To Be Your Wife

by Rae Kennedy

Are things going to be weird if we don’t?

  It’ll be weird if we do.

  Fuck.

  Fuckity fuck.

  * * *

  I’m just going to go home. All of my stuff is in my car. I will talk to Tuck...later. I try to walk as normally to my parked Jeep as possible, but my left ankle is still stiff and can’t take too much weight. Haley spots me from across the lawn and catches up to me easily.

  “Hey,” she says, slowing to walk next to me, a little out of breath. “I’m making flank steak tonight. I’ve already got a salad. Would you rather have rice or scalloped potatoes with it?”

  “Sorry, Hale. I’m actually going to go back to my apartment tonight.”

  “Oh, okay.” She looks like she’s thinking for a minute. “You still have to eat right? You could come over for dinner and go home after?” The look on her face is so genuine and hopeful.

  “I don’t think I should. I have a lot of studying and laundry to catch up on.”

  “I get it.” She gives me a smile but there’s disappointment in her eyes.

  Shit.

  “Will there be a shit-ton of cheese on the scalloped potatoes?”

  “You know it,” she says, perking up.

  “I’ll be there.”

  * * *

  Tuck’s knee is touching mine under the table and I’m having a hard time thinking about anything else.

  He’s totally relaxed, stuffing his face with food and carrying on a conversation like nothing has changed.

  Maybe he was literally asleep last night and doesn’t remember anything. If sleepwalking is a thing, maybe sleep-finger-fucking is too?

  I try to focus on Haley instead of him. We talk about plans for this weekend and how she’s decided to take a couple of summer classes so she can minor in photography and still graduate on time next year.

  But Tuck’s eyes are on me and when he asks if he can refill my drink, his hand lingers on my shoulder a little too long.

  Since Haley cooked, Tuck and I clean up the kitchen after dinner. The water runs hot as I rinse off the plates and Tuck starts on the pots and pans.

  “Do you have a lot of schoolwork to do tonight or do you want to watch a movie before bed?” he asks.

  “I told you last night I was going to stay at my place tonight.”

  “I know, but that was before—”

  Haley walks in the kitchen and he goes back to scrubbing the potato dish. So, he does remember. Yep.

  He looks at me, a little crease forming between his brows, like he’s trying to figure something out.

  “I’m going to take a shower and do some homework,” Haley says, yawning.

  “Night,” Tuck says, his eyes still on me.

  “I’ve got to get going too, I’ve got a huge test tomorrow,” I say, stacking the plates.

  Haley disappears down the hall. Tuck and I are alone. And he doesn’t look happy.

  “Come sit with me,” he says, heading to the living room.

  “I have to go.”

  “Court, c’mon. We need to talk.”

  Why does he have to be so adult? Why can’t he just let me run away from the situation? I take a deep breath and follow him to the couch. I sit facing him with my legs crossed. My hands are cold as I lace my fingers in my lap.

  “Are you upset about what happened last night?” he asks.

  “No.”

  He cocks his head at me and raises an eyebrow. My face is hot.

  "You’ve been acting strange all night. Look, I'm sorry if I went too far or made you uncomfortable—"

  "You didn't." I reach out and rest my hand lightly on his arm.

  He closes his eyes and lets out a breath. "Good. I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship.”

  “Me neither.”

  “But”—his hazel eyes are locked on me—“you have to know we are more than just friends."

  I nod.

  We sit, looking at each other for a minute. I can't tell what he's thinking.

  "I like the more part," he says quietly.

  "Me too,” I admit.

  He takes my hand in his. "We don't have to put a label on this right now, but I want to keep doing the more.” His gaze travels down to my lips, then back to my eyes. His jaw set. “And I want you in my bed."

  My breath hitches at his words and I swallow hard. My heart is racing and my lips part as I breathe faster.

  He stands wordlessly, keeping hold of my hand as he leads me down the hallway, turning off lights as we go. After he closes the door to the bedroom behind us, he comes to me. Standing just inches away. He smells wonderful, like his yummy cologne and the hot manly scent under it that's all him.

