How to Rattle an Undead Couple (The Beginner's Guide to Necromancy Book 9)

by Hailey Edwards

  “I can do both.” Corbin grinned as Woolly showed him where the pans were kept. “You can have plain eggs, peppered eggs, or cheese eggs with a side order of burnt toast, charred toast, or…blackened buttered toast.”

  “With such an extensive menu, it’s hard to choose.” I tapped my chin. “I’ll have peppered eggs with buttered toast—hold the char.” Behind my hand, I whispered to Linus, “Can you pass me the Nutella?”

  Surely a few tablespoons of nutty chocolate spread would improve the taste of whatever he served us.

  “I heard that.” Corbin brandished his spatula at me. “That was not an option.”

  Leaning into Linus, I fluttered my lashes at him. “So…Nutella?”

  “Yes.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ll even bring you a spoon so you don’t have to use your finger.”

  “That’s half the fun.” I shoved him. “Are you going to share a plate with me?”

  “I had a bite of candy apple earlier.” He rubbed his stomach. “I’m not ready for more yet.”

  “Candy apple?” I perked. “Now you’ve got to tell me about your day.”

  “You didn’t receive a delivery?” A crease bisected his forehead. “A basket?”

  “I haven’t seen…” I swung my head toward the entryway. “Lethe.”

  The floor shook with Woolly’s laughter, jostling the cabinet doors.

  A quick scan of the house through the bond I shared with Woolly confirmed my fears.

  Lethe had left the building.

  That dirty little sneak.

  “Why didn’t you stop her?” I glared at the ceiling. “You just let her escape?”

  Hood, who was on patrol, would have accepted the delivery. With a food item, he would have brought it in and left it on the counter in the kitchen, which was folly. That was Lethe’s first and last stop each time she visited. Since Hood was the more honorable of the two, Linus must have trusted him to deliver the treats.

  Pfft.

  Not likely.

  Great.

  I hadn’t been training Keet, he had been training me.

  “She was drooling when I got out of bed.” I should have been more suspicious. She wasn’t a heavy sleeper while on guard duty. “That’s when I sneaked down to your room.”

  “She must have come downstairs, stolen the basket, and escaped while we were talking.”

  And Hood let her get away with it. Maybe even called in a tip to her. That, or she smelled it on him first.

  “Revenge will be swift and merciless, but that’s not important right now. What matters is finding your mom and Boaz.” I massaged my temples. “I attempted to get in touch with Addie after you left. She wasn’t answering her phone. I’m not sure if she’s an early-to-bed kind of girl or not, so I’ll try again after breakfast.”

  “I can walk over and invite her for a chat,” Linus offered. “She can stay for a visit while she’s here.”

  Mild annoyance that he was coddling me, essentially offering me a playmate to entertain me while he went about the serious business of finding his mother, crept up on me. The fact I couldn’t see over my belly to find his shins to kick them cooled the edge of my anger with an icy dose of reality.

  “This isn’t forever.” Linus cradled my cheek in his hand, even let me bite him, and the fast catch of his breath did things to me. “Two weeks and you can evict to your heart’s content.”

  “I’m sorry I’m such a cranky brat. I don’t mean to be. It’s just frustrating to feel like I’m being handled.”

  “I have four siblings,” Corbin volunteered in a somber voice. “Mom put the fear of God in all of us during her final trimester. The last month? Forget it. She lost her ever-loving mind. She would throw pots, waddle through the house screaming, and use Dad as a punching bag.”

  “That sounds…”

  Violent.

  Even for a family of vampire hunters.

  Maybe I had gotten off easy being crabby, ravenous, and ready to bawl in sixty seconds or less.

  “The point is,” Corbin said, grasping he hadn’t imparted his intended wisdom. “The second the baby was born, she became all hugs, smiles, and laughter again. Things will go back to normal. You will go back to normal.”

  Tears threatened, but I punched them in the face to keep my eyes clear. “Thanks for the pep talk.”

  Linus rested his hand on my knee, which was all kinds of distracting with thoughts of nibbling on him already in my head. “I brought you something that might brighten your outlook.”

