by Minna Howard
‘Sorry, not tonight, Laurie, I’m going out,’ Alegria said.
‘Oh, go out after.’ Laurie sounded heartbroken.
Flora understood and said. ‘I’ll show you a new game we could all play. It’s called racing demon. We played it when I was your age.’
He looked at her. ‘So Alegria can play too?’
‘Perhaps another time. She’s going out with Ricky and meeting other friends I expect, in the town.’
Xavier jumped in. ‘I remember that game and it’s fun.’
‘So do I, we often played it when I was young. After supper I’ll fetch some cards,’ Susie broke in.
It was late by the time they had finished supper but Laurie insisted that they play Flora’s card game and Xavier gave in. Laurie could sleep later in the morning.
‘Just one game,’ he said and Susie went to fetch the cards.
Only when they were laid out did Laurie realise that Alegria and Ricky had slipped away and he said he didn’t want to play after all, stamping off into the darkness of the garden in a sulk.
‘Leave him a moment, then go to him,’ Flora said. ‘It’s hard for him, seeing Alegria with Ricky. He can’t understand why he’s suddenly being ignored. I don’t think any of us expected such an attractive young man to turn up.’ She smiled at Ben.
‘He’s a great lad, and kind with it,’ he said.
‘He’s turned all your heads then,’ Xavier said with a laugh, then more quietly to her. ‘They remind me of us, how strongly we felt for each other right away.’ He could not see her expression in the dark garden.
‘Yes, I thought the same thing. But they won’t be together for long because he’s leaving the day after tomorrow with Ben. Then Alegria will have time for Laurie again.’
‘Unless she follows him. At least they can keep in touch with each other today, not like us.’ He was standing close to her and he could feel her warmth. She stepped away. ‘Go and find Laurie, he’ll understand one day how all-consuming love is.’
‘And if he has any sense, he’ll hold on to it.’
His mobile rang near midnight. It was Darcy. The second he answered he heard her tears and he knew what she was going to tell him, but before he could say a word, Caitlin, Mike’s girlfriend, took the phone from Darcy and spoke, her voice soft and measured.
‘I’m so sorry to tell you, but Mike died of a heart attack early this evening. It was sudden but quick, and I know he would have preferred it this way, instead of lingering on. We were both with him.’
‘Oh, Caitlin.’ He felt tears well up. ‘Can I speak to Darcy, I know how shattered she must be.’
‘Just a minute.’
‘I can’t bear it,’ Darcy said. ‘Can you come and bring Laurie?’ She gave the phone back to Caitlin, too overcome to talk.
Caitlin said. ‘The funeral will be in a couple of days. They do things quickly here. Can you come? He always spoke so highly of you and please bring Laurie. I know he hasn’t seen Mike for some time, but bring him for Darcy.’
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I’ll try and get us on a flight tomorrow.’
He rang off and sat for a long time with his head in his hands. Life could change in a moment, throwing all plans and wishes to the winds.
41
Hugo’s snoring woke Flora up, she gave him a sharp nudge but he just turned over and started up again a moment later.
The room felt hot and confined. Hugo’s snoring was softer now, but still annoying and Flora knew her night’s sleep was over. She got out of bed, pulled on some clothes and left their room, quietly shutting the bedroom door behind her. Her thoughts were in turmoil; she’d go for a walk in the peace of the early morning before the sun rose too high.
Through the large window of the living room she saw Eadie and Xavier sitting together on the wooden seat skirting the thick trunk of an ancient tree. She could not see their faces but they were obviously deep in conversation. She opened the door to the garden and went out to join them. Xavier looked up and saw her and she felt jolt of fear. Something was wrong, she could see it in his face.
‘Poor Xavier has had some bad news,’ Eadie announced, her voice suitably grave.
‘Oh… I’m sorry.’ Flora moved towards him, the tension winding tighter. ‘What’s happened?’ She hoped it wasn’t Laurie.
‘Darcy rang; her father died suddenly, last night. Laurie and I must leave today for the funeral in Spain.’ His voice was flat and tired but his eyes held hers for a moment before looking away.
