by Talia Jager
I nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think I missed anything important.”
“Hi Mandi.” Maddie walked up to us.
“Hi Maddie, what’s up?”
“Nothing. You guys know each other?”
“Yeah, we used to be neighbors,” she answered.
“Teacher must like you. She usually doesn’t change seating arrangements unless there is a problem,” Maddie stated.
“I guess she thought Teagan needed a friend near her,” Mandi answered.
Maddie seemed to accept that answer. “I’ll see you after math.” I nodded. She took off.
Mandi turned to me. “I’ve got to go that way,” she pointed down a hallway. “Will you be okay?”
“I hope so.” I started to walk and then I realized that math class was upstairs. “Crap,” I muttered to myself. Parent rule: never ever go on the stairs without somebody with you. “Mandi,” I called after her.
She turned around and walked back. “What?”
I blushed. “I need help.”
“What is it?”
“Math class is upstairs,” I told her. “I’m not supposed to be on stairs without being with someone.”
“Of course, I’ll walk with you,” we hurried up the stairs. “Will you be able to walk down with someone?”
“Yeah, I’ll find someone. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” she said and hurried off to her class. I walked into the math room just as the bell rang. I hurried and took my seat next to Eve.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Hi,” she said back.
Math class was uneventful as far as I knew. I asked Eve about herself while we walked downstairs. She seemed a little lost in life, but overall she was very nice.
In social studies, Mandi had switched with someone else to be next to me. The rest of the classes went good. I saw another girl I knew from the neighborhood. She waved to me. Belle wasn’t as close to me as Mandi was, but we were friends. It was nice to see friendly faces around.
The last bell rang and I felt relief. No big seizures, just one little one. I got my homework and hurried out the door before I could have another. I only had to wait a couple minutes before Kate pulled up in her black Honda Civic. I hopped in. “Hi, how was your day?”
“Not bad,” I said. I started talking about what had happened. “I think the really great thing is that Mandi is there and she…”
“got her seat switched so she could be next to me to help if I need it.”
I looked over. Kate wasn’t driving anymore, she had pulled over. “You okay?” she asked.
I sighed. “Another one?” I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve had as many as twenty little ones on one day. That was before they upped my medication. I still can have a good ten. But, usually, it’s just a couple.
She nodded. “I guess I’m just not sure whether a little one will ever turn into a big one.”
“I don’t think they do. I can’t say for sure,” I said. “Sometimes with the big ones I can tell they are going to happen, sometimes I can’t. But, I don’t think they start off small and get big.”
“How many does that make today?” she asked.
“Three,” I told her.
She started driving again. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you. You said Mandi was there.”
“And Belle too, but I didn’t have any classes with her.”
“That’s great. I’m glad there are some kids there you know,” she said.
We got home a few minutes later and I went in and did my homework. Spelling, vocabulary, finished reading for English. Then I had some math pages to do and social studies. I got it done just in time to help with dinner.
I went to the kitchen and started getting things out of the fridge. I knew the meatloaf was supposed to be for dinner tonight. I got it out and put it in the pan. I looked at the oven. Parent rule: never ever use the stove or oven. Don’t turn it on, don’t turn it off, don’t cook on it, and don’t cook in it.
Kate walked in the kitchen. “You’re thinking about turning it on, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “But, I didn’t. I know the rules.” I sighed.
“They’re for safety.”
“I know. I just feel stupid not being able to use the oven.”
Kate preheated the oven and stuck the meatloaf in. I threw the vegetables in the pans, but I didn’t touch the burners. I poked holes in the potatoes and threw them in the microwave. I was allowed to use that.
I went to my room and got online while dinner was cooking. As soon as I opened up my email program, it started dinging signaling that I had new email. The first one was from Lainey; she was from the epilepsy list I was on. She lived in New York and suffered from tonic-clonic seizures a few times a month.
Although I had never met her, I considered her my best friend. Not only did we have the same type of seizures, she also liked the same music and movies I did, and even had the same taste in guys.
The other email was from Zander: “Teagan, Glad you had a good day. Hope it continues to go well. Wish I could be there for you. Maybe someday. Love, Zander.” He attached a picture of himself making a funny face. I laughed when I opened it. He had blonde hair and these big, round, green eyes. I started to reply back.
“Teagan, did you hear me?” Connor knocked on the door. “Teagan?” I looked up. “Come eat.”
I nodded. I looked down at the email. I had stopped mid-sentence. I got up and started towards the kitchen. “Was she having another one?” Kate was asking.
“I think so. It’s hard to tell sometimes,” he answered.
“That would make four today,” she said. “Just make sure to keep count for the doctor.”
“Can I help serve?” I asked interrupting.
“Sorry, Honey, I didn’t mean to seem like we were talking about you.”
“It’s okay, Kate. I’m used to it.” I smiled at her.
She had a sad look in her eyes. “We just love ya, kiddo. We want you to be safe and happy.”
I helped serve dinner and sat down to eat. “How was your second day?” Connor asked.
“Good. I saw some friends from Piper Street.”
“Cool.”
