In Service of Love

by Laurel Greer

  He made sure to get together with his brother for a mid-week run. He needed someone to talk to, and getting advice from his friends in Brooklyn felt awkward. They’d only ever known him with Alex, and he didn’t know how they’d react to him finding someone new, who happened to be a woman. Running on an isolated trail was an easy place to be honest, and Caleb was an excellent listener.

  “Am I being unrealistic, here?” Asher asked, his running shoes beating an even rhythm on the dirt trail behind Caleb’s house. “Trying to date so soon after moving?”

  Caleb snorted. “I’d be a hypocrite if I told you not to.”

  “True.” Caleb had found love with Garnet only a few months after arriving in Sutter Creek.

  “Also,” his brother continued, “I’m in Mom’s camp. There are ways to learn to live after loss or big changes. And love is often the best choice.”

  “I’ve always tried to believe that.”

  “You have more things to think about than many people do—being widowed and having a daughter, of course, but beyond that? You’re looking at a relationship with a woman, for one. That’s not a small change. And she’s white, and isn’t Jewish. Complications. Worth it—I’m happy as anything with Garnet. But it still requires thought.”

  “I know, and I’m not discounting all that. But I don’t think we’re even there yet. I’m afraid I’ll put myself out there and she’ll decide she’s not ready to commit.”

  “An exceedingly intelligent man once told me that love was worth the risk of loss.”

  Asher arched a brow at his brother and elbowed him, throwing Caleb off his stride. He slowed, waiting for Caleb to right himself. “I still do believe that. It’s a matter of convincing Maggie of the same.”

  Caleb slowed to a walk and put a hand on Asher’s shoulder. “What draws you to her?”

  “Her passion for her job, her family, the community. The way she interacts with Ruth. The fact I feel comfortable talking to her about pretty much anything.”

  “Then talk to her about this when the time is right.”

  Good advice, but finding that right time wasn’t easy given their busy schedules.

  Halloween fell on a Friday, and he spent the evening following Ruth and her friends around their neighborhood. His daughter was dressed up in Hogwarts robes, complete with a blue-and-silver knitted scarf. Harper’s and Fallon’s scarves were red and gold. And Ruth had fashioned a black cape and black-and-yellow scarf for Jackson. She’d convinced Asher to put in his contacts and wear a round pair of prop glasses, and had drawn a lightning scar on his forehead. They’d done a full two-hour circuit and had dropped Ruth’s friends at their houses, pillowcases full of candy, when Ruth tugged on the sleeve of the robes he’d worn for library dress-up events back in Brooklyn.

  “Can we go to Maggie’s house, Dad? I want to show off Jackson’s costume.”

  He glanced down at his Hogwarts attire. Some people might roll their eyes at him getting dressed up to trick-or-treat with his kid, but Maggie wasn’t one of them. “You’re not tired, peanut?”

  Ruth let out a puff of exasperation. “I’m ten. I can stay up late on Halloween now.”

  He held up his hands in surrender. He wasn’t about to ruin her fun. Besides, it would give him a chance to at least see Maggie, even if he wouldn’t get the chance to kiss her with Ruth around. “Maggie’s house, it is.”

  They drove over, Jackson taking up the two-thirds of the back seat not occupied by Ruth. Maggie’s porch light was still on when they pulled into her driveway. The dog went on alert, jamming himself between the two front seats and wagging his whole body.

  “Easy, buddy. You’ll get to see your lady friend.”

  Then again, his figurative tail was wagging just as hard as Jackson’s.

  Ruth ran up and knocked on the door.

  Maggie answered, one arm filled with a bowl of candy, the other with a smaller bowl of dog treats. Scanning Asher from his glasses to the hem of his robes, she grinned.

  “Trick or treat!” Ruth exclaimed.

  “One for you—” juggling the bowls, Maggie dropped a handful of mini Aeros in Ruth’s pillowcase before making Jackson sit for a cookie “—and one for you.”

  “And for me?” Asher asked, unable to keep a hint of suggestion out of his voice.

