When the Side Nigga Catch Feelings 1

by Jessica N Watkins

  She huffed and puffed. “And you said I could see my people too since we’re here.”

  “Your people, not mine!” I snapped.

  This was why I shouldn’t have started dicking her down. She thought she ran shit. But now, I was stuck. I had helped relocate her. It wasn’t bad being stuck with a pretty chick with a phat ass. However, this type of shit wasn’t worth the nut.

  “Just come in for like twenty minutes please,” she begged. “I don’t want to be stuck here. If you leave, you might be gone forever handling business with Vegas.”

  I shrugged. “You got an Uber account.”

  “Mello, please?”

  My hands ran over my face with irritation. My reluctance wasn’t about my pops, of course. Fuck him. I wasn’t for walking into the bullshit with Heaven, though. I was pissed at her for what she had said to me last, but I couldn’t lie; these two months apart hadn’t erased my feelings for her. I still cared for the girl, but circumstances had forced me to let her go. It was taking longer than I wanted, though. So, I wasn’t trying to see her.

  But as I recalled our last conversation, I figured fuck it. She had had the nerve to think that I was a snitch. So, why should I even still care? She was still my father’s wife. We would have had to see each other again at some point. I needed to man the fuck up, take this L, and act like Heaven and I never happened. So, I got out of the car.

  There were pink and silver balloons lining the driveway. I could hear the Disney music coming from inside of the house. There were signs that directed people to enter through the back door, which lead to the basement.

  I let Paris and TJ go in first. Once I walked inside, it was like my eyes were drawn straight to Heaven’s. She mumbled something to Treasure that I couldn’t hear. Then she gulped down whatever was in her red cup.

  Then, she smiled at me.

  That smile… It was like love winking at me. Right then, no matter the bullshit between us or the time we had spent without seeing each other or speaking, I immediately knew why I hadn’t been feeling Paris. No matter how pretty she was, or how submissive she was, or how good the pussy and head was, I wasn’t feeling being with that girl. It was the ideal situation, but I still hated it. Looking at Heaven, I knew exactly why. Paris and I were missing the authentic connection and chemistry that Heaven and I had. When Heaven smiled, I saw her soul. When Paris smiled, I didn’t believe the happiness in it.

  That was the difference.

  “Hey, y’all!” Paris walked right up on Heaven and Treasure. It would have been too obvious if I didn’t follow, so I did.

  Treasure gave me a slow, scowling look that judged me from head to toe. “Hey, y’all.” I could hear the messiness all in her tone.

  Heaven mumbled a low, “Hey.”

  “Thanks for the invite, girl,” Paris went on. She was clueless to the tension between the rest of us.

  Heaven tore her eyes off of me and told Paris, “You’re welcome.”

  “How is Florida?” Treasure asked us both.

  “Girl, it’s so nice. I just be chilling,” Paris rambled. “Enjoying the sunshine and my man.”

  Why the fuck did she say that? This frantic bitch. Heaven’s face and mine dropped. I didn’t have the heart to bust Paris out in front of Heaven and Treasure. She and I had never said that we were in a relationship officially. Yeah, I was living with the girl, but I figured we were working towards being committed to each other since it had only been two months.

  Paris was still rambling as Heaven sprang to her feet. She mumbled, “I’ll be right back,” so fast that I could barely make out what she’d said.

  She shot towards the stairs that led to the main floor of the house. As I watched her, I fought the urge to go after her. I wanted to make sure that she was okay. But I had been doing that for two years, and the moment she got the chance to take care of me, she dropped the ball.

  Whether I liked it or not, Heaven wasn’t my concern anymore.

  Heaven

  Get it together, Heaven. Breathe. Breathe.

  I was coaching myself as I paced back and forth in the first-floor bathroom. I had locked myself in there. I couldn’t believe that my body and heart were reacting to Mello this way. I knew I still had feelings for him, but damn! These feelings were so suffocating that I couldn’t breathe. They were so electrifying that I felt like I was having a heart attack.

  Okay. Calm down, Heaven. Calm down.

