Sand dollar

by Hollye Davis

  He stopped looking disbelieving at her, “I don’t get it. You are beautiful and nice. You should be the most popular girl here. You are prettier than Britney and much nicer.”

  Cloe laughed, “Whatever Jeff. People just don’t like me.”

  “I like you, your friends like you. Obviously your boyfriend seriously likes you or he wouldn’t have gone through the trouble he did to hire me.”

  “You feel sorry for me Jeff and you have a big heart. You aren’t bothered by my weirdness or stupidity.”

  “No, Cloe, I just think that people sense you are special and above them, they have to work to knock you down,” he said seriously.

  They had arrived at her next class and before she could argue he walked away.

  Okay, I think I think I completed my decent to complete craziness. I swore I saw Edwin walking on the beach and I ran to the glass door, flung it open yelling after him. When he didn’t turn around I ran out onto the beach falling twice in an effort to catch him. I continued to call his name but he never turned around, never said anything. I kept running, tears streaming down my face. Why didn’t he hear me, why did he keep running away? When I finally caught up to him and I nearly tackled him only to find it out it wasn’t Edwin at all. It was the old lady six cottages down and she had been running away from me because I apparently scared her. I apologized of course, but how could I explain myself? How could I think this old lady was Edwin? Yes, I am crazy, but I am going to keep it to myself. – Cloe’s Diary

  Chapter 7

  A surprise visit “Please say you can spend the night tonight?” She whined to Kim. She wasn’t beneath a little begging just so she didn’t have another night alone.

  “Man, what is it that you always want me over? Not that I mind, but still,” Kim asked trying to come across exasperated. Truth was that Kim loved staying at the cottage, although she complained all the time not having a TV.

  “It’s just that Edwin was always waiting for me, without him I’m at a loss. You make it easier for me.”

  “You guys are very serious aren’t you?” “Silly question Kim. I told you I loved him and we’ve slept together. I would say that is serious.”

  “Yeah but kids our age always say stuff like that, I mean how do you know?”

  Cloe looked off when she answered, “I just know. I haven’t seen a lot of love in her life but I know what Edwin and I have is special. I guess because I have been exposed to so much that’s not love, it makes me realize what the real thing is.”

  “Do you have a picture of him?” Kim asked picking at a loose thread on her shirt.

  That question surprised Cloe. “Well, umm, no, I don’t.” She didn’t realize that until now.

  “How odd.” It was if Kim snatched the thought right of her head.

  “How long have you been dating?” Kim asked.

  Cloe had to think about that too. She was still shocked that she didn’t have a single picture of Edwin.

  “Since April,” she answered softly.

  Kim looked at her oddly and said, “And you haven’t a picture?”

  “I guess not.” Cloe was uncomfortable. The truth was she didn’t have any pictures of her life except that one photo of the farm in Texas. She never wanted a reminder of her life because she worked too hard to forget most of it. Now because of her mental blocks she didn’t have a picture of the one person she was deeply in love with. But the most disturbing thought was why Edwin never took a picture of her.

  Kim didn’t ask anything else about the pictures but she did come over to the cottage to spend the night. Cloe was so very thankful and wanted to reward her by visiting Cole. Besides, for the first time in a long time she felt physically able to go horseback riding.

  Kim had never been on a horse, which was complete delight to Cole. Cloe rode off while they flirted and she suspected Kim acted more helpless than she really was. Cloe galloped down the beach through the water leaving them back at the round pin. Maybe if she galloped fast enough she would be able to jump ahead to the day Edwin arrived home. Then maybe her stomach would stop hurting so bad.

  When she finally finished riding, she walked outside to where Kim and Cole were in deep conversation. She was paranoid enough to think it was about her. However, to her profound relief, it was just about school and Kim’s classes. Cloe waved at them notifying them she was back and went to cool and rub Bear down. Cole was to give him hay a bit later but she pulled a carrot out for a job well done. Nuzzling Bear’s nose, she said goodbye to him, then gave a hug to Cole.

