In Service of Love

by Laurel Greer

  The lock clicked.

  Maggie’s heart plummeted. “I messed things up.”

  Asher raked a hand through his hair. “Once she’s cooled off, we can explain again, that we’re not ready to think about terms like stepmom.”

  “But I was starting to think—” No. Stop. Listen to Asher. So she’d had a realization she wanted to build a life with him and Ruth? That was no good, not if it didn’t benefit them, too. And look at the rift she’d caused today—she couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t mess things up again in the future. The prospect of causing problems between Ruth and Asher made her sick to her stomach. They deserved better than that.

  Even if it meant letting them go.

  * * *

  Asher watched Maggie’s face crumble. But it was more than her face. It looked like she was dissolving on the inside, too. Falling back into the self-protective patterns she’d learned while being raised by asshole parents, maybe?

  Damn, he hoped not. Okay. Think.

  He scrubbed his hands down his face. This could have gone better. But he and Maggie could fix it.

  “Give me a sec,” he said to Maggie before walking over to the office door and resting his forehead against it. “Ruth? Honey?” He pitched his voice loud enough for his daughter to hear. “Talk to me.”

  “I want to be alone!”

  Maggie, eyes wide and hands clasped in a nervous knot, stood a few yards away at the end of the hallway. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

  “Not necessary.” Asher examined the lock on the door. It didn’t have a safety feature where it could be opened from the outside with a bobby pin or anything. “This needs a key. Do you have one?”

  She nodded. “They’re over at my house—want me to go get them?”

  “Uh, not yet. I’m going to see if I can get her to open the door.”

  “I’ll head home so that you can try to talk to her without me around. Text me if you need me to bring you the keys.”

  He reached a hand out to her, but she was too far to touch. “Stay, Maggie.”

  “Your daughter needs you.”

  “Which doesn’t preclude you staying.”

  She looked unconvinced. “Yeah, I think it does.”

  He lowered his voice to make sure Ruth didn’t catch what he said. “What are you saying?”

  “That you should focus on your daughter.”

  Damn, the pain in her eyes. “I know I should, and I will, but look... I know Ruth. She wasn’t bothered by you and me being together. She just needs to feel secure.”

  “I—” Tears shone in her eyes. “I want her to be secure more than anything. I wish I’d had that as a child—it’s the most important thing. But if we stay together... I’ll get between you somehow. And I can’t let that happen.”

  His chest clenched. “How, Maggie?”

  Her teeth tugged on her lower lip. “I already am. She locked herself in my brother’s office.”

  “Kids have rough days,” he murmured.

  “You think I don’t know that? That’s exactly what I’m trying to minimize.”

  He mumbled a curse. “Maggie, I love you. And I’m pretty sure Ruth does, too. And I think you’re capable of returning that. I really do. But you’ve got to believe it, too.”

  “I know.” She stepped forward. Resting a hand on his cheek, she rose on her toes and kissed him softly. A heart-rending press of lips. “And that’s what I’m trying to do. I want to believe I can do this.”

  “I’m good with trying. It eventually turns into doing.”

  Her throat bobbed. “But you deserve more than that, Asher. So does Ruth. I can’t ever replace Alex, but until I can be sure I can be what you and Ruth need... This can’t work.” Tears trickled down her cheeks and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “Coax your kid out of that office. She’s more likely to come out if I’m not here.”

  “I wholly disagree.” His chest burned—love, panic, annoyance. “But I’m fresh out of ways to show you that you’re exactly what Ruth and I need.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “Don’t be sorry. Just figure out what you need to figure out.” He clenched his jaw. As much as he wanted to take the risk for her, it was something she had to do herself. And he and Ruth were helpless bystanders. “But you’re right—until you do, I need to put Ruth first. Make sure she’s not getting hurt. I’ll call you if I need the keys.”

  Shoulders slumped, Maggie turned and headed for the door. Her footsteps receded. He hated that she was walking away. Hated that his daughter was hiding, too. He leaned against the office door again. “Ruthie? What’s the issue, here? Do you not like the idea of me dating Maggie?”