  I took long deep breaths until my heart rate finally slowed down. The tears pooling at my eyelids finally dried up. I took another deep breath before opening the bathroom door and returning to the basement.

  For the next three hours, I made myself put on a happy face while I partied with my daughter. I tried my best not to even look at Mello, but it was so hard. If our eyes weren’t being automatically drawn to one another’s, Paris’ extraness was drawing my attention to them. If she wasn’t sitting on his lap, she was rubbing his waves like he was a fucking pet. But no matter how she tried to maintain his attention on her, his eyes kept drifting past her to me. His stare was the same one that had convinced me to give him my body. It melted my heart. But it was also still laced with the disappointment I had put there. Looking at him, I knew that no matter our feelings for each other or what we had shared, it was over.

  That only made me want him, yearn for him, and miss him more.

  I was so ready for the party to be over, and luckily, it soon was. I had never cleaned so fast in my life. I damn near kicked everyone out of my house the nicest way that I could. Luckily, Mello and Paris had sneaked out of the basement while I was throwing things away in the kitchen. When I returned downstairs and saw that they were gone, I was both relieved and heartbroken. It was taking everything in me not to break down in front of Treasure, Esperanza, and Divine. But as soon as Divine and Esperanza disappeared to their rooms from exhaustion and Treasure left for home because of the same, I made sure Sunshine was asleep before I ran out of the house to my car.

  As soon as I hopped in and slammed the door shut, I burst into tears.

  “Oh my Goooood.” I had never felt heartbreak like this, not even the times when my husband had cheated on me. That’s when I was convinced that I had fallen in love with Mello.

  “Oh, hi there, Heaven.” The receptionist at the desk at Margaret Manor smiled up at me.

  I tried to make a smile meet hers, but it was useless. “I know it’s kinda late, Sarah, but can I see my mother?”

  She sighed. From the reluctant look on her face, I knew what her answer would be.

  “I’m sorry, Heaven. Today is just not a good day for her. She is very manic today.”

  I nodded slowly. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said again.

  “Don’t be.” I smiled and headed for the exit.

  I should have known I wouldn’t be able to see her. The couple of times I had tried last year, I had been told the same thing.

  I just needed to feel something familiar because, at the moment, everything felt so strange. My husband was a different person, and so was I. Our circle had been divided. I was in love with another man. I didn’t know who or where I was. I wanted a taste of my old life for the first time ever. For the first time in my life, I preferred to be in that tiny bedroom, sharing a bunk bed with Sunshine and Divine.

  Once in the car, I drove towards the apartment that I had once shared with Angel and Caesar. The sun had set by now. I parked in front of it and just stared up at the second floor. The lights were on and I could see the silhouettes of whoever lived inside now.

  I leaned back against the headrest and just stared at the unknown residents that were inside. I wondered if they were living as happily as I was when I had lived there.

  “I miss you so much, Angel.” Tears slid down my face as I wished to God that I could go back in time and stop her from leaving the house with Caesar that night. If I had begged her to stay and continue to watch Netflix and eat pizza with me and Divine, she would still be here. Sh
e would still be a mother to me. I wouldn’t have ever met Ross and I would have never fallen in love with his son.

  “Why did you have to go?” I cried.

  Just thinking about Angel, I wondered what she had endured to keep Divine and me fed. I wondered what hoes she had put up with. I wondered what flaws of Caesar’s she had looked past. I wondered if there was a man who’d had more of her heart than Caesar. Whatever she had chosen to deal with for our sake, she had died for.

  Mello was right. My life had been full of bad decisions… of my own and others.

  Treasure

  As soon as I got in the house, I stripped out of the Adidas jogging suit, kicked my shoes off, and hopped in the shower. Luckily, Vegas wasn’t home, so I was able to jump in bed and relax from the long day. However, my mind was not relaxing. As it had been since Damo had shot at Ross, my guilt was running a race in my mind.

  When I cried in Heaven’s kitchen earlier, those were real tears. I felt so guilt-ridden for being the sole person responsible for this beef between Ross and Vegas. I could barely look either one of them in the eye.

