Thursday Afternoons

by Tracey Richardson

  Autumn slips away with another apology and more words of gratitude. Ellis quirks her head at Amy. “You could practice surgery anywhere. Be a star at a big-name hospital in a world class city. So why practice here?”

  “Why not here?” Amy takes another sip of wine. “This hospital has everything—well, we don’t have MRI and we don’t have specialized surgical equipment for brain and heart procedures—but I have a lot of latitude here to do all kinds of surgeries. And our staff is second to none.”

  “Growing up here, having your parents here. I’m sure that’s part of it?”

  “Sure, absolutely. I enjoy my work, and if I can do it anywhere, I’d rather do it where I’m comfortable. Where I have roots. Where I know everyone.”

  “It doesn’t bother you, having strangers come up to you at a restaurant like that?”

  Amy laughs, explains how there’s no such thing as anonymity for doctors in a town of eighteen thousand people. “That’s part of the appeal. Seeing or hearing how patients you’ve operated on are doing once they’re off your roster. I get to see firsthand, outside of the hospital, my patients as people. They check me out at the grocery store, deliver my mail, fix my car. It’s a community here and I love being part of that.” She shrugs lightly because to her, it’s no big deal, but Ellis studies her like she’s pulling back the curtain on something mysterious.

  “Hmm. Being part of the community. Is that why the hospital staff seems to go the extra mile? I mean, I’ve noticed some of them staying well past their shift. And not putting in for overtime.” Ellis’s cheeks begin to pink. “I checked.”

  God, could she be any more adorable? Amy grins at her. “We’re not much of a mystery, us small town people. Well, except for when we meet strange women in hotel rooms in the big city.”

  Ellis laughs, blushes. “Do you have any idea how nervous I was that first time?”

  “Probably about as nervous as I was. I felt like we were doing something illegal. Like masterminding a bank job or something.”

  “And that at any moment the cops were going to bust down the door?”

  “Exactly.”

  “So why did you, er, want to hook up with a stranger for sex? What made you do it?”

  Amy still can’t believe she had the guts to go through with meeting Ellis that first time. It was so contrary to anything she’d ever done before. “I’m not sure. I guess part of me was trying to bust out of this…this little prison my fears have kept me in. I guess I was desperate to do something that I didn’t really have to answer to anyone for, including myself. No guilt, no commitments, no responsibility. All I had to do was show up and have a good time.” It sounds shallow, but Ellis is nodding.

  “I felt the same. Plus I was in a new city and didn’t know a soul. And now here we are, living in the same small town. On an actual date together.”

  “Except we’re pretending we’re not.”

  “There is that. But…Amy? There’s nothing fake about how much I want to be with you.”

  Amy looks at Ellis for a long moment. She’d give anything to be able to discard every last fear about being with this woman. Her heart is resilient. There’s room for Ellis there. What she can’t reconcile is if Ellis plays wrecking ball to the hospital, because that would take a permanent chunk out of her soul. “In the mood for dessert?”

  “Not unless it’s a piece of cake.”

  Amy nearly moans out loud, remembering their shared slice of cake in Collinsworth and how Ellis seductively relieved the fork of its crumbs and frosting. She sweeps her eyes over the scooped-neck blouse that shows off the smooth skin of Ellis’s cleavage with its fine spray of freckles. She appreciates how Ellis always wears clothing on the alluring side when she knows she’s going to be seeing Amy. “On second thought…” She casts around to see if anyone’s watching them. “I think cake might be trouble.”

  “Can’t disagree with that.”

  “Did you drive here?”

  “Cab.”

  “Would you like a ride home?”

  Ellis’s smile is one of pure innuendo. “Thought you’d never ask.”

