Beautifully Scarred

by H. P. Davenport

  Jules’ eyes meet mine, hurt prevalent within them.

  My fingers trail along her jawline. “For years, I wondered how you were. Where did you live? Did you remember me? It was fate when a friend told me about Uniquely Inked. It was a blessing our paths crossed. I never imagined we would become involved, become lovers. But now that I’ve had you, I refuse to let you go again.”

  Jules presses her lips shut. She swallows hard, lifting her chin, and boldly meets my gaze. “You never had me to let me go.”

  Anger races through my veins. Where the hell is she going with this? “I never had you? What the hell do you think we’ve been doing? Playing fucking house?”

  Her entire demeanor changes right in front of me. The Mills I knew, the one with the wall, the one with the armor, is the one sitting on my lap. She is the queen of building emotional walls. She did it as a child, and she’s doing the same now. My Jules is no longer present.

  “My name was changed when they legally adopted me. It was another way for me to move forward. A way to leave my past behind.”

  My fingers clamp over her trembling chin. “I’m a part of your past. Please don’t leave me behind.” Leaning forward, my lips touch hers with a soft whisper. “I promise, I didn’t know you were my Jules.”

  She pulls her chin from my grasp. “I’m not your Jules,” she sneers. She pushes away from me, but I pull her close again.

  My mouth drops open. Her words are like a kick to the gut. What the hell does she mean she isn’t my Jules? She’s always been my Jules. Christ, she’s been my Mills.

  “This doesn’t change anything between us. For Christ's sake, we’ve been seeing each other for months.”

  Jules withdraws from my hold and stands quickly. Looking down at me, she sneers. “It changes everything. If you had one inkling,”—her voice rises—“one inkling I was who I am, the moment you knew my name was Jules, you should have questioned me.”

  She turns her back and walks out of the bathroom. When she reaches my bedroom door, she looks over her shoulder. “For the record, I have no respect for liars. I don’t believe you. I think you’ve known longer than you’re letting on.”

  How the hell were we both so stupid and not able to put the pieces of our past together?

  How didn’t we recognize each other?

  My heart hurts from what just happened between us.

  I’ve loved her once and lost her, and now that I had her back, she walked away with my heart again.

  This time, she went willingly.

  I lost my heart for the second time in my life.

  There was nothing I could do. I could have chased Juliette and begged her to stay, but I know how stubborn she is. I know she needs time to process this. She needs space to think.

  I wanted to wrap my arms around her and plead with her to believe me. She says this changes everything. She’s right; it does. We are no longer two strangers who recently met; we have a past together. This revelation is a game changer. Everything happens for a reason, and Juliette wasn’t brought back into my life just to be taken away again.

  Today has been a nightmare, one I wish I could wake up from. I’ve texted Jules several times, all of which have been ignored.

  Please don’t shut me out.

  This doesn’t change anything.

  Jules, please talk to me.

  When she doesn’t respond to my text messages, I give up in favor of trying to call.

  The phone is hot against my ear. “I’m sorry I missed your call, but please leave a detailed message, and I’ll return it as soon as possible. If it’s urgent or regarding an appointment, please call Novocain, and someone will help you. Thank you.”

  “Pick up the damn phone, Jules,” I growl as the message plays, and I quickly hit the end button on my cell, my breathing ragged. I’ve always wanted her to be happy, and I finally saw that she was. For a brief time, her happiness included me again. I want to be a part of it. I want to become a permanent fixture in her life like I was all those years ago. Every part of me is tied to her.

  I lie in bed, placing my earbud in, and scan the music on my phone. When I find “Hold On” by Derek Hough, I hit play.

  As I listened to what Jules went through after she was taken from the foster home and the devastating revelation that she attempted suicide, my mind was raging with anger. Knowing what she endured as a child, then what she did to herself because I told my mom, shatters my heart into a million pieces. If I had kept quiet, she wouldn’t have been pushed to cut herself. She wouldn’t have attempted to take her own life.

