Sand dollar

by Hollye Davis

  She took a couple cautious steps toward him and tentatively took the sand dollar from his hand and admired it. She felt a small smile pull her lips upward. She turned it over, it had survived. Not raising her eyes from the sand dollar she mumbled, “Thank you, I thought it was gone.”

  She turned away to put the sand dollar carefully on the glass-topped table in the kitchen. She would put it in her box after they left.

  Returning back toward her visitors she forced herself to look up and try to meet his eyes but only made it as far as his chin. After all, he was very tall and besides she couldn’t bear to see the judgment she was sure to find lurking in his eyes. He held out his hand and introduced himself, “I am Christoph.” She took his hand and squeezed.

  “I’m Cloe,” she dropped his hand quickly and averted her eyes from Christoph’s chin to a gorgeous redhead girl who shifted to his left. “I’m Sandra.” Sandra was as tall as her and looked as young as her, but that is where the similarities ended. Sandra was easily described with one word, beautiful. Her eyes held a worldly intelligence that Cloe had never seen anyone her age carry. She was glamorous, poised, and oddly friendly.

  Sandra smiled, “I told Christoph he was an extreme ass to you. You weren’t the only one who wasn’t watching where they were going!” She swatted Christoph’s arm and that was all it took for Cloe to instantly like her.

  Another very tall, very muscular guy came around and held out his hand, “I’m Duke.” He reminded her of the cartoon Marmaduke. He was huge but very handsome in a gooey brownie kind of way. His chocolate hair was the exact same color of his large puppy dog eyes that shined with a kindness and understanding. Even though he was huge, he didn’t intimidate her. In fact, he was very appealing.

  Another girl came forward but did not extend her hand, she simply said, “Christine.”

  Cloe tensed. The statuesque blonde was exactly the type of person who would give her a hard time in high school. Cloe wanted to avoid her at all costs. Christine was probably head cheerleader at their school and couldn’t believe Christoph was wasting his time with such a loser like her. Thankfully after she said her name the other girl beside her introduced herself as Penelope.

  Penelope had the most beautiful head of almost black hair that fell way past her shoulders in huge waves. It shined in the dull artificial light changing colors from black, to blue, to brown, to an auburn color. She had full ripe red lips that reminded her of the underwear models on billboards at the airport. But even though Penelope looked like she eluded sex and seduction, her eyes showed something more, an intelligence not normally associated to someone so beautiful. They all seemed very mature. When she thought everyone was finished with the introductions she started to turn around and sit down but another guy emerged out of the shadows. He wasn’t quite into the light when he said,

  “Hallo,” in a British accent. When he did fully emerge in the light she was overcome. He was tall, over six feet, with a well-built body that was slender without looking awkward. He had midnight black hair but it was his eyes, the most shocking blue eyes she had ever seen, that captivated her. They pierced her soul and sent shockwaves down to her toes. The other guys were gorgeous, but this guy, there was no words to describe his appeal.

  Her entire body tensed immediately and she became very conscious of herself. She felt gangly, gross, and ridiculous. He, on the other hand, eluded class, education, and money. He was refined and she was fresh from CPS.

  “I am Edwin Corbin,” he said as he held out his hand. She laughed abruptly and inappropriately then blushed. He looked perplexed and dropped his hand.

  “I’m sorry,” Cloe said desperately trying to stop laughing, “It’s just your name…it, uhhh, it shocked me. You see Edwin was the name of my old horse. He was such a homely fellow that I wanted to give him a dignified name.”

  She noticed her laugh had a twinge of hysteria because this guy FIT his name! Really, what were the odds of the most gorgeous guy she had ever seen have the same name as her old horse?

  Her own amusement abruptly stopped when she noticed that everyone was laughing too. She didn’t think they would find her horse and Edwin shared a name funny so they must be laughing at her. Her chin dropped to her chest. They probably just discovered that she was such a hopeless loser that they can’t believe they took the time to talk to her at all.

