Dogchild

by Kevin Brooks

As I approached Glorian, and he looked me up and down, taking in my appearance, his anger gave way to careless contempt. I dont know how much he knew about my mission, but he obviously knew I was heading into enemy territory, and it was clear he didnt think much of the way I was going about it.

  He didnt say anything though.

  And I didnt feel the need to explain myself.

  I knew what I was doing.

  I turned my attention to the earthbank behind him. It looked the same as it always had – a ridge of hardpacked rust-red dirt – and I knew the tunnel entrance was there somewhere, but at first I couldnt see it. It wasnt until Ide moved closer and was standing right in front of the bank that I finally spotted it. It was level with my chest – a circular metal plate, about a yard across, fitted flush into the bank. It was so well camouflaged – colored the same shade of red as the dirt – that even as close as this I probably wouldnt have seen it if I didnt know it was there.

  Are you ready? Glorian said.

  I nodded.

  He took 2 T-shaped metal handles from his pocket and stepped up to the metal plate. Each handle had a smaller crossbar at one end. He inserted these ends into matching slots on either side of the plate, and then – gripping them tightly – gave them both a half-turn outwards. I heard the sound of heavy bolts clunking open. Glorian then braced himself, took half a step back, and heaved out the plate. It was at least an inch thick, and clearly very heavy. I could see the muscles in Glorians arms and shoulders bulging as he removed the plate and carefully lowered it to the ground.

  The tunnel was open now, and the underground smell of it – the air, the earth, the worms, the roots – immediately triggered a flood of memories. The raid, the pack, the thrill, the slaughter---

  Are you all right? I heard Glorian say.

  I looked at him, momentarily dazed, then I blinked, shutting down the memories, and nodded, letting him know I was fine.

  He glanced upwards and signaled to the guard in the watchtower above us. The guard returned his signal, then moved out of view.

  The other end of the tunnel is already open, Glorian told me. And theres a young Fighter on the other side waiting for you. Tomas. Do you know him?

  I know who he is, yeh.

  Make sure you call out to him before he sees you. He knows youre coming, but he doesnt know you look like that. And hese not as experienced as me. Do you understand what Ime saying?

  Yeh, I get it.

  Good. Off you go then.

  Something flickered into my mind for a moment – a sense of a time to come – and then almost immediately it was gone. It was a strange feeling, like an unknown memory of something that hasnt yet happened, and there was something about it that felt like a warning---

  But whatever it was, there was nothing I could do about it now.

  I stepped forward and clambered up into the tunnel.

  Although I can see in the dark much better than humans, it was so utterly pitchblack inside the tunnel that I couldnt see anything at all. I could still tell that the tunnel had been widened though – as Gun Sur had told me – because it was nowhere near as tight a squeeze as it had been before, and I was also well aware of the wooden supports that had been added to keep the tunnel from collapsing, because I kept bumping into them in the darkness.

  As I crawled along on my hands and knees I was constantly sniffing the earth and the air, hoping to find a trace of the pack from the last time wede been in the tunnel, but there was nothing left of them anymore. The tunnel smelled overwhelmingly of humans now. There was one particular scent that was fresher than all the others, and there was something naggingly familiar about it, but although I kept breathing it in, trying to work out who it belonged to, it just wouldnt come to me. I gave up trying in the end. It could have been almost anyone. I know the scent of most of our people, so whoever it belonged to it was bound to be vaguely familiar.

  I could tell I was nearing the end of the tunnel when I began to smell the cold night air drifting in from outside, and a few moments later a circle of open-air grayness appeared in the underground blackness up ahead, and I knew Ide reached the exit.

  I called out to Tomas to let him know I was there, waited for his reply, then crawled forward and scrambled out of the tunnel.

  For the first time in over 5 years I was on the other side of the wall.

  Is that really you, Jeet? I heard Tomas say.

  I turned round and saw the young Fighter grinning at my appearance. It wasnt a disdainful or mocking grin, just a harmless look of amusement. Tomas isnt much older than me, and although I dont know him any better than I know anyone else – apart from Starry – I know him well enough to know that he has a decent heart.

  I like it, he said, smiling at my shaved head and big black coat. It suits you.

  Thanks, I told him, looking around to get my bearings.

  The narrow strip of woodland stretched out ahead of me, the dark trunks of the young trees merging into the gloom of the night. I breathed in, smelling the tang of vegetation in the icecold air, and as the scent of the woodland flooded through me – bringing back more memories – I began to sense the first faint smells of the Deathlands – the deserts, the plains, the mountains, the past---

  Are you okay there, Jeet? Tomas said.

  Yeh---I muttered, smiling at him. Yeh, Ime okay.

  He nodded.

  Ide better get going, I said.

  Be careful out there, he told me as I walked past him and headed off into the woodland.

  I raised my hand in acknowledgement, then carried on into the wooded darkness.