  A pleasant swarm of butterflies invades Ellis’s stomach when Amy turns her Audi SUV down a dead-end road not far from her house. She knows what’s coming, and a hot make-out session is exactly the kind of dessert she craves. She misses Amy’s body. Misses the intimacy of lying together, of holding one another, of shutting out the rest of the world. But Amy, as much as she tries to hide it with a sexy comment or a ravenous kiss, continues to keep her heart tightly under wraps. Amy is the shadow Ellis chases and can’t quite catch up to. Ellis gets it, she really does, but she worries she’ll lose Amy, that Amy won’t have the guts to take a chance on them when the time comes.

  “Do you know,” Ellis says in a voice thick with emotion, “when I realized I’d started caring for you?”

  “When?”

  “It was after we’d been together a couple of times and I saw you with your sister at that restaurant. I realized I was jealous. That I wanted it to be me sitting across from you.”

  Amy laughs softly. “And I saw you there with your former in-laws and Mia. I was afraid I was the only one who was jealous. It kind of felt like we were a couple, and yet it made me realize I knew nothing about you. That you were a complete mystery. And I didn’t want you to be.”

  “I know. Seeing you out of context like that was jarring. It made me want to know you.”

  Amy pulls the car over on a deserted section of the road. It’s dark now. She turns off the headlights, cuts the engine. She looks at Ellis with a searing heat that goes straight to Ellis’s crotch. God, she wants this woman so badly. How on earth will they be able to control themselves?

  Amy reaches for her hand, twines her fingers with Ellis’s. It’s such a sweet and unexpected gesture. “I want to make love to you as much as I want to breathe. More, if I’m honest.”

  “I know. Me too. It drives me crazy every time I see you.”

  Amy raises their joined hands and kisses the back of Ellis’s hand. “So I’m only going to kiss you and only for a few minutes, because I won’t be able to stop if it goes on for long. Or if I let my hands wander.”

  “All right. I understand. But…Jesus, I want you too, Amy.” Ellis runs a finger from her free hand down the length of Amy’s cottoned thigh, feels the immediate tensing of muscles beneath. She trails her finger back up, this time along the inside of Amy’s thigh.

  Amy darts her hand out to capture Ellis’s. “I can’t,” she says hoarsely. “Seriously. I won’t be able to stop.”

  “Kiss me, at least.” And dammit, I wish you wouldn’t stop.

  Amy’s eyes grow dark and hazy as she leans in and presses her lips to Ellis’s. Her lips are soft, delicious. Kissing Amy is both familiar and new every time. The kiss grows deeper, greedier, until it becomes oxygen to the fire raging inside Ellis’s belly. What Ellis really wants to do is crawl into Amy’s lap, sit astride her, press herself into her, guide Amy’s fingers down into her waistband until they find her wetness. She can barely endure the torture.

  Amy doesn’t want to stop kissing Ellis. She wants to haul her into the back seat and fuck her and be fucked by her until their screams echo through the compartment of the car and out into the night air. What is this insanity that’s taken over her? Is it because she and Ellis started their relationship (if that’s what this is) with sex first? Has it always been the forbidden, naughty aspect of their togetherness that holds her so captive and smitten? She breaks from the kiss, closes her eyes against the headrest. No. This isn’t about the sex or the sneaking around. It’s their chemistry, both in bed and out, but it’s also Ellis: a woman who’s so strong, smart, independent, incredibly capable and confident, and yet who’s also soft and kind and vulnerable when she chooses to expose that side of herself. She loves how soft Ellis’s eyes can be in that surprising, amazing way that only women who are supposed to be hard and invulnerable can do. It both breaks her heart and fills it.
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br />   “Penny for your thoughts?” Ellis’s question pulls Amy from her introspection.

  “You really want to know?”

  “Of course I do. I don’t ask questions if I’m not interested in the answers.”

  That’s certainly true. “Sorry. You’re right. I’m trying really hard not to be a downer…about us.”

  “Talk to me, Amy. I’m not going to cry or run away no matter what you say.”

  “All right. What’s going to happen to us when this review is over? Once you’ve submitted your recommendations?”

  “What you really mean is, are we going to survive it as a couple?”

