Desperate for Love

by Aliana James

  “Are you okay?” Alec asked as he unwrapped his muffin.

  “I guess. I have a huge meeting at work tomorrow and I’m supposed to present findings to the board.”

  Alec’s hands stilled. “I heard rumblings about Thomson being sold?”

  Travis let out a slight chuckle. “Yup. I’m sure the potential buyers will be there.”

  “What will happen to your position?”

  Travis sat back. “Not sure, honestly. Everyone tells me I’ll be fine. But I’m sure whoever purchases the company will want to put their own people in place.” He worried more about his team members. Most of them worked hard and deserved better.

  “I’m sure.” Alec leaned forward. “So… what’s going on with Tyler?”

  He looked up and stretched out his neck. There wasn’t a part of his body that didn’t ache. If he could lay his head on the table and close his eyes for a couple minutes, it might help.

  “Tyler?” Alec asked.

  This wasn’t the time to play stupid. Alec was like a dog with a bone. There wasn’t a chance of brushing him off.

  Where to start? At the beginning, he guessed. “Remember when I told you Tyler had pneumonia?”

  Alec nodded.

  “Well, that wasn’t entirely true.” He cringed as he remembered what an idiot he had been. “Tyler came to me, said he got in too deep in a poker game, and owed this guy a bunch of money. He told me that if he didn’t pay them horrible things... I said to myself, he’s bullshitting me. You remember he was always making up stories. You never figured out what was truth or what was a lie. Even the simplest things, he embellished. It was annoying.” He toyed with the crumbs of the muffin until Alec placed his hand over his.

  “I remember. He was great at it. So what happened?” Alec asked.

  “I’m a finance guy, right? I figure I can meet with them, see if it’s legit.”

  Alec didn’t move his hand when Travis turned his up, and their hands intertwined on the table. He stared at their hands before continuing.

  “Tyler took me to meet this guy, and the building looked like something out of a movie. And the idiot I am, I’m joking with the guys at the door. Teasing Tyler. I convinced myself that he put on an act to make this shit real.”

  His mouth went dry and he drank all of his coffee. Alec grabbed a water and handed it to him. He walked over to the cashier, pointed to him, and paid for the water.

  “Thanks,” he said when Alec sat.

  “What happened next?” Alec asked.

  “We turn the corner and see this guy. Even before that I started to feel like something wasn’t right. One big guy walking with us turned into three within minutes.” He stopped to take a sip of water. “This guy was being dragged out past us. He looked up, right at me, and said pay them whatever you owe. His leg was hanging at a weird angle. I almost lost my dinner right there.”

  He was sweating. He grabbed the water again and almost choked as he guzzled it.

  “Easy.” Alec held both his hands now, his thumbs making circles on the inside of his palm. Travis focused on that.

  “Tyler had stopped and didn’t want to keep walking. The guys started pushing him and then one pulled out a gun. We walked into this room. There was a guy behind a table counting money. He looked up at Tyler and said ‘Do you have what you owe?’”

  Travis shuddered as he remembered the calm way the man focused on them both. Chills ran up his spine and his body shook. Alec pressed his thumbs harder into his hands.

  “He was so calm. As if he was talking about the weather. And his voice was so quiet. Just a matter of fact. So I’m watching Tyler and his face is ghost white. He looks like he’ll faint any minute. I try to walk over to at least hold him up when the guy snaps his fingers and two of the huge guys who were following us pick Tyler up and leave the room.”

  As long as he lived, he would never forget the sheer terror and panic that took over as he watched them take Tyler away.

  “You’re okay. He’s okay.” Alec squeezed his hands. He appreciated that he didn’t interrupt him and let him continue.

  Travis sat back, leaving only one of his hands in Alec’s. “The collector guy looked at me and said, ‘Why are you here?’ I asked how he knew Tyler but he wouldn’t answer me. He repeated his question. And sat there all smug with his arms folded. There was a guy with a gun standing behind him and one at the door behind me. There was nowhere for me to go.”

