“Hello?” Carol Skye answered on speaker as my head hung low.
“Ma,” I choked, fist pressed against my forehead as I leaned forward against the wheel, fighting tears I refused to let fall.
“Oh lord,” she sighed. Already knowing what it was before I even said a word.
“Never wanted to be my wife, never wanted me. Never wanted to be with me---.”
“That’s not true Homer, and you know that. A child can change everything---.”
“I don’t give a FUCK about that right now! I don’t give two fucks about that lil girl! I’m talking about NASIA! My girlfriend! My woman!” I hollered with my fist pounding the wheel.
“I’ma tell you something Homer. If Nasia can’t see herself being with you---.”
“She didn’t even try. She didn’t even try---.”
“Okay so listen,” she let out in a soothing voice. “She wasn’t going to try which means her mind was made up long before this baby came into the picture. I’ma tell you now, it doesn’t matter. Grieve, and allow yourself to hurt over her but nothing at this point matters but that little girl you understand? You got a chance to find out what true love means. Unconditional love from a child, your own seed is like no other. Won’t even come close to what Nasia was giving you. I may sound crazy now because all you’re thinking about is her, I know….Go ahead and let it out Homer. Breakups are hard, I know so go ahead and let it out. Just you, and me on the phone.”
I choked, body curling up in the seat as I leaned forward. Eyes shut so tight, hands tense and clenched together before releasing.
“Had I been there, I would have dragged her lil short high yellow ass to hell, and back. Her, and this other woman that hid my grandbaby,” she threatened, sounding like my sisters. “Listen to me. She may not be ready for the type of love you’re trying to give her but there are plenty of other women out there that are---.”
“I’m done. I’m not going through this shit again----.”
“You say that now, but there is a woman out there that’s meant, and made specifically for you, but for now, go meet your daughter, and get to know her. She will help you through your breakup, I promise you. Get to know what makes her laugh, what makes her smile, and what stops her from crying…Call that woman up now, and say you want to see your daughter before you go home. Don’t let her refuse or deny your right to that little girl or we’re gonna have some real problems. Nasia is a fool. Plain and simple. She missed out on a good man.”
“And she knows that, that’s the problem,” leaning back in my seat. “That’s the problem. She knows I was good to her, she knows I didn’t cheat on her! She talking about she wanna live the high life! Go out to parties, travel and shit! She ain’t neva asked me! I would have said live it up! Go do you!”
“You, and I both know you wouldn’t have said that,” she laughed. “You’re just like yo father. Moving in the same footsteps as him. Macho masculine, conservative, and everything gotta be your way or no way. You wanna be the provider, protector, and head of a woman who isn’t looking for that. She’s looking for fun, good times, adventure, and excitement in a relationship. You want to settle, keep the peace, and be comfortable. You want to be the provider, she’s not looking to be provided for. Let alone, not bringing a damn thing to the table. Let her live her life. Eventually, she’s going to wake up, and realize when all her friends are done partying, and settle down...get married, going from baby showers to weddings as a guest...she’s going to want that for herself, and realize that and the first person that’s going to pop up in her mind is you. You hear me?”
“I was the same way with your father. Even after getting with him, I thought he was boring, and too content with the slow life. Always talked about putting me in a house, raising a family, same as you. Backyard for the kids to play in while he was out bringing in the money. Talking about whatever car I want, he’ll get it for me, whatever I wanted he would buy for me just so I didn’t have to work. Truth be told? That sounded like a life sentence to me. Who wanna be cooped up in the house watching kids while real life is happening outside? Not me. I told him no, I want to travel, and see the world, go to parties, and live it up. I’m from New York baby, there is nothing like growing up in the concrete jungle but after a while? Going back home, being around girls who were living it up in my eyes, all I could think about is being laid up under yo daddy, and how I wish I was back home in the south. Couldn’t wait to see him when he got back from Korea. Home at that point was wherever he was at. As long as yo daddy was there, that’s where I was going to rest my head, but that’s love. Love, real love will make you do that. Love will make an independent woman like myself think that my entire life is based on my husband, and our children...and see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Nasia will realize it sooner or later, but right now? You got another young lady in the making that needs you in her life.”
