope you get this. Anyway, call me right away. " He left a phone number-not his own cell phone-with an unfamiliar area code.

  "Hello, Jessica. It's Don. Listen, I set up that new tax shelter for you, I just need you to sign some paperwork. I can come over to your place whenever you like. We can shelter a good seven figures, and as you say, you'd rather give it to charity than the government. Your wish is this CPA's command. Call me. "

  Ah, Don Freeman, the sexiest accountant on the planet. When he'd first come to the house (he was always bringing things for Jess to sign, and nobody expected a mega-millionaire to come to them), I'd mistaken him for a Minnesota Viking. Shoulders out to here.

  "Betsy, why the hell haven't you called me back? It's Marc again. Listen, call me. I'm starting to worry. "

  He was starting to worry? He sounded fine, not dead at all. And not under duress. I leapt for the phone, played his first message back again, and punched in the number.

  "Pirate's Cove Resort, Little Cayman. "

  "Uh, yeah. I'm looking for Dr. Marc Spangler? He left this number?"

  "I think he's still scuba diving. "

  Scuba diving?

  "Can you hold on, while I check?"

  "Take your time," I managed through gritted teeth.

  There was a clunk as someone put the phone down.

  He was on vacation! Oh, I would kill him. I'd eat him alive and then cut him into a thousand tiny pieces and then set each piece on fire. Then I'd force the ashes to watch reruns of Survivor, Season 4. Then I'd-

  "Hello?" Marc panted. "Betsy? Is that you?"

  "Sorry to interrupt your scuba-ing," I said coldly.

  "Oh, that was this morning. I've been hanging around the bar waiting for you to call back. Listen, I've been trying to reach you for days. "

  "Yes, I know! What's going on? Are you really in the Bahamas?"

  "The Caymans," he corrected, "and yeah. But this is the getaway of all getaways. Cell phones are dicey, and so is their Internet connection. We just had I wicked bad storm come through here, which didn't help. Scuba diving's been for shit ever since. "

  "But what are you doing there?"

  "Boning my brains out," he said, sounding way too cheerful. "You know David Ketterling? The cute new pediatrics fellow?"

  I had a vague memory of Marc burbling about the new guy at the hospital, but had paid it no mind at the time, since Marc, as we all knew, had no life beyond. . . well
, us.

  "Well," he bubbled on, "we both had our four-day stretch at the same time, and his grandma owns this resort, so on the spur of the moment-"

  "You left the country with a total stranger. "

  "It was more romantic in my head," he admitted.

  "Marc, I've been worried to death!"

  "I'm sorry, Betsy. I told you, it was spur of the moment. And I've been trying to call since we got here. David was the one who suggested we use the lodge landlines. I can't believe I didn't think of that three days ago. "

  "Guess you had other things on your mind. "

  "And in my mouth," he said cheerfully.

  "Thanks for that grotesque little mental image. "

  "Homophobia rearing its ugly head?"

  "Honey, if Jessica was telling me about Nick's body parts in her mouth, I'd have totally the same reaction. "

  "Hey, is she around? Let me talk to her. David's dad is a king shit oncologist in New York. He had a few ideas. "

  "Um. . . " The temptation to pour all my troubles over the phone line like smelly oil was almost too much. He could be back here this time tomorrow. I wouldn't be by myself. He was a doctor, he was smart, he was funny, we were good buds. He could help me. He would help me.

  And the only thing it would cost him would be his first vacation in years. His first romantic getaway in five years.

  I opened my mouth. Marc to the rescue!

  My mouth wasn't paying attention to my brain, because what came out was, "She's out stocking up on tea and cream. I'll tell her about your new boy-toy, though. "

  "He's a man-toy, and don't you forget it, blondie. Listen, I'll be back on Sunday. How goeth the wedding plans?"

  "Wha? Oh. Everything's fine. I found a dress, and of course Sinclair has about forty tuxes already. " Two lies and one truth. "Listen, I'm glad you're okay. I was-I was worried. "

  "Oh, who'd do anything to me? When you'd give 'em the smackdown?"