  Alec’s eyes narrowed, and he slid in the seat next to Travis, his arm wrapped around Travis’s shoulder and the other on his thigh. “Finish telling me what happened next.”

  “I told him that Tyler told me he owed money, and I came with him because I didn’t believe him. He laughed. Thought it was funny. Told me they never believed a word that came out of his mouth either. He waved his hand, and the door opened. I didn’t have to turn to know that Tyler was moaning behind me. Until this transaction was complete, I couldn’t get near him. The collector asked me if I knew how much Tyler owed. I shook my head. I nearly shit myself thinking of what he would say, of him telling me a crazy sum of money. Those seconds passed like hours. And in my head, I was calculating everything I had in the bank and what I could get so we could get the fuck out of there.”

  Alec leaned further into him, tension rolling off him in waves.

  “Tyler owed $186,000. I have no freaking clue how many poker games you need to lose to get into that much debt. There was no way Tyler would have it, or my parents. Tyler had come to me as a last resort. I learned later on that he had owed $50,000 but he tried to gamble his way out of it and ended up losing more.”

  “The collector, he looks at me and says, ‘You bring me my money, yeah?’ I nodded and said it would take me a couple days. He smiled and seemed to be fine with it. And here I thought, ‘Okay we’ll go and I’ll figure something out that won’t get us both killed.’ He looks at me and says, ‘You have seventy-two hours and your brother will be our guest until then.’”

  The tears kept coming, and he hiccupped. Alec held him close, running his hand up and down his arm.

  “So you paid them?” Alec asked.

  “I took out two loans, one a second mortgage on my apartment, got rid of my car, and maxed out all of my credit cards with cash advances. By the time I came back with the money, Tyler had a cold that had turned into pneumonia, broken ribs and a broken nose.”

  “Shit,” Alec said.

  Travis panicked that Tyler would die and had called his parents. Told them he had gotten mugged. They didn’t question it when they came up to the hospital. When Tyler opened his eyes and looked at Travis, he’d cried.

  Alec’s voice was quiet. “Now’s not the time to get into why you never mentioned this to me.” Alec let out a long breath. “Thank you for telling me now. Is Tyler gambling again?”

  “I want to say no, but after this morning I’m not sure. He acted weird when I saw him the other night too.”

  “You mentioned that. Weird like how?”

  “He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, was hungry, and needed a shower and a shave. When I questioned him, he said they kept him late at work and he was crashing at my place.”

  “He came to your place?”

  “Yeah, he has a key.”

  Alec paused. “I sent Kane a text to see if he’d help—”

  “Why would you do that?” Kane. Mr. Overbearing and Condescending. He got it. Kane excelled at his job as head of Bennett Securities. His stint as an Army Ranger with Alec guaranteed him the job once he was discharged. But his personality needed a readjustment. Too high-strung, too blunt. Travis watched one too many times as he offended people just in a simple conversation. Tyler didn’t need Kane’s help.

  “When are you going to realize that you need help? Tyler will need around-the-clock care, physical therapy… shit, probably a psych eval.”

  “And Kane’s moonlighting as a caseworker these days?” He hated to be a wiseass, but really? This? On top of everything else?
<
br />   Alec sighed. “Listen, you’re running on fumes. I’m just trying to help here. Those things cost money. This isn’t news. And don’t you suspect he owes more money? Have you thought about that?”

  Of course he thought about it. Where would he find the money? Travis glared at Alec all while shredding the muffin wrapper into little pieces.

  “Okay, okay.” Alec moved to the seat across from him and held up his hands in surrender. “The offer is there for me to help.”

  “I’ll figure something out.”

  “I’m sure you will. Please promise me you’ll let me help you if things get worse.”

  Alec wouldn’t wait if things got worse. Deep down, he was well aware Alec could solve a whole slew of problems, but at what cost? How do you ask your best friend to borrow that much money? And how the hell would he ever pay him back? He couldn’t do ruin the friendship that meant the most to him.

  He took care of Tyler the last time and he’d do it this time. Unfortunately, knowing his brother, the worst of it hadn’t happened yet. That was what scared him the most.