“Is that Homer on the phone?” I heard my dad ask. “That girl broke up with him, and he went crying to you didn’t he----.”
“Kenneth get the hell out my damn mouth----!”
“Boy if you don’t turn around, and go fight for that woman! Whatever lil story yo mama told wasn’t true, I had to fight for her to be in my life, to prove I was worthy of being with her. You gotta do the same---!”
“No he don’t!” Carol yelled, hearing the two start to argue as I sat the phone down. “Why do he need to fight for her?! Why she can’t see that already?! Why he gotta beg to be with her?! My son is just as worthy of someone wanting to be with him, and fight for him! Why she can’t fight for him?! Huh?! Why she can’t---!”
“He’s the one that had a baby---.”
“If Homer gotta beg this woman to stay with him, it ain’t worth it. She ain’t the one. Her mind is made up. If she can’t see herself being with him through all of this the way I did you, move the hell on. Homer is a good man. Begging her to see that he’s a good man to her don’t make a difference if her eyes ain’t open to him in the first place. You love talking big and tough with him, but as soon as you get them girls on the phone, it's...Don’t beg no man to stay with you. Let that man come to you, blah blah… Nigga no,” she snapped. “My son don’t need to beg either. Homer listen to me, get that woman who hid that child from you on the phone, and handle yo business.”
The phone clicked with them still arguing over how I should handle the breakup as I stared at the apartment building before me. Nasia hadn’t come out since. She was waiting on me to leave. I started to get back out, hearing my dad’s voice, but rejection is something I don’t take well.
Wasn’t going to go through it a second time.
“Fuck you, and everything I thought we were going to be,” I muttered angrily to myself as I started the car. Swerving out of the parking spot, and up the hill of the complex to pull out.
“Fuck you! FUCK LOVE!” I hollered, both hands on the wheel before leaning back in the seat as I waited to shoot out into the light traffic. I glanced at my lit phone seeing my brother-in-law, Tucker Freeman calling me. All my sisters were either in a serious relationship or married. Out of those five relationships, he was the only one I tolerated in the beginning. Eventually becoming one of my best friends, almost like a third brother I never asked for.
“Yuh?” I answered aggressively, wiping around my eyes. Sniffing up any last bit of emotion before concealing it. “What’s up?” Eyes shifting along the roads amongst the brake lights. I could hear a baby screaming in the background which already let me know Jason Turner was on the phone as well. If I were being honest, they were partly the reason why I was ready to get married, and join the club of husbands.
“Aye?!You hear me Homer?! I’m with Tuck right now.” My actual brother Michael Skye came through as I sighed. This wasn’t the phone call I needed right now, but I should have known it was coming. “How’d it go with Nasia?”
“She broke up with me,” I said in a monotone voice, turning left on the street. Going nowhere in particular, just driving.
<
br /> “I heard what happened with the baby thing,” Jason came in, hearing a door slam shut. “Can’t get any damn peace in this house! DIEGAAAAA?!”
“Why do you get on the phone if all you’re going to do is talk to everyone but those on the phone?” Tucker snapped. “It’s annoying----.”
“Bring the first one up. I can’t handle all three at the same time, you know this,” Jason continued. “Give me a minute to talk on the phone, and I’ll be right out to help you…”
The door slammed shut as he let out a tired sigh.
“Three damn babies at once,” Jason muttered. “I’m terrified of sleeping with my wife without a condom on. Traumatized.”
“You were so quick to have children, now that you have em,” Tucker laughed. “You idiot----.”
“Aye? We’re tryna console Homer. Nigga just went through a breakup with a woman he thought he was about to marry today?” Michael let out, adding salt to the wound as I glanced out my window. “And he just found out he’s a father, all in one weekend.”
