by Carrie Elks
“Nick certainly seems to like him,” Ember agreed. It made her smile to see him so entranced by Lucas’ conversation, having her godson’s seal of approval somehow made Lucas even more attractive.
If that was possible.
“No wonder, really,” Brooke said, a hint of melancholy to her voice. “He doesn’t have enough male influences in his life. There’s my dad, I guess, but he’s the only one. I hate it when we get the invitations to ‘Father’s Morning’ at school and he has to beg my dad to take some time off work.” She sighed. “I know he’s not the only kid being brought up by a single mom, but I can’t help but feel I’ve let him down.”
“No, you haven’t.” Ember was vehement. “You’re the best mom any kid could want. It’s not your fault he doesn’t have a dad.” She lowered her voice. “You’re not the one who hotfooted it out of town.”
Brooke quickly glanced around her.
“It’s okay,” Ember reassured her. “Nobody heard me, I made sure of that before I even said it.”
The fact was, Ember, Ally and Brooke were the only ones who knew the truth about Nick’s father, and they’d both sworn to keep it a solemn secret. Not once in all the years since Nick’s birth had they even talked to each other about it, let alone divulged it to anybody else.
There was a good reason for that. He’d left town long before Brooke even realized she was pregnant. By the time she’d been to the obstetrician and had her pregnancy confirmed, they had no idea how to contact him.
“I hate the way Father’s Day makes so many kids feel alone,” Ember said. She wasn’t just thinking about her own father, though goodness only knew how hard she’d find the day this year.
There were so many children without a positive male influence in their lives, and it made her feel sad.
She knew how it felt to lose somebody. She’d lost her fiancé and her dad in quick succession. That’s not all you lost, either, a little voice in her head whispered.
Yeah, well she really wasn’t going to think about that.
In the water, Lucas lifted Nick up onto the board, showing him how to lay belly-down on the surface and paddle out to a wave. Then he showed him how to stand, trying to help him balance as the gentle waves lifted him up and down.
“He really is a good guy,” Brooke said. “Perfect for you.”
“Yeah, well he’s heading back to White City next week, so that’s not quite so perfect.” Ember couldn’t help but feel like she was losing something all over again. Except this had the potential to hurt more than ever.
“What happens after that?” Brooke asked.
“I don’t know,” Ember answered honestly. “We haven’t talked about it.”
“Maybe you should start talking.”
Maybe they should, but talking had never been her strong point, and in spite of Lucas’ revelations the previous night, she had a suspicion it wasn’t his either.
Nick tumbled off the board and Lucas caught him right before he went under the surface, lifting him up and sitting him back on the board. The two of them started laughing, and Nick reached up to give Lucas a high five.
Maybe Brooke was right; it was time to start talking, because he really was a good guy.
22
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Deenie Russell smiled at Lucas as she walked out of the stock room carrying a pile of books. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, why wouldn’t it be?” Lucas turned to her from where he was leaning on the counter, idly flicking through the postcards she had displayed there. Books By The Beach was in full-on summer mode now. Beach reads were laid out on the front counters to entice the casual browser, and the shelves were stocked with local guides and maps of tourist trails to bring in the hikers and cyclists who flocked to the area at this time of year. And on the counter, alongside the cards, were cheap toys and souvenirs – the kind that children would go nuts over. When Lucas and Caitie were younger it had been their job in the summer to keep them stocked.
“Because you don’t usually come in here on a weekday night and hang around the register.” She put the books on the counter and walked around to the back of it. “Not unless there’s something up.”
“Maybe I just wanted to spend some time with you, I won’t be able to come in much longer anyway. I’m back at White City next week.”
“Well in that case, I’m very pleased to see you.” She gave him a big smile. “Now, what’s up?”
He shook his head, then took the books she’d left, picking them up and carrying them over to the displays. He slotted them in the empty spaces – created no doubt by some tourists snapping up the latest romance reads. “Maybe I’m just feeling a little sentimental,” he said, walking back to the counter. “I want to fit everything in before I’m working twenty-four hour shifts again. Who knows when I’ll be able to come and see you here after that.”
“You’re not moving to Timbuctu, Lucas,” she pointed out, her voice warm with amusement. “You’ll only be an hour away. And yes, your shifts mean you won’t be around here as much, but we’ll still be able to have you over for Sunday lunches when you’re not working. And any time you want to come in here you know you’ll be more than welcome.” She tidied the postcards where he’d been flipping through them. “Anyway, I thought you couldn’t wait to get back to White City, why the long face?”
Lucas hadn’t realized he was frowning. He reached up to smooth the skin between his brows, trying to find the right words to tell her what he was feeling. It was crazy, because he’d never been the kind of guy who went to his mom with his problems. Really, he never went to anybody. He was more likely to bottle them up, stew over them, until finally a solution presented itself.
But right now, he needed to say things out loud. He’d thought of calling Caitie, but a phone conversation with his sister would have been even more awkward than this conversation with his mom. Then he’d considered Griff and Jackson – but who could face the kind of ribbing he knew they’d give him?
