Really? We had a moment, and now he's going to turn into an asshole again? I turned to face him, irritation flaring, and he continued quickly.
“No, no, no. That’s not what I mean. I... I think I could find your scent from miles away. Most wolves have a heightened sense of smell, but mine is stronger. A lot stronger. And with you…” Ash swallowed, then shook his head and continued. “I’m faster too, and much more powerful. I heal really fast. Like you. But I'm not like you. You're part angel.” He took a deep breath, then spoke so fast I almost missed it. “My mother was a demon.”
I was so still my muscles began to ache, so silent you could hear a pin drop. I wouldn't even breathe for fear that I'd frighten him and this gentle beast in front of me would scurry back into his hiding place, that dark place in his mind where he hid everything he thought made him weak.
“My father said he didn’t know. And he didn’t expect they’d end up creating a child. That’s why my father was always so hard on me. What I am, this thing inside me… it’s dangerous, Alex. He had to teach me to control the monster that I am. And keep my Darkness from infecting his heir.”
This last part was spoken with more than a little venom. He was bitter about being sent away, being kept from his family so much. It had never occurred to me what Andrew’s death might be doing to Ash. His sarcasm and quick wit provided a good defense, but behind it, he was still hurting. Trying to grieve the loss of a brother he never really knew.
I walked directly back to him and hugged him, wrapped both my arms around his neck and pulled him into an embrace my adoptive mother Tess would’ve been proud of. He was still for a second or two before he reciprocated, wrapping his arms around my ribs and crushing me to him. I felt my wings wrap themselves around the two of us like a cocoon, completely of their own accord which felt both incredibly weird and incredibly right.
We stood like that for who knows how long. Until the contact had temporarily healed our mutual hurt. Until the innocent embrace began to change into something deeper. I inhaled his masculine scent, then with great effort, unwrapped myself from around him and said, “Okay, I’m really going to go shower this time. Because I can still smell myself.”
“Yeah, me too,” Ash quipped behind a wolfish grin as I turned and headed for the bathroom, but not before one midnight-black wing bumped the back of his head for me. “Thank you, Alex.”
I turned and looked directly at Ash. “Ash? If you’re looking for a monster in this room, I’m the only one who’s taken a life recently. And also, if I understand everything so far, being a part of the Anchor bloodline means you’re also part angel, doesn’t it? And in my experience, Light usually wins out over Darkness. Just a thought.” Then I turned and walked into the bathroom. I didn't have the energy for any more emotional bombs at the moment.
That glass of water earlier was the first drink I’d had in days, and while it had replenished me, I was now in desperate need of a toilet. I relieved myself—and believe me, it was a relief—then I started the hot water so it could warm up. Once the temperature was perfect, I stepped over the low stone wall and into the enormous shower. The base was the tub Ash and I had used to rinse the venom from my skin, which was entirely made of stone, but the walls were frosted glass all the way around. I hadn’t really been able to appreciate it last time, but it was beautiful.
And big. It was enormous, and thank goodness because, even folded against my back, these wings were massive. They were bulky and in the way as I tried to fit under the shower head, and even with the size of the massive shower stall, I almost didn’t fit.
I aimed the shower head slightly to the side so I could lean against the wall and relax under the steaming water. This was the first moment I’d had to myself. I hadn't been alone, even inside my own head, and I needed to sort some things out. I didn't know how far Jade's Earth Mother, Goddess juju could work, but I didn't care. If I couldn't see her, I could pretend she couldn’t hear me.
I closed my eyes and ducked my head under the water, letting it soak my hair and run down my face, hoping it would wash away some of the conflicting emotions running through me. I wanted Ash. That was becoming painfully clear. I didn’t want to. It was too soon after Andrew. I’d be broken for a long time, and that wasn’t fair to anyone. I also felt guilty for even considering someone other than Andrew. I just couldn’t.
It was bad timing too, considering I’d just become a mythical creature and was supposed to save the world. That didn’t really leave a lot of space for a love life, and Ash was the absolute worst possible choice I could make.