  “Oh?”

  “Leisha Penduko.” He waited to see if the name registered. “She set the wards on the bunker.”

  Interest piqued, I settled in to listen to the full update on how he had spent his day, marveling when he showed no signs of strain for having been up all night, all day, and had no choice but to keep on going. His stamina never ceased to blow my mind, in more ways than one, but I envied his ability to stay awake now more than ever.

  “I’ll text Lethe and get her sent over.” I beamed at Linus. “It’s nice feeling useful.”

  “You’re always useful.” He kissed my nose and then my cheek. “You’re just not as mobile as usual.”

  “It is harder to cause trouble when I’m mostly under house arrest.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, after this, I was done. I had wanted to work up until my scheduled due date, but I was being ridiculous. I might as well promote Linus and be done with it until my maternity leave ended. Maybe then I could focus on the baby’s health, and mine, instead of fretting over my city.

  “Pity party over.” I checked with Corbin. “Are you going to feed me prior to this interrogation or…?”

  Corbin held up a pan with greenish eggs in lumpy slime. “Your stove is broken.”

  The lights overhead swelled in direct proportion to Woolly’s indignation, and I heard a bulb pop in the living room.

  “I’m sorry, Woolly.” Corbin set the pan down and held up his hands. “I didn’t mean it.”

  The presence of the house retreated in a huff, and I rubbed my belly as LJ kicked like a teeny, tiny mule.

  “How did you do that?” I was mystified. “Food doesn’t last long enough around here to spoil.”

  “It’s better than my last attempt,” he admitted. “That bacon stank up my apartment for weeks.”

  A pang arrowed straight through my heart—or maybe it was my stomach—over a waste of good bacon.

  “You could have ordered in,” I pointed out. “I would have been as impressed with takeout.”

  Based on the emptiness of my stomach, I would have been more impressed with an edible breakfast.

  “Sit,” Linus ordered Corbin, then cleared away his mess. “I’ll cook.”

  Behind his back, Corbin grinned like the cat who ate the canary.

  “You did this on purpose.” I pitched my voice low. “Why not ask him? He loves to cook.”

  “Linus enjoys cooking for you. He doesn’t do it otherwise. Haven’t you ever noticed?” A dreamy expression blanketed his features. “I’ve been fantasizing about his Crêpes Suzette for months.”

  “He doesn’t do it otherwise because he never gets hungry.” I thumped him on the forehead. “Next time, ask him. Or ask me to ask him.” I thumped him again for good measure. “You hurt Woolly’s feelings for nothing.”

  “I’ll make it up to her.” He flashed me a picture on his phone. “I brought her a present for staying away so long. I’ll just have to repurpose it into an apology gift.”

  The image showed a row of antique crystal doorknobs that matched the ones original to the house. Many of them had broken over time, thanks to magic, use, or my fascination with them as a child. We had replaced them with ceramic, which was pretty, but this…

  “She’ll love it.” There was no doubt in my mind. “Where did you find them?”

  “Neely put a bug in my ear a few weeks ago. I’ve been keeping an eye out ever since.”

  As much as Corbin traveled, he must have scoured
the country to find so many of them.

  While Linus took our requests, an eyebrow cocked over Corbin’s rather extensive and detailed wish list, I dialed Adelaide and waited to see if my bad luck held.

  “Hey,” she answered in a breathless voice. “What’s up?”

  A spike of concern tightened my fingers. “Everything okay over there?”

  “Macon stole my phone yesterday,” she panted. “Looks like he was using it to watch TV shows his parents have blocked, and I had to download a tracking app to find where he was hiding it.”

  Easing my death grip, I had to ask, “And you sound like you’re dying why?”

  “He’s in much better shape than me?” She exhaled hard. “He’s also faster than he looks.”

  Easily able to picture it, I snorted. “I take it he caught you attempting to steal it back.”

  “Yes,” she wheezed. “I chased him for a half hour before the ice cream truck’s arrival distracted him.”

  Mmm.

  Ice cream truck.