  Christoph came closer to her and softly patted her back. She stiffened. “Oh you’re priceless. Edwin takes himself far too seriously and here you call him a homely horse!” She shot a glance toward Christoph.

  “Oh, I didn’t call him a horse!” she defended but no one listened. They were too busy laughing.

  Edwin, however, looked intensely at her. It was as if he was inspecting an insect he just found on the bottom of his shoe.

  Oh please let the floor open and swallow me, she prayed.

  Sandra stepped closer to Edwin, sparing a peculiar look at him then suggested to her, “Please join us at the fire. It is nothing exciting just something we do to unwind.”

  Her eyes snapped from Edwin to Sandra. So they were the people she had been watching at night, how very interesting. She looked at them all closely again, even more curious. Before she could answer they practically dragged her out of the cottage toward the fire that was already blazing.

  The fire licked at the wood swirling smoke and flames to the midnight sky. It breathed and sparked dancing with the breeze. The warmth of it bled into my skin sinking deep into my tight muscles. I sunk into the cool soft sand and reveled in the contradiction between the heat and cool. My bare toes dug deeply in the sand allowing it to flow through them. I wrapped my arms around her legs and rested my chin on my knees to just stare at the fire. I was in heaven.

  – Cloe’s diary

  Chapter 6 Revelation She stared at the fire until spots floated in front of her eyes forcing her to glance at her surroundings. Off to the right were a stack of evenly cut logs. They were the kind you would buy at the grocery store if you had the resources to buy them. She spared a glance at her fire companions - these people definitely had the resources. She glanced back at the fire, by the multitude of ashes, the well-worn area around the fire, and the carefully placed stones, it was obvious they came to this spot often.

  She sat between the girls and the boys because it was the only place available. The girls chatted about shopping and some guy named Calvin Klein. The guys talked about sports. She listened.

  After awhile her mind drifted as she went back to gazing into the fire watching the flames jump and crackle. She liked it when sparks flew into the sky and she could watch them dissipate.

  “What do you like to talk about?” She jumped and it took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to see that Edwin had positioned himself closer to her.

  “Oh…I really don’t talk much about anything,” she answered uncomfortably looking once again at the fire.

  “Really? That’s a first for a woman,” he teased her.

  She smiled, her gaze still focusing on the fire, “Yes, I’m an oddity for sure.” She spared a quick flash of a smile at him then returned to the fire. Was she flirting? She never flirted.

  “So what do you do during your days?” She felt his gaze bore into her and she spared him another glance.

  “I mainly read books, sometimes walk on the beach – that is when I don’t run into people.” She looked pointedly at Christoph who grinned back at her. She turned back to Edwin and continued, “I like to cook although I haven’t had an opportunity to do that here yet. That’s about it. I haven’t been here for long.”

  “Do you not watch television or go to the movies?” He inquired. It took her a moment to answer because she got distracted on the way he said television. It sounded so sophisticated in the British accent.

  “No, I really don’t have an interest. My aunt doesn’t even own a TV.”

  Suddenly she realized everyone was listening intently to her.

  “How…unique,” Edwin said, “sometimes I feel
media is overrated.” There were several snorts and he gave them what she could only describe as a “go to hell.” She looked back at the fire thinking the conversation was over. She was wrong. When Edwin looked back at her he continued the inquisition, “So what were you thinking about just then…when you were looking at the fire?”

  “Oh, it was nothing really, nothing that is interesting.”

  “Tell me anyway,” he smiled and for some reason when she gazed into his eyes, she thought, why not? He is going to find out she was a loser sooner or later.

  “I was thinking about how the fire danced and moved with the breeze. How similar it is to life. One day it is bright and wonderful, you reach as far as you can and dance. The possibilities are endless. The breeze feeds you and you grow. Then one day the wind blows the wrong way and takes you a different direction. You still dance and reach but somehow something isn’t right. When the breeze goes away and there is nothing left for you to burn, you just disappear. To get the fire back is hard. The only thing you can do is hope that one day the right combination will come back to you and you can reach again and grow. Not be invisible.”