  “Candy bar or dog cookie?” Her mouth twitched. “You’ve earned a treat.”

  He plucked a wrapped chocolate out of the bowl, opened it and popped it in his mouth. “Have I?”

  The porch light was just bright enough to betray her pink cheeks. “You’re an excellent wizard. The three of you have made my night. Your costumes are perfect.”

  “I have a wand, too.” Ruth brandished the decorative stick and made a flourish with her hand. “Stupefy!”

  Maggie pretended to freeze, before placing the bowls on the narrow table in her entryway. She knelt to snuggle the dog. Her gaze lifted to Asher, promise flecking gold in her brown irises.

  “Lots of trick-or-treaters?” he asked, wishing he didn’t have to make idle conversation. Wishing he could lean in and greet her with a kiss.

  “About fifty kids,” she said, running her tongue along her lower lip.

  He groaned silently. Damn. One night to end his dry spell had started a flood—he wanted this woman in his bed every night. And it had been two weeks since they’d slept together. He was going to need to get Caleb and Garnet to take Ruth for a night soon so that he could have a quiet date in with the woman currently devouring him with her gaze.

  Ruth bounced on her toes. “Maggie, can I use your bathroom?”

  “Second door on the left,” Maggie said, waving an arm toward the hall.

  The second the latch clicked, she was in his arms, her lips on his and her fingers in his hair.

  One brush of her body against his front and he hardened.

  “I need to touch you more, Asher,” she complained, voice low and sultry. “A few minutes here and there in Lachlan’s office just isn’t cutting it.”

  He groaned his agreement. “I think it’s time for me to talk to Ruth. She was comfortable enough to want to share her Halloween costume with you. That’s a good sign. If I frame it gently, I think she’ll be open to the idea of me taking you on a date now and then. That’ll give us the occasional evening to ourselves.” He stole another kiss, savoring the sweetness lingering on her lips. “You pilfered candy from the bowl.”

  “Of course I did.” She took a step back, linking fingers with him and staring at their joined hands. “Yeah, I think I’m ready to be more open with Ruth, so long as you can figure out an age-appropriate way to express that we’re very much just dating. I don’t want her to get the impression that I’m trying to horn in on her relationship with you. Or take Alex’s place. Or that what we have is something serious.”

  A warning bell clanged in the little protective center at the back of his head. “But if we decide to stop seeing each other, I’m concerned how Ruth will handle you walking out of her life.”

  Maggie’s eyes widened, stricken. “I wouldn’t do that to her. I’d find a way to still be in her life. I know how important it is not to desert a child. Why do you think I’ve been so nervous about the idea of commitment?”

  “I honestly assumed it was more about self-protection,” he said, squeezing her hand.

  “Well, it’s that, too,” she murmured. “But it’s also about Ruth. And the dog... I have plans for him. I want to train him so he can do that literacy work I mentioned.”

  As if he understood the word dog, Jackson bumped against their linked hands. Asher gave the big guy an ear scrub. Asher loved the idea of having a literacy dog at the library—he’d been working on making the idea a reality ever since Maggie had brought it up. Jackson had responded well to the couple of hours Maggie had fit in with him. “Well, I’ll broach the subject with her.”

 
“What subject?” a small voice said from behind him.

  Asher spun toward his daughter, who had reappeared in the entryway. She was straightening her robes and scarf, brows furrowed.

  His gut shimmied. “Let’s head out, Ruth.”

  By the time he got his daughter home and had her de-Pottered and sitting on the couch with Jackson’s head draped across her knee, the shimmy had escalated into a full roll. Ruth had a mouthful of one of the specialty Kit Kat bars his dad had picked up in Japan on his last trip to visit his cousins. He’d mailed two so that Asher and Ruth could enjoy their usual Matsuda Halloween tradition, but Asher’s stomach was too unsettled for candy.

  “You know how Papa talked to you about me eventually wanting to have a partner again?”

  She worried one of the dog’s ears with her thumbs. “Yeah...”

