The 26th of November, a Pride and Prejudice Comedy of Farcical Proportions

by Elizabeth Adams

“What day is it?” she cried again.

  “It is Wednesday, Miss. The twenty-seventh of November,” said Cook.

  “Wednesday?” Elizabeth thought she might faint. Wednesday! And she had not stayed up all night, or convinced Mr. Bingley to propose to Jane, or drugged her mother with laudanum. How could this be?

  Cook led her to sit at the table and brought her a cup of tea and set a small plate of food in front of her.

  “Eat something, Miss Lizzy. It helps,” said Cook.

  Elizabeth laughed. It began as a small chortle only she could hear, then it was a giggle, then she was laughing so loudly the staff was worried for her sanity. Finally, she thanked Cook kindly and took the tea and food to her room where she might mentally unravel without an audience.

  Of all the days for time to revert back to normal, it would be the one in which she had written a letter she had no chance of getting back.

  Chapter 15

  In Which Elizabeth Tempts Fate

  Her family began to wake one by one, and Elizabeth knew what she had to do. She knocked on her mother’s door and stepped inside.

  “May I have a word, Mama?”

  “What is it, Lizzy?”

  “Mr. Collins will ask for a private audience today.”

  Mrs. Bennet’s face lit up. “I knew it! We are saved!”

  Elizabeth grabbed her mother’s hands before they took flight and interrupted her exclamations. “Mother, I need you to listen very carefully to me. Will you do that?”

  Mrs. Bennet huffed and looked displeased but agreed to listen.

  “Mr. Collins and I will not suit.” She held her hand up when her mother tried to protest. “We would make each other miserable, and while I am well aware of the advantages of the match, they are not enough for me to sacrifice my entire life. You do not truly want me to be mistress of Longbourn, Mama. In your heart you know you do not wish to live with me all your days.”

  Mrs. Bennet grumbled, “I might if you were more agreeable and not so apt to run on as you do.”

  Elizabeth smiled in resignation. “I know you will be terribly disappointed if I refuse him, so I am suggesting an alternative.”

  Mrs. Bennet was sulking with her arms crossed, looking every bit the petulant child. She looked at her least favorite daughter warily. “What alternative?”

  “Deny him an audience. Do whatever you can to put him off and encourage him towards one of your other daughters. Though I would not wish such a ridiculous man on anyone, he has no malice in him. Might he do for Mary or Kitty?” Mrs. Bennet looked thoughtful and Elizabeth drove the point home. “He will not stay and seek another Bennet bride if I refuse him. And I will refuse him, Mama.”

  Mrs. Bennet was considering the idea, but she did not wish to give her plans up so easily. After all, she was still the mistress of Longbourn and the mother of this impertinent young lady. “You ought to do your duty to your family. Your father has let you have your own way too often, and now you don’t—”

  Elizabeth interrupted her. “My father will support me in this. I know he will. Even if he did not, you do not want me to be mistress of this house, Mama. I would immediately cut your allowance to a pittance and begin work on the dower house.”

  Mrs. Bennet gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

  “I would.” Elizabeth stared at her mother with eyes like flint and Mrs. Bennet leaned back.

  “Perhaps he would do for Mary,” she said quietly.

  Elizabeth nodded. “Now, to make matters easier, I shall go for a long walk and visit Charlotte at Lucas Lodge. That should be enough time for you to tell Mr. Collins that his interest in me has been misplaced. Tell him I am in love with another, tell him an old friend has come to seek my hand and has a prior claim, tell him one of your other daughters is in love with him and it would be too cruel for me to marry him. It does not matter to me so long as you tell him privately and he understands that his pursuit of me will not end happily.”

  Mrs. Bennet nodded. “I will tell him you have long been in love with Arthur Goulding. He is returning home from his grand tour and you hope for a match.”

  “Remember to tell him privately and quietly, Mama. I don’t want rumors spread. And better to simply say ‘a young man’ and leave Mr. Goulding’s name out of it.”

  Mrs. Bennet nodded, her mind already on the conversation she was to have with Collins.

  “And Mama?”

  “Yes?”