“So I heard. It’s already getting around my family,” Tucker said.
“And mine,” Jason added. “News spreads fast in high circles. My mom called me trying to gossip about it, ended up telling Diega everything. Diega apparently already knew from Francesca who knew from Pia herself. Their kids all go to the same playschool. Course that started a fight about me never dropping the girls off.”
I pinched my forehead, trying to think before I lashed out something I would regret.
“Although Pia is supposed to be my cousin, she’s more familiar with her father’s side. Rarely comes around the Freemans. So I will tell you, I didn’t know,” Tucker admitted. “Had I known, had I even seen Violet, I would have recognized immediately she belonged to you, and would have told you. Nothing good comes out of hiding a baby, but what in the hell made you sleep with her? Out of all the women in Atlanta, you chose her.”
“She was easy,” I muttered, tightening my grip on the wheel. “She was easy. I hadn’t met Nasia until the day after when my mom got sick. I lost almost everything in one weekend to a child I never asked for---.”
“But you got a daughter out of this,” Michael said. “She’s innocent of all this bullshit----.”
“I don’t give a fuck Michael. I don’t! I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the fuck made Nasia breakup with me this fast, this sudden! She was just…. she was just in my arms, telling me all the bullshit I’d been falling for…. daughter comes up, and now all the sudden? She never wanted to be with me in the first place?”
“She said that?” Jason asked as Michael cringed over the phone.
“Ooooo…. Some girls ain’t tryna hear about no side baby---.”
“So fuck her,” Jason cut in. “Fuck her. Believe me, I went off on Diega this morning about her role in this.”
“Are you going to see about your daughter before you go back home?” Michael asked.
“No,” I said, pulling up behind another car as I watched drops of rain hit the window. Just in specs and splatters across the width. “I’m going back to South Carolina tonight. Right now as a matter of fact. I don’t want shit to do with Pia---.”
“Nigga you got a kid!” Michael snapped.
“No?! She got a kid! Not me! She made that clear when she decided to keep her without telling me! Pia can handle it herself with that lil girl, but I’m going home.”
“Ahhhh, so you on this whole if you can’t have Nasia, you’on want nobody?! Nigga you tripping!”
“I don’t agree with it, but I think you could probably use some time to yourself. Being a father is one of the hardest things,” Jason added. “Once you step in to make yourself known to that little girl, it's a wrap. Your life is forever changed.”
“Being a husband in general, your life is changed,” Tucker countered, trying to one up him. “Be glad you dodged that bullet with the wrong woman...You can’t go out like you want...Not without hearing them nag---.”
“You can’t get a full night of rest,” Jason added. “Diapers….so many damn diapers man.”
I sat in the seat, mouth tight as my eyes began to swell, listening to these two men complain about the life I thought I wanted for myself.
“So much shit, and piss everywhere. I’ve been peed on multiple times, in one day,” Jason started before snapping. “In one day! Throw up! Imagine potty training three girls. THREE!”
“The nagging,” Tucker repeatedly tiredly.
“Yall not helping this nigga!” Michael fussed. “At all!”
“Constant nagging, the arguing before you realize, no matter how wrong they are….How crazy or stupid they sound? They’re right. But, it's never enough to say, you’re right… Noooo…. You have to let them know they’re right, show it, and never bring it up again. Despite how wrong they are…. Being married is like two violent cities living side by side trying to keep the peace and prosper under one state, one rule. Always the threat of one breaking off----.”
“This really ain’t helping him y'all---.”
“You ever seen shit in the back seats of a car?” Jason asked as if he was in the middle of a flashback. “I have three daughters. What one does, the other two will follow. No matter who does it! They just all have to do it or it doesn’t count! One took a shit! In her car seat, somehow got it all over her legs, shoes, feet, the door…. and guess what? Guess what the other two did? Guess who had to drive in that while Mommy was resting for the afternoon. I thought, hmmm? Maybe a nice car ride would get them to sleep… Maybe go to Nana’s house or just I don’t know? Not have my wife guilt trip me about not being available enough.”
