by Talia Jager
“Okay, thanks.”
We left. “He seems a little strange,” I commented.
“He is. Nobody knows why.” She laughed.
We walked into the guidance office and Mrs. Tavi came right out. “Hi girls, how are things going?”
“Good,” Maddie said.
“Are you doing okay, Teagan?”
I nodded. “Yes. Maddie has been a great help.”
“Good. Maddie if you want to sit in the front and do your work. I’m going to take Teagan to her locker.”
“Sure thing.” She sat down.
“Let’s go.” Mrs. Tavi led me out of the office. “Everything really okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, it’s just weird. Being at a real school, knowing I have a time bomb inside me waiting to go off,” I sighed. “It’s very scary.”
“I’m so sorry,” she patted me on the shoulder. “This is it,” she showed me a locker. “Here’s the combination.” I took it and tried it out. It was a full size locker and clean, but needed to be decorated.
“Thank you.”
“Have you given any thought to what you want to do after high school?” she asked.
“Sure, but I haven’t decided,” I said. “I don’t know that I could hold down a job, a normal one anyway.”
“Well, I guess that’s what we’ll work on before you graduate.”
We walked back to the office and Maddie took me to our next class. We had Social Studies right before lunch. After the class, Maddie showed me where the cafeteria was. “Would you like to sit with me?” she asked.
“Um… yeah.” I nodded, surprised she asked. Maybe she wasn’t just being nice because she had to be my buddy; maybe she was actually a nice person, someone I could be friends with. She doesn’t know anything about me, I reminded myself, and she’ll run when she does. I joined her after I got my lunch.
“Teagan, this is Hope and Lynn,” Maddie introduced them.
“Hi Teagan, welcome to our school.” Hope smiled and fixed a bright yellow headband in her shoulder length dark hair. “Do you like it so far?”
“S’ok,” I responded.
Lynn wiped her mouth with her napkin. “Pretty dull here, nothing much happens. Where did you come from?”
“Nearby.”
“Oh. Why did you change schools?” she asked.
I sighed. “I moved into this district.”
She ran her hand through her long blonde hair. “Hard to move so late in school.”
I nodded, and answered, “Sure is”, for the fiftieth time today.
* * *
I had three classes left: Science, Gym, and Spanish. I enjoyed science. The teacher was a little wacky. She liked experiments a little too much. She was tall and had auburn hair, a little darker than mine. She made class interesting and therefore easy to get through.
Gym class was different. The coach pulled me aside in the beginning of class asking me what I could or couldn’t do. He seemed to have a hard time understanding that I could do everything. There was just a possibility I could have a seizure at any point. He kept rubbing his bald head like he was nervous about having me in his class.
Finally, he let me go get changed and had us jog around the gym a few times. Spanish was my last class of the day. The teacher was very good at speaking it. She was very kind and went easy on me. She seemed surprised when she realized that I knew what she was saying.
The final bell rang at two o’clock. I sighed in relief. Now, all I had to do was get home and I would have gotten through the school day without an episode.
I went to my locker and put the books I didn’t need in it. Then I put the rest in my backpack. “Hey, Teagan,” Maddie called.
I looked up. “Yeah?”
“It was nice being your buddy. If you need anything, find me,” she said.
I smiled. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” She smiled and ran off.
I walked outside the doors. A hand was waving at me. “Teagan!”
I smiled and walked to the silver Honda CRV. I opened the passenger side door and got in. “Hey.”
My brother sat in the driver seat. He had red hair and green eyes like me. He was taller and a little heavier, but that was just muscle. At least that’s what he said. “Hey, how was it?” he asked, starting the car.
“Okay.” I shrugged.
“Okay?” He laughed. “First time you’ve ever gone to school and it’s just okay?”
“Connor!” I hit him on the shoulder. “You want all the silly details? It wasn’t great, but it didn’t suck. It’s weird.”
“I’m sorry you have to go.” He started driving.
“It’s okay.” I looked out the window.
“Did you have any episodes?” he asked.
“No, well, none that I know of anyway.” I scoffed.
“Good.”
We drove back to the house. “Thanks for picking me up,” I said, getting out of the car.
“Of course.”
Inside I started on my homework right away. I decided to just do it and get it out of the way. Afterwards, I curled up on the couch and watched a soap opera. My brother and his wife had just bought this cute little house a few months ago. It was three bedrooms, but it was small. It was a perfect starter house. Connor liked to fix things up and Kate liked to decorate.
I picked up their wedding picture that was sitting on the end table next to me. They made such a great couple. They had gotten married a year ago at the age of twenty-one. My parents had been thrilled. Connor and Kate had dated for years and my parents approved. Kate was from a nice Irish Catholic family in town. They looked perfect together, their Irish features standing out in the picture.
It was a family picture. Mom, Dad, Kate’s parents, her brother and me all stood in a group on the church stairs. My eyes filled with tears. I missed them so much. “You okay?”
I looked up. Connor was standing there. “Yeah. I just… miss them.” I wiped my tears away.
He sat down. “I do too.” He put his arm around me. “But, remembering them helps.”