  My tummy somersaults as he places both hands on either side of my face, moving in even closer. He touches his nose to mine and his hot breath is on my lips. His eyes are bright, wide, and intense. Asking without any words.

  I part my lips and he takes my cue instantly, tilting my head toward his as his mouth meets mine. His lips are soft and warm, kneading gently but insistent. One of his hands slides down and wraps around the back of my neck as he sucks and nips at my lower lip.

  I think I might be trembling but a force from within my body urges me further. I press harder against him, deepening the kiss and he meets me with equal desire, a push and pull like ocean waves lapping at the shore.

  His chest is hard under my palm and my other hand is fisted in the hem of his shirt. My knuckles brush along the burning skin just above his jeans. I open to him and he tastes the inside of my mouth, knowing how to tease. My tongue chases after his, and I want to devour him.

  My breathing is heavy as he pulls back, his lips swollen, eyes hooded.

  “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

  “Yeah?” I ask, breathy.

  “Mm hmm.” His lips are upturned as he brushes them against mine again. “Do you have your books and notes in your car?”

  “Yes.”

  “How about you go study in the living room, or kitchen, or wherever you want. I’m going to get ready for bed, and you can join me when you’re ready.”

  I look over to his large bed with its crisp white sheets, king-sized pillows, and fluffy duvet with light gray pinstripes. So simple yet masculine, big and welcoming. It’s just like Tuck. And it’s the only place I want to be right now.

  “Can I study in bed with you?”

  He looks happy. “Anything you want, darlin.’”

  * * *

  The room is only lit by the two bedside table lamps, but the warm light they cast is more than enough for me to read through and reorganize my notes, my textbook spread open in my lap. I‘m wearing a shirt I stole from Tuck and he has been sitting next to me under the covers for the last hour, propped up against his pillow, shirtless, reading a thick John Grisham novel.

  The silence is comfortable, only interrupted by the sound of turning pages.

  There’s a quick knock on the bedroom door and then it opens. “Hey Tuck—" Haley freezes, her eyes shifting back and forth between us for a minute.

  Holy crap.

  She finally smiles and shakes her head. “You two are so weird. You both tell me you’re just friends and there’s nothing going on between you, but here you are reading in bed together like an old married couple.”

  I give her an apologetic shrug. “We enjoy each other’s company.”

  “In and out of bed,” Tuck adds, giving me a sideways glance.

  I smack his pec with the back of my hand.

  “So that’s a thing we’re doing now?” Haley places a hand on her hip. “Okay. I don’t even remember what I came in here for. We can talk about this”—she motions her hand in front of us in a circle—“tomorrow.”

  “Night, sis.” Tuck shifts his eyes back down to his book.

  Before she shuts the door behind her, Haley looks at me, eyes wide, and mouths, “Oh my god!”

  When I set my text and notebooks on the bedside table and turn off the lamp, Tuck does the same with
his book. He lies down, arms outstretched to me and I happily curl myself up to his chest.

  He places a sweet kiss to my forehead. But I tilt my head up and capture his lips with mine, wanting more. He kisses me back, not being over-eager with his tongue or greedy with his hands. We just hold each other and enjoy being close, the feel of our lips pressed together, nipping, licking, sucking, and exploring.

  I haven’t made out like this since I was a teenager.

  And I think I could be happy with just this for the rest of my life.

  * * *

  “Tell me how long.”

  “Nothing happened until a couple nights ago,” I say, dipping my salty fries in ketchup two at a time.

  Warm sunshine streams in through the windows of the café. Tiny green buds are starting to bloom on the street trees outside. A group of guys walk down the street carrying Frisbees and a couple of kids skateboard past, wearing shorts and tank tops even though the breeze is still cool.

  Haley pulls the pickles off her sandwich. “Okay, as your friend, I want to hear all the juicy details. But as Tuck’s sister, I don’t want to know anything. So, tell me everything you can, as vaguely as possible.”