I tried my best to think about the world, the Guardians, the lost Anchor… But I still didn't know enough to be of any real help. So, I made a list of questions that needed to be addressed. Did I have any special skills? Powers? Because my focus and mental clarity seemed to be improving. Two days ago, I had barely been able to focus long enough to tie my shoelaces. I couldn’t answer any of these questions, but I thought I knew someone who could.
Where the hell was the Other? Surely, she could answer some questions for me. I’d been trying to reach her since I got in the shower but hadn’t been able to get her to come out. If I could just figure out how to get her attention, I could ask her for answers to some of the questions I had. What did being the Guardian even mean if I didn’t have an Anchor? If someone else became the Anchor, would I still be the Guardian? Or Would I have to become their mate? Ash was the last heir, wasn’t he? I shivered despite the steamy heat of the shower. What if it were him?
Mine... a voice whispered in my head.
My mind raced ahead, as did my heart. I’d summoned her, and she’d responded. Sort of. I tried to focus on my list of questions, but I couldn’t focus on just one. The jumble of information I needed was too much and it began to slip away.
Peace, my little nephilim. We have time.
11
Alex
Iopened my eyes to the sight of the still dripping faucet and glanced around. It seemed I was lying on the shower floor, but I was so disoriented when I first came to that it took me a moment to realize I wasn't alone there. The first clue was the butterflies going crazy in my stomach, making me wonder what was going on. And I guessed my wings were gone since the second clue was the feeling of warm, damp skin pressed against my back.
Then I looked up into Ash's very concerned eyes. I studied his face in the second or two before I could hear or speak: his perfectly straight nose with the tiniest bump at the top, his golden eyes with tiny flecks of sea green, his high forehead framed by curly, golden-blonde locks. He had several days’ worth of facial hair built up, and his tan skin was the perfect shade to match his hair and sported no tan lines around his neck or arms. Or anywhere else on his torso.
I felt my breath catch as I realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. He was shirtless and hovering over me on the floor of the shower where I had been naked.
“I covered you up,” he blurted out, seeming to read my mind. I looked down, verifying that I was, in fact, covered by a large, fluffy, white towel and that my wings were definitely missing in action. I guessed the towel was his because his skin was still covered in beads of water, and the sweats he'd apparently thrown on were a little damp as well. Damp and hanging criminally low on his hips where his Adonis belt was on full display.
“Are you okay? Can you speak?”
In lieu of stumbling through a response and embarrassing myself, I nodded.
“Not convincing on the speaking front. Do you think you can sit up?”
I nodded again, and Ash looked somewhat relieved for a moment. His relief quickly morphed into several other emotions as he slid his arms under my naked back to help lift me to a tentative sitting position, which I immediately failed hard at as my brain went for a swim and black spots clouded my vision for a second.
“Maybe we’ll wait another minute.” Ash sat down and pulled me to lean back against his chest where I was supported. “So, has something new gone terribly wrong, or were you talk
ing to your ‘other you’ again?” he asked.
I confirmed his theory with a quick nod.
“Find out anything helpful while you were scaring the pants off me, again?”
At the words ‘pants off,’ I glanced reflexively at the perfect V just above his waistband before swallowing and forcing my eyes to the ceiling. “I think so. She explained what's going on with the Veil. Well, sort of, and sort of... what we are.”
“That’s a lot of ‘sort of’s.”
“It’s not exactly easy to communicate with the voice in my head, ok. She had to go before we could talk about what to do next, but she said I need to accept her and ‘make us truly one,’ and then I'll start to know everything she knows. We’ll merge somehow. She called me a true nephilim.” I felt Ash tense behind me, and I thought I knew why. I’d have turned to look at him if I could hold myself up, but I just couldn't. I was just so tired.
“You’re wondering if it was my mother or my father. Well, me too, but I didn’t get to ask. And if I am, why am I just now finding out? I’m not exactly angelic.”
