Awaken: Book One: London

by Limelan Z

  He started laughing. So much so that I had to throw my menu at him to get him to stop. He reached out a comforting arm; I batted it away. ‘Who knows. On the balance of probabilities, it will be fine. You made it this far. So have I.’

  Not remotely reassuring. Not caring about the outcome was different from believing everything would be okay. ‘You’re so annoying.’

  ‘And you are so sober. Drink. If you still have a head in the morning, who cares about the hangover?’

  I rubbed my eyes, wearily, but he was right. I was too nervous about the whole thing. I had already made the decision to go so it was simply a matter of letting it play out. If I couldn’t get out of my head to calm myself down, why not let alcohol have a go?

  It was pretty clear from the get-go that my wolf had raised my tolerance level, so after the first cocktail I ordered a couple of shots to tie us over until the next. An hour in, I was feeling pleasantly mellow. An hour later, I had a good buzz.

  By the time Wolfe joined us, I was on my fourth extremely potent cocktail mixed with selection of spirits on an empty stomach and cared very little about anything. As ever, he cut quite the figure in his suit. All human eyes were on him. Before he reached the table, I jumped up and met him, giving him a far-too-passionate-for-public kiss. He seemed amused. Then frowned as one of the other passengers tried to take a photograph. One of the waiters discretely stepped in. I guessed money helped protect privacy.

  ‘You cut it fine,’ I told him glancing at the clock. ‘We nearly left without you.’

  ‘There was much to arrange.’

  I had assumed he meant in his absence but then glanced behind him. A few familiar faces were in tow at the end of the carriage. Cara was behind the glass door giving some instruction to others. Had he brought the whole pack? Worry bubbled in my stomach.

  ‘Did you pack a lot?’ Vince seemed to pick up on the change in mood and leaned around the arm rest to see what was going on.

  ‘We must be prepared for every eventuality,’ Wolfe said calmly, discretely.

  ‘Don’t you think packing heavy creates a rather particular eventuality?’ I protested. If we went to the Northlands with an army, who would believe I was trying to “find myself”? ‘I don’t think they should come.’

  ‘It is for safety.’

  ‘This feels the opposite of safe.’ I was getting worked up. The alcohol wasn’t helping, but I knew I was right. Was he really trying to pretend that all those wolves were there for protection? An ominous feeling swept over me. I wanted to kick myself. Hadn’t I worried that he was using me like a pawn in some bid for the Northlands? It was finally coming to the fore. After all, if Ariane went with his army to the Northlands, who would dare attack? Certainly no wolves, given her display at the castle. News of that would have spread.

  He paused. ‘You have been drinking. Let us go somewhere private to talk.’

  I subdued my contrarian nature and followed him through the carriages until he reached a private car. His private car. Of course, he had a private car all to himself. What was the point of being a trillionaire if you couldn’t hook up your own carriage to a train whenever you wanted?

  I followed him inside and shut the door, barely noticing the opulence of the room. Wolfe removed his jacket and turned to face me, expressionless.

  Okay… Allow me to explain.

  ‘This trip was supposed to just be me and maybe one other person in case Ariane goes crazy.’ He frowned at my choice of words. Mate or no, he still didn’t like my referring to Ariane as insane. ‘I was happy for that to be you given…you know…’ I made a hand gesture I hoped he would understand meant the sex. And also the alpha thing. There were actually a whole bunch of reasons that it made sense for him to accompany me. ‘But then you roped in Vince, which seemed like a shitty thing to do given he’s got a life of his own and, to be perfectly honest, doesn’t seem to be that much of a fighter. I went along with it because I assumed it was a company thing, since we get on.’

  I was rambling and venting. And more than a little tipsy. He was waiting patiently – patronisingly – for me to finish. I lifted my chin. My nerves had spilled over into frustrated anger. And I had decided he was the cause.

  ‘And then you turn up with, what? Like a dozen foot soldiers carrying black cases that I’m pretty sure aren’t filled with daisies given you’re basically an arms dealer.’

  ‘Would you have me unprepared?’

