Defy Fate: Fated Duet: Book One

by Davies, Abigail

  “Aria? You nearly finished?” Lola asked from the bathroom.

  The apartment was full of people helping us move from this apartment to the new house Sal had bought. I hadn’t seen it. I hadn’t wanted to see it. They were starting a new life, and I wasn’t sure there was any space for me in it anymore.

  Things were changing, more than they ever had before, and all I wanted was something to—

  I darted to my bedside table and plucked out my black case. The case I stared at for way too many hours to be healthy. It held all the secrets that kept me sane. Secrets no one could know about. No one but Cade.

  Footsteps echoed closer, and I spun around, hiding the case behind my back. “Aria?” Lola asked.

  “I’m finished,” I told her.

  She smiled at me, but it was a sad kind of smile. They all knew what had happened last week at school. My week suspension was coming to a close, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about going back to school on Monday.

  I’d kept myself buried away in my room for so many hours, and now it was coming to an end. I’d be somewhere new. Somewhere I hadn’t grown up. The thought had my gut churning.

  “I’m gonna take this out into the living room for the guys,” Lola said, holding up a box of toiletries. As she walked away, I took one last look at my room. It had been my salvation when I’d needed it most. I inhaled a deep breath and shook my head. This apartment was haunted with memories, so maybe it’d be a good thing moving out of it.

  I unzipped my school backpack and shoved the case inside it, not wanting anyone to stumble across it as the boxes were being moved across town, or for it to get lost. I couldn’t lose the one thing I needed most in this world.

  Laughter filled the apartment as I moved down the hallway, but as soon as I stepped into the living room, it all drifted away. I’d stared at the same spot for hours and hours at a time, but I’d never looked at it knowing it was the last time.

  The carpet had been replaced because the bloodstains couldn’t be scrubbed out of it, but that didn’t mean his body wasn’t still there. His ghost haunted the spot, and I swore this part of the living room was colder.

  The space where his chair used to sit was empty. It had been since that morning. Nothing could ever replace what was once there, both Mom and I knew that, and neither of us tried to put anything there. It was a silent agreement we’d stuck to.

  My body swayed forward, and I placed my clammy palm against the cool wall. I stared at it in shock, remembering the blood splattered over it.

  “Aria?” Mom frowned as I stepped back. “Honey, what’s going on?” I shook my head, my mouth opening and closing like a fish, but no words would come out. “Is it because we’re moving?”

  I turned to look at her, my feet unsteady. “Dad,” I managed to croak out.

  She heaved a breath, almost as if she was fed up with hearing his name. “Stop thinking about it.” Her voice was different now, farther away, but closer all at the same time. I stared at her, really stared at her, and realized how much she’d changed. The sadness that used to surround her was replaced with happiness, and the slump of her shoulders wasn’t there any longer.

  “I—”

  “It was nine years ago,” Mom ground out, her tone telling me she didn’t want to talk about it. She never wanted to talk about it, and that was part of the problem. She never wanted to speak to me about what I’d seen. She never wanted to acknowledge what I saw on a day-to-day basis. She never wanted to admit what had happened.

  “Nine years, ten months, and sixteen days,” I croaked out, backing up another step and causing my back to hit the wall. My skin crawled at being pressed against it, but it was stopping me from falling.

  “Aria—”

  I held my hand in the air to stop her. “It doesn’t matter how much time passes.” I sidestepped across the wall, trying to get away from her—trying to get away from everything. “It doesn’t matter how much you want to pretend it didn’t happen.” I tapped the side of my head with two of my fingers. “My memories are burned inside my brain. Nothing I do ever gets them out.”

  “Honey, please, I don’t want to talk—”

  “You never do!” I slapped my hand against the wall, the vibrations shooting up my arm and making me grit my teeth. “You never want to talk about it! You never want to talk about anything!”

  “Aria, that’s enough,” Sal’s deep voice gritted out, and I looked past Mom to see him standing in the living room. He’d tried to help me as much as he could after the fight at school, but none of that mattered in this moment. Nothing fuckin’ mattered anymore. “Don’t talk to your mom like that.”