  Alec

  Alec paced the hallway by Tyler’s room while Travis spoke with the doctor on call. Tyler’s surgery had been deemed successful by the doctor and the hospital staff would watch him overnight for any signs of infection. Travis, worried and stressed, stayed in the room to ask more questions or in Alec’s opinion, hound the staff.

  As Travis walked to the nurse’s station, he stopped him.

  “You know he’s in the ICU, right? He’s in good hands,” he said.

  Travis frowned at him. “This is my brother, Alec. If it’s taking too long for you, go home.”

  “Not going to happen,” he answered.

  He spotted an empty chair across from the nurse’s station. His workouts varied from three to five times a week but standing, walking, and pacing all day took its toll on his legs.

  One chocolate chip muffin since this morning didn’t cut it. He hoped he could convince Travis to eat. Close to midnight, the nursing staff accommodated their presence but an argument would guarantee their removal.

  He’d rearrange tomorrow’s schedule so he could visit, but didn’t know what Travis could do with his. The site visit out on Long Island had to stay on his schedule. Travis had a board meeting early the next morning.

  Even in college, Travis stayed up all night, went without sleep, and always got higher grades than him in their mutual classes. His grades suffered. Sleep was important. He supposed that was how Travis made it through his days now on autopilot.

  But how long could he go on? That story about Tyler gutted him. Tyler and Travis, their relationship as brothers meant so much to one another. It must have killed Tyler to have to ask Travis for help, knowing he’d do anything he needed.

  Travis paid for it now. If Tyler was gambling again, there was no way Travis had the money or the energy to help. He didn’t see how it was possible. Travis was fine with helping others but he never wanted help. How ironic was that?

  He needed money. Money to pay off whoever beat Tyler and whatever services Tyler needed to recover. Alec had money, lots of it. He had saved all the money given to him by his grandparents over the years. Every birthday, each of the grandchildren received a substantial check, at graduation he received yet another check. His salary from his time in the service. Then there was the money he received from his grandparents on his mother’s side.

  He wasn’t kidding when he told his grandfather he didn’t need his trust fund. His investments did so well that giving Travis a few hundred thousand dollars wouldn’t dent his bank account.

  How to make Travis take the money? It bothered him to see Travis hurt. Who was he kidding? It did more than bother him. He wanted to fix this for him. A part of him needed to fix it. They were friends, and this was what friends did for each other.

  He leaned back in the chair and stretched out his long legs. But he had friends, lots of them. People he saw when he traveled, they’d get together and go out from time to time. Kane and him were close, and he’d do the same for him. He was sure of it.

  He didn’t feel the same way about Kane as he did Travis. Kane had been in the sandpit in Iraq with him, had spent days in the jungle in Kandahar, and he had saved Kane’s ass during a mission in Africa. Alec scratched his chin as a nurse walked by him.

  Kane was like a brother, if he had to put a label on it. If it was Kane, he would tell him to handle it and help him if he asked. But it wouldn’t involve feelings. The two of them survived on dealing with things without feelings. This thing, this situation with Tyler and Travis, made Alec angry and unsettled. He still couldn’t put a finger on why. Yes, Tyler fucked up, but Alec’s anger— if he was being honest —wasn’t with Tyler.

  Alec took a deep breath, placed his arms on his knees and bent his head. He tried to stretch his neck out. This feeling of unease lingered in the back of his mind all day and it surfaced any time Travis was near him.

  He thought he had suppressed those memories long ago.

  Back in college, workouts ran late into the evening or sometimes between classes if they could. Workouts that were brutal. They didn’t want to reek when they went to class, so they’d use the gym showers. He remembered the first time he had seen Travis naked, in the men’s locker room, after his shower.

  Travis still wet from his shower, dropped his towel to get dressed. His body, perfectly sculpted, caused his dick to stand up and take notice. Alec turned around in a hurry and told Travis to go to class; he’d meet up with him later. For a week, he avoided him, just to get himself under control and chalked it up to a crush. Back then, Travis had a serious boyfriend.