  I chuckle at her and take a sip of my lemonade.

  She takes a giant bite of her sandwich, lettuce spilling out the sides.

  “Are you two, like a couple now?” she asks after finally swallowing.

  “I don’t know what we are, but we agree we’re more than friends, and we are fine keeping it at that for now.”

  “This is the problem with young people today. All they do is ‘hang out’ and ‘Netflix and chill’ but no one wants to commit to a real relationship.”

  “Young people? You do realize you are younger than both of us, right?”

  “Maybe on the outside, but inside, I’m basically a grandmother.” She points a floppy fry at me. “Are you going to sit down and have a grown-ass conversation about it?”

  “I don’t know, honestly. We are having fun and I’m graduating in six weeks...”

  “And...you don’t do the long-distance thing.”

  “Right.”

  “Well, this will be new for my brother. He’s a serious relationship kind of guy. He’s always wanted the wife, two point five kids, dog, all that.”

  I take a big bite of my burger and wipe ketchup from my lip. I want that stuff too.

  For years when I’ve envisioned my future, Wes was the man standing next to me. In the last few months, his face has been blurry. His figure less solid. And instead of little blue-eyed babes running around with curly blond hair, I’ve been seeing cowlicks and dimples.

  “I’m fine with you guys having fun.” She takes a sip of her drink, then looks at me seriously. “I love both of you and just I want you to be happy.”

  She doesn’t have to say the rest.

  But don’t hurt him.

  CHAPTER 14

  Tuck is in bed, reading his book, but I know he is watching me. I feel the heat of his eyes on me as I undress.

  My back is to him. My jeans are on the floor. I lift my shirt over my head and it joins my pants in a heap by the dresser.

  I’m in only my panties and bra, and my skin tingles with anticipation and nerves. I touch the clasp on my bra but hesitate. He’ll only see my bare back from where he’s lying, but my fingers on the clasp shake. He probably already saw my breasts on New Year’s Eve, but... Probably? He definitely saw them.

  I can’t.

  I pull my head through Tuck’s Notre Dame T-shirt then remove my bra under it before sliding my arms through.

  I walk over to his side of the bed and he puts his book down, looking up at me.

  “Have I told you how much I love when you wear my shirts to bed?”

  I shake my head.

  “Well, I do. It’s so sexy.”

  I bite my bottom lip. “Would you like it if I wore it and nothing else?” I slip my hands under the oversized shirt and he watches as my panties fall to the floor.

  His chest rises. “Fuck, Court.”

  “What?” I try to look innocent.

  He grabs me around the waist, lifting me with no effort and throws me down to lie on the bed next to him. And we are kissing. My arms are wrapped around his neck, my fingers in his hair.

  I hook my leg over his hip and grind against his hardness. He groans against my lips, but I want more. Our bodies crash against one another, controlled by a force too strong to deny.

  I want him and I’m going to have him.

  His hand slides up my leg and over my bare ass and I try not to shiver at his touch. But he keeps roaming, caressing up my back and around my ribs, his thumb rubbing a circle just below my breast.

  “Tuck—” I break our kiss.

  His lips are puffy, eyes lust-filled, as he looks at me wantonly.

  “I...I don’t like my breasts to be touched.”

  I usually lay down that ground rule before I even get into bed with a guy, but everything with Tuck has been so...different. I don’t dislike my breasts. I love my body. I love how lean and athletic it is and I’m not ashamed of any part of it. My boobs are just...not womanly. Not sexy. So, I keep them out of my sex life. Letting someone see a part of me that I’m insecure about... I don’t know, it seems more intimate than sex.

  Tuck blinks, his eyes clearer now. He looks at me thoughtfully and says, “Okay.”

  He doesn’t pry with any other questions, just slips his hand out from under my shirt and smooths it back down, covering me up.

  Great. Now I’ve ruined the moment.

  But, without missing a beat, he smiles and pulls me in close to whisper in my ear. “Good thing I’m such a leg and ass man.” His hand slides down and kneads my behind. “Have I told you how amazing your legs and ass are?”