  I laughed, but the movement made tears fall from my eyes. Tears of pain no one cared about. “You think you can try and be my dad now, Sal?” I raised a brow. “You wanna treat me how he did, huh?”

  “Aria, don’t,” Mom pleaded, and any other time, I’d have accepted her request and walked away, but something was urging me on. Something was telling me to air all the pain built up inside of me.

  “What?” I flung my gaze to hers and pushed off the wall. My feet carried me to the entrance of the kitchen, and I held my arms up. “Have you not told him what he used to do to me?” Mom was silent, her eyes shined with unshed tears. “I was a kid. A fuckin’ kid.” I ground my teeth together. “But you were never there!”

  “Aria,” Lola called from across the room, but I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t see anything but the blood staining the floor and walls.

  “My first memory of my dad is him carrying me to the roof and making me balance on the edge.” A sob broke free, but the dam had been opened, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. “He told me I’d die if I didn’t stay there for one hundred and seventy-four minutes. He stood there and counted them down.”

  I closed my eyes, remembering the way the edge of the roof dug into the soles of my feet. I could still feel the rough surface of them, and all it made me want is to scrub it off my skin.

  “Then there was the time with his gun.” I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat, but it was useless. “He made me take turns holding it to his head. What was it they called it? Russian roulette?” I opened my eyes, my gaze landing on Mom, who had tears streaming down her face. “I didn’t know it wasn’t loaded.” I tried to heave in a breath, but nothing would get through the blockage in my throat the memories were causing. “Where were you then, Mom?” My voice was small, but when she didn’t answer me, I shouted, “Where the hell were you?”

  “Stop, Aria.” Someone touched my arm, and I darted away from them, feeling like my skin was burning from their touch. “Please, sweetheart,” Lola’s voice broke through. “Please stop crying.”

  “Don’t you see?” I asked Mom. “It doesn’t matter how much time passes by. It doesn’t matter how much better your life becomes because I will never be the same. I’ll always have his memory etched into my mind, refusing to let go.”

  “Baby,” a deep voice whispered from beside me, right before his hand landed on my wrist. His fingers connected with my skin, and for half a second, I forgot the amount of pain he’d caused. I forgot how he threw me away. I forgot that Cade walked out on me, just like he had.

  “Don’t touch me,” I warned him, my voice low. “Don’t you ever touch me again.”

  “Please,” he begged. “Please stop.”

  “Stop what?” I screamed. “Stop telling the truth? Stop bleeding my pain out in front of you? You want me to hide it again, Cade? Huh?” I backed away until my back hit the counter. “That’s all anyone ever wants.” I looked down at my feet, my gaze tracking the edge of my boots and up the laces. “Everyone just wants me to pretend,” I whispered.

  I pounded my fist on my chest and gritted my teeth from the shock of pain it sent through my ribs, but it didn’t matter. I was trying to push it back down, but it was impossible for it all to fit inside. I’d opened Pandora’s box, and I wasn’t sure how to put the lid back on.

  “We don’t,
” Lola said from somewhere beside me. I could still feel Cade close by, his aura warming me and making me feel safe—safe from everyone and everything. “We don’t want you to pretend, sweetheart.”

  “Honey,” Mom’s voice croaked, and I whipped my head up. Tears were still streaming down her face, and it was only then I noticed everyone else standing and watching. Uncle Brody was near the door, blocking the entrance to all his guys, but they were seeing it clearly. They were witnessing my meltdown. They were seeing the crazy running through my veins.

  “It’s okay,” I told her, slamming the door to my emotions shut and welding it closed. “It’s okay.” I wasn’t sure whether I was trying to convince her or me, but the more I said it, the more I started to believe it.

  I pushed off the counter, my legs shaky as I took a step forward. My heart raced, my pulse thrumming, but I tried to control it all. I tried to put a lid on it and act how they all expected. “Let’s go to the new house.”

