The countess took Juliet’s hands in hers, gazing at her nervously. Juliet smiled weakly, completely stunned. “Please, my lady, you need not apologize for anything. You have been so kind to me and I appreciate it so very much.”
“No, no, it is I who must thank you...thank you for coming into our lives, for helping Pearl come to terms with this tragedy, and, of course, for bringing Solomon back to life.” A tear glimmered at the corner of Lady Overton’s eye as she squeezed Juliet’s hands. “I know you will make a fine mistress of this estate and will be easily able to manage the household in your own time. Please do not hesitate to ask for my help to get it all sorted out. It can be very overwhelming at first. The staff will come to accept you and the neighbors in the country and in London will pay you many visits. I know you have grown used to busy days now, but you will soon have a full social calendar to keep you just as occupied.”
Lady Overton sounded very satisfied indeed with the picture she’d drawn of Juliet’s future, but it snapped the governess back to reality. A full social calendar of visits and hobbies? Is this really what she had been destined for all along? This was exactly the type of superficial existence she had tried so desperately to avoid all her life. None of those things the countess spoke of would make Juliet truly happy, nor would they give her life meaning. She finally had a purpose with her work as Pearl’s governess.
Did she really want to trade her days helping Pearl grow into a smart, capable, caring woman for days spent embroidering and taking tea with acquaintances or idly wandering about London in search of the next entertainment? During her Seasons in London and Brighton, Juliet had loved the neverending activity, but she’d soon come to realize that none of it really mattered. Not to her, at least. Now she had all the activity and entertainment she could hope for along with true fulfillment and a sense of purpose.
“That is so very kind of you to say, my lady,” was all Juliet could manage. At the very least, this did not seem like the right time to delve into her fears and figure out what she must do. Luckily, Pearl spared Juliet from having to make any other definitive statements by calling her to the edge of the pond. She and Solomon seemed captivated by something in the water.
Lady Overton chuckled and nodded for Juliet to go. Her mind swirled with everything the older woman had just said, her imagination concocting a boring, meaningless future as Juliet hurried forward to join Pearl and Solomon.
Juliet forced her eyes to focus on the scene before her, first on Solomon—the man she loved with everything in her heart—and then on Pearl, the girl who had shown Juliet that she truly could make a difference.
“Look, Miss Richards!” Pearl squealed as Juliet drew near, excitedly pointing at a brown duck lazily swimming past, completely undisturbed by their presence.
Solomon threw his head back and laughed at the girl’s enthusiasm before flashing his dazzling smile at Juliet. She did her best to smile back, but it felt far too forced. Solomon’s expression fell. He had noticed it, too.
“Why don’t we take a walk around the pond?” Solomon suggested after Juliet had had a good look at Pearl’s duck. Juliet felt trapped with Solomon standing before her and Lady Overton behind, both of them watching her expectantly. She forced herself to nod and take Solomon’s offered arm.
Pearl ran ahead of them, happily chatting to herself while Lady Overton remained behind under the shade of the large oak tree. That oppressive uneasiness only increased with every step they took.
After a moment, Solomon broke the silence. “I saw you speaking with Mother just now. Is everything alright?”
Juliet tried to swallow down the panic rising in her throat. “Yes, everything is perfectly fine. In fact, she apologized for the other day and said she accepts our courtship.”
Solomon sighed with relief. “Isn’t that so wonderful, Juliet?” he whispered, his excitement quickly giving way to concern when Juliet remained silent.
“Do you disagree?” he asked quietly, trying to look into Juliet’s face, which she kept hidden under her bonnet.
“I am very happy that Lady Overton approves of me, but after hearing about all the duties of a countess...I’m not sure I like the sound of all that,” Juliet admitted, her voice sad and small. She had chosen her path as a child and she finally walked that path, yet it grew more difficult to uphold her own principles with each day she spent in Solomon’s company.