  ‘For what?’ My voice took on a new octave. I wanted to scream with frustration. Here was the first person in centuries I had really connected with, who had seen beauty in the darkest parts of me, who’d spent a week naked in my bed and still wanted to snuggle…

  But he didn’t get me at all.

  I wasn’t looking for an alpha.

  ‘What is this, Wolfe?’

  ‘What is what?’ He was still. Quiet. Unreacting. I had sensed his fear when no one else could, but now I couldn’t read him at all. Did he feel anything?

  ‘Us. What are we?’ I looked at his blank face, disbelieving. All of my insecurities were coming out. ‘Are we lovers? Friends?’ Nothing. ‘Are you only with me because of Ariane? Because it makes you look powerful to have me under heel. Because you want to use me as a weapon.’

  ‘You are drunk,’ he said, turning and making his way over to a small drinks table. He opened a bottle of water and kept turned as he drank it, as if dismissing me from the conversation.

  ‘You just want me to be another mindless member of your pack,’ I virtually shouted at him.

  Slowly, he turned around. His eyes were bright with flecks of a familiar amber. His wolf was showing emotion, even if he was incapable. But whether that was anger at my upset or at my insubordination, I couldn’t tell.

  ‘Go to your cabin, Ceri. We will have this conversation when you are calmer.’

  I didn’t want to leave but there was no point in staying. I turned on my heel and stomped the few yards to the sleeper with my name on it. Despite myself, I slammed the door.

  It would have been so easy for him to have allayed my concerns. He could have explained why he wanted to bring so many people. He could have told me that he cared about me, that he liked me. Anything! Instead, he hadn’t even deemed me worthy of conversation. I was livid! And hurt.

  A few moments later there was a tap on the door.

  ‘What?’ I snapped.

  ‘Can I come in?’ It was Vince.

  I didn’t want to speak to one of Wolfe’s pack. But I did want to speak to a friend. I let out a breath and opened the door. He slipped inside and flipped the lock.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  ‘No.’ I let out a short huff and then changed my mind. ‘This whole thing is insane. Okay, yes – I don’t know anything about this world and I’m basing my opinion on what I’ve seen and been told so far but…’ I ran my hand through my hair as I stared at Vince. ‘I may not have experience leading a pack for hundreds of years, but I have had experience of surviving. And something tells me that if we turn up tomorrow armed to the teeth then we are asking for trouble. They are not an armed escort – they are an army.’ I slowed, running out of steam. Somewhere in it all I had started crying. Exhaustion. ‘And even if Ariane is a weapon built to fight for this exact reason, I – Ceri Hatherton – don’t want to kill anyone.’ I moved closer to him in the cramped cabin. ‘Vince, I don’t want to kill anyone.’

  I stared at him, wondering if my sentiment had fallen on deaf ears. After all, he was a wolf. It was in our blood, yadda yadda yadda. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve.

  He was still for a moment longer and then wrapped his arms around me.

  ‘You’ve got a lot of doomsday thinking in your head. You have more control than you think, Ceri. And more autonomy.’ I buried my head in his chest and closed my eyes. In less than a minute, he had calmed and supported me more than Wolfe had. ‘I probably shouldn’t say this, but Wolfe’s decisio
n to bring “backup” or whatever, is Wolfe’s decision. Not yours. It’s not on you if it turns out to be a shit call.’

  ‘If you die—’ I began but he laughed a little, cutting across me.

  ‘If I die, I’ve had a good life and a respectable death. And what about if I don’t die? If we go there, you become at one with nature and zen-out, and then we go back and finish writing that journal paper that seems to be taking you months.’

  ‘I’ve written my part!’ I protested, leaning back to glare at him.

  He shrugged and pulled me in again. ‘Whoever’s part is missing, it doesn’t matter.’

  ‘Your part is missing.’

  He hushed me. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  I shook my head in disbelief against his chest, but I didn’t really mind. I was feeling much calmer about it all. And tired. Really tired.

  ‘It’s, uh, kind of a weird request,’ I began, ‘but do you think you could, uh…’

  ‘Stay with you tonight at the risk of being neutered?’ he finished.