  If the feelings he had were any sign, the crush was still there. Why else did he want to comfort Travis? To hold him? To make this all go away? It would explain why he thought of Travis whenever he met a new guy, why every guy was a quick fuck.

  Alec leaned back in the chair. His grandfather was right: his personal life was a disaster. He didn’t know how to fix it. Grandfather wanted him married, settled down, and Alec wanted to keep his position at Bennet Industries.

  Travis exited Tyler’s room and walked with the nurse to the nurse’s station. He held up a finger to Alec.

  Alec needed more time to figure this whole mess out. The thought of marriage didn’t entice him. He watched his parents’ and his uncle’s marriages implode. His mother told Alec that their marriage had been arranged, so they didn’t have a real chance. Besides, his father was a flake who chased anything in a skirt.

  If he had to get married, he’d marry someone like Travis. Someone funny, loyal, and gorgeous, who he liked. A person with similar tastes…

  Alec bolted upright in the chair and knocked it over on its side. “Sorry.” He mumbled to the nurse who glared at him. He righted the chair.

  What if he asked Travis to marry him?

  Travis looked up at him from the nurse’s station and they locked eyes. He mouthed the word ‘sorry’ and Alec shook his head in response. Confusion joined his exhaustion as he leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. This was a crazy idea.

  He couldn’t ask Travis to marry him, could he?

  The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. As his husband, he’d step in and help Tyler with whatever he needed. Take care of the debt. Make sure he received medical services. Travis’s stress gone in one sweep. Travis could quit his second job and find a day job that he liked. He’d get to keep his position at Bennett. He wouldn’t starve after breakfast since Travis cooked like a dream come true. And maybe, just maybe he’d glimpse him in a towel. A smile formed on his lips.

  “What are you smiling about now?” Travis asked as he nudged his shoulder.

  “Hmm… you ready?” He stood and stretched.

  “Yeah, let’s go.” Travis pressed the down button once they reached the elevators. “Sorry about earlier. But you didn’t need to stay.”

  “Even if I had left, you would have stayed overnight. You
need to sleep.”

  Travis slumped against the back wall of the elevators and yawned.

  “I know. I’m hungry though. Couldn’t eat earlier cuz I thought Tyler might need me.”

  “You didn’t eat any of the snacks I brought up for you.” He yawned. The day was catching up with him. “I think there’s a diner around the corner. Let’s head there.”

  The elevator doors opened on the first floor and they buttoned up their coats as they made their way to the exit. The chill in the air made them walk faster, and it wasn’t long before they rounded the block.

  A bright red neon sign blinked the word diner. Old worn chairs flanked a neat row of tables in front of a section of booths. A few couples occupied the tables while some sat at the counter. The smell of coffee and grease permeated the air. They found a booth by the window and picked up a menu. Neither spoke, and the waitress waited for them to decide and place their orders. She returned with the coffeepot.

  Once she left, Alec fixed his coffee and took a long look at Travis. Two guys in the next booth stared at him. He was oblivious to the attention, always had been. Even exhausted Travis turned heads.

  His hair, thick and dark, always looked better than Alec’s blond and stringy hair. He pulled on a long sleeve T-shirt and a pair of jeans this morning. Hours later, they still looked pristine. It had been years since he had seen Travis in a suit; he was sure he received a ton of attention.

  The thoughts from earlier ran through his brain on repeat. He had to approach this like he did in business dealings: with precise reasoning and a convincing argument and no emotion. The last one was tricky because the more he thought about it, the more he wanted Travis to say yes, to be his husband.

  “You’re quiet.” Travis fingered the napkin in front of him.

  Here goes nothing.

  “I wanted to talk to you about something but you need to promise not to punch me.”

  Travis sat back in the booth, his eyes narrowed. One thing that nobody knew was that Travis had a temper; it had been one of his favorite pastimes riling him up in college. With age came wisdom and all that bullshit. Travis mellowed over the years. His temper still ran hot, proved by his tendencies to go up against the assholes in the gym.