  It’s remarkable how well Ellis already knows her after only a few months, and Amy wonders if she’s that predictable or whether it’s because Ellis really understands her. Either way, it feels weird. It’s been so long since she’s cared about someone else’s thoughts and feelings. It’d be easy to give in. All she has to do is give Ellis a promise, even a hint of a promise. The kind of answer Ellis wants, which is, “Yes, I’ll wait for you no matter how the review turns out.” But Amy can’t do it. The hospital, her heart, they’re two sides of the same coin because the hospital takes up so much of her heart. This review is like tree roots hidden beneath a carpet of leaves, waiting to trip them up. No matter how much they try to avoid talking about it, it’s still there.

  Ellis doesn’t wait for her to answer. “We can survive it if we want to. If we trust one another. I guess that’s the big stumbling block, isn’t it? Do you trust me, Amy?”

  Amy doesn’t honestly know the answer, but the pause has Ellis huffing out a frustrated breath.

  “Look,” Amy finally says. “What happens to this hospital means everything. I could get a job anywhere, I know that, but I want my job to be here, in this community. And every single person in this community cares about that hospital and needs that hospital.”

  “I know that. Which is why I’m trying to help save it.”

  It’s Amy’s turn to huff in frustration. “I think we have different definitions of what’s required to save it. If it even needs saving. And we have far different visions of what it might or should look like when all this is over.”

  “Fair enough. But please. Let me do my job. Trust me to do my job and to do it well. Okay? Because if you can’t…”

  She doesn’t need to finish. They both understand that they’re hanging on to each other by a thread.

  Amy starts the car. “I’ll take you home now.”

  At the curb in front of Ellis’s place, Ellis turns in her seat to face Amy. “Do I mean something to you?”

  “You do, Ellis. A great deal.”

  “Do I mean as much to you as the hospital?”

  “That’s hardly a fair question.”

  “Maybe not. But if I don’t, then the answer is no, we may not survive this review.”

  Shit. “Ellis…” She doesn’t know what else to say, except she doesn’t want this to end.

  Ellis pulls on the door handle. “I want you, Amy. All of you. And I’m still going to want you after this review is done. But I have to do my job, if that’s all right with you.”

  “Yes, of course it is.” Is it, though? If some outsider tried to influence Amy on how to perform a particular surgery, would she react any differently? Not likely. “Ellis, I’m sorry, okay? And I don’t want this to be goodbye. I do not want to say goodbye to you.”

  “You aren’t.” Ellis hops out, then leans back in. “But I think maybe we should cool things down for a little while. Let us both concentrate on our work, okay?”

  Amy nods because she can see that arguing will do no good; Ellis closes the car door and walks away.

  “I adore you, Ellis Hall,” Amy whispers into the emptiness.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Ellis has noticed the downturn in Mia’s mood lately. Not anti-social and snarky like she once was, but something is definitely up with her, given how much she’s been moping around. Ellis has taken the cowardly route of trying to keep her distance the last couple of days, hoping Mia’s mood improves on its own, but the waiting game isn’t working. They need to talk about her living arrangements with school starting in little more than a week, and waiting for Mia’s mood to change might take forever.

  Over Mia’s favorite take-out pizza for dinner, Ellis asks her how she likes working an afternoon a week for the Spencers.

  “It’s fine. Good. They’re nice.”

  The clock from the stove ticks as they chew their food.

  “And your volunteer work at the hospital is going well too?”

  “Yup.”

  Oh, boy. “You’ve more than met all your volunteer requirements now as part of your probation. Do you think you’ll keep your work at the hospital going for now?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Great.” Ellis pushes her plate aside, waits for Mia to meet her eyes. “But we need to talk about what’s going to happen once school starts.”

  Mia’s gaze sinks back to her plate, where a half-eaten slice of pizza awaits. “I guess. If you really want to.”

  “I think we need to.”

  Mia’s voice cracks as she says, “You’re going to send me back to Windsor, aren’t you?”

  “No. I didn’t say that.” No wonder she’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop. “You get a voice in all this, you know. What do you want to do?”