  ‘If you’re supposed to be guarding me, what difference does it make what side of the door you’re on?’

  He scratched his chin. ‘I mean, technically, I’m not supposed to be guarding you. He’s got one of the others outside; I just waited until his tea delivery came before trying your door.’

  I smiled at him. There was that disrespect for authority that I’d always liked about it. Or at least a selective bending of the rules. ‘So, you’ll stay?’

  He looked very serious. ‘If you promise not to use my body for sex.’ I punched him his arm, playfully. ‘And wipe your nose.’

  I scowled but sourced a tissue, then tugged off my boots and waited for him to join me in bed.

  ‘It will be okay, Ceri,’ he said, looping an arm around my waist as I curled into him. ‘It will all be okay.’

  Chapter 21

  It was most definitely not okay.

  Just before 5am I woke up feeling like someone was shining a torch in my eyes. I sat up, putting my hands in front of my face to try to block the light. But it wasn’t working.

  And then I realised the light was coming from me. My hands were glowing a bright white. And it was slowly spreading up my arms.

  I started shaking and opened my mouth to scream but I was making no noise. I couldn’t speak! My heart was pounding wildly in my ears.

  Panicked, I started shaking Vince awake, then stopped in case it spread to him. But it didn’t. It stayed on me. It took him a moment to get his bearings, then he flung himself from the bed.

  ‘What the fuck is going on?’

  I tried to mouth for help, that I didn’t know, that I was freaking out, but that much was obvious.

  He ran to the door and wrenched it back. ‘Wolfe – get Wolfe!’ he shouted at the guy who had apparently been my terrible guard.

  ‘What were you doing in there?’

  ‘Get Wolfe!’ he shouted again, virtually pushing the guy down the corridor. He ran back to me. ‘Are you okay? Does it hurt?’

  It didn’t hurt but it was spreading. I tried to flick whatever it was off my hands but it didn’t make a difference. My heart was pounding. I felt sick with fear.

  An instant later, Wolfe ran in wearing trousers and little else. He must have fallen asleep like that. He stood at the bottom of the bed watching me with a look of complete concentration. He cottoned on pretty quickly that I couldn’t speak.

  ‘What’s happening to her?’ Vince cried. He was freaking out almost as much as I was.

  ‘I do not know.’

  ‘Did we cross the border?’ He nodded and came closer, eyes fixed on mine. ‘Ariane?’

  ‘She sleeps.’ Ariane was asleep? I was incredulous. I tried to rouse her but we hardly communed even on the best of days.

  Vince was pacing the short length of the cabin. Wolfe was the opposite; still, focussed, intent. He came closer onto the bed. I backed away against the headboard. Was he insane? What if this light was dangerous? What if it killed wolves?

  The light had reached my shoulders. Was it knocking the wind out of my lungs or was that just fear?

  ‘Be calm,’ Wolfe said, reaching out a hand, his eyes still locked on mine. I shook my head, gestured for him to go away, but he didn’t.

  He touched my shoulder. ‘Be calm,’ he said again. This time I felt my panic subside. Even with Ariane asleep, even with us unmated and arguing, he calmed me. ‘No fear.’ He continued as my breathing steadied and returned to normal. ‘Focus on what you can feel.’

  I looked down. The light had spread across my chest now and spread down my legs. But I wasn’t sure I could feel anything.

  ‘Focus,’ he said again.

  I stared at his eyes and drew in a breath. Even with the crackling light, my skin felt cool. My body felt fine. It didn’t hurt. It wasn’t numb, either. It just felt powerful. Like a surge of electricity spreading through me.

  ‘Focus,’ he said again. I wasn’t sure why until I saw the light tripping over my cheekbones. And then I felt it in my eyes. I squeezed them shut.

  My head tipped back as it overcame me, my whole body glowing, buzzing with this light. I opened my eyes and let out a cry at the ceiling. This time sound came out. But it wasn’t a painful cry. At all. It was pleasure. Pure pleasure coursing through me with the white light. The light shot out in a beam from my eyes and mouth.

  And then a moment later it was gone.