  Her tattoos cover the tragedies of her past. The same traumas that were once her shackles are now her armor. This is why Jules refuses to allow anyone close to her. She refuses to expose herself. Refuses to relive the pain of her past.

  Jules said she understood what I did now. Looking back, and if given the opportunity, a do-over, would I have still spoken up to protect her?

  Yes, I would. She is stronger than ever. Jules built a whole new life with courage and determination. She is helping others to heal as she has. Only one word can describe her.

  Amazing.

  I close my eyes, forcing the tears from them. I swallow the memories of our past, the vivid moments dance behind my closed lids.

  Once we got on the bus, I found a seat. “Sit with me,” I said to Juliette when she walked down the aisle with tear-stained cheeks. Juliette slid in next to me while Johnny, Sam, and Brittany went to the back. “Here, you can hold my hand.” I extended it to Juliette. “I know going to a new school can be scary, but I promise to come and get you during recess and lunch.”

  Juliette looked up as tears ran down her face. “You promise?”

  I squeezed her hand tight within mine. “I promise. I’ll even stand in line with you until you walk into school.”

  She nodded her head, then lifted her hand and wiped away her tears.

  From the moment Jules moved in next door, we were inseparable, until I broke my promise and told my mom what was happening to her when I found her in a dog cage. I didn’t even tell my mom when I came home with a black eye after spending the day at Jules’ house.

  It was the first time I had actually seen them hit Juliette. She didn’t do anything to deserve any of the pain they caused her. Jules drank the last bottle of water in the refrigerator, and Ms. Peg yelled and screamed, hitting her long, painted nail on the tip of Juliette’s nose. Juliette was crying. “I’m sorry, Ms. Peg,” she stuttered. “I won’t do it again.” At that moment, Ms. Peg lifted her hand to hit Jules again. I pushed her out of the way, and Ms. Peg hit my face instead.

  Of course, I lied to my mom about how I got the black eye. I told her I ran into a pole in the school play yard. I couldn’t tell my mom Ms. Peg hit me when, in fact, her fist was intended for Juliette. I could never betray my promise to Jules.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Juliette

  I trudge into my house, slamming the door behind me, and toss my keys and cellphone on the table. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone tonight.

  I’m still numb.

  I can’t believe Lee is Brennan.

  I walked away. This time of my own free will. I rub my face, frustration growing.

  Quinn walks out of her room, rubbing her eyes, her hair in a messy bun on top of her head.

  “What the hell? Why’d you slam the door? I was sleeping.”

  I walk into the kitchen, ignoring her, and pull open the refrigerator, grabbing the first alcoholic beverage I see. Twisting the cap off the Corona, I tilt the bottle to my lips, taking a long pull.

  Quinn frowns, confused, her eyes blinking rapidly. “Isn’t it a little early for beer? The sun has just risen.”

  I glower. “You will never guess what happened to me.”

  Quinn walks over, pulling the stool out from the kitchen island. “Okay, you have my attention now.”

  She nods toward the fridge. “A friend never lets a friend drink alone. Give me one. I have a feeling th
is is going to be a long conversation.”

  I grab another beer for Quinn, then slide it across the granite countertop.

  “Lee is Brennan.”

  Quinn chokes on her mouthful of beer. She spits it out, spraying it all over the counter. Coughing several times, tears begin to stream down her face. She coughs a few more times, attempting to clear her throat.

  I toss her a dishtowel, and she wipes her face, then the counter in front of her.

  “Excuse me?” Her eyes widen. “Come again.”

  “You heard me.” I lift the bottle to my lips, taking another mouthful.

  “Back up. Start from the beginning. Mr. Big Dick is Brennan. The Brennan from your childhood.”

  “Is there another?” I say as my mouth spreads into a thin-lipped smile.

  After an hour of filling Quinn in on what transpired, she sits on the stool, eyes wide, mouth open, gawking at me.