  When she was finished she spared a look at Edwin who was staring into the fire. The firelight bounced off his sharp cheekbones accentuating his beauty. He looked back at her and gave her a small smile.

  “Are you just visiting here or did you just move here?” The abrupt change of conversation disoriented her and it took her a minute to recover enough to answer.

  “Hummm, that is an interesting question. I suppose that if you ask my aunt then I am living here, however, I’ve learned in my 17 years of living that it’s safer to say I’m visiting rather than living because you never know what tomorrow brings.”

  “Where are your parents?”

  Frowning she looked at her hands that suddenly clinched in fists. She didn’t know how to answer that question because she was embarrassed. How do you explain that you are such a loser no one wants you?

  “If I’m intruding,” Edwin spoke softly, “then you don’t have to answer that.”

  Cloe reassured him that his question wasn’t intrusive by giving a small smile and saying, “It shouldn’t be a tough question to answer but the truth is that I really don’t know where they are.”

  “Oh, do you not know them?” He kept his eyes steadily on her face, as if he was trying to figure her out.

  “I know them, in the sense that you mean, but I don’t think I’ve really ever really known them, in the normal way.” She fought to hold herself very still so he would not read her discomfort, suspecting she wasn’t making sense.

  He continued to watch her closely, as if he was waiting for more. Finally she sighed, what did it matter if she told him a little bit about her life. If he thought less of her, well it wouldn’t be the first time. So she began an abridge version of her pathetic life. “About two and half years ago my grandfather died and my grandmother,” she paused thinking of a polite word to describe what happened to her grandmother, “My grandmother got sick. I had to move to Germany to be with my parents who up to that point hadn’t had a whole lot to do with me. As hard as I tried I was still an” another pause to think of a non-severe word, “inconvenience and well one day after school I came home to an empty apartment, a plane ticket, and a note saying I had an aunt in California.” She shrugged, “now I am here and I am finding that I am very fond of my aunt and this beach.”

  She was proud of herself for saying so much until she looked at Edwin. He looked angry and it made her nervous.

  “Pardon me, but your parents are …jerks,” he forced the last bit out through clenched teeth.

  Well duh. “Oh that’s not a new revelation, but it still hurts sometimes.” She slightly jerked back. She couldn’t believe she admitted that out loud. She barely acknowledge that their lack of caring had bothered her. For her to say it out-loud was painful.

  All of a sudden exhaustion nearly suffocated her. She glanced about and then decided that it was time for her to return to the cottage.

  She addressed everyone loudly, “Well it has been lovely, I really appreciate you allowing me to join you however I need to head on back and get some sleep. Thank you again.” It was probably the last time she was going to see them so she forced herself to look at each one of their lovely beautiful faces.

  She began to rise when Edwin, who was already standing, gave her his hand to help. When she slid her hand in his, heat shot all the way up her arm spreading all over body. Good grief, this guy was electric. Feeling burned, she dumbly looked at their joined hands expecting see smoke, but there was none. Once standing he removed his hand and placed it on the small of her back, the sensations from the intimate gesture nearly sending her to the sand again. She had to force herself to take a step on trembling legs and was soon very thankful he was guiding her because she was not sure she would have found the cottage in the dark.

  “I’m sorry our conversation made you uncomfortable,” Edwin said and she turned surprised. He was smiling, “Don’t be shocked, the abrupt departure was indication enough.”

  He paused as if he was weighing each word then asked, “You are not comfortable talking are you?”

  “No.” She answered simply looking straight ahead to her destination and her safety.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I have nothing important to say.”

  “That’s untrue. You have many thoughts. You just choose not share them,” he countered.

  “And how are you so sure of that?” she spoke angrily, “I could be a complete feather brain and have nothing on my mind but wind and sand.”