  The cover provided by the trees and shrubs wasnt as dense as I would have liked, but as long as I kept to the south side of the woods – but not too close to the cliffs – I was fairly certain I couldnt be seen from the Dau encampment. When I reached the far end of the woodland, I stopped about 10 feet from the edge and just stood there for a while, gazing out into the distance. Even in the darkness, the change in terrain was plain to see. There was no gradual merging of one landscape into another, the trees and vegetation of the woodland simply stopped, as if cut off by an invisible border, and beyond that there was nothing but glassrock – vast swathes of empty black nothingness stretching out into the distance. The ground wasnt totally flat, and here and there I could see starlight glinting on the ridges and hollows of the glassrock plain – like foam-topped waves in a frozen black sea – and although I couldnt see the distant Black Mountains themselves, I could just about make out the great jagged outcrops of the foothills that surround them---

  And I knew that if my mother was out there, shede probably be somewhere in or around the mountains.

  I was ready now.

  Ready to call out to her.

  I looked around for a good calling point, and saw it almost immediately – a great slab of rock near the edge of the cliff, sheltered behind a clump of young trees.

  I went over to it and hopped up.

  It felt right.

  I stood there for a while – just breathing steadily, sucking in the cold night air---just waiting for the right moment – and then, when the moment came, I emptied my lungs, breathed in as deeply as I could, raised my head high to the sky, and howled long and hard into the night.

  I cant fully explain the meaning of my howl – the sounds that dogs make have feelings rather than meanings – but in very basic terms I was simply telling my mother that I was here. If she was still alive, and she heard it, shede know it was me. And shede know it was safe for her to come.

  As my howl faded away into the silence of the night, I waited for her reply.

  It didnt come.

  I closed my eyes, then threw back my head and called out again, louder this time.

  Again my howl rang out into the distant mountains, and again it faded into the unseen darkness. But then, after perhaps 10 seconds, I heard a reply. It was very faint, almost inaudible, coming from a long way away – perhaps 10 miles – but there was no doubt at all it was the voice
of my mother. I knew it in my bones, my blood---in everything I was.

  My mother was alive.

  I called out to her again, howling with all my soul, and she called back almost immediately. She was already a little closer.

  She was coming.

  My mother was coming to me.

  I sat down on the rock, closed my eyes, and waited with the timeless patience of the dog that I was.

  Assuming shede started around 10 miles away, and that shede be loping towards me, not running flat out, I guessed it would take my mother about 2 hours to get here.

  2 hours was nothing.

  I would have waited 2 days if Ide had to. 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years---

  Time was nothing.

  Every so often I stood up and howled again to remind her of my location, and every time she howled back, her call was a little louder and clearer.

  After the first hour had passed, I began getting ready, doublechecking all my preparations to make sure everything was still as it should be. I unbuttoned my coat and checked that my knife and sling were still held firmly in place – and completely covered – by the strip of cloth that Ide wrapped several times around my left thigh. Any sign of a weapon – even the faintest of distant glimpses – would be enough for a Dau guard to know that I wasnt a dog, and because Ide be naked when I was with the dogs, I wouldnt have any pockets or clothing to conceal my knife and sling, so Ide bandaged my weapons to my thigh using a strip of cloth that Ide colored a pale muddy brown to match the tone of my skin. The same reasoning lay behind my decision not to wear any clothes. Any kind of clothing would immediately stand out to a watching Dau guard, whereas being naked – and with my hair hacked off – my coloring and general body shape would at least be reasonably similar to that of a dog. My nakedness would also make me more acceptable to my mother and any other dogs she might bring with her. My mother had never seen me clothed, and clothing was such a human trait – and Deathland dogs hated humans so much – that wearing clothes would have put me at a disadvantage straightaway. The only reason I was wearing the big heavy coat was to keep out the cold until my mother arrived. Ide got it from Jemelata, the towns Clothier, and Ide asked her specifically for a heavy coat that hadnt been worn by anyone else for a long time, so as to lessen the scent of human on me as much as possible. The coat shede given me, the one I was wearing, was so thick and heavy – and uncomfortable and ugly – that as far as she knew, no one had ever worn it since it had been found in a house when our people had first arrived in the town. I knew I was going to feel the cold when I took it off, but once I got running Ide soon warm up, and being barefoot wasnt going to be much of a problem either. Like all dogchilds, I dont like wearing anything on my feet, but – unlike Mose – I eventually learned to put up with it. I still never wear anything on my feet when Ime at home though, and I still often forget to put on my moccasins when I go out, so although the soles of my feet are nowhere near as hard and leathery as they used to be, theyre still tough enough to cope with a night out in the Deathlands.

  Being barefoot also gave me the advantage of silence.

  After Ide checked my knife and sling, and was satisfied that they were both still secured, I buttoned up my coat and got to my feet. It was time to call out to my mother again. I raised my head and was just about to let out a howl when I suddenly sensed a presence behind me. I stopped, remaining motionless for a few moments, then slowly turned round---

  And there she was.

  My mother---sitting quietly, as still as a statue, gazing serenely at me.

  I realize now that she must have skirted around me, ghosting through the woods to my right, before cautiously approaching me from behind, keeping herself out of sight until she was absolutely sure that she wasnt walking into a trap, and in hindsight I probably should have known that that was what shede do. She was a wise old dog. She wouldnt just walk into an unknown strip of woodland without first making sure it was safe, especially when that strip of woodland was right next to the town where her family was slaughtered---

  I should have known that.