  “Mary is quite pretty when she takes a little time with her appearance. She is not so dull as everyone thinks she is. You might privately talk to her, or better yet, offer to arrange her hair. She is open to suggestions if they are given kindly.”

  Mrs. Bennet nodded, the scheming glint Elizabeth was well familiar with in her eyes. Elizabeth shook her head. It was out of her hands now. She had rid herself of Mr. Collins. Now she had other affairs to see to.

  ~

  Elizabeth spent the day discussing the ball with Charlotte and returned home with only enough time to change for dinner. Mr. Collins was easily avoided during that meal, and she saw him looking between her and Mary with a thoughtful expression she chose to believe was a good sign.

  She knew the Netherfield party would leave the following day, but she was unsure how to stop them from going. She thought it unlikely she could truly accomplish anything and chose instead to focus her energy on supporting Jane.

  She walked into Meryton Thursday with her sisters and ran into Mr. Wickham and Mr. Denny. Kitty blushed as she spoke to Denny and Elizabeth decided to have a conversation with her father about it. It might not do much good, but she hadn’t lost all hope for him yet. Lydia was brazen and overly flirtatious, as expected. Elizabeth thought a repeat of her harsh lecture might be in order.

  Mr. Wickham sidled up to her, all easy smiles and smooth charm.

  “Did you enjoy the ball, Miss Elizabeth?”

  She valiantly kept her eyes from rolling. “It was a lovely evening, Mr. Wickham. Did you enjoy your sojourn in London?”

  “Town was everything it always is. I am sorry to have missed the ball, of course. I had very much looked forward to dancing with you,” he said with a smile.

  Had she truly thought him charming? He was all artifice and empty compliments. “Then I am surprised you did not simply attend the ball. I understood Mr. Bingley issued an invitation to all the officers.”

  He was momentarily surprised by her tone but was soon back to amiable civility. “I thought it best to avoid Mr. Darcy while he is in the area. I did not wish to upset Mr. Bingley’s gathering with an unpleasant scene.”

  “If you are so intent on avoiding Mr. Darcy, and not damaging the son’s name for the sake of the father’s memory, I wonder why you speak of him so frequently. If you truly wished to start anew, you could have ignored him and never said a word. Mr. Darcy certainly has not sought you out nor slandered your name in any way.” She kept her tone light and tilted her head to one side, as if she were considering a puzzle. “It is curious.”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “Miss Bennet, forgive me if my confidence has upset you or made your interactions with Mr. Darcy unpleasant. That was not my intention.”

  “Truly? Hmm.” It was clear from her expression that she did not believe him. “A word of advice, if I may, Mr. Wickham. If you wish to gain sympathy from the local populace, do not do it with stories easily disproved and words designed to malign and misconstrue. One might wonder why you needed sympathy at all,” she said evenly.

  His shock was evident, and his wide eyes held a spark of fear.

  “Peddle your poison elsewhere, Mr. Wickham. It is not welcome here.” She gave him one final stare and turned to go home, taking her sisters with her.

  Once back at Longbourn, she decided to have a talk with her father. It was long overdue and she found she had greater courage after her ordeal. Some things were worth the discomfort of an awkward conversation. Her family’s respectability was one of them.

  Her father invited her to sit and rang fo
r tea. Elizabeth prepared his cup the way he liked it and mentally steeled herself for what she must tell him. She began with the tale of Mr. Wickham and how he was spreading falsehoods about Mr. Darcy. His audience had thus far been limited, but she would not be surprised if he told it to all and sundry when Mr. Darcy left the neighborhood.

  Mr. Bennet, in his usual dry humor, asked what this had to do with him. This was the truly difficult part. She began to speak of Lydia’s behavior, using evidence from the Netherfield ball, Meryton assemblies, and other events the family had attended. She described how her youngest sister uniformly flaunted convention and humiliated her family. Lydia was loud, crass, and vulgar. She was not fit for polite society and should not be out until she was.

  Mr. Bennet was surprised by both her vehemence and the fact that she had brought this to him at all.