  The guilt was sitting on my chest. It was raping my brain.

  As I tried to fall asleep with the sick feeling of regret swimming in my stomach, I heard a car door slam outside of the window in the parking lot behind our building. I knew my man’s alarm when I heard it chirp. I grimaced now knowing that Vegas was home. It had been becoming harder and harder to face him with this shame creeping out of me.

  One thing that Damo had taught me other than keeping my fucking legs closed was how desperate I was to keep my man. In the past, it had been so easy to fuck around on Vegas because I didn’t see myself losing him. But now, those possibilities were so evident that it…

  “Ahhh!” Suddenly, the sound of gunshots rang through the air outside. “Shit!” I rolled out of bed as I heard windows shattering. I crawled frantically towards my bedroom door. Once at the doorway, I didn’t even realize that the thunderous sound of bullets were still raining through the condo. All I could think about was getting to Vegas, so I started running towards the back door.

  “Vegas!”

  “Baby, get down!”

  I was so relieved to hear his voice that I collapsed. But the shots finally stopped, so I sprang to my feet and bolted down the hall.

  “Vegas!”

  He appeared like a ghost, slithering out of a hall closet. I collapsed into his arms, but he wasn’t with the emotional shit at the moment. I could feel his rage as he gripped my elbows and gently pushed me aside. I looked up at him. Anger was smoldering behind those blue eyes.

  “Get out of the way.”

  “Where you goin’?” I followed him so closely that my bare toes were literally scraping the heel of his Timbs. “Vegas!” I tried to pull at him, but it was no use. He had so much strength that he was able to pull away from me with a simple flinch. “What are you about to do?”

  He suddenly stopped and spun around. “Kill that motherfucker! What do you think?” I cringed as he continued to spew his rage. “I told that motherfucker that we were good. I told him I didn’t do that shit, and he still just tried to kill me!”

  “How do you know that it was Ross?”

  Vegas’ head cocked to the side. A questionable smirk spread across his face. “Who the fuck else would it be?”

  When he went into the utility closet, I knew he was going in there for his gun. Not the pistol that he carried with him all the time, but the semi-automatic weapons that would ensure a person’s death.

  Panicking, I sprang back into the bedroom and called Treasure.

  “Hel—”

  My anxiety cut her off. “Heaven!”

  “What?!” she snapped, hearing the panic in my voice.

  “Where is Ross?”

  “In the den.”

  “Are you sure?” I pressed.

  “Yeah. I’m outside in the backyard. I see him sitting in there. What’s wrong?”

  “I gotta go.”

  “Treasure, —”w-what—”

  “I’ll call you back.” I hung up, threw my phone on the bed, and headed for the doorway. When I saw Vegas marching towards me with his gauge by his side, fear swam through me. It made me so sick that I could feel all of the cake that I had eaten earlier coming up. I turned and ran into the master bathroom. I fell on my knees on the cold tile floor just in time to spill my guts in the toilet.

  “Oh gawd,” I mumbled after the last it spewed out.

  I knew that Damo had done this. He was done playing games.

  “Baby?”

  I fell back on my butt. I reached for the tissue, tore some off, and wiped my mouth.

  “You okay?”

  I could feel Vegas standing over me, but I couldn’t look up at him as I mumbled, “You can’t kill him.”

  I heard Vegas suck his teeth. “Fuck that. I can’t keep letting this motherfucka get away with this shit! You see—”

  “It wasn’t him!” I screamed so loud that Vegas finally shut up and just stared at me listening. I could feel myself about to throw up again. The remorse and fear was making me physically ill now. I couldn’t take it anymore. “It wasn’t him, Vegas.” I forced myself to look him in the eyes. I had to at least give him enough respect to look him in the eyes. “Ross didn’t just try to kill you—”

  “Well, he had somebody do it—”

  “He didn’t steal from you!”

  Vegas’ eyes slightly rolled to the ceiling. “C’mon on now. I know that’s your girl’s man, but stop taking up for his ass—”

  “HE DIDN’T DO IT!” I screamed.