Solomon stopped and turned to face Juliet, bringing her hands up to rest on his chest. For a moment, as she stood in awe of the incredible man before her, the sunlight setting his auburn hair aflame and turning his breathtaking eyes into sweet summer fields of green, Juliet forgot about everyone else in the world. Couldn’t this be worth it—to see the overflowing love in Solomon’s expression, to spend every moment enveloped in his warm presence?
“Once you become a countess, we will find another governess to take your place. You will not need to worry about that anymore, so you can spend your days doing whatever your heart desires.” He gazed at her with such tender, sincere care. Juliet knew that he truly meant well, but his words brought her no comfort.
“I know, but I will miss Pearl so very much. I will miss playing such an important role in her growth,” Juliet mumbled as she gave an unconvincing smile.
“But Juliet, you will always have a place in Pearl’s life. You just won’t need to teach her anymore.” Solomon dropped Juliet’s hands and gripped her upper arms instead, peering down under her bonnet eagerly. He seemed utterly convinced in his own argument.
Juliet could barely manage a nod. “We shouldn’t let her get too far ahead of us.”
Solomon took Juliet’s hand and placed it in the crook of his elbow once more. They resumed their walk in an uncomfortable silence. As Juliet watched Pearl bouncing ahead of them and thought about how far they’d come together and how much further they still had to go, she simply could not let go of the fact that she would feel useless without this purpose.
“Has your mind been put at ease, sweet one? You know you can always be honest with me, don’t you?” Solomon finally asked. He sounded less confident than he had a moment ago when he’d offered his perfect plan to Juliet.
Her heart cried for her to be honest, to tell Solomon what she truly felt, what she feared. Though he had told her time and again that he wanted her to speak the truth, Juliet knew this was a truth he would not actually want to hear.
“Yes, thank you, Solomon,” she lied.
They shifted their conversation to other topics with Pearl occasionally running back to ask them about some flower she saw or point out an interestingly shaped cloud.
On the surface, everything seemed settled. But Juliet could not shake the turmoil bubbling up inside her.
Worst of all, she knew that Solomon could sense it, too.
Chapter 12
Solomon gently pushed the schoolroom door open. Juliet and Pearl sat by the window, the sun bathing them in a beautiful glow.
“Not quite, dear. Add it again,” Juliet instructed, tapping the sheet of paper before Pearl. The girl groaned and squeezed her eyes shut as if willing the pesky sum to disappear. “Go on now, Pearl.”
Solomon admired Juliet’s patience even when working on Pearl’s least favorite subject. Every woman needed a firm grasp on arithmetic to run her household accounts even if they didn’t like it, so Juliet pressed on despite Pearl’s complaints.
“I can’t do it, Miss Richards,” she whined, setting her pen back in its ink pot.
“Of course you can, Pearl. Just try again, please.”
The child seemed particularly displeased with today’s lesson for she tossed her head to the side and scrunched her face up. When she noticed Solomon standing in the doorway, she jumped up from her chair and ran toward him, arms outstretched.
“Uncle Solomon!” she cheered, ignoring Juliet’s demands that she return to her seat. Pearl hugged Solomon’s leg and buried her face in his hip.
Solomon patted her head and smiled sheepishly to
Juliet, both embarrassed to be caught watching and apologetic for disrupting their lesson. Solomon needed to talk to Juliet. It had been a few days since their discussion by the pond and he still did not feel right about where they had left things. Unfortunately, he’d found no opportunity to speak with her privately since then. He’d decided that morning that if he could not find a moment, he must create one himself.
Juliet looked quite anxious as she stared at him from her seat by the window. Perhaps she was having more trouble with the lesson than Solomon had first thought. He bit his lip, feeling guilty once more for interrupting them. Or perhaps Juliet could use a rest, even if just for a few minutes. He wanted to do whatever he could to ease the tension between them, to put everything right so they could start their new life together. Nothing alarming had been said out loud, but Solomon could feel it in the strange atmosphere that had surrounded them during the picnic. He needed to ease whatever worries she had—and to ease his own resurfacing fears.