He looked exhausted, as if he had barely slept, and her heart went out to him. How she longed to take him in her arms and hold him close. She clamped them tight to her side as if they might take on a life of their own and snatch him to her. She felt an emptiness in her, draining the hope that somehow they could stay close to each other.
‘I’m so sorry.’ She sat down beside him. ‘He was very ill, wasn’t he? You said his cancer had come back.’ She slipped her hand in his and felt it tighten over hers.
‘It was a heart attack. I know he would have preferred it that way,’ he said. ‘I liked him and Caitlin, his long-time girlfriend, a lot, though I haven’t seen them since our divorce. I haven’t told Laurie yet but I’ve got us both on a flight leaving this afternoon.’
His words were like a blow to her heart. She was sad for his ex-wife, losing her beloved father but she was sad, too, for them. She’d known, deep inside that she could not just run off with Xavier, however much she longed to. Hugo was her husband, the father of their beloved daughters and she loved him, though he had not been very kind to her this holiday. She’d hoped being out here with their old friends would set their relationship on a new path, without their daughters. Perhaps Hugo sensed part of her still belonged to Xavier.
It was too late to escape, to break up their family for this lover from her past. But she couldn’t bear to lose him so soon. She’d imagined they would find some way to keep in touch and if her marriage failed…
Now events had pulled them apart again. The man who’d died was his son’s grandfather and Xavier should be there to help with the arrangements and to comfort his ex-wife and help his son to understand. Any feelings, plans they might have for each other, must now be shelved. She’d been living a dream in this beautiful place, but now it was time to wake up and face real life.
Eadie, understanding their dilemma, watched them both. She said, ‘Look, why don’t you two go for a walk? I’ll stay here and watch out for Laurie. I don’t think Alegria would like to be disturbed just now.’ She glanced over towards the summerhouse beside the swimming pool, where Flora guessed that Ricky was with her.
‘Oh Eadie, you are the best.’ Xavier leaned over and kissed her cheek. ‘We won’t be long, but it would be great to have a few minutes together.’
He stood up, still holding her hand, studying her face, as if afraid that she might not agree. She had a flashback to the moment her brother had come to Aldeburgh to fetch her home because of another death, telling her there was no time to find Xavier to say goodbye.
Flora thought of Hugo, still asleep. It was barely seven o’clock and she guessed, as he had not had much sleep on the boat, he’d probably sleep until nine. Xavier let go of her hand and hovered between her and Eadie, waiting for her answer. For a nanosecond she struggled. She’d left him at Aldeburgh, frantic at not being able to get a message to him. Now, miraculously, they’d been given another chance and she would take it.
‘We won’t be long, Eadie,’ she said, jumping up. ‘Hugo’s exhausted, I’ve left him asleep, but if he…’ She felt guilty now. Part of her knew she should say goodbye to Xavier here, stay out in the open.
‘Get along, both of you and I’ll hold the fort for as long as I can,’ Eadie said.
Xavier laughed and her heart lifted. She was eighteen again and had fallen in love for the first time. The two of them went down the side of the villa, passing the campervan and out of the gate onto the path that led to the village. Once out of sight of the
villa, Xavier slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. ‘I have to go,’ he said, as if there was a choice.
‘I know, poor Darcy, I’m so sorry. How will Laurie take it? Was he close to his grandfather?’ She felt the warmth of him beside her. It felt so right, as if they had always been meant for each other.
‘No, sadly not, but only because he hardly saw him. I’ll have to see how things go. He’s got school coming up and perhaps Darcy will want to stay out there, if she can square it with her job. She gets on well with Mike’s girlfriend and there’ll be a lot to clear up. I can bring Laurie home for school.’ He held her closer, ‘I don’t want to lose you entirely, Flora, not like last time. But Hugo’s come back and he is your husband.’
There was so much she wanted to say, but she didn’t know where to start. Fate had intervened again; perhaps they were destined never to be together. If only she could go with him but now was not the time.