  Tears came to my eyes as Vegas’ stare questioned what I was about to say next. Now that I had his attention, I said, calmly but fearfully, “Damo lied to you.”

  “How do you know?” I could see the fear entering his body. I could see his heart beating so fast that it was making him take short deep breaths.

  Tears came to my eyes as I stared into his and told him, “He told me.”

  He flinched in all the misunderstanding. “Why?” He paused, leaned against the wall, and swallowed hard. “Why would he tell you that?”

  I couldn’t say it. The words couldn’t come out. They were there on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t say them and break his heart like this.

  I didn’t need to, though. He saw the guilt on my face. He shrank with heartbreak. Literally, his large frame cringed. “C’mon, man. Nah…”

  “I’m sorry!” I cried and covered my face with my shaky hands. I couldn’t look at his heartbreak. I couldn’t witness that shit.

  “You fucked him?!”

  My sobs were my response.

  “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!” He barked so loudly that I jumped in fear. “C’mon… Tell me you didn’t…” I heard his breath get shorth. My heart broke as I heard his breaking into tears that he was fighting. I couldn’t look at him as he kept stuttering in disbelief. “Y-you didn’t…”

  I then heard his footsteps pounding out of the bathroom. I sprang to my feet and followed him into the bedroom. “I’m sorry, Vegas.” I tried to grab his hand, but he snatched away so hard that I felt my acrylic nail break. “Please talk to me!”

  He didn’t say a word. His face was turning red as he rummaged through a drawer. I started to panic because I thought he was getting clothes to leave. I started to hyperventilate and sob like I never had before. “I love yoooou.” I collapsed on the bed, weeping.

  “Yeah? I love you too.” I looked up at him, hopeful, but that washed away when my optimistic eyes met the hurt and anger in his. “I love you so much that I bought you this.”

  Before I realized it, he hurled a small black box at me. It hit my leg so hard that it pierced my skin and made it bleed. But before I could cry out in pain, I realized what it was as it hit the floor and popped open. A beautiful, diamond ring fell out of it and onto the floor.

  I melted in shame as I bent down to pick it up, but Vegas stomped on it before my fingers could grasp
it. He started to stomp it over and over again. I cried out, feeling as if that was our relationship he was stomping on. I lunged towards him and gripped his T-shirt. He pushed me away, and I fell to my knees again.

  “I’m sorryyyyyyyy.” I wanted him to believe me so bad that the need hurt my throat as the words came out.

  “I bet you are.” He started to walk away, and I went into panic mode.

  I crawled swiftly behind him. As soon as I could, I grabbed the first thing that I could, which was his pants leg. “Please, don’t leave, Vegas! Please?! I’m so sorry, baby!”

  He reached down and pushed me away. I fell back and looked up at him. But I couldn’t bear to witness his heartbreak. I shamefully looked away as I heard him say, “I’m done. You can have that bum ass motherfucker. Fuck you.”

  Princess

  I flopped down on my couch, kicking my shoes off. Damo was avoiding my eyes, because I knew he felt me glaring at his stupid ass.

  “You see me looking at you!” I fussed.

  Damo grimaced as he sat on the loveseat in the corner of the living room.

  “You almost killed him!” I spat.

  Damo simply shrugged. “That was the plan.”

  My eyes rolled as I scowled at him. “Because he don’t rock with you no more? You were going to ruin this for us because of that?”

  He sat there with his face scrunched up, looking like a bad ass lil’ boy.

  I shook my head at how stubbornly stupid he was being. “Can you blame Vegas for not fucking with you no more? You’ve been fucking up.”

  I loved Damo, but his trigger-happiness was ruining this for us.

  “Fucking up how?” he had the nerve to question.

  My mouth dramatically dropped. Was he serious?

  “First of all, shooting at Ross. Now, you shooting at Vegas. Control your temper. And don’t act like you haven’t been sloppy. Shit, did you forget that you got Divine pregnant?”