Jade’s story had been pretty clear. If my mother was an angel, I would be immune to the Darkness, immensely powerful and incorruptible. If it was my father, I could be influenced by Darkness, infected like the others. The Dark Nephilim. The Vampires. I’d become a monster. And with the addition of the Guardian powers… I’d be unstoppable. That wasn’t something I was ready to discuss with anyone. Eventually, we would have to deal with it and prepare, but not yet. For now, I needed to process this whole not human, dead best friend stuff.
Tears welled in my eyes, but I fought them back. I would have to deal with a lot of things eventually. That list was getting longer by the hour and time to get answers was running short, but I needed a minute.
“Didn’t get to ask? Or didn’t want to,” Ash queried.
“There were more pressing matters at the time.” I knew I’d snapped but couldn’t find the energy to care. He let it go after that. My tone warned him not to push me any further and, for once, he listened.
After a brief, only slightly awkward silence, I whispered, “I’m sorry. I don’t honestly know which. What if it was my father, Ash? What if I’m not immune? I’m the Guardian. Does that make me more powerful? What if I—”
“Hey,” he interrupted, lightly squeezing my arms. “That’ll never happen.”
But I was beyond simple reassurances. This power I’d been given, it was too much. Someone had messed up. What if I hurt someone? Or a lot of people? What if I became something Dark, something evil, a vampire even more powerful than the originals because I would have something they did not. What if I became something worse?
I took a deep breath and shoved every fear and insecurity I felt behind the barrier I’d built in my mind. It was shaky, at best—a Band-aid where stitches were needed—and it wouldn’t hold much longer. I needed to sort through all the junk behind that wall. I needed to start dealing with it all, and soon.
I could feel it starting to crumble along with my strength and resolve, when it halted abruptly. All my focus was instantly drawn to a different sensation: hot breath on my neck and silky soft lips brushing the sensitive flesh there. I exhaled a breathy sigh as tiny shivers of pleasure meandered across my skin, finding homes for themselves in my chest and tummy. His hands trailed down my arms past my wrists, his arms cocooned me, and I felt as much as heard a deep rumbling growl in his chest.
“Ash…” I breathed, barely able to form that single syllable.
His response, a whispered promise, “I’ll never let you fall, Alex.” He kissed the side of my neck, gently, setting my skin aflame and sealing his vow with a kiss.
“Also, for the record,” his tone instantly back to normal, “I think you’re doing pretty well, given the circumstances. I know you demand a lot of yourself most of the time. You’re your own harshest critic, Alex. Maybe give yourself a break just this once.”
My head was still swimming a little from... whatever that was. His words seemed to make sense, but something about it was bugging me. I just couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was.
“Yeah, I—” That was it! That’s what was bugging me. “Wait, how do you know that?” I demanded. He inhaled sharply to answer, but I cut him off, “Don’t you dare say Andrew must’ve told you. I’m tired of hearing that lie fall from your lips.”
He was silent for a few seconds, then his face softened and his gaze grew heated, but both fell a little flat. “Something else from my lips then, Princess,” he whispered in my ear.
I was furious at his response. Furious! After everything we’d been through—even just today and all the truth telling—here we were again, but I was learning his game. He wanted me angry. He was depending on my frustration with him to end this conversation, so maybe it was time for a different tactic.
I pressed my naked ass into his crotch, slid my hand up his thigh, and in my most seductive voice, I whispered, “Something you want to give me, Ash?”
There was utter silence from behind me for several seconds, followed by, “You’re playing with fire, Princess.”
“Maybe I need a little fire in my life, Ash,” I said breathlessly. So close on the heels of his whispered promise, of the intimacy of his touch, my brain was having trouble separating the two events. This had been a bad idea. It was confusing me, or at least it was confusing my mind. My body was not confused, at all. He wasn’t giving in as quickly as I’d expected and, for a split second I wondered what it would be like if he didn’t back down. If no one backed down and he claimed me right here on the wet floor of the shower…
What the hell?! Oh... Bitch... I could hear her purring in the back of mind, and I knew exactly who was responsible for the confusion I was feeling.
You’re influencing my thoughts, I accused.
Mine, she whispered in way of an answer. Luckily, Ash spoke up and inadvertently saved me from... well, myself, I guess.