  She shakes her head. “I can’t believe this.”

  “You’re telling me,” I say, sliding another beer across the counter to her.

  I rub my face with frustration. “He acted as if everything was fine. As if we would pick up where we left off seventeen years ago.” My mouth sets in annoyance. “As if nothing has changed.”

  Quinn looks up, her blue eyes meeting mine. “Jules, the two of you have been seeing each other. Yeah, it’s great that you found each other after all these years. I think it’s amazing, but if I’m being honest, this revelation shouldn’t change anything. In fact, it should make your relationship stronger.”

  “No one said anything about a relationship.”

  Quinn shifts on the stool. “You can deny it all you want. What the two of you have is a relationship. Let me ask you something. Are you sleeping with anyone else?”

  “You know the answer to that.” My lips thin with irritation.

  “When you’re not at the shop working, or here, where are you? Who do you spend the remainder of your time with?”

  Her stare drills into me and I don’t respond. “Point taken,” she says matter-of-factly.

  “I’m not trying to be a bitch here. I’m simply helping you open your eyes and see what is right in front of your face. You have a good thing with Brennan. The two of you have a past together. Neither one of you knew it when you met. Maybe fate brought the two of you together again.”

  Her blue eyes darken as she holds my gaze. Quinn tips her beer to me. “He has to take the back seat on the best friend title since we both know I am your best friend.”

  I shake my head. “You would make a joke about this, wouldn’t you?”

  Quinn laughs. “I’m trying to lighten the mood here.” She tips the beer to her lips, taking a sip, then sets it down. “In all seriousness, from where I sit, Brennan, or shall I say, Lee…whoever the fuck he is, Mr. Big Dick likes you. He truly does. Your paths have crossed again. Things like this happen for a reason. Don’t push him away. What happened to you as a child was tragic. But whenever you spoke of him—on the rare times you opened up to me about him—you told me that Brennan was always there for you as a child. Give him a chance as an adult. I think you both may walk away as better people together, rather than going your separate ways and being broken apart.”

  “Thanks.” I nod my head to the hallway. “I have a lot to think about. I have to get ready for work.”

  Quinn scoots the stool back, standing to her feet. She walks over, wrapping her arms around me, and pulls me in for a hug. “I love you. I want you to be happy.”

  “Love you too.”

  I untangle myself from Quinn’s hug, toss my empty bottle in the trash can, and head down the hall. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. I can’t deal with being around people all day. I shoot a text to Rachel, asking her to cancel my appointments today. I don’t have the strength to face the world. Taking one look at my bed, I change into my pajamas and crawl into bed, thinking about the first time Brennan spoke to me.

  Johnny and Sam played with a ball in the front yard. Brittany played with her dolls on the front step. I peeked from behind the curtain in my room and saw the boy from across the street sitting on his stoop. His eyes met mine, and I quickly closed the curtain.

  I waited a little bit before peeking out again. The boy stood on his step, his eyes still watching me. “I’m Brennan, what’s your name?” he hollered from across the street.

  Peggy was on the lawn and turned, seeing me in the window. “Come down and play, Juliette. It’s a beautiful day, you should play outside.”

  Not wanting to get in trouble, I nodded my head and left the security of my bedroom. When I opened the front door, the dark-haired boy stood with Ms. Peggy, who gestured for me to come to her.

  His whole face spread into a smile, “I’m Brennan, I live across the street.”

  He had bright blue eyes, as blue as the sky, and his hair was as black as my crayon.

  “Hi, I’m Juliette,” I whispered. He kept staring at me, which made me feel funny.

  Ms. Peggy nudged me forward. “Go play, honey.”

  Brennan took my hand in his and pulled me toward Johnny and Sam. “Come on, we’ll play ball.”

  “I don’t know how to catch.” I shook my head.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll show you.”