  I love how easily he lightens my mood.

  “No, why don’t you tell me,” I tease.

  He rolls me onto my back, his full body weight pressing me to the bed, still gripping my ass.

  “Your ass looks so hot in jeans. I’d imagine how good it’d feel in my hands.” He squeezes my cheeks harder, making my insides tingle. “And you know what? It’s a perfect handful, and it feels so good.”

  He moves down my body as his hands slide over my hips to touch my thighs. My shirt has ridden up to my belly button and now he is looking right at my nakedness. He kisses the inside of my thigh and I think I am trembling.

  “And your legs...” He massages up and down my legs as he kisses my other thigh, higher than before. “Your legs are so long and strong, I’d imagine how they’d feel wrapped around my face.”

  “Tuck—”

  But his hot tongue between my thighs kills all coherent thought.

  His whole mouth devours me—exploring my pussy, kissing and sucking on my clit.

  Getting eaten out has never been my thing—again, too intimate. But Tuck never lets up and I love having his attention on my body, in every way that he gives it. He doesn’t look up at me for confirmation he’s doing it right or if I’m enjoying myself. I’m sure he can tell by my moans and how I fist the sheets as I writhe under him.

  He has me spread with one hand, the thumb on his other rubbing circles on my erect clitoris, and then he penetrates me with his tongue. It’s too much.

  I clutch the back of his head, holding him to me as I come. He doesn’t stop eating me until I finish, my legs relaxing at his sides.

  He smiles up at me, wipes his mouth, then gets off the bed and starts walking toward the bathroom.

  What the fuck?

  “Tucker. Where are you going?” I am nowhere near done with him yet.

  “Gonna hop in the shower.”

  “No. Get your ass back over here.” I want more.

  His ab muscles flex as he chuckles at me. “Are you always so bossy in bed?”

  Well, yeah. “I’ve never not gotten what I want in bed.”

  “And what do you want?”

  “I want you to put it in me.”

  H
is eyebrows shoot up and he chews on his bottom lip as he looks up my legs. “You’re killing me. But I promise you can boss me around next time.”

  And then he proceeds to the shower.

  * * *

  Birds are chirping in the trees outside the window when I wake. Tuck’s knee is between my thighs and a heavy arm is wrapped around my waist. I wiggle free, trying not to disturb him, but he pulls me back and starts kissing my neck.

  “Mornin,’” he drawls.

  “Morning,” I say, trying not to be distracted by his lips. “I’ve got to pee.”

  When I’m done, I put on my little sleep shorts, leave on Tuck’s shirt, and we walk out to the kitchen where Haley is already eating toast.

  She smirks at me as we come in together. My hair is still disheveled from bed and I can see her imagination working.

  “Coffee?” Tuck starts pouring a mug full.

  “Sure,” I say, sitting next to Haley at their little table.

  “How was your night?” she asks, her tone suggestive.

  “It was good.” I try not to smile too wide, remembering Tucks face between my thighs.

  “I want vague details, remember?” She probably doesn’t want to hear how talented her brother’s tongue is. Though, I wasn’t exactly quiet, so she probably heard plenty.

  “No details to vaguely report,” I say.

  “Sure...” Haley winks as Tuck hands me my coffee and takes the seat beside me.

  “We haven’t even had sex yet,” I say to her under my breath.

  “Depends on your definition,” Tuck says, having heard me anyway. “Many people would count oral sex.”

  Haley spits her coffee across the table.

  “Tuck!” I say. What the hell?

  He gets a towel to clean the mess and Haley is now coughing.

  “TMI, dude,” she says after finally settling down.

  I can’t believe he told her that. My face flushes with heat, but I don’t think it’s from embarrassment.

  “I have a study group soon. I better get going,” I say, standing.

  “On a Saturday?” he asks.

  “Yes. It’s the easiest day for everyone’s schedule.” I say it in a harsher tone than intended.

  “You’re not even going to finish your coffee?”

  “No. I’m not thirsty.”