  I flopped back against the pillows, panting. Wolfe’s hand was still on my shoulder. I placed mine on top.

  ‘W-What was that?’ I asked. My voice was dry, croaky but still working.

  ‘I do not know,’ he murmured. ‘I have never seen that happen to a wolf before.’ But it had happened to other creatures? ‘You should rest before we reach Edinburgh.’ He stood and moved away, and I saw for the first time that the skin of his hand was burnt and blistered.

  I sat up. ‘Oh my god,’ I breathed. ‘Did I do that?’

  He gave a half smile at my concern. ‘It is nothing. It was not deliberate. Try to rest. I will make some calls and try to find answers.’

  I was grateful for his calm, for his authority. Even if I had hated it the night before. When I had needed him, he was there. ‘Wolfe…I’m sorry.’

  He sent me a look I couldn’t quite read and then said. ‘Vincent can stay with you until Edinburgh.’ And with that he left, the door closing on me and Vince behind him.

  Presumably he could tell that Vince had been sleeping with me beforehand. If that had been bothering him, at least he would have known we hadn’t had sex. Not that any of it was his business. I wasn’t his property and I wasn’t his pack to order around. Even if his command had controlled my fear.

  I looked at Vince, feeling strangely chastised.

  He looked back, slightly shellshocked. Then ran a hand through his ruffled hair and let out a breath. ‘That was weird,’ he eventually said. ‘You need to work on your cum face.’

  Great.

  Chapter 22

  The last time I’d been to Edinburgh was some time in the 1990’s. I’d gone for an interview for a research post at the University of Edinburgh. I hadn’t got it, obviously. They said that I lacked required field experience, which in a way was funny since I’d been working on the subject for longer than most of the professors. Astrophysics. Not long before I got into biochemistry.

  It hadn’t changed much. My favourite hot chocolate shop had apparently closed down, but that was about it.

  We were only in Edinburgh to change horses, so to speak. Alternative transportation was needed to get us into the highlands. First another train to Inverness, and then the rest of the way would be by car.

  I stood with Vince on the platform at Edinburgh Waverley pretending to look at magazines at the kiosk. Instead, I was watching Wolfe as he passed on instructions to the others.

  Aside from my little light show, so far everything had been fairly straightforward. I was starting to think that maybe – just maybe – I had ov
erreacted a teensy bit on the train. I’d basically called him a power-mad dictator who was trying to manipulate me to get ahead.

  I hadn’t realised that a journey to the Source was a kind of mystical pilgrimage that most tried to do at least once before dying. That’s what it was called – the Source. Catchy name for some standing stones that had been around forever and left everyone feeling charged.

  Even though the lands were disputed territory, in theory any creature was allowed to go there. The only difference was that it was a bit of a free-for-all. No one was protected, there were no rules. Like a kind of supernatural Wild West. Wolfe’s SWAT team presence would still potentially signal as an act of aggression, but it was possible that even a moderately armed force was a reasonable prerequisite for an alpha travelling here. The people it was most likely to piss off were the other wolves.

  If someone had told me that sooner, it might have saved me a tantrum. From what I’d learnt, in theory he was actually the good guy by taking me all the way and bringing protection.

  My emotions were exhausted.

  ‘Why didn’t Wolfe bring Patrick? Or Trevelyan?’ They were noticeably absent from the group.

  ‘They’re holding down the fort,’ Vince said, flicking through some mags. ‘Technically, James is second in command, but Wolfe likes Patrick to stay back when he’s going to high magick places.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Oh, some massacre thing, I think. Before my time,’ he added nonchalantly. ‘Before yours too. Somewhere in the Med.’

  I watched Wolfe pull his phone out and turned my full attention to Vince. ‘You can’t leave it at that. Did Patrick massacre a load of people? He always seems so calm and unemotional. Even more unemotional than Wolfe, if that’s possible.’

  Vince squatted low to see some of the angling magazines. He liked fishing? I was learning all sorts of things about him recently. ‘I don’t know a huge amount about it. Their alpha sent them to retrieve something important and I think Patrick went insane and killed a load of people. I think he’s sensitive to magick. Some people are.’