So here he was, hanging around his mom like a teenager with issues. Right now he felt like he was sixteen again.
“There’s this woman…”
“Okay.” Deenie’s face was implacable. No sign of a reaction there, he appreciated that a lot.
“I like her. I mean I really like her.” It was only when he said it out loud that he realized how true that was. If he was being honest with himself, like didn’t seem a strong enough word – but anything else scared the hell out of him.
The hint of a smile pulled at Deenie’s lips. But she didn’t say anything, instead she left him space to go on. That was one of the things he loved about his mom – she knew when to talk and she knew when to listen.
She was great at them both.
“But somewhere along the way I’ve managed to make things really complicated. She doesn’t know how much I like her, and I’m scared that when I go back to White City and I’m all busy with work she’ll think I’m not interested and I’ll lose her.” His stomach tightened at the thought. “Or even worse, she’ll get sick of how busy I am and move on to a guy who’ll have the time for her.”
Deenie rested her chin on the palm of her hand, leaning on the counter as she listened to him talk, the smile still playing around her lips. “Is she your girlfriend?” she asked. “Or are you just dating?”
Lucas swallowed. “The latter, I guess.”
“And does she like you as much as you like her?”
“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I think so, I hope so.”
Deenie nodded, taking it all in. “What did she say when you told her how you felt about her?”
“I haven’t told her.”
Her brows rose up. “Why not?”
He opened his mouth to answer, then shut it again. Why hadn’t he told Ember how he felt? Maybe because it had sneaked up on him so stealthily he hadn’t realized the strength of his feelings until now. Or perhaps it was because they’d both agreed to keep things s
imple, not to put any labels on what was happening between them.
But he wanted labels, dammit. He wanted to cover her with stickers that told everybody she was taken, then stick them all over himself too. He wanted the world to know she was his and he was hers.
“I should tell her…” he said slowly. The realization he’d been an idiot washed over him. He didn’t want to be just friends, he didn’t want to only have no-strings-attached sex with her. He wanted to have an honest-to-God real relationship with Ember Kennedy.
He wanted to be the one she called when she was in trouble.
To be the one she came home to at night – or the one he came home to in the morning or whatever ungodly hour his work finished.
To hell with not defining what was happening between them, he wanted it as defined as it could possibly be.
“I should ask her to be my girlfriend,” he said, nodding his head to himself.
“Yes, it sounds like you should.”
He blinked at his mom. In the depth of his own thoughts he’d forgotten she was there.
“And Lucas?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re a firefighter not a superhero. I’m pretty sure you can have a relationship and work shifts, too. Look at me and your dad. When we first started dating we lived a hundred miles apart, yet we made it work.” She smiled, her skin crinkling. “That’s what love does to you.”
Love? Is that what this was? The warmth he felt whenever he thought of her, the desperate need to touch her whenever she was close?
Maybe it was. All he knew was that he never wanted it to stop.
“Where are you?” Ally asked, her voice echoing out of the phone’s speaker.
“I’m at school, just climbing into my car.” Ember smiled at the thought of her cozy apartment, and a long night with Lucas stretching ahead of her. Strange how only a few weeks ago she’d felt so lonely in those four walls, and now she couldn’t wait to be back there. “How about you?”
“Still at work.” Ally’s voice dropped an octave. “Actually, I’m out in the back hiding from one of our suppliers. He’s looking for money and it’s all run out. I can’t believe I’m being reduced to dodging debt collectors.”
“Have you gotten hold of your dad?” Ember asked.
“Not yet.”
“You can’t go on like this, honey. Has he even paid your wages this month?”
“No. Everybody else is still getting paid, but I don’t know for how much longer. If the suppliers stop sending us deliveries, I’m going to have to close up.” Ally sighed. “If it wasn’t my dad’s café I’d have left long before now.”
“Maybe you should think about it anyway.”
“How can I?” Ally said, her voice full of emotion. “If I go then the whole staff will have to be laid off. I can’t let that happen. They have children, bills to pay.” She sighed again. “I’m going to give him one last chance to sort things out.”
Ember didn’t like to point out that he’d already had a few last chances. “Where is he now? Still in the Bahamas?”
“I’ve no idea.” Ally sighed. “Anyway, enough about my woes, tell me about yours instead. How’s the lovely Lucas?”
“Lovely.”
Ally laughed. “And have you guys talked about what’s going to happen when he’s back in White City?”
“Nope.” Ember grimaced at the thought of it. He’d made it clear from the beginning that they were only friends. Even if he was a friend that would help her out if her car broke down. “I guess we’ll go back to how things were.”
“What a waste.”
“Yeah, and you know what’s worse?”
“What?” Ally whispered. Ember wondered if the supplier had walked around the back of the café looking for her.
“I’ve got this damn party to go to at the Martins’ house on Saturday. On our last weekend together, so I won’t even be able to enjoy it.”
“You’re going to the party?” Ally sounded outraged. “Why?”
“Because I said I would to Janice Martin. She’s been so sweet to me, I didn’t want to upset her.” Ember wanted to kick herself for agreeing, but what else could she do? “Anyway, it’s just for one night.”