  He laughed at her and it made her angrier. “Oh no, you do not,” He said smiling, “You think a lot, I can tell. I can almost see the wheels turning in your head.”

  Oh great, he might have just as well said she have windmills in her head. She really didn‘t how to comment on that so she just said the truth, “I always say the wrong things. It’s easier not to say anything at all.” How can she get to the cottage faster and away from this conversation? She picked up her speed but Edwin matched it easily.

  Then he put his hand on her elbow causing them both to stop. She looked at the offending hand disgustingly and he dropped it. He then lifted her chin with his finger, “It’s nice to meet someone without superficiality or ulterior motives. Don’t sell yourself short.”

  What was he talking about? Not really wanting an answer she started walking again. She was ready for this conversation to be over and she was ready to return to the safe heaven that was now the cottage. When she saw it looming before her she turned to him and said, “Good night,” and ran the remaining distance. A girl just doesn’t get over social awkwardness overnight or in her case ever.

  “Good night,” he answered back bewildered. She barely made out a booming voice that must have been Christoph, “I think that is the first girl that ever has run FROM Edwin!” which was accompanied by loud laugher.

  When I wake in the morning I have a choice to rise in an excellent mood or in a foul disposition. The choice is completely mine and mine alone. However, as the light blazed through a tiny crack in the curtains searing my closed eyelids, that choice was taken away from me. – Cloe’s diary

  Chapter 7

  Social Idiot She was cranky. She dug around in her room for a few minutes unsatisfied and restless. With her hands on her hips she finally decided that she would go to the grocery store. She wanted to be busy because if she started thinking she would remember the stupid things she said to Edwin last night. She supposed it didn’t really matter though, she would never see him again. There was no way him and his friends would ever want to associate with an idiot like her.

  She dressed, grabbed the keys, and ran down the stairs to underneath the house where the golf cart was kept.

  After five minutes of driving she decided it was the best fun. She felt independence she couldn’t recall ever feeling, well maybe when she rode her horse in Texas but that was so long ago. Maybe i
t was time for her to consider getting her driver’s license. She quickly swallowed the idea down as fear surged in her belly.

  It reminded her how she had looked forward to her 16th birthday for years, as most kids did. The only present she wanted was to get her driver’s license. However, her grandmother was at her worst and the day went by without a word. It wasn’t long when they had to leave the farmhouse. Then due to citizenship and language issues that accompanied living in a foreign country, she was unable.

  Although it hadn’t really occurred to her it would be an issue at the time. She thought that the military facility where she attended school would have some prevision for Americans.So she naively asked her mother who laughed continuously as if it was the funniest thing she ever heard.

  When the inevitable tears flooded Cloe’s eyes her father slapped her for trying to make her mother feel bad. Her 17th birthday came and went without anyone even remembering or acknowledging her. That was the best present she had that year or any year. No, she didn’t want to even attempt getting her driver’s license. She didn’t want to go anywhere anyway.

  It was a lovely 70 degrees outside and she imagined she could have kept driving to the end of the earth if the golf cart batteries would let her. But all good things come to an end and all too soon she arrived at a very small grocery store, if you were liberal enough to call it that.

  The first thing she noticed when she entered the sea- salt covered glass door was a girl her age behind the counter. Her hair was died a dull black and she had thick black eyeliner smudges around her eyes. The girl’s pale face seemed at odds to someone who worked at a grocery store that was no more than 500 yards from solid sun and ocean. The girl reminded her of some of the clubbers in Germany, the ones who seemed to try to emulate the dead. Cloe tended to keep her distance from them and this girl was no exception.

  Walking the opposite direction of the front counter, she went about her business shopping. But she couldn’t get over the creepy feeling that she was being watched. Occasionally she would look over her shoulder to try to catch someone, but no one was ever around. It was an odd sensation and she didn’t like it. She quickly gathered up everything she needed and took it to the girl. Upon closer inspection the girl did look like death. Cloe took a large breath and tried to explain how her aunt set-up credit to no avail.