  I shot him a look and frowned. “Don’t make fun of me, or I won’t play with you anymore.”

  “I won’t, I promise.”

  Brennan taught me how to catch. Johnny and Sam took turns and tossed the ball to me as well. By the end of the day, I was as good as the boys. Brittany kept saying things on the steps with her dolls, but I didn’t want to play with her.

  “Do you think you’ll come out to play tomorrow?” Brennan asked.

  “If Ms. Peggy lets me.”

  “Do you live here for good now?”

  “That’s what Ms. Cara said. This is my new home now.”

  “I hope you stay. You’re fun to play with. We start school next week. What grade are you in?”

  “I start kindergarten. I’m only five.”

  “I’m seven, so I won’t be in your class. I’m going into second, but I can still play with you in the schoolyard and at recess.”

  I shake my head, dispelling the memory. Brennan was always there for me. Every day, he held my hand on the bus, stood in line with me, met me for lunch. After school, I’d rush to finish my homework so we could play outside in the yard.

  When the beatings came more frequently, Brennan would sneak in through my bedroom window and console me while I cried. Many nights, I would sneak out of my window and run across the street to his house. He never locked his window, making it easy for me to get into his bedroom. He’d pull me into his lap, holding me while I cried. He was the reason I never spoke up to my teachers. I didn’t want to be taken away. I didn’t want to lose Brennan.

  Now, because my brain can’t seem to rationalize the circumstances surrounding our relationship, I’ve lost him again. This time, it’s my doing.

  The next morning arrives too quickly. The mid-morning sun streams through the window. A throbbing pain has settled above my right eye, a combination of stress, beer, and lack of sleep. Blinking my groggy eyes open, I notice the time on the clock reads seven a.m.

  I toss my legs over the side of the bed and head straight to the shower. No reason to lay in bed and wish for sleep to come. I may as well get this day started.

  Thirty minutes later, I’m on my way to the shop. I called Ma on the way to fill her in on what occurred yesterday. I could tell she was hurting for me, but before I ended the call, she told me not to do anything irrational. To stop and think things through. I know she means well, but I really don’t know how to proceed with Brennan. I’m not one hundred percent convinced he had only put the puzzle pieces together yesterday. I think the wheels may have been turning for quite some time, and he wanted to get his ducks in a row before he approached me.

  Sleep evaded me, and my ass is dragging this morning. Needing an escape, I plan to spend a f
ew hours working on some new designs.

  My key sticks in the door at Novocain. Without breaking it, I unlock the door and push it open, noticing lights are on in the place.

  “Hello,” I holler, hoping someone is here, or I’m going to lose my shit for the lights being left on again.

  “Back here,” Pops replies.

  Why is he here this early? It’s not unusual for him to be here, but with opening the other shop, his presence here first thing in the morning is a surprise.

  I lock the door and drop my bag at my station and walk into the back office.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He looks up from the desk, concern written all over his face. “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “You could have called. It’s early; you didn’t have to come all the way down here to see me.”

  His cup of coffee sits on the desk, his fingers drumming in place. “I prefer to see your pretty face when I speak to you. It’s a little more personal than a phone call.”

  “Really.” I raise my brow at him.

  “You’re my daughter. I wanted to see you.”

  Who is he kidding? I know why he is here.

  “Mom told you?”

  He nods his head. “She did.”

  My hands repeatedly clench at my sides. My pulse begins to race, and my stomach turns violently.

  “I don’t want to talk about it again.”

  “It’s your decision and I respect that. I’ll do the talking, so have a seat.” He lifts his hand, pointing to the chair in front of my desk.

  “You and Lee seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. The two of you have kept it professional and haven’t brought it into the shops.” He nods his head to me. “Thank you, I appreciate your discretion.”

  “You mean Brennan.” I seethe.

  “Stop right there, young lady.” He cocks his head, raising a brow at me. I know this look. It’s the one that says I will hear his opinion, whether I want to or not.