  “Okay, honey,” Mom whispered right away, as if she was afraid I’d change my mind.

  “Are you serious?” Cade asked, his gruff voice cutting through everything else.

  “Cade,” Lola warned, but I wasn’t sure what she was warning him about. It didn’t matter either way. I’d pushed it all down, and now I was Aria again. Or at least a version of her they wanted me to be. I’d flipped the switch just like that.

  “No.” Cade’s footsteps came closer, and I felt him behind me rather than saw him. “You can’t push this down, Aria.” His hand drifted to my arm, and his fingers wrapped around the soft skin. “Don’t do this to please her. Feel it, baby. Let it all out. You can’t bury it.”

  I turned my head and stared at him over my shoulder. “I can.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “I’m full of secrets I’ll never tell.”

  “I don’t give a shit.” A muscle in his jaw ticked, and he shuffled on the spot. “You can’t keep doing this.”

  “Doing what?” I asked, raising my brow. “I’m not doing anything.”

  I didn’t wait for him to say another thing as I yanked my arm out of his grip and walked across the living room, leaving the ghost of my dad behind as I told myself I could start fresh. I repeated it over and over again, sure the more I said it, the more it would come true. I was starting over. Creating a new life, cleaning my slate of all the bad memories.

  Starting fresh.

  * * *

  ARIA

  The new house was only a five-minute walk to Uncle Brody and Lola’s. It meant I could walk to school and not have to rely on Mom or Sal giving me rides, and it would give me more independence. I should have been happy about it, but I felt…strangely calm. Calm about everything going on around me. Calm about the people coming in and out of the new house.

  My heart beat a steady, slow rhythm. My eyes soaked in every corner of the house, most importantly, my new bedroom. There weren’t remnants of aluminum foil stuck to the edges of the window, and the inside of my closet doors weren’t covered in the stuff. It was brand new, a fresh start.

  I’d slept on the mattress on the floor last night, but Sal had just finished putting the bed together, and now my furniture was being placed inside the room. It was twice the size of my old one, and I hated it. I hated the space. I hated the light that shone through the big windows. I hated how I didn’t feel safe here. The walls were white and lifeless, much like me. The wood floor was dark oak and felt cold, much like my skin. It wasn’t somewhere I wanted to be, but I didn’t have a choice.

  “Aria?” a voice I knew so well called, but I couldn’t even bring myself to smile as Belle ran into my new bedroom. She gasped, her eyes widening. “Wow. This is huge!”

  I nodded and stared around the room. “It is.”

  “Are you going to decorate it?” she asked as she ran to my bed and bounced on it. She yanked the bow out of her hair, screwed her nose up at it, then threw it on the floor. I didn’t know how many times Lola was going to keep trying to get her to be girly.

  “I don’t know,” I told her, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. “I hate the white. It’s so—”

  “Cold,” Belle interrupted. “You should paint it black.”

  I raised my brows at her words. “Black?”

  She nodded and steepled her palms together then pressed the tips under her chin as she assessed the room. “Yeah. That wall could be black. You could make it into a chalkboard wall!”

  I tilted my head to the side and stared at the wall. It wasn’t a bad idea if I were honest. It would also give me something to do and keep my mind occupied off the fact tomorrow was my first day back at school. “Wanna help me?” I asked her.

  “Yes!” She jumped off the bed and grabbed my hand then dragged me from the room and down the stairs. Belle was a girl on a mission. “Ford!” She bypassed Mom and Lola in the hallway and headed right for Uncle Brody and Ford. “We need a ride,” she told him, planting her hands on her hips as she stared up at him.

  “That right, Baby Belle?” Ford asked and crouched down in front of her. His lips spread into a smile I’d not seen on his face before, one specially reserved just for her.

  “Yep.” She nodded several times. “We need to go to the DY store.”

  “DY?”

  “DIY,” I interrupted. “She means DIY.”

  “Okay.” Ford dragged the word out. “And what are we going there for?”