  Elizabeth refused to stop. She went on about Lydia’s inappropriate attire, and the things the officers said about her when they thought no one could hear them. Mr. Bennet flushed an angry red and Elizabeth thought maybe she was on the right track. She told him Lydia usually pulled her dresses down even lower after she had left the house and described in detail her sister’s antics designed to gain the soldier’s attention. Mr. Bennet was clearly uncomfortable, but Elizabeth would not stop.

  “If you do not take the trouble to check her, she will become the most determined flirt to ever make herself and her family ridiculous.”

  Mr. Bennet made some noise about it not being as bad as that, and that she and Jane would be respected wherever they went. Elizabeth did not wish to hear it. She accused him of willful blindness, of hiding in his bookroom away from the realities of their life, content to let Mrs. Bennet, who clearly was not fit for the job, manage raising their daughters and launching them into society.

  She thought he was really angry at this point, and she apologized for her harshness, but not for her words. Something must be done! If he loved his daughters at all, he must act. Their very respectability depended on it. And after all, what else did they have?

  She rose to leave the room and stopped just before the door to deliver one parting shot.

  “You cannot give us dowries, sir, but you can give us a name to be proud of.”

  He looked stricken and angry, and she hastily left, closing the door behind her.

  ~

  Mr. Bennet avoided Elizabeth for the next three days. He took all his meals in his bookroom and when he passed her in a corridor, he pretended not to see her. She chose to view it as a positive reaction. If he had truly ignored her and everything she had said, he would not be so bothered by her presence. He must be giving her words at least some consideration.

  Unbeknownst to Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet went into Meryton to collect an order from the bookstore. Elizabeth and Jane had accompanied Kitty and Lydia into town, and as he stepped out of the small shop, he saw his two youngest daughters running down the street towards a group of red coats, their elder sisters calling at them to slow down. Unsurprisingly, they were ignored.

  He laughed at their antics, already knowing them to be very silly girls, but Elizabeth’s words stayed in his mind. He looked at his girls from another point of view. He saw the town’s people shaking their heads at them. He saw Elizabeth and Jane flushing in embarrassment. The officers watched the girls running towards them with expressions he was not altogether comfortable with.

  With a deep sigh, and more than a little resentment at being forced to act at all, he marched across the street and ordered Kitty and Lydia into the carriage. They were not happy to go, but so shocked by his presence in Meryton that they complied quickly. Jane and Elizabeth looked relieved, and he gave them each a few coins to buy something for themselves while he took their sisters home.

  That night, Mr. and Mrs. Bennet had the greatest row in the history of their marriage. Their daughters lined up on the stairs, listening silently and wondering what had brought it on. Mrs. Bennet had not closed the bookroom door entirely and the girls could hear most of what was said.

  Mr. Bennet was furious that Jane and Elizabeth, two perfectly nice, well-behaved girls were being punished and embarrassed for the horrid behavior of their sisters. They could not even enjoy a simple outing because they were forced to watch over Kitty and Lydia like mother hens, lest the younger girls disgrace the family.

  Jane and Elizabeth, side by side on the lowest step, looked at each other in shock. Was that truly their father speaking? Lydia huffed, as expected, and Kitty listened wide-eyed. Mary sat on the uppermost step, for eavesdropping was wrong and she could not condone it, but the top step presented a moral medium for her.

  Mrs. Bennet defended her daughters, saying they were lively and fun loving, and such favorites with the officers. Mr. Bennet roared that that was the problem. They were the daughters of gentlemen, not shopkeepers’ daughters there to entertain lowly militia men. He went on to say Kitty was not strongminded enough to be cavorting through town on her own, and Lydia was simply too young to be out at all.

  Lydia made to protest at this and Elizabeth turned around and silenced her sister. If their parents found them there, the girls would not hear the remainder of the argument and they would be chastised besides. Lydia grumbled but closed her mouth.

  In the end, their parents agreed that Lydia would not attend functions unless they were at Longbourn or at the homes of close friends. Kitty would be supervised more closely. No more walks into Meryton, no more tea with the officers. And absolutely no Mr. Wickham. He was a liar, a gambler, and a seducer. Mr. Bennet would not have one of his daughters end up high in the belly because of that cur’s smooth tongue.