  “Stay here. With you.” Mia looks like she’s miraculously shed a huge burden as she tries to swallow down a sob. She’s suddenly the little girl that Ellis remembers, learning how to ride a bike.

  “You do?”

  Mia nods. It’s a relief that she finally accepts Ellis’s contrition, Ellis’s attempts to make things right, but this is a big deal. “We need to talk this out so we’re both sure. You don’t want to go back to living with your grandparents?”

  “No.”

  “Can I ask why?”

  “They don’t really want me. And they’re old and boring and I know I get in their way.”

  “They care about you, you know.”

  “Yeah. But it’s not the same as wanting me.”

  No, it’s not. “I can’t disagree with that. What is it that you like about staying here?”

  Mia looks hopeful for the first time. “I really like this town. And the friends I’ve made…Kate, Erin, Dr. Spencer. And you’re, well, a lot nicer to be with than I thought you would be. I like it here. With you.”

  Not a huge vote of confidence, but Ellis will take it. “I do care about you, Mia, a great deal. And I’m so glad to see you doing well here. You’re bright, you’re caring, and you’re a hard worker. The sky is the limit with your potential, do you know that? What about the high school here, do you think you would like it?”

  “You mean I can stay?” The look of surprise on Mia’s face would be almost comical if the subject weren’t so serious.

  “I think I can more than handle you staying here. But. And it’s a big but. You’re not sixteen until October, so until then, we would need your grandparents to sign off on you continuing to live with me. And we need the judge to sign off on it as well, since returning to Windsor is part of your probation order.”

  Mia’s mood plummets again. “Do you think we can actually make all that happen?”

  “I think there’s a good chance. I’ll start making some calls tomorrow, okay? And if all goes well, we’ll get you registered for school as soon as we can.”

  Mia leaps out of her chair, races around the table, and throws her arms around Ellis’s neck. “Thank you, Ellis. I mean it. Thank you so much! I was so scared you were going to send me back.”

  “I know we still have our issues, Mia, but I’m not sending you someplace you don’t want to go, okay? I’ll never do that to you. And one more thing. I don’t want you to lose your connection with your grandparents, so how about we talk to them about you spending one weekend a month with them.”

  Mia pauses. “Do I have to?”

  “Yes, y
ou have to.”

  “Okay.”

  Well, that wasn’t so bad. “Good.” Ellis hugs her back. It’s the most affection they’ve shown each other in years. “Remember, kiddo, that you deserve to be happy. Always.”

  “I will. Ellis? Do you think my mom would be okay with this?”

  “I do. I think she would be more than okay with this.”

  Mia grins. “I’m going to go text Kate that I’m going to be staying here!”

  “Okay, but hold on for another second. You need to know that, after Christmas, I’m not sure what my plans are. I mean, technically I’ll be pretty much done with my work on this project by then or shortly after.”

  Mia’s face falls. “You mean we’re going to have to move?”

  There was a time when Ellis loved the thrill of moving on to another project, another city. It was always like reinventing herself, where she’d fall in love all over again with her work. But it also reinforced old habits, like running away from relationships, from responsibilities. Now the idea of moving away holds little appeal. It’s nice here. The people she’s gotten to know are friendly, and they’re good. Plus she’s serious about giving Mia a home, because somebody’s got to, and she owes that much to Mia and to Nancy. She also can’t ignore the Amy factor. Amy, who’s in her thoughts every night before she falls asleep and every morning when she wakes up. She wants to be here, close to Amy. But Amy and the rest of the folks in town aren’t going to be very happy with her once her report comes out. Because as much as folks don’t want things to change at the hospital, they’re going to have to change, and Ellis will be the architect of what those changes will look like. Unless the board rejects her report, which almost never happens. She will probably lose Amy over this, and the thought steals whatever appetite she had. “Let’s not worry about January,” she says to Mia. “We’ll figure it out later. Let’s get you settled in at the school here and get that first semester under your belt. I promise I’m not going to leave you high and dry, Mia. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for as long as you want, and any future decisions, we’ll make them together.”