  No. Bad Grier. Focus.

  And not on my empty stomach.

  Clearing my throat, I got my mind out of the dairy aisle. “That explains why I couldn’t reach you.”

  A spike of alarm lifted her voice an octave. “I didn’t miss the wrong shower, did I?”

  “No, it’s nothing like that.” I was warmed by her genuine distress. “The family shower is still next week.”

  “Oh good.”

  With the pleasantries done, I got to the point. “Have you spoken to Boaz recently?”

  “About three days ago.” She popped the top on a soft drink and chugged. “Sorry, I’m dying of thirst.”

  “You’re fine.” I nudged her. “Do you think you could call him now? See if he answers?”

  Quiet swept across the line, and her breath caught. “What’s wrong?”

  “We have a situation, and I haven’t been able to reach him. That’s all.”

  “Don’t that’s all me. You wouldn’t have gotten me involved if you weren’t worried.”

  The taste of foot never improved over time, and yet I keep sticking mine in my mouth.

  “You’re right.” I smiled my thanks when Linus served me a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on buttery Texas toast. “I am concerned. However, I can’t share those concerns with the general public yet.”

  “I’m his fiancée.”

  Linus picked up the drift of the conversation and appeared to come to a decision.

  “Invite her over,” he said gravely. “We’ll discuss the situation when she arrives.”

  “We need two hours.” Interrogating Leisha would take time. “We’ll fill you in as much as we can.”

  “I’ll do what I can to get in touch with him until then.”

  After ending the call, I dug into my breakfast before it got cold.

  “I trust Adelaide,” Linus said into the scraping of forks on plates. “She cares for Boaz.”

  “I agree, on both counts, but the bigger we grow our circle, the greater chance there is for mistakes.”

  About the time I finished my meal, I heard the back door open. Manually. Woolly must still be in a snit.

  “Where do you want her?” Lethe entered the kitchen with Leisha in tow. “Tile is easier to clean.”

  A muffled protest choked on the gag, but Leisha’s eyes rounded when they settled on me.

  It was nice to know I could still intimidate, even with soft scrambled egg on my chin.

  “Pull up a chair.” I smacked my palm on the bar. “We’ll have a chat and see where we go from there.”

  Withdrawing my trusty pocketknife, still dripping pocket peppermints, I got ready to do what I did best.

  Well, okay. Fine. I probably snacked better than I necromanced, but still.

  Once Leisha sat in a chair opposite me, I watched Linus draw restraining sigils on her ankles and wrists to keep them bound to her chair. Secure as we could make her, I gestured for Lethe to remove the gag.

  “Let me go,” Leisha spat. “I don’t know anything.”

  People really never got tired of lying to me. “Who were you meeting?”

  “I was watering a friend’s plants. That’s all.”

  As I had seen the photos, that was easy to debunk. “A friend in a rental with no plants?”

  The click of her teeth snapping together might have intimidated someone who hadn’t met a gwyllgi.

  “I can force you to cooperate.” I didn’t enjoy it, but I would do it. “I’m asking you to do the right thing.”

  “I will report you to the Lyceum for this gross abuse of power.”

  “I tried,” I said to the gathered witnesses. “I gave her a chance to cooperate of her own free will.”

  The bite of the knife into my palm barely registered as pain. I was used to the cost of my magic, and I had learned it worked best with a fresh source. There was a price for power, always, and I paid it each time I used mine.

  “We’re short on time here. Negotiations are over. We’re moving straight into a light compulsion that will force you to answer me and a verification sigil that will let us know we’re on the right track. It won’t hurt unless you fight it. I recommend you comply, unless you enjoy being zapped for each lie you tell.”

  Leisha clenched her jaw, but it wouldn’t help her. I had done this enough to perfect my technique.

  “Who were you meeting?”

  “Eloise Marchand.”

  Green.

  The bottom dropped out of my stomach, and LJ must have felt it. He kicked enough to wind me.

  Well, that definitely explained why the Grande Dame had been divided in her certainty over their target.