“Don’t be stupid, Alexis.”
“I’m far from stupid, Ash.”
“You don’t wanna do this.”
“You don’t know what I want,” I stated plainly, squeezing his thigh for good measure. “You don’t know anything about me, Ash.” I wasn’t sure exactly when the game had ended, but I realized we were having a serious conversation. One I wasn’t really ready to have just yet. I wanted to blame her again, but I couldn’t. This was me, and that scared me more than anything else that had happened since Jade and I had boarded the plane to Germany.
“I know far more than you think.”
“You know what he told you. And what you’ve witnessed the past eleven days.”
“Hmm,” he chuckled. “Yeah, he. You can’t even say his name yet.”
Ash sat quietly behind me for a few moments as I tried to compose myself. I managed to stop the tears at just a few, but my voice was nowhere near dependable yet when he continued.
“You don’t want me, Alex. And I’m no one’s consolation prize.”
Okay. That sucked. I knew what he meant. I knew who he meant. And he was right; he was no consolation prize. But I didn’t know how to explain that to him just yet. I should be broken beyond repair after losing the person I had always considered my soulmate, so how was I supposed to explain to someone I barely knew that I felt less broken when I was with him? How did I tell a virtual stranger that I was starting to believe someone could have more than one soulmate?
I wasn’t. That was how. I knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him about Andrew or us in any real way. Not yet. So I did the only thing I could. I chickened out.
“I don’t want you… to fuck with me anymore. I’m tired of the lies and secrets. Everyone important to me has been lying to me for as long as they’ve known me. Hell, the only reason I know I’m adopted is because I found the papers when I snuck into my mom’s room looking for Christmas gift ideas a few years ago. I’m fine if you want to have your secrets, Ash. Everyone does. Just don’t lie to me. And don’t try to seduce me or piss me
off to distract me. Just be honest. I might not like it, but at least I’ll feel respected and respect you,” I chastised.
Little something you might not know: it’s difficult to chastise someone effectively while sitting with your naked back and ass up against their mostly naked, very well-muscled front. Somehow, I pulled it off. Sort of.
Ash was silent for a moment, contemplating, which was a good sign. If he’d answered too quickly, I probably wouldn’t have taken him seriously. “I can do that,” he responded, finally.
“Thank you.”
I didn’t really know where to go after that. When it came to Ash, I was learning to expect a fight. I hadn’t expected him to give in so quickly, so I scrambled for conversation to fill the awkward silence. “So, where is Jade, anyway? If she was here, she’d be in here.”
“She thought you might like to get some of your own stuff, so she's scouting the apartment. Making sure no one's watching it.”
“We live in New York! How did she... Oh. So she just…”
“Poof,” Ash responded with a wave of his fingers, and I chuckled before his words truly sunk in.
“Wait, you let her go alone?! Ash she could get hurt!”
“What exactly was I supposed to do, tie her to a chair? She's the Goddess-blessed Goddess! Hell, she’s the Goddess I just referenced in that Goddess blessing.”
It was quiet for a minute, then I started to laugh. Ash stared at me like I had lost my mind for a few moments, then he began laughing along with me. It was that free, musical sound I’d only heard once before, and the sound of it freed something inside of me. I started laughing freely, loudly, maybe a little hysterically. We laughed long and uninhibitedly, until we finally wore ourselves out. I wiped the tears from my eyes as the final few chuckles escaped, unable to recall having felt this relaxed in a very long time.
Then Ash said, “Hell, maybe we ought to tie you to a chair to prevent any further episodes.”
No one laughed.
For some reason the thought of Ash tying me up was anything but funny. My heart sped up, pounding so hard I was certain he would hear in the sudden silence, and I could feel his heart pounding faster against my back. I could feel his breath quicken where it was tickling the back of my neck, and my skin broke out in goosebumps. I was suddenly very aware that I was still naked and half-wrapped in a towel. Ash cleared his throat and scooted quickly back, placing his hands on my ribs to keep me upright. The sudden cold on my back bathed my skin in goosebumps again, and I barely controlled a sudden urge to pull him back to me.
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