  “She doesn’t want me!”

  They had a couple of layers of steel and insulated foam between them, but her heartbreak carried straight through.

  Asher’s heart squeezed. “She didn’t say that, honey. She’s being thoughtful about whether she wants to commit with me, yes. But Ruth—that’s a good thing. It shows she wants what’s best for both of us. It shows she loves us.”

  I hope.

  A loud sniffle reached his ears. “What’s wrong with me, Daddy?”

  Oh, God, that was enough to crack his chest open. He held a hand to his rib cage, shocked he didn’t find a bloody wound. “Nothing, Ruth. You’re incredible.”

  “Why did we have to move? It’s no fun being new and trying to make friends—” Her words broke off in a sob.

  He flattened a palm on the door, his own eyes stinging. “Let me in, honey. We can talk it out some more. Figure out how to help you find your place.”

  “No! I want to be alone.”

  “Not happening. Maggie’s gone to get the keys,” he fudged. “And I want to give you a hug.”

  “I need to be by myself! Promise you won’t come in.”

  “I can’t do that, Ruth.” His lungs shuddered with defeat. He could unlock the door and violate her need for space. Or he could sit out here and feel like the crappiest father in the world. Sliding to the ground, he leaned against the door, letting his head fall back on the cool surface. “I’ll give you a half hour, okay?”

  He heard her moving around, and the click of Great Dane nails on laminate.

  “Ruth? You’re good with a half hour?”

  “Maybe.”

  “I’ll be right here,” he promised.

  “And Maggie’s coming back?”

  “Like I said, getting the keys,” he lied. Having his heart broken was one thing. But his daughter’s was still too fragile to suffer another loss.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “What do you mean, you left?”

  Ouch. That one singed the phone line between Emma’s house and Maggie’s for sure. Emma had spent the last five minutes riffing on that same theme.

  And Maggie’s eardrum was aching from the tirade. She’d explained what Ruth had said, and Emma was disagreeing entirely on how to interpret it.

  Maggie flopped onto her couch. Not even a dog would fill the cavern forming in her belly. It wasn’t her house that was empty—it was her heart. And it was entirely her fault. “Well, I—”

  “What happened to talking to him like Garnet and I suggested?” Emma spat out.

  “I did. We talked a lot. It was a disaster.” An hour and a half later, and Maggie hadn’t heard from him. He must have gotten Ruth to unlock the door from the inside and then locked up the building using the exterior key Lachlan had lent him. “And he obviously mended his rift with Ruth, so me leaving helped.”

  At least something good came out of that tire fire of an argument.

  “What, exactly, did you tell her?” Emma probed.

  “That I loved spending time with her.”

  Emma’s snort burst through the phone. “Which you proved by taking off?”

 
“It’s... It’s better that way. If I’m not around, they won’t get hurt.” Her heart cracked. She’d get hurt. She already was hurting. Leaving stank.

  “Sounds like the opposite to me, but what do I know?”

  “You know a lot.” Her friend might be single, but she knew loyalty. She’d grown up in a functional family. Knew how healthy parenting looked.

  So maybe you should listen to Emma’s gut instead of your own.

  “I’m not going to tell you what to do,” Emma said. “But you’re not avoiding them getting hurt right now. You’re avoiding you getting hurt. It’s easier not to take the risk, so you’re running. And that’s crap, Maggie. That’s not fair to them or you. You deserve to be happy. Don’t walk away from Asher and Ruth. Trust that Jeff was an anomaly, and walk away from the pain your parents caused. Lachlan did. So can you.”

  A fist formed in Maggie’s throat. “You say that as if it would be easy.”

  But when was easy ever worth it? It sure as heck wasn’t right being alone in her empty house.

  “Your childhood sucked, but your adulthood doesn’t have to. You’re caring and loving and generous. I’m tired of you being afraid,” Emma said.