  Kim and her drove slowly through the community on the golf cart. Cloe was anxious to ask Kim about Cole and their conversation but she still had difficulties asking questions. It was frustrated over the anxieties she couldn’t seem to get over. When Kim spoke up without prompting, Cloe was relived she didn’t have to fight this internal battle just yet.

  “I really like Cole,” Kim said, “He’s really cool,” but then she looked at Cloe with a crease between her brows she continued, “but I don’t think your boyfriend and him get along real well.”

  Cloe agreed, “Well Edwin is a bit jealous and he thought Cole and I had a thing going at one point. It was perfectly ridiculous.” Kim put her head down. “No, not so ridiculous. I think Cole does have a thing for you. You were all he talked about. How great you are with Bear, how nice you are. How he can’t believe that people give you such a hard time because you are so beautiful.”

  Cloe stopped the cart, turning in her seat to look at Kim, “Cole and I are friends, just friends, nothing more. He knows where he stands with me and he knows Edwin well enough.”

  “Just because a guy likes a girl who is unavailable doesn’t mean he stops liking them,” Kim said sadly.

  “He doesn’t like me okay? He has never come on to me or even hinted any sort of attraction. We are friends,” Cloe said huffily, then added, “I think you like him and are reading things into this situation because you afraid that he won’t like you back.”

  Kim blushed – Bingo, she hit the nail on the head.

  “Thank God,” Cloe smiled.

  “What?”

  “I thought I was the only one afflicted

  with blushes!” Cloe laughed loudly. Kim

  swatted at her laughing too.

  Cloe put the golf cart in motion again, deciding she liked teasing Kim. After a moment of silence Cloe broke out in son horribly offtune, “Kim and Cole sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G!”

  “Oh God make it stop,” Kim covered her ears smiling ear to ear. She was sure they were disturbing the few people who were around but for once she didn’t care. It felt good being a typical inconsiderate teenager. They were probably the two most unlikely people to ever be friends, yet here was the first best girl friend she had in a very long time.

  Cloe stopped singing when they pulled into the cottage driveway and saw a strange car parked next to Aunt’s red car. They walked up the stairs eying the shiny vehicle. Aunt was sitting in the living room looking out at the ocean. She seemed worried.

  “Is everything okay?” Cloe inquired trying to calm her pounding heart.

  Startling her aunt jumped and swung around, “Oh, Hey Cloe. Yeah everything is fine. Long day is all.”

  Aunt glanced at Kim and then back to her and said, “One of your friends is out at the beach.”

  Cloe started tugging Kim along when Aunt said, “Ummm, Kim can I talk to you a minute? I think Cloe needs time with her friend.”

  Instantly Cloe’s stomach was hurting and bile started rising in her throat. She tried to stop the horrific thoughts surging through her. It was all very mysterious. She hurried outside and down the steps looking to find her “friend.” Her heart pounded faster when she spotted Christoph by the remnants of the fire. Millions of horrible things were going through her mind, mainly if something had happened to Edwin.

  “Is Edwin okay?” She barely got out over the roar of the ocean.

  “Cloe!” He said cheerfully and reached to give her a hug.
“Yes, Edwin is fine. He just wanted me to check on you.”

  Thank God. She let out a ragged breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

  Christoph reached out and touched her lip. It had healed up but there was still a mark showing where it had been busted.

  “I am glad he isn’t here to see that,” he said softly.

  Cloe looked down and took a step backwards away from his touch, “I’m fine, things are… better,” which was the truth. She swallowed hard to ask, “How’s Edwin doing?”

  Christoph turned away, “As well as to be expected. He doesn’t like to be away from you and he is having trouble concentrating. I’ve never seen him like this about anyone.” Christoph kicked something in the sand as he continued to talk, “At first I didn’t think he was all that serious about you.” He paused his eyes searching hers, “I see now he’s deeply in love with you and he’s worrying a lot of people.”

  Oh good grief. She sat down on the cool sand, her legs incapable of holding her up. She was poison, everything that she touches turns horrible.