“I asked the guidance counselor to do some sort of informational session about epilepsy. She said there was a doctor who could come talk about it, but he wants to meet me first. That’s okay, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, if it’s okay with you,” Connor said.
After I helped clean up, I finished my email and went to bed.
Chapter Four
In school the next day, Mrs. Tavi told me the doctor would come the following day to speak with me. She would pull me out of study hall. The day went well, no seizures that I was aware of. A couple of the other kids started to say hi. One boy even went as far as introducing himself. He was a tall, thin kid. “My name is Craig,” he said.
“Hi, Craig. It’s nice to meet you,” I said politely.
“Teagan is a very interesting name,” he said.
I nodded. “I like it that way.” I laughed.
He smiled. “I’m in a couple of your classes. I just wanted to say hi and welcome.”
“Thanks.”
After school, I had a lot of homework to do. I didn’t get a chance to get online. I had a couple tests to study for on Friday. It was hard studying for something that was at a specific time. Mom always gave me the tests on the days I felt real good. Thinking about Mom made me sad. I took out a picture the two of us and traced it with my finger. Silent tears fell down my cheeks until I was tired enough for sleep.
* * *
The next morning I got up and went to school. During study hall, Mrs. Tavi called me down. I walked in the office and up to the desk. “I’m here for Mrs. Tavi.”
“Yes, Teagan, go on down, she’s expecting you.”
“Thank you.”
I knocked on her door. She was sitting at her desk talking to a man that sat in one of the chairs. She looke
d up. “Teagan, come on in.” She stood up, so did the doctor. “This is Dr. Cramer.”
“Hello Teagan, it’s good to meet you.” He stuck out his hand. I shook it. He was a tall man with black hair and a goatee.
We all sat down. “Mrs. Tavi has told me that you suffer from a couple different forms of epilepsy.”
“Yes.”
“I agree with you both that the other students in the school should be aware of this. They should be informed of things they can do to help you and things they shouldn’t do. It would help the teachers and other staff as well,” he started talking. He asked me questions about the seizures I had, the medications I was on. “You still have breakthrough seizures even on those medications?”
“Yes, many,” I responded.
“The vagal nerve stimulation?”
“Doesn’t work with the kind of seizures I have.”
“What about surgery?” he asked.
“My parents didn’t want to take the risk,” I answered.
“And you?”
“I don’t know. It’s hard. I don’t have tonic-clonic seizures a bunch of times a day like some people do. I would definitely do the surgery then. But, it’s just… I don’t know. It’s brain surgery!” I tried to explain.
“Have you ever had the brain mapping done?”
“No.”
“So, you don’t know where the seizures are coming from?”
“No.”
“Maybe you should look into that,” he suggested.
“I’ve thought of it. But, I don’t want to change who I am. I don’t want to have surgery and end up a vegetable or not able to talk. My life is difficult enough.”
“But, what if it worked? What if your episodes went away? What if you were seizure free for years and could drive?” he asked.
I shrugged. “It’s just a risk I haven’t wanted to take yet.”
“Okay.” He dropped the subject. “I have a video made for teens by teens with epilepsy. I want you to watch it. Mrs. Tavi has set up a morning assembly for Monday. I will bring it then and show it as long as it’s okay with you. I also have two college students who come with me. They have epilepsy and have been living with it for years. They talk about how they are just normal people and can achieve anything they want to even with epilepsy.”
“Sounds good,” I said.
“We do a couple of skits so the kids and staff can see the actions live. I have tons of information to pass out. In the end, I will introduce you as a student in the school who has epilepsy. I will talk a bit about your seizures and if you want to say anything, you can,” he explained.
“Sounds good, Dr. Cramer. I appreciate you doing this.”
“I’m glad I can help.”
* * *
When Connor got home, I told him all about it. “Was he pushing you into this surgery?”
“No… I don’t know. I think he advocates for it. It’s just not something I want to think about right now.”
“Mom and Dad were set against it,” he stated seriously.
“What do you think, Connor?”
“I don’t know, Teagan. It would be great if it came with a guarantee. I hate seeing you suffer. But, I don’t want you to end up brain damaged.” He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
I smiled. “Either do I.”
After dinner, we watched the video Dr. Cramer had given me. There were a bunch of teenagers with epilepsy telling kids not to be afraid of them. They even videotaped some having seizures. They would talk about it afterwards. They showed first aid for the different types of seizures. It was nicely made. “Kate and I want to be there for you on Monday morning,” Connor told me.
“You don’t have to,” I said.
“We want to.”
“Okay,” I smiled. I loved my big brother. He was the best. I couldn’t ask for a more understanding and loving brother. He had always been there for me. And he continued to do so.
* * *
Friday finally came. I told Mrs. Tavi that Dr. Cramer could use the video. She told me to come to her office on Monday morning. I cruised through the tests I had to take. The first week of school was over! I was relieved when the final bell rang. I stood talking to Mandi while waiting for someone to come pick me up. Maddie walked over to us. “Hey girls, how ya doing?”
“Good,” I said.
“You made it through your first week,” she said, flinging her hair back. “I bet you feel relieved.”
“Yeah, I’m so glad it’s over. I wanted to thank you…”
“for helping me out this week. It was really nice of you.” I noticed that Maddie was looking at me funny. “What?”