  “Well, I’m interested in having someone in my life. Which is obviously something that affects you.”

  “Are you talking about Maggie?” she asked, face screwed up in thought.

  “I am. I’d like to get to know her better, as more than friends.”

  “You mean being her boyfriend?”

  “That’s the idea.”

  She sucked her upper lip between her teeth. “Are you going to marry her?”

  “I don’t know, honey. We’re not thinking about that right now. We’d need to go on a lot of dates, first. We’d need to spend time together, all three of us, too. You get a say in this. I’m not going to bring someone you’re not comfortable with into your life. And you and I both need to be ready for things not to be a guarantee. Sometimes when adults date, they decide it’s not working.”

  “I’m not stupid,” she scoffed. “I know that. I have, like, four friends whose parents are divorced.”

  He nodded. “I just wanted to tell you so you weren’t surprised.”

  “I saw you hugging her when we picked Jackson up. I knew you liked her.”

  Good thing he’d talked to Ruth today, then. He wouldn’t have wanted her to be sitting and wondering, too nervous to ask. He also had to assume she had questions about him being with someone who wasn’t a man, too. He and Alex had talked about sexuality and gender identity many a time over the years, but it wouldn’t hurt to check. “You’ve never seen me in a relationship with a woman, so if you need to get used to that, it’s okay.”

  “I know you like boys and girls, Dad. People can like whoever they like.”

  He smiled. “Glad you think so.”

  “But—” Her face crumped.

  “What, honey?”

  She tucked herself against him, burying her face in his chest. “You won’t love Papa anymore.”

  The words were muffled, but the sentiment got across in every syllable. And was a damn bullet to the heart.

  He snuggled her close. “I’ll always love him. That won’t go away. It’s not about letting go of him. It’s about making space for new people.”

  And so long as Maggie opened up to him more, he could see having space for her in his life for a long, long time.

  Chapter Ten

  Late Tuesday afternoon, Asher checked his pockets for his keys, about to leave their town house to drive Ruth into Bozeman for Hebrew school at their synagogue.

  “Why are we leaving Jackson at home?” his daughter asked, tone suspicious.

  “Because Maggie’s coming with us. Remember how I wanted the three of us to spend time together? And she and I are going to go to the hardware store while we’re waiting for you.” And planned on going out for dinner. Even though he and Ruth had talked about him dating, he didn’t want to force the issue. If she asked, he’d be honest. But he wasn’t going to wave his dates with Maggie in his daughter’s face. Tough, given all he wanted was to touch and kiss and tease Maggie in that obviously intimate, we’re-a-couple way that an overly analytical ten-year-old would cotton onto in a second.

  Frowning, Ruth checked her backpack. Asher knew the routine. Notebook, stuffed dragon, quidditch pencil case. And the ribbon-tied packet of letters Alex had written to Ruth. The scan must have passed muster, because she zipped up the bag and slung it over her shoulders.

  “Why does Maggie coming mean Jackson can’t?” she asked. “He loves her.”

  “But he won’t love getting left in the car.”

  His daughter said a dramatic and elongated goodbye to the dog, and sulked in the back seat on the short drive to Maggie’s.

  Maggie was waiting on the porch, and as she slid into the front seat, he leaned forward to give her a kiss. Oh, crap. So much for being on guard. He tried to cover the instinctual action by leaning into the back seat and grabbing a tissue out of the box on the floor of the car. He caught Ruth’s quizzical gaze out of the corner of his eye. Schooling his expression, he straightened and pretended to blow his nose. Hopefully that hid the freaking joy jumping in his chest at the mere sight of Maggie with her curls held back with pins and face framed by the swoopy scarf wrapped around her neck.

  Blowing your nose before the second date even starts. Way to be hot, Matsuda.

  But the unattractive move was better than kissing Maggie in front of his daughter, so he’d have to eat the embarrassment.

  Maggie turned to greet Ruth, and her gaze homed in on Ruth’s long face. “Why so sad, kiddo?”