  “I…I am sorry,” She stuttered out.

  Christoph gazed down at her, “Whatever for?”

  “For causing trouble, I’m good at that you know? Trouble and I have a long history. I don’t get along with it and I avoid it at all costs. But for some reason misery loves company and trouble comes looking for me.”

  He smiled, squatting on his haunches in front of her he touched her cheek similar to the way Edwin touched her, “Cloe, don’t misunderstand me. We aren’t worried about you with Edwin. We all love you and were very happy that Edwin found someone. He has never dated anyone seriously, in fact he was a little jaded. He thought love was for idiots. We even thought you would be a bit of a fling for him and I argued with him about it. I didn’t want you to be used like the others.” He rolled his eyes dramatically, “Everyone thinks I’m a player but in truth Edwin and I were never serious about anyone. That is until we met you. I didn’t want to see you hurt but Edwin was determined to have you. I was angry when he started dating you. In the past he has been cavalier about his relationships and I was afraid he was going to just use you like he did all the other women,” Christoph sighed and dropped his hand to continue, “Cloe, Edwin went ballistic about what happened to you at your school; we were all a little shocked. He was threatening to charter a flight back to take on the whole school. We stopped him, he can‘t leave or he would be in very serious trouble.”

  Cloe looked at her hands, tears in her eyes. Christoph shifted and sat completely on the sand as he continued, “Edwin has been keeping his feelings for you under tight wraps until now. We can’t even comprehend what Edwin feels for you and it worries us because if anything happened to you, we don’t think Edwin would make it.”

  Extreme guilt nearly made her choke on her own spit. She should have never told him about her school. She should have made it easier for him to be open with his friends. He did this because he is worried about her. Not that he is insanely in love with her, but because he thinks she’s so broken. Her stomach began to hurt worse again. She could only put her fist to it.

  “Are you having stomachaches Cloe? Edwin told her that you sometimes suffer with them.”

  She looked up at him and lied, she never lied, “No, I am fine.” She forced herself to unclench the fist and put her hand in her lap.

  “Tell Edwin I’m fine. Tell him whatever it takes to make him believe school is great. Tell him I looked wonderful, but that I do miss him,” She lost some of her gusto at the end. She missed him terribly.

  Christoph touched her face again and said, “Okay, will do.” He looked in her eyes and said, “No matter what happens in the future with you and Edwin, please know I am always here for you.” He bent down and kissed her lips softly and sweetly.

  She was shocked by the kiss. It felt as if he was conveying more than just friendship but she wasn’t’ sure. She didn’t know what to do. He looked at her for a long time then said softly, “I love you, Cloe.” She sat there blinking at him stunned. He stood up and began to walk the other direction away from the cottage. A little ways out he turned and yelled, “I’ll be out of town for a bit but I’ll keep my cell phone on.”

  She watched as he disappeared around another cottage. Tears welled in her eyes; God how she missed her friends.

  Slowly she stood and made her way back to the cottage but before she arrived she found another sand dollar. She looked back to where Christoph walked off wondering if he had placed it there specifically for her but quickly dismissed the idea. Reaching carefully down she placed the sand dollar in her hand. A feeling of peace entered her as she continued on to the cottage. Walking through the glass doors, Cloe saw Kim and Aunt chatting away. Aunt was telling her about this great hair place that could do something with her unfortunate hair and Kim seemed to be taking it well. This whole crush on Cole might actually do her some good.

  When Aunt saw her she asked, “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, it was just Christoph checking in on me for Edwin,” she answered more carefree than I actually felt.

  “Yeah I know. We had a nice talk before you got home. Edwin isn’t doing so hot with all the troubles you have had in school.”

  “Oh Aunt, I feel so guilty about that,” Cloe plopped down next to her leaning her head on her aunt’s shoulder. “I should’ve never talked to him about it, I have made him miserable and now everyone is miserable because of me.”