“You just stopped in the middle—”
Mandi cut her off, “I think I see your ride.”
I looked over and saw Kate’s car pulling up. “Oh yeah!” I grabbed my backpack. “Thanks again Maddie.” Mandi walked me to the car. “Thanks.”
“Sure. They’ll all know Monday anyway.”
“True. Have a good weekend.”
“You too.”
I hopped in and buckled up. “Hi,” Kate said.
“Please go,” I asked.
“Okay.” She pulled away. “What’s up?”
“I think I just had an episode in front of someone,” I told her.
“Oh. First one today?”
“I think so. But, the look on her face… she didn’t understand. Am I making a mistake with the thing on Monday?” I looked over at her hoping she had some great wisdom to share.
“I don’t think you are making a mistake, this is important for everyone to know.”
“I have the medic alert bracelet.” I argued, pulling it out from under my sleeve.
“Yeah, but, not everyone looks for one of those.”
“I guess.”
“It’ll be okay. If they’re nice kids, they’ll understand it’s not something you wanted or can control. If they’re jerks, then well, we’ll deal with that later.”
I was so glad the week was over and I had a couple days to be myself. The only homework I had was to read some more of the English book and start a paper that was due in a couple weeks. I wanted to get online and talk to Zander and Lainey.
I gave Connor and Kate some alone time. They were snuggling on the couch watching a movie. I went in my room and opened up instant messenger. I talked to both Zander and Lainey. We filled each other in on our weeks. Everyone on the forum wished me good luck on Monday. Why did they all have to be so far away? Why couldn’t someone with epilepsy live nearby?
I slept in on Saturday. I was glad I would be able to relax over the weekend. I started working on my paper. It was a science paper on forensics. I found it neat. I did a lot of online research.
A little after lunch, I started feeling funny. I was tingly and warm. I knew what was coming. I didn’t always get these auras, I was lucky when I did; it gave me a few seconds warning. I knew it wouldn’t be long until a big seizure happened. While I could still move, I went out to the living room, but nobody was there. “Connor!” I yelled. The room started to spin.
The long tunnel was back. At the very end, I saw Connor and Kate running. I felt hands around me and then it all went black.
* * *
I licked my lips. They were so dry. My head pounded. I opened my eyes and blinked. It was dark and quiet. I could hear soft voices. “Teagan?” I heard Connor whisper. “It’s okay. It’s over.” I was on my bed. “Sleep, Teagan. We’ll be here.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled before closing my eyes and succumbing to the sleep.
* * *
My head was still throbbing when I woke up again. It was dark. I rubbed my eyes trying to get them open. Finally they cooperated. The door was open a crack. I had to get up and get some medicine for my head. Then I needed a big glass of cold water. After that I’d probably have to lie back down until the medicines kicked in and my headache dulled.
It was so hard to just get up. My body was weak. I took some deep brea
ths and then sat up. The room spun for a minute and then it stopped. Slowly, I stood up and opened the door. It made a loud creaking noise. I heard footsteps and Connor came into view. “Hey, you’re up.”
I tried to smile. “Medicine, please.” The pain was so bad, I wanted to cry.
“I’ve got it ready for you.” He took me by the arm and helped me to the kitchen. I squinted, the bright lights not helping my headache. He handed me the pills and a big glass of water.
“Thank you.”
Kate walked in. “How are you doing?”
I shook my head. “I feel like a truck just ran me over.”
“I bet. That was one heck of a seizure.” She sat down.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
“Oh, Teagan, stop apologizing. It’s okay.”
Tears fell down my face. “It’s not okay. I’m sorry I’m such a burden on you guys.” I held my head in my hands. I hated waking up after having the seizures. The headaches were usually unbearable. Why couldn’t I just sleep until morning? Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so badly.
“Teagan, you are so precious. Don’t ever be sorry. We’re just sorry that you have to go through this. It’s so hard watching knowing there’s nothing we can do for you. Do you know that even though your brother has seen it his whole life, he still cries when you have one?”
Surprised, I looked up at Connor, who was glaring at Kate. I didn’t know that. Fact was, I don’t know any of what happens when I’m seizing. “It hurts him to see you like that. All he can do is catch you if he can and carry you to bed when it’s done. It kills him to know he can’t make it better.”
I took Connor’s hand. “I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you for being there for me. I love you,” I told him.
“I love you too, Sis.” He kissed my forehead.
I took Kate’s hand too,.“Thank you too. I’m so glad my brother married you.” She smiled.
“Let’s get you back to bed,” Connor said.
“One cool washcloth coming up,” Kate said.
Connor helped me walk back to my room. I had these curtains that were like hotel curtains. When pulled, it was dark as the nighttime. I lay back down and Kate placed the washcloth over my eyes. “Get some rest.” I felt them kiss my forehead before leaving.
I rested for a little while. It was about an hour later when I could get up again. Kate was cleaning up from dinner. “I saved you a plate,” she said.
I nodded and went to the fridge. I took out the plate and warmed it up in the microwave. Then I sat down to eat it. My “seizure journal” was out on the table. It was a chart we used to keep track of them.