  Who indeed. But at least they couldn't get to you, Marc.

  "So I'll see you in a couple of days, okay? Call me at this number if you need anything. "

  "Oh, please. Everything's fine. Have fun. Give what's-his-face a dry peck on the cheek from me. "

  "No romance in your soul," he teased. "None at all. "

  He hung up.

  And then it was just me. Again. Chapter 25

 

  Go back to the beginning.

  Whoever was pulling all the crap, they are not afraid of me.

  What did it mean? Or was I kidding myself, trying to play detective? Maybe this shit was all random. I mean, I was a vampire. My friends were ghosts, vampires, werewolves, millionaires, ER docs. Why wouldn't weird shit happen all of a sudden? Weird shit did happen all of a sudden. Just not to everyone, and not all at once. Usually.

  I looked at my watch. Almost eleven o'clock. Too late to call Mom back. Not that I was in the mood. But the werewolves were probably still up and around.

  I punched in Wyndham's cell number, and he picked up immediately.

  "Yes, Betsy?"

  "How'd you know it was me?"

  "Caller ID, dear. What can I do for you? Have you heard from our wayward lambs?"

  "No, I was just returning your call. Wait a minute. My name wouldn't show up on your-"

  "No, but your landlady's does. And she's in the hospital right now, yes? Unlikely to be phoning me. " There was a pause, and then he added, "We did our research, dear. "

  "You did?" I said, mildly creeped out.

  "We've looked into a few more things since our arrival here. It simply will not do to underestimate you again. " He laughed, a rich, deep chuckle.

  In the background, I could hear, "Is that Betsy? Let me talk to her. "

  "Stop that, you're married. " Then, louder, "Betsy? Are you there?"

  "Of course I'm here," I grumbled. "Where the hell else would I be?"

  "As I said in my message, the trail is cold. I think you may have to prepare yourself for the worst. "

  "I've been doing that since I woke up dead," I lied, trying to sound tougher than I felt.

  "Uh-huh. But there is a somewhat larger problem We'll have to deal with. "

  "Fabulous. Hit me. "

  "The full moon, dear. It's in two days. "

  "What?"

  "The. Full. Moon. We. Will. Get. Hairy. "

  "Cut that out. Sorry. The werewolf I lived- live - with doesn't do that. "

  "Right. But the rest of us will, except Jeannie, who's human, and Lara, who's too young. "

  Dimly, I heard, "Come on! Lemmee talk to her. "

  "Shut up, or I'm calling your wife. Betsy? Are you there?"

  "Yes," I said, my patience stretched almost beyond endurance. "So you'll have to leave town?"

  "Not at all. We'll stay. "

  "You think the good people of Minneapolis won't notice werewolves running around on

  Nicollet Avenue

  ?"

  "Give us a little credit, Betsy. In fact, we might be able to find Antonia and her mate on all fours. Our senses are much, much keener when we run with the moon. "

  "Well, do that. Run along with the moon. Have fun. Keep me posted. "

  "I have a favor to ask. "

  "Of course you do. "

  "Would it be all right if my wife and cub stayed with you during the first night of the full moon? This is a strange city, and I prefer not to leave them unguarded while my Pack members and I go hunting. "

  Dimly in the background: "I don't need a damned babysitter, Michael!"

  "Uh, maybe you better run that one by the little woman first. "

  "I will pretend," he chuckled, "you didn't just call her that. May we impose?"

  I sighed. I don't get these people. "Sure. Be nice to have some company. But Michael?"

  "Yes?"

  "Tell her to leave the gun at home. "

  "Well, she'll keep it holstered," he said, sounding almost shocked.

  "When should I expect you?"

  "Two days, maybe sooner. We'll call before coming by. "

  "Oh, I can't wait. I'm all atingle," I muttered, hanging up.