‘I won’t contact you, but I’d like to know where you are and if ever…’ He left the rest of the sentence floating in the air. She said nothing but put her arm around his waist and leaned close to him.
Though they were both tired, she had felt last night that Hugo was trying to find a way back to her. Perhaps he was ashamed at not being more amenable on this holiday. So, she supposed, for their daughters’ sake, she must make an effort too. She remembered her vow at the beginning of the holiday, to make this new time in their marriage work, though Hugo seemed not to care, going off with Edmund and turning off his mobile. If Xavier had not turned up would she have tried to persuade Hugo to forgo that boat trip and stay here with her? Or had their marriage reached the end? She remembered Susie’s remark that she thought relationships often had a time span.
They had reached the bank down to the sea, and without saying a word both turned down to it, slipping on the dry earth, clutching at each other for balance, laughing, until they reached the beach. It was windy today, the waves folding back on themselves, silver sprays of spume dancing in the early sunlight. They sat close together in a corner of the tiny beach, watching the ever-turning waves with the taste of salt in the air.
Xavier kissed her slowly and deeply and she let herself go in his embrace, shutting her mind to everything else. This was the moment they had been waiting for all these years and they made love at last to the sound of the sea breaking on the shore and felt the soft wind on their naked skins.
They lay together quietly, both feeling complete. She thought, I will always remember this whatever else happens in my life. We belong together, but neither of us is free just now.
‘We have each other’s contact details on our mobiles, so I will always know where you are, if you ever need me.’ His voice was strong, his face tender. ‘Perhaps one day we will be together.’
‘Yes, perhaps we will,’ she said, the warmth of their lovemaking slipping away as she accepted that now was not the time to make plans to meet again.
They made love again, slowly and tenderly, a bittersweet sadness between them. They dressed and, holding on to each other, they climbed up the slope from the beach to the path and made their way back to the villa in silence.
They reached the gate to the villa and moved apart, Flora going first through the gate into the garden. Susie and Matt were starting to put out the breakfast things.
Matt said. ‘I’m so sorry about your father-in-law, Xavier.’
‘And we’re sorry you’ve got to leave us today, we’ll miss you,’ Susie added.
Flora slipped away to her room. On the way, she passed Eadie, still on the bench round the tree, now drinking a cup of coffee. She felt guilty now about making love to another man while her husband slept nearby in their bed, but Eadie smiled at her, gesturing her to sit down beside her.
‘I understand that you and Xavier go way back,’ she said quietly. ‘In my experience, for what it’s worth, love can be spread around without diminishing it and if you are wise you’ll keep this in its own compartment.’
‘Yes,’ Flora said with a sigh, ‘I shall.’ The joy of their lovemaking was ebbing away now and sorrow at losing Xavier edging in. She loved both men she accepted that now. It was not a question of having to get rid of one in order to be able to love the other; she loved them both even if most people would not understand that.
Eadie guessed her feelings. She patted her arm. ‘If we are lucky we have a few memories we can keep as treasures in our hearts.’
‘I know,’ Flora said. ‘I didn’t believe that before, but I do now.’ She got up. ‘I’d better get ready for breakfast,’ she said, ‘and then,’ she put her hand on Eadie’s shoulder, ‘I’d love to see how your pictures are going, the ones Tom wanted you to work on.’
‘Good, I’d like your opinion,’ Eadie said, ‘and we must make a plan of how to get them to London.’
‘I’ll organise all that for you.’ At least she had other things to think about; she got up and went towards the door. She saw Xavier was still talking to Susie and Matt. He glanced up and smiled at her and Laurie came sleepily through the door looking round for his father.
Hugo was snoring slightly, still asleep. She watched him for a moment. He was so familiar and the only other person, apart from grandparents, who were truly interested in their daughters. They were a unit, they were a family and would she really be prepared to destroy it all by going off with Xavier, her first love?
She went into the bathroom, turned on the shower and stood under it while the water pounded her. She loved Xavier and having at last made love with him, she felt complete, as if she’d been searching for a missing part of her life and had now found it, even though the thought of never seeing him again tore at her heart.