  I should have realized---

  But she was there now.

  And at the time, that was all that mattered.

  That was all there was – my mother, just sitting quietly, as still as a statue, gazing serenely at me.

  The sight of her after such a long time was so overwhelming that all I could do for about 30 seconds was stand there, rooted to the spot, staring at her in awestruck silence. Shede changed a lot since the last time Ide seen her. Her glossy brown fur had lost its sheen and was flecked all over with silver and gray, and her face and muzzle were almost white. She wasnt as big and strong as I remembered either. She was thinner, less muscular, almost bony in places. But her true self, the essence of who she was, was still unmistakably there. I could feel it. It was there in her heart, her scent, her eyes, her spirit---I could feel it soaking into me, warming me, filling me with a sense of comfort and security that I hadnt felt in a very long time.

  Ide thought about this moment for years – imagining how it would feel, wondering how Ide react – but now that it was actually happening, I didnt have any thoughts at all. I didnt need any thoughts. I was dog. I just did what I did. And the next thing I knew – without a thought in my mind – Ide scrambled out of my coat and jumped down off the rock and was running to my mother, just as Ide run to her all those years ago. I ran on all 4s, my head low to the ground, and I was moving so fast that I almost couldnt stop when I reached her, and as I tried to slow down I lost my footing and tumbled over, rolling into her like an overexcited pup. I was a lot bigger and heavier than I used to be, and she was a lot frailer, but she still barely moved when I stumbled into her. She just shuffled back a bit, absorbing the impact, somehow maintaining her grace and dignity, as she always had done. She also didnt seem to mind when my childhood emotions came flooding back to me and I began licking at her face and mouth, my body wriggling all over with joy and excitement, just as I used to do when she came back from a hunting trip---and just as shede put up with me then, she was putting up with me now – just sitting there, as calm and patient as always, letting me clamber all over her.

  She didnt have to show her feelings for me to know they were there. I could sense them in her. I could feel them in her heart as clearly as if they were in my own – a mixture of deep contentment, relief, and a longheld sadness.

  I finally settled down after a while, and for a few minutes we just sat there together, quietly smelling each other, getting to know each other again. She couldnt help her hackles rising in hate and rage at the smell of the human in me. Although she hadnt been there that night, she knew the humans had slaughtered her pack without mercy, and while she was just as savage and merciless as every other living creature – and she accepted without thought that we all kill to live – she still hated the humans for what theyd done, and I knew shede kill every one of them if she ever got the chance. But at the same time, despite the fact that Ide superficially become one of them, she neither considered me as truly human nor blamed me for becoming whatever it was Ide become. She understood why Ide done it, and as we sat there together she let me know – in a way I cant describe – that no forgiveness was necessary.

  Ide done what Ide done to survive.

  And survival is all there is. Not just for ourselves, but for our family, our bloodline, our species. We live to keep our ancient souls alive.

  It didnt matter to my mother that my biological bloodline was human. I might not have come from her womb, but Ide become a dog in her heart. Shede passed on her ancient soul to me.

  While the 2 of us were getting to know each other again, I gradually became aware that we werent alone. Shadowy shapes had appeared in the darkness of the nearby trees – silent presences, watching us from a distance.

  My mother had come with her pack.

  I knew I couldnt approach them first, but instead had to wait until they were ready to come to me, and slowly – step by soundless step –
thats what they did. One by one, the dogs edged cautiously out of the trees and made their way over to my mother and me.

  There were 8 of them.

  A massive gray male, in the prime of his life, who was obviously their leader.

  3 adult females.

  2 almost fullgrown juvenile dogs.

  And 2 young females, clearly sisters, about 6 months old.

  One of the adult females had several features – the markings on her chest and lower legs, for example – that were almost exactly the same as my mothers, and I guessed she was a granddaughter, or possibly even a great granddaughter. I was also fairly sure that she was the leaders mate. All 8 of the dogs looked fit and healthy and reasonably well fed, with no obvious signs of disease or injury.

  I watched them coming towards me, closely studying their positioning and posture in relation to one another, and by the time the leader was within a few feet of me, Ide instinctively worked out the basic hierarchy of the pack. As my mother moved aside, keeping close but allowing the big gray male to approach me, I could tell – without consciously knowing how – that my mother held a special position in the pack, one that Ide only come across a few times before. She was neither a leader nor a subordinate, but rather an esteemed Older, respected and revered by all the other dogs, including the leader, for her experience and wisdom, while at the same time being reliant on the others for sustenance and protection. Without them, she was too old and weak to survive. But without her, and the vast experience she had of living in the Deathlands, it was quite possible that they wouldnt survive.

  Despite the respect she was held in though, I was realistic enough to know that I wouldnt necessarily be accepted – let alone helped – by the other dogs just because I was her adopted son. They knew I was a dogchild, but I was also a hated human. And if I wasnt accepted, which was entirely up to the leader, there was a reasonably good chance that Ide end up dead. But there was very little I could do to sway the gray males decision apart from being completely submissive to him, letting him know that I recognized and respected his dominance over me.