“You cleaned it up?” Tucker asked, struggling not to laugh.
“No, I drove right back to the house screaming for Diega to come out here while I got the water hose and sprayed that car down. Homer, I’m telling you all of this because it's not what it's cracked up to be. Being a father isn’t this glorified lifetime position. It’s hard fucking work with little to no reward besides healthy children that carry your name. I can’t even imagine having to deal with these girls when they start dating.”
“I don’t even have kids, but my household is just as chaotic thanks to your crazy ass sister,” Tucker let out.
“Being married is a mistake if you’re not ready for it,” Jason said. “Nasia would have been a mistake. You didn’t see it then, but now you do. Consider it a blessing. I agree with Michael. I say you take your time, as much as you need before you step into that little girl’s life. Of course, get papers to prove she’s yours---.”
“That’s his baby,” Michael cut in. “Homer pushed her out himself, and don’t remember cuz she looks just like him.”
“If so, with lawyers down the line and I’m well aware of how the Milton family works in politics and in the courtroom, you’re going to need lawyers, paper work, and proof. I suggest getting your name placed on her birth certificate, last name changed to yours so if she ever decides to take the child anywhere, she would need permission from you----.”
“I don’t care about none of this shit y'all are talking about,” slapping the signal switch up to make a turn. “I don’t. I’m going home. I’m not getting married. I’m not in a relationship, and I’m not thinking about being a dad right now. Fuck em all. I want to go home. Pia don’t need me. She got a nigga from what I see raising her child so it can stay that way,” putting on the wipers as the rain became a steady downpour. “Who the fuck she think she is?!” I suddenly snapped. “You cry like you’re the victim, acting like I owe you a fucking thing from that night, I’on owe you shit! I’on care what I told you! How I left you! You was a one time hit! Now, she don’t eat, shit, or breathe without Delilah telling her so, so nah! Don’t bring that lil girl up or around me. I’on want shit to do with either of em.”
The phone was quiet as I drove, looking out the window at the passing parking lots and lit stores of the busy shopping area.
“I’on think you mean that,” Mi
chael concluded.
“Baby brother,” I laughed. “When have you ever known me to not mean what I say? When I say I’ma do something, don’t I always do it? I don’t want shit to do with her or that lil girl. Wish I would have stayed at the house with Nasia instead of going out to the movies,” coming to a slow stop as I looked out the rainy window.
“Look,” Jason muttered, voice low like he was trying to be quiet. “I don’t care what the hell is going on. It’s Nasia’s loss, but if I don’t get out this house tomorrow, and away from this crazy ass family for at least an hour, I’m going to fucking kill myself. We have a basketball game to attend , do we not?”
I tried not to smile. Jason Turner had the most violent personality I’ve ever met. Probably one of the craziest people I’ve ever met until I came across his wife. She matched and topped his crazy easily which made them all the more perfect for each other, but having triplets between the two of them could drive anyone mad. Him, and Tucker both came from money, and it was obvious in the way they spoke, and carried themselves. Still, I always thought it was funny when they toned it down when they got around regular niggas like Michael, and I.
“Day at the park could do you some good anyway,” Tucker added. “Ominaya can get your room ready, and we have left over food from last night you can eat.”
“Sheeeit say no more,” Michael laughed. “I’m finna go walk down to the kitchen now and see----.”
I tuned out the conversation with something catching the corner of my eye. Don’t know what possessed me to look in that direction when I came to a stop at another red light. Just trying to get onto the interstate to head home, I looked at the parking lot across from me. Seeing a familiar truck with a woman outside arguing. The tall light post that shown over the lot was directly above her like a spotlight. Couldn’t make out who she was arguing with but when I saw hands in the air whipping about, I glanced behind me. Checking the rearview mirror with my hands jerking the wheel to the right to merge in the turning lane.
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