  She swallowed, resisting the tension around her vocal cords. Emma was right. She wasn’t trying to protect them. She was trying to protect herself. Which wasn’t working. “I’m tired of it, too.”

  “So go do something about it.”

  She mentally peeled away the cold fingers gripping her throat. “I’m scared of screwing things up for Ruth like my parents did for me. But maybe I won’t do that. When have they ever taken my feelings into consideration? I would never purposefully treat her like they did me.”

  “And you won’t do it by accident, either. You’re too aware.” Emma cleared her throat. “You could call your parents, you know. If you need to start fresh. Tell them how they’ve impacted your life.”

  “I could.” But what was the point? Talking to them wouldn’t bring healing or closure. She wasn’t going to change their behavior, nor would she believe them if they pretended to be sorry. But she could change her own patterns. She could finally believe that she deserved love beyond what they were capable of giving her. She needed to focus on the relationships she did have—Asher and Ruth, Lachlan and his family, Emma, Garnet and Caleb—rather than on the people who’d failed her by manipulating her or walking away. “I don’t want to talk to them. But I do need to choose to act differently going forward. Find healing with the people I actually love.”

  And maybe Asher was still over at the barn working. She could apologize to him and Ruth in person. Thanking Emma and hanging up, she scrambled into ballet flats and a hoodie and dashed out into the sleet.

  * * *

  The kink in Asher’s neck was legend. Happened when you fell asleep propped against a door. Crap. How long had he been asleep? Long enough for the dog to be whining and scratching at the door. And what the hell was smelling like burning plastic? His eyes watered.

  Burning plastic.

  “Ruth? What’s going on in there?”

  He glanced at the ceiling. A thin wisp of smoke escaped between the closed door and the jamb. Pulse skyrocketing, he got to his knees and pounded on the door with a fist. Goddamn it, why hadn’t he gotten those keys from Maggie right away? “Ruth!”

  A thin shriek layered over the whining dog. “Daddy!”

  “You need to unlock the door,” he yelled, trying to keep his voice calm while he projected, but there was a damned fire in there with his kid and—

  Head in the game, Ash. You got this. Alex’s voice.

  “Watch over our baby, sweetheart,” he muttered, testing the door handle for heat—none, thank God—before frantically jiggling the lever. “Ruth! Where are you? Can you get to the door?”

  She screamed, a petrified noise that had him two seconds from pissing himself.

  The dog barked, and a steady stream of smoke leaked out over Asher’s head. He yanked his phone from his pocket and pressed the emergency dial button. It was impossible to hold the phone to his ear properly. His hands were shaking hard enough to register on the Richter scale.

  “Can you get to the door?” he shouted. “If you can, crawl as fast as you can!”

  Another shriek, then a loud thunk as what he prayed was a ten-year-old body collided with the door. The handle jiggled from the other side.

  “Nine-one-one, state your emergency. Police, fire, or ambulance.”

  “Fire! Sutter Creek Veterinary Clinic. My daughter’s locked in an office,” he said into the phone. “Ruth, you’re going to need to unlock the door from your side, baby—”

  The door opened with a click and a whoosh, and she and the dog barreled out in a billow of acrid smoke.

  He coughed, then pushed Ruth and Jackson ahead of him in the direction of the front exit with one hand, still holding his phone to his ear. How was there an effing fire in a brand-new building? And why weren’t the sprinklers coming on? “Keep your head low, Ruth,” he said, ducking under the smoke and rushing out of the building behind his daughter and the dog.

  “Sir?” the operator said. “Your daughter is locked in with the fire?”

  “No,” he said. The fresh air burned his lungs. “We got out. But the building’s on fire.”

  “Asher!” Maggie tore around the side of the clinic, eyes wild with panic. “The office window—are those flames? Oh, my God, what happened? Are you okay?”