“Call her and tell her you’ve changed your mind. Or that you have the flu.” Ally’s voice was louder now. Maybe the danger had passed.
“I can’t do that. I made a commitment.”
“Yeah, well the Martins should know all about broken commitments. Just look at their son. Ugh, Will’s not going, is he?”
“I’m not sure,” Ember said. “And it doesn’t matter if he is. It’s not Janice’s fault he left me, and maybe that’s the reason I want to go. To show everybody that I’m better than him, that I’m doing fine without him.” It was amazing how far she’d come since those dark days after he’d left her. She felt stronger than she ever had, and happier too. Going to the Martins’ Memorial Day party felt like drawing a line over the past year. After that she could forge ahead, even if she was forging ahead on her own.
And damn if that thought didn’t bring her right back down to Earth.
“Listen, I’m on my way home. I’ll give you a call later, okay? Don’t hide out there by the trash cans all night, either. You’ll smell terrible.”
“Thanks for the advice,” Ally said, her voice low. “And think about missing that party, okay?”
“Sure,” Ember said, knowing full well she wouldn’t, but she’d learned from years of experience that once Ally got an idea in her head it was almost impossible to shake it off her. “Take it easy, honey.”
“Have a good evening with Lucas.”
Ember laughed and ended the call, not bothering to reply. Mostly because she knew she would.
When Lucas arrived at her apartment that evening, they ended up going straight to bed, as though there was an unspoken agreement that they wanted to make the most of their last few nights before he returned to White City. Ember smiled, turning in his warm, muscled arms, and breathed in his scent – full of cedar and citrus.
“You okay?” he asked her, his voice full of grit. She loved it when he sounded like that, all satisfied and sated and as though he had no energy left at all. A gentle breeze blew in through her open window, lifting the curtains as it danced into the room. She felt the coolness of it against her heated skin.
“Yeah, I’m good. You?” she asked, lifting his hand and pressing her lips against his palm.
“Honestly? I’m feeling pretty great.”
She laughed, and he joined in. She wasn’t sure which she enjoyed more – the way he made love to her, or the easiness of their post-coital conversations. God, she was going to miss this.
So damn much.
“Can I take you out on Saturday?” he asked her. “There’s something I want to talk to you about. I thought we could go out for dinner, then maybe a walk on the beach.” He pulled his arms tighter around her. “If you’re free that is.”
It was impossible to ignore the sense of unease that tugged at her belly. “What do you want to talk about?” She swallowed, trying not to think about the fact he was going back to work at White City the following week, and that neither of them had spoken about what that meant for them.
He’d made no promises, given her no assurances. And that was okay, wasn’t it? She’d wanted to keep things easy just as much as he had. She closed her eyes, remembering that morning after they’d first slept together, how they’d both agreed not to put a definition on what they were doing. She’d felt so damn strong, so powerful. Liberated, even.
And now? All she could feel was this nagging sadness because she loved being in his arms. He was her first thought when she woke up in the morning, and the last person she saw before she fell asleep at night. Somewhere in the past couple of weeks she’d put her own definition on what was happening between them.
The thought of losing it all hurt.
Lucas pressed his lips against her head, breathing her in. “I’ll tell you on Saturday.”<
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“If I can wait that long.” Then a thought occurred to her, making her stomach drop even further into the mattress. “Oh no, I’m busy on Saturday. I’ve got a stupid party to go to.” Ugh, why had she ever agreed to go?
Ally’s suggestion of calling and saying she couldn’t go popped into Ember’s brain. Maybe she should…
“We could go out afterward, or on Sunday if that works better for you?”
“Even though you’re back at work first thing on Monday?” she asked him, surprised. “I thought you’d want to be well rested for that.”
“Maybe this is more important.”
“Oh!” She wasn’t sure whether she should feel hopeful or despondent. But she wanted the hope, she really did. And maybe if she had any of that girl power left she’d ask him right now whether they’d still have something between them once he went back to work at White City.
But she didn’t feel brave enough for that. Not yet. “Maybe you could come with me to the party.” She was surprised at herself for offering the invitation.
“Sure. Whose party is it?”
Okay, so maybe she was braver than she thought. “It’s at Janice Martin’s house.”
“You’re inviting me to a party at your ex-in law’s place?” He sounded amused.
She twisted in his arms, turning to look at him, wanting to see the truth that was in his eyes. “Yeah, that’s right. You want to come?” Her skin felt hot, like she’d been sitting out in the sun for too long without protection. She held her breath and waited for his reply.
“Sure I’ll come. What’s the worst that could happen?”
She could think of a few things. Everybody would be talking about them arriving together. Janice might want to know what was going on. And if Lucas planned on never seeing her again after this weekend, she’d end up looking like a complete fool.
But she knew him better than that, didn’t she? Lucas Russell was a good man. She knew that from how she’d seen him treat everybody around him. He was funny and strong, but above all else he was kind.
“Nothing bad could happen,” she finally replied, lifting her head up to press her lips against his. “Nothing bad at all.”