  Derik was right. Definitely a cultural thing. Chapter 26

 

  "I think this is a sign from God," my half sister, Laura, told me after she took a sip of her orange pekoe.

  I managed not to groan out loud. She'd swung by for tea, showing up about twenty minutes after I woke up (being the queen, I usually woke up around 4:00 p. m. or so, and could go outside without being sauteed).

  As usual, she was indecently beautiful: about my height, with long buttercup-blond hair caught up in a sensible ponytail. No makeup. Tan capris and a faded blue oxford shirt. Navy blue Keds, one black sock and one navy blue sock. Big, gorgeous blue eyes framed by lashes that you usually only saw on little boys.

  I'd given serious thought to not inviting her to my wedding, because, bottom line, she looked better on her worst day than I did on my best. Fortunately, I quickly came to my senses. Well. Six or seven days later, anyway.

  "Really, I think God is trying to tell you something," the daughter of the devil went on. (Have I mentioned? She rebelled against her mother, the Lady of Lies, by being a faithful churchgoer). "You should take it as a sign. I was praying over it just last night. "

  "Laura, what the hell are you talking about?"

  She frowned. "Don't talk like that. I'm saying that perhaps your wedding to the king of the vampires wasn't meant to be. He could have picked any other time to leave you, but he chose now?"

  "That's the thing, Laura. " I ignored my own tea. I was ragingly, crazily thirsty, and I didn't give a damn. "I don't think he left me. I think someone snatched him. "

  "But why? Why would someone do that? No, I think you should cancel your wedding and be thankful he didn't decide to pull this nonsense after you'd been married a hundred years. By then, you'd have been emotionally commit
ted. "

  "Laura, he didn't run out on me. Even Tina agrees. '

  "Oh, her. " Laura waved Sinclair's most loyal friend away with her unmanicured hand. "Another vampire. What do you expect her to say? You're always complaining that she's more loyal to him than you. "

  That was true, I had confided that to Laura. I never dreamed she'd toss it back in my face, though. And it was getting real hard to hold on to my temper. "She's worried about him. So am I. "

  "She's a vampire. She lies. "

  "I'm a vampire. "

  "Yes, well. I know you're doing the best you can. "

  "When you said you wanted to come over to help me figure out what to do, this was your big plan?"

  "I'm helping," she said, reaching for my hand. I snatched it away "You need friends now, Betsy. Besides your mother and a sick Jessica, I'm the only one left who really cares about you. "

  "Laura. Darling? You're so full of shit your eyes are brown. "

  She stiffened. "Don't talk like that. "

  "Then cut the shit. Jeez! Did you really come to my house-"

  "Jessica's house. "

  "-to encourage me to forget about the man I love? Who's either dead or captured? To blow off Tina, who spends all her time trying to make our lives as comfortable and murder-free as she can?"

  "God doesn't want you to throw in with the minions of Satan," she sniffed. "Don't ignore the signs. "

  "What the hell do you know about God, you murdering psychotic spawn of Satan?"

  She was on her feet. So was I. "Don't talk to me like that!" she shrilled, our faces only inches apart.

  "Or what? You'll give me shitty, insensitive advice?"

  "It's not my fault that creature tricked our father, birthed me, then went back to Hell!"

  "Well, it's not my fault I'm a vampire who fell in love with a vampire!"

  "You can control who you live and-and fornicate with. I can't control my bloodline. "

  I felt my eyes bulge. "Are we really playing Who's The Biggest Sinner?"

  "You chose to throw your lot in with him," she went on. "I didn't choose what happened to me. "

  "Oh ho! The prude is rearing her ugly head, If not the wedding that's bugging you, it's the living in sin. "

  "It's a sign," she repeated stubbornly. "You're blind not to see it. "

  A chilling thought occurred to me. "Laura. Honey? Did you snatch my fiance? Did you stick him with that light-show sword of yours?"

  "I did not . "

  "I've seen your temper tantrums before, Laura, so don't get up too high on that horse. People usually die when you get pissed. "