  “Dad left the dog at home.”

  “I’m glad to hear you like spending time with him,” Maggie said carefully. “But it’s okay for him to be alone sometimes. He likes his crate.”

  “He’d better—it’s taking up a third of our living room,” Asher mock complained.

  “You didn’t adopt a Chihuahua, that’s for sure.” Maggie laughed. “So, tell me about how our techniques are going, Ruth.”

  Ruth brightened as she launched into a minute-by-minute rundown of the practice she’d put in with Jackson since her class with Maggie. He drove, shaking his head a little. It felt like they were running on alternate timelines. One where he had to keep Ruth’s needs in mind, slowly easing into a relationship with Maggie. And his, where it had been over two weeks since he’d gotten to spend the night in Maggie’s bed and he was eager to ease back between those sheets with her.

  Once Ruth exhausted her Jackson stories, she fell back into near silence, despite Maggie’s attempts to draw her into conversation. Asher glanced at her in the rearview mirror. His daughter’s cheeks were flushed, and she was hugging her rib cage. Was she still bothered by the dog being left at home? Or had she picked up on him almost kissing Maggie? They were almost at the synagogue, and with Maggie in the car, it wasn’t possible to have another State of the Family discussion.

  “You okay, peanut?”

  “My tummy hurts a little.”

  Damn. He hated to think she was having a resurgence of the physical grief symptoms that had plagued her for the first year after Alex’s death. She’d been doing so well, especially with the addition of Jackson to the family and with the promise of ski lessons. Had he disrupted that progress by putting him dating on the table? He shared a quick glance with Maggie. Her mouth twisted in sympathy.

  “You going to be okay for Hebrew school?” he asked.

  Ruth looked out the window and nodded, her hair falling in a sheet across her cheek.

  “Have I told you about the puppy I’m going to be training next, Ruth?” Maggie asked.

  His daughter shook her head.

  “I was supposed to get her today, but I have to wait for two more weeks. She’s sixteen weeks old. A chocolate Lab. I’m going to assess her to make sure she has the right temperament—personality and attitude—to support someone with autism. You said you had a friend in New York with an autism support dog, right?”

  “Yeah.” The tiny voice was barely audible from the back seat.

  “They’re very useful. All support animals are. You know who’s the funniest working animal in
Sutter Creek?”

  “No.” Another whisper.

  Asher’s chest clenched, and he tried to watch his daughter and the road at the same time.

  “Well, Beverley’s not technically a service animal—pigs don’t qualify—but he definitely thinks he’s a lapdog. All 90 pounds of him. And he helps his owner with her anxiety, so they’re a good match. But seeing a potbellied pig on a pink harness and leash never fails to make the tourists do a double take.”

  Asher smiled, and damn, did he appreciate Maggie’s efforts, but Ruth wasn’t going to thaw. She gave a half-hearted “That’s cool,” and dug in her backpack, taking out her dragon and the letters. She spent the rest of the drive rubbing a dragon’s wing between a thumb and forefinger and clutching the packet in her other hand.

  Asher and Maggie made small talk about the last few things he had to finish for the interior of the training barn, including the cabinet handles that they needed to exchange before dinner.

  He pulled into the parking lot and into a visitor’s spot. “We’ll just be a minute,” he said to Maggie, who nodded in understanding.

  “Ruthie,” he said, after they were both out of the car and walking toward the front door. He put his arm around her narrow but sturdy shoulders. “What’s on your mind?”

  “Papa. And my stomach ache.”

  He tucked her hair behind her ears. “Want to talk about it?”

  “I have class.”

  “You feeling good matters more,” he assured her. “If you’re not okay, we can head home.”

  She shook her head, canceling out his efforts to keep her hair tidy. “I’m fine. And you don’t have to walk me. I know the way.”

  He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and she scurried off, head ducked and thumbs looped in her backpack straps.

  His deep breath failed to ease his concern, and he walked out to the car, legs heavy. He slid into the driver’s seat and gripped the wheel.