  Generally, when it came to the Marchands, they hunted their own. As in, me. But the Grande Dame was my mother-in-law. Maybe that counted? She had certainly been concerned enough to beef up security for both of us.

  “Eloise Marchand,” I repeated, the shape of my cousin’s name hard to fit in my mouth. “Why?”

  “She wants revenge.”

  Green.

  “Where does the Grande Dame fit in?”

  “She sentenced Rhiannon Marchand to Atramentous.”

  Green.

  “That happened years ago.” Lethe narrowed her eyes on Leisha. “Why act now?”

  Savoring her tiny rebellion, Leisha ignored Lethe and kept her lips sealed.

  With an annoyed growl, I demanded, “Why act now?”

  “Eloise is pregnant.”

  Green.

  The timing of the attack still bothered me. “How far along?”

  “Eight months.”

  Green.

  Reading my unease, Linus addressed her. “What does she hope to achieve by abducting Mother?”

  She had the sense not to play games with him.

  “Eloise wants her mother present when her first grandchild is born.” Leisha curled her lip at the sentiment. “She wants to make an even trade, a mother for a mother.”

  Green.

  “She mentioned two weeks.” Linus honed his flat stare. “Why did she act early?”

  “Idiocy?” A shrug rolled through her shoulders. “Opportunity?”

  Green.

  “Why hasn’t Eloise been in contact with us?” I pressed. “How can we negotiate without the terms?”

  “Perhaps she lost her nerve after she struck?” Leisha frowned. “Impulsiveness is often regretted.”

  Black.

  Hypotheticals weren’t true or false, just speculation. They registered as null to the sigil.

  “Okay.” That provided us with one set of motivations, but not hers. “Why are you helping her?”

  “Eloise, as acting Dame Marchand, has agreed to grant me access to the Marchand archives.”

  Green.

  Unease slithered through my stomach, and LJ took offense. “Looking for anything in particular?”

  “The Marchand collection documents everything that is known about the goddess-touched condition by a bloodline rich with them. What
scholar wouldn’t want to study such a powerful evolutionary quirk of necromantic biology?”

  Green.

  Only the years I had spent watching Linus perfect the art of wearing masks prevented shock from plastering itself across my face. Shock…and outrage. The Marchands had refused me, a goddess-touched necromancer from their bloodline, access to their collection, but they bargained it away to her?

  A cleansing breath gave me clarity, and I exhaled my anger.

  “Did Eloise think to mention the Marchand collection was donated to the Athenaeum?”

  Fury painted her cheeks red, and she bristled. “You’re lying.”

  “Keep telling yourself that.” I sipped from my smoothie. “I also happen to know where the Athenaeum is currently housed, and I can tell you right now, you’re not getting anywhere near it.”

  The collection of rare pieces of necromantic history that comprised the Athenaeum were held in a vault beneath Atramentous.

  I had been there. Linus and Boaz had gone with me. We three had risked imprisonment or death to learn how to save Savannah from my grandfather. There I had faced down my demons and used a memory sigil plucked from my genetic memory to recover as much of the collection as possible before we made our escape.

  Leisha would never be allowed to waltz into the prison of my nightmares and browse the famed library to her heart’s content. I certainly wouldn’t be sharing my copies with her either.

  There was no reason for me to be shocked or outraged when a snake acted like a snake.

  The Marchands had lied to her, the same as they lied to everyone. She just hadn’t accepted it yet.

  “We’re done here.” I mulled over her answers. “Can you extend your hospitality a while longer, Lethe?”

  “Not a problem.” She bared her teeth. “What good is a dungeon if you never get to use it?”

  The dungeon was a recent addition, but it wasn’t a literal dungeon. More of a modification to her existing basement to make accommodating vampires for extended stays in lightless rooms easier. They were useful for holding unruly gwyllgi too, but she tended to discipline her own people with her teeth.

  After Linus released Leisha’s ankles, Lethe pulled her to her feet and marched her out the door.

  “You didn’t push her,” Linus noted. “What did I miss?”

  “You worried she slipped her NDA. I don’t think she signed one. She’s great at illusions, right?”