“I know, but it hurts too.” He held me while I cried. Our parents had died two months ago in a car crash. They were coming home from an evening out celebrating their twenty-fifth anniversary when some idiot, who had been out drinking, plowed right into them.
Since all of our grandparents, aunts, and uncles lived in Ireland, Connor was the only one here I could stay with. It was that or foster care. Connor wouldn’t hear of that. He and Kate took custody of me even though they were newlyweds and had just bought the house, they didn’t think twice.
The big difference was that I had to go to public school. Mom and Dad had kept me home, but that wasn’t an option anymore. Both Connor and Kate worked. And neither one was a teacher like Mom.
Even at sixteen, I wasn’t allowed to drive. I might never even have a driver’s license. That’s one of the pitfalls of epilepsy. They promised that one of them would pick me up after school and of course, either one could come get me during the day if needed. It was hard to be dependent on them. They were a young couple just starting out and here I was, the kid sister, being a burden on them.
Kate was like an older sister. She had been around so long, I just expected her to always be there. My seizures didn’t bother her anymore. When she first started dating Connor, she’d get a little freaked out by them. But, after a few months, she found it normal. She knew what to do now. It was still embarrassing to have them no matter whom they were in front of.
Kate got home right before dinnertime and we all helped cook. “Did you make some friends today, Teagan?” she asked.
I nodded. “I guess I started to.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go. It must be really hard trying to start over in eleventh grade.”
“It’s okay,” I said. I didn’t want to lie any of my worries on them.
“How were the classes?” she asked.
“Easy. Mom taught me well. The teachers all seem nice too,�
� I answered.
“Did they pull you aside to talk to you?”
“Yeah, most of them.”
“Do you think you want to talk to your classmates before you have a seizure or just see what happens?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to say anything, but then again, I don’t want it to happen and have nobody know about it. It’s scary either way.” I pushed my hair behind my ear.
“Teagan?” Connor said.
I looked over at him. “Yeah?”
“You back?”
“Did I go?” I asked, realizing my hand was still up by my ear.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
I sighed. “Well, at least it didn’t happen at school.”
“It really is amazing how it happens and you don’t even know,” he said.
“It’s probably a good thing I don’t know. It might freak me out.” I finished eating and then helped clean up. “I’m going to get online before bed.” I said and headed to my room.
“Let us know if you need anything,” Kate said.
“I will.” I smiled and went to my room.
The room was small, but cozy. It had pretty pink curtains and a flower wallpaper border. I had brought my bedroom furniture from my parents’ house. I sat down at my desk and opened my laptop. My parents had purchased a really good one and had to set the refresh rate for the monitor higher so it wouldn’t provoke a seizure.
I got online through the wireless hookup in the house and went to some of the epilepsy forums. Over the weekend, I had posted a question about what to do at school. Should I tell my classmates before having a seizure? Most of the responses said yes. Many of them suggested having the nurse come into the room and explain epilepsy.
The board was a great one for kids like me. They had a special section geared towards teenagers with epilepsy. This was one way I felt connected to the world while being home schooled. There were all kinds of school related stories posted. Some talked about how they were made fun of and then there were the good stories where the other kids helped.
In my email, I found a new one from Zander. I opened it. “Hey Teagan, hope your first day in school went good. I’m here for you if you need to talk. Love, Zander.” I smiled. I had met Zander on the epilepsy forum a couple years ago. He was a year older than me and had been diagnosed with simple partial seizures.
We had a lot in common. I really liked him, but I had never met him. He lived about 500 miles away and neither of us could drive, so meeting wasn’t really an option. I often dreamed of him being closer. I was sure we would hit it off. We understood each other on a level nobody else ever would.
I wrote him back. “Zander, My day was okay. I had a little episode at home. I’m so thankful I didn’t have one at school today. It was weird being in a real school. It’s way out of my comfort zone. Thanks for asking. How was everything there? Love, Teagan.”
After shutting down, I told Connor and Kate I was going to bed. I fell asleep real fast.
Chapter Three
My alarm went off. I smacked the clock a few times until I got the snooze button. Groaning, I forced my body out of bed. I hated getting up for school. Just another thing that I had to get used to. Mom used to let me sleep in until about eight. But, school started at 7:30, which meant I had to be up by six. I had to make sure to go to bed earlier at night now. Too little sleep would cause more seizures.
I got up and grabbed my clothes. I threw them in the bathroom and went to the kitchen. Kate was eating a bowl of cereal. “I’m going to take my shower,” I told her.
“Okay,” she mumbled.
Connor and Kate had followed the same rules Mom and Dad had. One was to never take a shower or bath without someone in the house knowing. I had a seizure in the shower a few years ago. I ended up falling out, bringing the shower curtain rod down on me and breaking my arm. From then on, I had to shower with the door open and put towels on the floor around the tub in case it happened again.
They also brought the baby monitor from my house and set it up in the bathroom. Usually, when I had a big seizure, I let out a cry right before hand. If they heard that, they could come running and make sure I didn’t hurt myself.
There were so many rules. All of them were for my safety. All of them were a necessity. Even though, they were usually a hassle, I never complained. I knew they were needed.