  The five girls on the stairs paled and Lydia looked truly shocked. It was at this point they decided to scurry upstairs to their rooms and wait for their father to call them and inform them of the new rules.

  Mr. Bennet did so the next day, and though Kitty and Lydia were upset, Mr. Bennet quickly informed them that the more they bellyached and grumbled, the longer it would be before they gained their freedom. Lydia snapped her mouth shut, but she was not happy.

  Elizabeth had never been more proud of her father.

  Chapter 16

  The Gentleman Returns

  A week after the Netherfield ball, or more than a month after, depending on one’s method of counting, Mr. Bingley appeared at Netherfield. Caroline had sent a note, three days after the ball, saying they were removing to Town for the winter and did not know when they would return. Jane had been upset, but as the note had not mentioned anything about Georgiana Darcy or any of their friends in Town, Jane had easily been calmed by Elizabeth who assured her sister that she knew, without a doubt, that Mr. Bingley loved her. Elizabeth’s conviction was such that Jane could not deny her, and she had waited patiently for his return.

  Mr. Bingley quickly made an appearance at Longbourn. Jane was as enamored as ever, and Mrs. Bennet was beside herself. After three more calls, he proposed to Jane and Longbourn was overflowing with good wishes and celebration.

  Perhaps due to all the excitement, Mr. Collins proposed to Mary. Everyone had quite forgotten he was there, for he had spent most days turning pages for Mary in the music room or researching the sermons she had recommended to him. Both seemed pleased with the engagement and Mrs. Bennet was once again full of exclamations and tears of joy. Elizabeth seriously began to wonder if her mother would have an apoplexy and encouraged Mrs. Bennet to rest, aided by some of her mulberry wine.

  Mr. Collins returned to Kent, and Mrs. Bennet began planning a wedding for Mary near the new year and another for Jane three weeks later. She was determined that Jane deserved her own ceremony, far above that of Mr. Collins, and it therefore required more careful planning. Bingley would have liked to marry sooner, but he agreed with Mrs. Bennet on the benefits of a separate ceremony. He did not relish the idea of seeing Mr. Collins at the altar when he married Jane.

  Soon the Gardiners arrived for the festive season and all were merry. Lydia was not happy about her new
restrictions, but she could admit, only to herself and never out loud, that it was not so very bad. Truthfully, she had never realized the officers thought of her as her father said they did, and she was rather disturbed by the idea of them discussing her in such a crude manner, not to mention her abject terror at becoming with child. She was in no hurry to become a mother, no matter how handsome the officer.

  Mary was wed to Mr. Collins on the twenty-ninth of December and Mrs. Bennet cried throughout the entire ceremony, then crowed throughout the entire wedding breakfast. The happy couple left for Kent after an hour spent celebrating with the family, and Mrs. Bennet waved off her middle daughter happily, secure in the knowledge that Longbourn would remain in the family for years to come.

  The Gardiners returned to London in the new year and took Jane and Elizabeth with them. They would shop for Jane’s wedding clothes and return for the ceremony, then Elizabeth would spend the Season in Town with them. She had seemed a bit down and Mrs. Gardiner thought the change of scenery might do her some good.

  Bingley took the opportunity to go to Town himself to meet with his lawyers and prepare for his upcoming nuptials. He rode alongside the carriage and Jane watched him through the window, sighing every ten minutes. Elizabeth rolled her eyes and barely managed to keep down her breakfast.

  Her aunt was right. Elizabeth was feeling low, but it was not because Jane was leaving. Netherfield was nearby and Mr. Bingley would make an excellent brother. She had no cause to repine on that count.

  She was missing Mr. Darcy. He had left Netherfield with the Bingley sisters and not returned. He had not taken his leave of the neighborhood, nor sent a note to her father, nor made any effort whatsoever to contact her. It could have been easily done through Bingley. She did not require a clandestine meeting or a secret love letter. But she would have liked some sort of message. She knew he had said goodbye at Netherfield, and she had known it was forever when he said it. But at the time, forever had only been twenty-four hours and she would see him again, fresh and with no memory of the previous day. If she had known she truly would not see him again, she might have done something differently. She might have said more, or at least said a proper goodbye.