  “We’re fine, but yeah, something caught fire in the office somehow—Ruth got out in time, and Jackson seems okay.” Reiterating the location to the 911 operator, he shuttled everyone farther from the barn. Icy rain spattered them, and they huddled under the branches of a towering pine tree beside the clinic, watching orange and white flicker in the window.

  The window shattered, a sharp report. Flames licked out, climbing the edges of the frame.

  Ruth whimpered and burrowed into Maggie’s arms. Asher clutched them both to his chest, and even though his daughter smelled like smoke and his throat stung and Maggie and Lachlan’s business was literally going up in flames, he had everything he needed.

  Ruth coughed, then startled. She grabbed his arm. “Do you have my backpack?”

  “No, honey. It was on the floor next to me in the hall.” Oh, man. All of Alex’s paraphernalia she’d collected was in that bag. No way could they retrieve it, though. Damn. “It’s—it’s gone. I’m so sorry. But what matters is that we got out—”

  “Papa’s letters,” she shrieked, sagging against him. Tears smeared the hint of soot on her cheeks. “I need them!”

  “We’ll have to wait for the fire department,” he said, squeezing her tighter. “We can’t safely go back in.”

  Maggie broke out of his embrace, eyes wild with panic. “Do you have copies?”

  He shook his head, regret burrowing deep in his core. “Stupidly, no.”

  “Was the hallway on fire?” She backed up a few steps.

  “No,” he said. “Just the office, but who knows how far it’s spread.”

  She scanned the front of the building. “It’s worth checking.”

  “No, it’s not,” he snapped. Ruth let out a sob, and he squeezed her tighter. “I know they’re irreplaceable, honey, but no inanimate object is worth risking a life for.”

  She buried her face against him, shoulders shaking.

  Lips set in a grim line, Maggie lifted her chin and took off toward the barn.

  “Maggie!” he called, swearing a blue streak. The dog barked, and Asher grabbed him by the collar to stop him from bolting after Maggie. With Jackson straining in his grip on one side and holding up Ruth on the other, he almost lost his balance. Or maybe that was his leg muscles weakening from sheer terror as Maggie neared the barn. ”What are you doing?”

  “She can’t lose her father again!” she shouted back, swinging
open the front door and disappearing into the smoke.

  Ruth screamed. The dog howled. Asher wanted to do both things, but Alex’s reminder to keep his head in the game echoed in his mind.

  “Think, think,” he muttered to himself. Sirens sounded from down the street, but Asher could barely hear them from the roar of blood in his ears. Holy God. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t run in after Maggie. But he couldn’t just stand here and watch her risk her life over a few sheets of paper, either. His heart threatened to explode from beating so hard.

  “You did this,” he whispered, wishing Alex could actually hear him. “Now fix it.”

  Ruth raised her chin, face a mask of guilt and horror. “I did this?”

  “No, honey, I was talking to myself,” he lied, his voice cracking. Tears spilled hot on his cheeks. “It’s my fault.” He raised his voice as loud as he could. “Maggie! It’s not worth it. Come out!”

  “I love you, Daddy. And I love Maggie and she’s in there and she’s going to die like Papa—” Ruth collapsed against him again, an incomprehensible wail keening from her little body.

  “She won’t die, Ruth.” He couldn’t survive it, not again—

  “Asher!” A commanding male voice came from behind him. “Get into the parking lot! You need to be farther from the building.”

  Keeping his grip on Ruth and the dog, he turned to face the person. Sheriff Rafferty jogged toward them, wearing street clothes and a grim expression. The fire truck pulled into the parking lot and the crew piled out and flew into action, stretching hoses and shouting orders.

  “Maggie went back in,” he said, gasping through tears. He jerked his head in the direction of the burning building. Burning... Goddamn it. “About a minute and a half ago. Through the front door.”

  Rafferty’s face went ashen. “Inside?”

  “Yes,” Asher confirmed with a croak.

  Swearing loudly, the sheriff jogged toward the barn. He seemed to check himself for a second before plowing ahead. One of the firefighters noticed, shouted at him to stop.