Solomon wanted nothing more than to let go of the past, to move on and start anew with Juliet. He thought he’d been successful so far, but Juliet’s strange behavior, the way she pulled away slightly whenever they talked about their future, had caused those painful memories to flood his mind more frequently.
It all reminded him of London, of the days before she’d abandoned him. All the clues and signs he had missed seemed to appear once again, but this time Solomon recognized them. Or he thought he did. He still hoped with everything in his heart that he was wrong.
Pearl distracted him from his melancholy thoughts as she started jumping up and down before him. “Please, Uncle, can I play outside?” she begged, her voice shaking with each jump.
Juliet sighed and made her way across the room. “I’m terribly sorry, my lord. Pearl, we must finish this lesson first before we play.” She did not look Solomon directly in the eye, instead focusing on the energetic girl.
“As a matter of fact, Miss Richards, I hoped to speak with you for a moment. In private.” Solomon’s voice faltered as he finally made his request. He hoped desperately that Juliet hadn’t heard it. The last thing he wanted to be at this moment was nervous, but he could not keep the anxious fluttering in his chest at bay any longer.
Juliet frowned, but instructed Pearl to return to her seat and draw on a spare sheet of paper. Pearl pouted but did as she was told. Solomon led Juliet to the fireplace on the other side of the room where they could talk without losing sight of his niece.
Juliet smiled, though it failed to reach her eyes yet again. Solomon’s heart sank even as Juliet asked him how he’d been. The question was kind and innocent enough yet Solomon could hear something uncomfortable and hesitant in her voice. Or was he just seeing and hearing strange things because of his own anxiety?
“I’m well, thank you. I just miss you.” He finally managed to choke out an answer, barely scratching the surface of what he truly felt. A strand of wavy blonde hair cascaded down her shoulder. He longed to step closer and twist it in his finger as he might have done four years ago or even just a week ago. Now such an intimate action seemed out of place—perhaps even wrong.
“I miss you, too, Solomon.” Those words, though he’d longed to hear them, did not ease Solomon’s concerns. They contained a sadness that conveyed something deeper than simply not seeing each other for a few days.
“Would you have dinner with Mother and I tonight?” he asked, suddenly changing his approach. He had meant to ask that later in the conversation, after he’d managed to discover what bothered Juliet. He found himself unable to bring those questions to light just yet. He still feared the answers.
Juliet bit her lip and glanced around the room, looking for an excuse. “I truly appreciate the invitation, but I don’t think it is my place. Besides, I wouldn’t want to leave Pearl again to eat with someone she doesn’t know very well.”
“Pearl knows Mother’s maid well enough by now and they had a fine lunch the last time we dined together. And I’ve personally invited you, so you need not worry about overstepping,” he countered gently.
He’d wanted to say that it would be her place soon, that her place would always be by his side, but something told him to keep that thought to himself for now. And something else told him that perhaps it wouldn’t happen after all. Solomon clenched his jaw, forcing that nagging feeling back to the farthest corner of his mind.
“I will see you tonight at dinner then,” Juliet finally agreed. “If you’ll excuse me, I must return to Pearl now.”
She hurried away before Solomon could say anything else. As he watched her walk back across the room, Solomon wondered why he didn’t feel relieved that she had accepted his invitation.
He hadn’t exactly accomplished his mission, but he’d made a start of it. Solomon had nothing left to do for now but leave Juliet and Pearl to their sums. He slowly closed the door behind him so as not to disturb them any more than he already had. Just before it closed, Solomon snuck one last look at Juliet and Pearl. They’d resumed their lesson and Pearl seemed more receptive to Juliet’s instruction after her brief respite.
Solomon’s breath caught in his throat as Juliet glanced over at the door. Their eyes locked together for a moment, but Solomon did not like what he saw there. Juliet broke away first, returning her attention to Pearl.