After my shower, I brushed my long red hair. Deciding to put it up, I dug around in the drawer for a black clip. I twisted my hair, and then folding it up I put the clip on. I didn’t use a lot of make-up. My eyes were a bright green and stood out without any eye shadow. I did put on a bit of blush and lipstick to add color to my pale face.
Once I was done in the bathroom, I went to the kitchen and took my medicine. I sat down at the table and poured myself a bowl of cereal. Connor was eating his. Cereal was usually what we ate for breakfast. We all liked it and nobody had time to cook.
The worst part of seizures was not knowing when they are going to happen or sometimes if they even did. With a big one, I knew because I’d be on the floor or somewhere with people around me. But, with the absence seizures I didn’t know unless I realized I missed something.
I was putting my books in my backpack and I heard Connor and Kate talking in the kitchen. When I looked up again, they were right there near me. “Did you hear me?” Connor asked.
I shook my head. “No.” I knew at that point that I had just had an episode.
He smiled, but didn’t say anything if he noticed. “Are you ready to go?”
I looked down and realized I still had a book in my hand. I put it in the backpack and nodded. “Yup.”
Kate smiled and hugged me. “Have a good day.”
“Thanks.”
Connor talked on the way to school. “You seem a little off today.”
“Having a seizure in the morning isn’t a good way to start the day.”
“Do you want to stay home?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Nah.” I wanted to, but if I did, I’d probably never go back. “I think I will have them set up something to talk about epilepsy though.”
He nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.” He dropped me off in front of the school. “Kate will probably be picking you up.” I nodded. “Got your cell phone?”
“Yeah.” I got out of the car and patted the pocket where my iPhone stayed all day. “Thanks.” I turned and faced the school again.
“Hey Teagan!” someone shouted. I looked over. Mandi was sprinting over to me. “I was absent yesterday. How was your first day?” Mandi asked.
“It was okay.” I smiled. “Glad you’re here.” Mandi had lived four houses down from my parents. We were childhood friends. Not quite best friends probably because we didn’t go to school together, but we were good friends. Mandi knew about the seizures, she had seen them first hand.
“I bet. How’s living with your brother?”
“Good. I just feel bad, you know. He’s so young; he doesn’t need me there to ruin things.”
“Teagan! You know Connor loves you so much, you could never ruin things for him.”
“I still feel bad. They should be enjoying their own life, not taking care of me.” I sighed. “Sometimes I want to blame my parents for this. I know that’s not right. I just get so upset about everything.”
“That’s normal. Does the school know about your seizures?”
“The teachers do. Wasn’t until last night that I decided to let all the other kids here know. I don’t want ambulances called and people screaming in terror if I drop to the floor.”
She nodded. “Yeah.” We started walking into the school. “So, let me see your schedule.” I showed it to her. “Oh, hey, we have a couple classes together. English and social studies.”
“Cool.” It would be good to have someone I knew nearby. “I’m going to tell Mrs. Tavi that I want to do the informational session.”
“Okay, want me to come?”
I hesitated. �
�Sure.” I didn’t want to ruin whatever she had going on in the mornings, but it would be nice to have a friend. I asked to see Mrs. Tavi. She came right out and brought us back to her office.
I introduced her to Mandi. “I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to go ahead and have some sort of assembly. Maybe the nurse can come and talk to the kids, let them know what epilepsy is and what to do. Maybe the kids won’t be as shocked when it happens.”
“Okay. I’ve talked to the doctor that is on staff with the school. He’s willing to come in and talk about it. He even has a little video he can show. He wanted to meet with you first if that’s okay.”
I nodded. “Sure. Set it up.”
Mandi walked me down to homeroom. “Well, I’m off. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
I saw Maddie coming down the hall. “Hi Teagan. What’s up?”
“Not much.” I smiled. We went into the room and sat down. A couple kids in homeroom actually smiled at me today.
Maddie walked with me to English. “Did you find the homework easy?” she asked.
“Most of it,” I responded.
When we walked into the classroom, I spotted Mandi talking to Mrs. McGee. Mrs. McGee was nodding and waved me over. “Teagan, Mandi tells me you guys are friends.”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“She was hoping that I could switch her seat so she could sit next to you, to help,” she said. “Would that be helpful to you?”
I nodded. “Yes, it would. She knows about things, she could fill me in.”
“You won’t goof off?”
“No, Ma’am,” I said.
She nodded. “Very well then. I will have everyone move down one so you can sit next to Teagan.”
Mandi nodded. “Thank you.” We sat down. “I hope you didn’t mind. I thought it might be easier for you.”
“Yeah, it will. Thanks.”
She smiled, pushing her dark blonde hair back behind her ears. “You’re welcome.”
After going over our vocabulary and spelling words, Mrs. McGee held a discussion about the first chapter in the new book. “What do you think the main…” she was saying. “Good answer, David.” I looked around the room, there was a boy talking now.
I took a few deep breaths. I looked over at Mandi; she saw me looking and turned to me. “You okay?” she mouthed the words. I nodded.
I lost my place in the story. It took me a couple minutes to figure out where they were now. Well, I had had my first seizure in school. It didn’t look like anyone had noticed. After class, Mandi said, “Did you catch up?”