  “Paint, duh.” Belle threw her hands up in the air and rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s go.” She grasped my hand again and pulled me across the room. “Oh, I need to get some money from Uncle Sal.” She let my hand go and ran back up the stairs, but still, I couldn’t seem to smile up at her. She always managed to break through everything and have me feeling like me, but today it wasn’t working. She had a sixth sense on how to cheer people up. I just wished I could allow myself to feel it.

  “Aria?” Mom called. “Where are you going?”

  “To the store,” I told her and ambled over to her and Lola. “Belle wants to help me paint my room.”

  Mom bit down on her bottom lip, her gaze flicking to Lola and then back to me. “I think we need to talk first.”

  “Talk?” I frowned and took a step back. Mom never wanted to talk, not unless it was about something that didn’t really matter.

  “Yeah.” Her breath was audible as she let it out. “About yesterday.”

  Silence stretched between us, neither of us willing to take the conversation any further. I’d exploded in the apartment yesterday, but I’d pushed it all down because that was what she’d wanted. I’d adhered to her request, so she couldn’t change the rules of the game now.

  “You need to talk it out with your mom,” Lola said, her voice soothing, but it did nothing for me. All it made me do was shutter everything down even more than it already was.

  “No.” I shook my head and took another step back. “I don’t need to talk.”

  “You do,” Mom insisted. “You have too much anger—”

  “Anger?” I laughed, but it was only to cover up the sadness bubbling up inside me. “I haven’t got any anger.”

  “You do.” Mom stepped forward, but my instinct was to back away even more. “What you said yesterday wasn’t fair. You blame me for—”

  I shook my head. “I don’t.” Lies. All lies. I did blame her. I blamed her more than she’d ever know. And this was just another reason why. She didn’t think it was fair I’d aired her dirty laundry in front of everyone, but if she really cared about me and not what other people thought of her, we’d not be in this situation.

  “Aria,” Mom huffed out.

  “What?” I shrugged and raised my hands in surrender. “I’m doing what my mom does.” I backed away a final step to stand in the doorway. “I’m gonna sweep it under the rug and forget all about it.”

  “I don’t do that.”

  “Sure, okay, Mom.” My shoulders slumped. “I can’t deal with you right now. I’m…I’m done.” Two words. All it took was two words
to snap everything out of me. My vision blurred, my world turning from color to black and white. I was done with everything.

  I was done trying to be perfect.

  I was done pretending.

  I was done trying to be the person they all wanted me to be.

  I was going to embrace who I felt like I was inside—a black hole with no end in sight.

  Chapter Sixteen

  CADE

  I leaned against my classroom door, brought my coffee cup to my lips, and gazed around at the students milling about the hallway. They were all heading to their lockers before lunch, but it wasn’t them I was really looking at. I was searching for a certain dark-red-haired girl.

  I knew it was her first day back, but I hadn’t seen her since I helped move them out of the apartment. I hadn’t gazed at her face since she exposed herself in a way I never knew was possible. Remembering the pain-filled words made my heart ache, and I rubbed my chest with my palm to try to alleviate it.

  I’d never wanted to fight so hard for someone in my entire life, but it wasn’t my place. I couldn’t stick up for her the way I wanted to. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t do anything but be her teacher and coach, and that was what hurt the most.

  “Hey, Cade,” Willow’s voice called, and I turned my head to see her pushing her way through the students in the hallway. The smile on her face was megawatt as she flashed it at me, and I did my best to return it.

  “Hey,” I murmured, pushing up off the doorframe.

  “How’s your day—” Willow cut herself off, a gasp leaving her mouth. “What the hell?”

  I frowned and tried to see what she was staring at, and that was when I saw her. She clutched her books against her chest, her head down, her hair covering most of her face. The bruises from last week had disappeared, her swollen eye now back to normal, but that didn’t mean she was pain-free.

  “I can’t believe they’ve let her back in this school.” Willow crossed her arms over her chest as Aria stopped at her locker and opened it up. “She should have been permanently removed after what she did to my sister.”