  “Oh honey, don’t blame yourself. Edwin’s a big boy and he will work it out. I have a feeling a lot of things are bothering Edwin, so please don’t blame yourself.”

  Cloe put her arms around her aunt and just sat there a minute. She loved the feel and smell of her. Already she felt better, calmer, her aunt didn’t even have to say anything.

  Kim abruptly got up and went out to the deck. Cloe looked at her aunt questionably but she didn’t understand the abrupt departure either. Cloe stood leaving aunt behind to investigate why Kim left.

  When Cloe walked out to the back deck she found Kim crying. It shocked her. Kim, who took on the world, was crying. Cloe put her hands on her shoulders and asked worriedly, “Oh God Kim, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s just when I see you with your aunt, I see how it is supposed to be. I have no one like that to rely on, no one,” she said on a sob. She remembered feeling that way and her heart squeezed painfully for her.

  “You have me, Kim, and by me, you have my Aunt.” Cloe hugged her. She was getting used to the hugging thing. It was as if the person she was when she arrived was ceasing to exist. Even with all the stuff going on in school, she was feeling if not normal, at least not so different. Kim gave her a watery smile.

  “I get glimpses that your life was not the greatest before coming here. How did you deal with it?” Kim asked.

  “Not very well. I still don’t deal well Kim. I have so many issues and problems that sometimes I think that if I crawled into a hole the world would be better off. The ironic thing is that I have tried to do that before by trying to disappear. All I accomplished was it allowed other people to walk all over me. It has taken Aunt and Edwin to show me that life isn’t about disappearing or allowing other people to walk over me. Edwin tells me I am the strongest person he has ever met and that I am a survivor.” She touched her necklace, the continued, “Like a fragile sand dollar that makes it way up to the beach. Kim, we are better people because of our advisories, not in spite of them. We know how to get through a cruel world. We may have our issues but as long as we continue to strive to work on it, we will be better and stronger than the Britney’s of the world.” Cloe added silently, so what that I’m broken? It doesn’t mean that I can’t be whole one day.

  Kim looked at her and nodded, “I see why Edwin loves you so much, Cloe. You see things so differently than most. You don’t take things at face value, you actually look for the larger reason and it blows me away.”

  The weeks became a blur. The routine of school and the mountain
s of homework the teachers loved to pile atop me, kept me blessedly occupied. The weekend’s however seemed to drag on into eternity. I would spend a massive amount of time at the stables helping Cole with his chores. He would get irritated at me though because he couldn’t pay me. But I didn’t care, I loved the work. Sometimes I would hang out with Kim at the grocery store but when her uncle found out, he came in more often, which made us uncomfortable. I am always thankful for when Monday came around. At least school kept my mind away from missing Edwin. – Cloe’s diary

  Chapter 8

  We are all broken Cole picked them up every morning and every afternoon. Sometimes they would stop for a bite to eat at a fast food place when she knew Aunt wasn’t going to be home. She enjoyed listening to Cole and Kim talk about movie stars she had no idea who were. Cole seemed almost as dumb as her about them, which was surprising since they lived in the land of the stars. He admitted that every so often he would get out and see a movie but television really held no interest to him, unless it was a western. Kim on the other hand was a virtual encyclopedia and seemed to know everything about everyone. When they got into the community Cole would either take them home or head straight to the stable. She was at peace at the stables with Bear and it was one of the few times she was content without Edwin.

  Friday’s marked the weekends that brought Edwin’s arrival closer and she was thankful for every single one of them. He had been gone over a month and word was that he might be heading home sometime next week. Kim spent the night Friday night, as their habit, and when they woke up Saturday, she decided that she wanted some other hair color other than black. Her aunt kindly obliged them and took them to her favorite salon where Kim chose a lovely dark shade of brown that seemed to frame her wide green eyes perfectly. Kim was stunning with the new color, new make-up, and missing tongue ring. Cloe’s aunt was satisfied that she had done her good deed of the week, humming while walking out the double glass French-style doors. They were feeling wonderful and pretty when they actually received a whistle, which they giggled about all the way home.