42
When Hugo appeared, rather late for breakfast, he seemed to be in a new mood. It was as if he had taken a grip on himself and decided to play the attentive husband, instead of the grieving father too upset by the departure of his daughters to stay close to his wife.
Flora had had her breakfast and was over with Eadie, who was working on the scenery of one of her pictures. The main picture was brilliant, a scene in Scotland with purple ragged moors, a glimpse of the sea and a troubled sky with a few sheep staring at a fat farmer and his dog, who had an expression on its face which made her laugh. Tom, with his keen eye, had picked out some weak bits and told Eadie they needed more depth.
‘What you first see is a beautiful Scottish landscape, but the expressions on those sheep’s faces and the dog’s and the poor fat farmer’s.’ She laughed. ‘Did you really see that or make it up?’
‘Bit of both,’ Eadie said. ‘I see a situation and imagine, if there are animals there, what they might think. I did this picture years ago when I was in Scotland. I worked in a hotel in the middle of a moor, it was quite desolate but people came to stay to get out of the rat race.’
‘It’s wonderful. I can’t wait to see all your pictures in our new gallery,’ Flora said with enthusiasm.
‘I can’t believe that my little daubs will be there,’ Eadie said affectionately.
They had made a plan for Eadie to leave all the pictures Tom had chosen for the exhibition here in the Villa Emeraude and Flora would arrange to have them picked up by one of their carriers before Susie and Matt left to come home.
Xavier and Laurie appeared and made for the pool. Eadie said quietly, ‘I’m so sorry for poor Xavier, having to cut short his holiday because of the death of his father-in-law. He was very fond of him and there’s nothing like a death in the family to bring everyone together. It often brings more trouble than peace, but it has to be done.’
‘I know. It will be difficult for Laurie but he’ll be a comfort for his mother.’ If only Darcy’s father had not died just now, but if he had not, how would Xavier’s and her story have ended?
She left Eadie to her work and went back to join some of the others mingling round the breakfast table, making plans for the day. Xavier and Laurie were swimming away from her towards the deep end of the
pool. She helped herself to more coffee and sat down beside Didi feeling adrift.
Hugo, who had been talking to Tony, helped himself to a couple of croissants and came and sat down beside her. ‘You got up early. Couldn’t you sleep?’ He smiled at her.
‘No, I got up and went for a walk. I didn’t want to disturb you.’ She thought of her walk along to the beach with Xavier. Could her husband see them locked in each other’s arms? Their love story cut off before it had run its course, a story that could have been for a lifetime but now they would never know.
‘I thought we’d go on an outing together today, perhaps to Grasse, or drive up to the Citadelle. We stayed there once, remember? What do you think, darling?’ His bonhomie seemed slightly exaggerated.
She was saved from having to respond immediately when Ricky and Alegria appeared from the summerhouse looking rather blissfully dishevelled. They helped themselves to coffee and joined them.
‘Perhaps Grasse, not the Citadelle,’ Flora said, not wanting to go there again so soon and possibly ignite his misery about missing the girls by remembering the last time they’d been there all together.
‘OK, we’ll do that and maybe pass by the boatyard on the way,’ he said, looking awkward now, as if preparing himself for her refusal.
‘As long as you don’t want to sail away today.’ She attempted to sound jokey, to mask her pain at losing Xavier. Though this time they had each other’s contact details and she would guard their secret like a forbidden jewel.
‘No, of course not, darling, I’ve done my boating adventure but I’d just like to know what’s happened to the boat, find out how seaworthy it is.’ He looked round the table for support. Didi smiled at him.
‘It sounds as if your unfortunate friend has been sold a dud and will have to spend a fortune to make it seaworthy,’ she commented.
‘You have to be careful about buying boats in the season.’ Ben picked up the conversation. ‘I don’t mean to say Edmund is not a sailor but sometimes when people come out to places like this, they get carried away by the joy of being able to sail along the coast in the sun and can be persuaded to buy any old rubbish.’