The door made a soft click as it finally closed behind Solomon. Somehow, he felt more confused and nervous than when he’d entered.
The informal dining room had always felt too small and stuffy for Solomon’s liking. The atmosphere in the room tonight only made the feeling worse. All the same, Solomon dutifully swallowed another gulp of soup, keeping an eye on Juliet seated across from him, Mother seated at his side.
Even when it was just Solomon and Mother, they rarely used this small room for meals. Mother had suggested it this time to create a more intimate and homely feeling. Unfortunately, he found it more awkward than intimate, but Solomon reasoned with himself that surely Juliet just felt uncomfortable around Mother. Any woman would feel uncomfortable around her future mother-in-law, especially when her future mother-in-law was a countess.
Solomon offered an encouraging smile to Juliet. He knew that the dowager countess and the new countess would get along very well once they had an opportunity to spend more time together. And, of course, Juliet would make a wonderful wife. Solomon had absolutely no doubt of that.
Juliet tried to return the smile, but still it looked very strained. No matter how much Solomon tried to write it off as nerves or perhaps a mouth full of food, that nagging feeling in the back of his mind would not leave him be. It told him that something terrible brewed beneath the surface. He needed to figure out what it was if he had any hope of making this right. Unfortunately, it would have to wait until after dinner, since he’d squandered his earlier opportunity in the schoolroom like a coward.
More than anything, Solomon wished he could freeze time all around him, except for Juliet, so he could take her in his arms and spend as much time as they needed without the pressures of the outside world, settling each and every concern she had. They deserved to start their new life on the happiest note possible.
“I’m amazed at how quickly Pearl has been progressing in all her studies, even arithmetic,” Mother spoke up, masking the uncomfortable silence with conversation on their one common ground—the child they all loved and cherished. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a child despise arithmetic as much as Pearl. Though back in their youth, Solomon did everything he could to get out of reading and Ambrose did the same with history.”
Finally, Juliet managed a real smile. Her face lit up with pride. “Pearl is a remarkably bright girl with a sweet, warm heart.”
The countess beamed at the governess with respect and admiration. Solomon silently breathed a sigh of relief. They may have come from very different worlds, but they both clearly adored Pearl and wanted to see her succeed.
Solomon had done his best to soothe Mother’s concerns about havi
ng a governess for a daughter-in-law after that unfortunate lunch, but he knew she would just have to see the proof for herself—that the wonderful, caring heart that made Juliet such a fantastic governess would also make her a fantastic wife and mistress to their beloved home.
“Goodness, I wonder how we’ll find a comparable replacement for you. Do you know of any other qualified young ladies in need of a position, Miss Richards?” Mother asked casually, dipping her spoon back into her soup.
Solomon was very glad his mother hadn’t been looking at that precise moment as he watched Juliet’s expression fall, her already pale face going ghostly white. He knew Juliet would miss being the one to teach Pearl, but he hadn’t expected her to react so strongly to the discussion of hiring a new governess. They would have had to talk about it in the near future anyway.
Juliet did not respond, instead turning her attention to her own bowl of soup, absentmindedly dragging her spoon through the thick concoction. Mother caught Solomon’s eye, raising her brows in a silent question. Making sure Juliet would not notice, Solomon gave a confused shrug.
“Miss Richards, are you well?” Mother asked gently, setting her spoon down and leaning across the table to pat Juliet’s hand.
Juliet jumped at the sudden touch. She stared at the countess as if she’d forgotten where she was.
Her spoon clanked against the soup bowl as her trembling fingers put it down. “Actually, I am feeling a bit ill,” she mumbled.
Mother went nearly as white as Juliet had just done, her hand abandoning Juliet and flying to her mouth. “Good Heaven! Is something wrong with the soup?” she cried, eyeing her bowl suspiciously.
Embracing The Earl's Dream: A Clean Regency Romance (Resolved In Love Book 4) Page 17