A Darker Kind of Love

by Angela Peach

  “You know earlier, when we were talking about embarrassing moments? I’ve got another one for you. Do you remember that day you came to see me in the café and I had oil on my face?”

  As I carefully washed the blood from my hair, I told her the true story behind the oil smudges and she laughed, breaking the tension.

  “I can’t believe you went to so much trouble just to hide a few bite marks. I mean, at the time I thought you were a little bit strange cos you were serving people with all that oil on your face, but now? Now I know you’re strange!”

  “Okay, looking back it does seem a bit eccentric, but you made me so nervous and I wanted to make a good impression.”

  “By covering your face in oil,” she teased, sounding amused.

  “Alright, it wasn’t my finest moment. But they were very angry looking bites, just so you know.” I closed my eyes, feeling the painkillers start to kick in. “I think I’m ready to get out now. Have you got some pj’s I can borrow?”

  “Sure. Are you okay getting out or…” she left the question hanging. The idea of her helping me out of the bath was tempting, but I declined and she left me to go and search for something that I could wear.

  Once I’d dried my hair and dressed in the pyjamas she’d placed on the bed for me, I went back to her lounge but stopped when I got to the doorway. An Etta James song was playing and Sophie was sitting on the sofa with Danny on her lap. I paused for a second to capture the moment in my memory. It felt comforting, homely. Right. Like it was a scene I could definitely get used to, and wanted to get used to. She glanced up, smiling when she saw me and I crossed the room to sit with them.

  “Better?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe. Thank you for letting me stay the night.”

  “Well, it’s not quite how I imagined our first night together would be if I’m honest.”

  I smiled and shook my head softly.

  “Me neither. I’ve already messaged Ju and asked if I can stay at hers for a while, but I know she’ll be fine with it. I guess I should fill her and Freddie in on what’s going on as well.”

  “Hanna, do you think…do you think she’ll come for me?” Sophie asked, her voice tight. For a second I was puzzled, thinking she meant Ju. Then it clicked and I thought about it.

  “I don’t think so. I mean, she can’t possibly know you live here? She must have heard Ju talking about us when she’s dropped Danny off, like when she found out about…other stuff,” I said, managing to stop myself before giving away Fred’s secret. Sophie still looked uncertain though, and understandably so. I made a quick decision. “Would you like to keep Danny with you? Sort of like a guard dog so if Mel comes anywhere near here, he’ll be able to give you enough warning to get out and call me.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Would it make you feel safer?”

  “Well, yeah, totally.”

  I ruffled the fur on Danny’s neck, feeling strange and conflicted. On the one hand I didn’t want to leave him here in these flats after what had happened to him earlier, and felt I should be making it up to him. But on the other hand Sophie had no way of knowing if Mel was nearby, so he’d be perfect to alert her to any volatile and hostile energy that might be approaching. Plus, she wasn't working at the moment and could give him plenty of attention all day long. Lastly, I wasn’t too sure about how Ju would feel about me bringing him with me to stay in her flat.

  “Then yes. I’m sure. I’ll pay for his food, obviously,” I added, knowing she struggled to stretch her meagre handout just for herself. She smiled gratefully and we were both silent as we watched him sleeping on her lap.

  “I’m not going to say I won’t love the company, and I don’t think she’ll see us if I use the caretaker’s entrance round the back of the building to take him in and out.”

  “What caretaker’s entrance?” I asked, surprised.

  “We’re not supposed to use it, but I went through the wrong door by accident one day when I first moved in.”

  She described it to me – just inside the lower stairwell, there was a door marked Private (which I’d always thought was the caretaker’s actual front door) and it led to a corridor. Coming off this corridor were other doors that led to the boiler and fuse box for the whole building as well as the caretaker’s flat and, more importantly, a rear exit. An exit that Mel couldn’t observe from our flat.

  “Okay, well that’s perfect then. She’ll never know he’s still here, and she doesn’t know you’re here so you should both be completely safe,” I said decisively. “You can look after each other!”

  We stayed up chatting for a short while longer before Sophie suggested I got some sleep, and to make myself comfortable in her bed while she took Danny for a quick toilet break. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to drop off, knowing she was going to be sleeping next to me, but I was out for the count before they returned. I woke sometime in the night to find her spooning into my back, an arm draped casually over my side and holding my hand.

  That was when I had trouble falling back to sleep.

  CHAPTER 18

  “So let me get this straight. Mel has been living...”

  “Or dying, she's not exactly living anymore.”

  Ju rolled her eyes and continued.

  “Whatever. So she's been in your flat since she died and you've not only tolerated it, you've encouraged it? Hanna-banana, are you out of your pretty little mind? Why on earth didn't you get her exercised...”

  “Exorcised.”

  “Oh for Pete's bloody sake, exorcised straight away? Didn't you have enough of living with the crazy bitch when she was alive?”

  I'd just finished telling Ju the full story about Mel, from death to rebirth, and then the events from last night. She was suitably and rightfully horrified. I shrugged and let out a long breath as I picked at the last of the gluten-free sausages and mash she'd cooked for us.

  “I felt guilty.”

  “Guilty? You felt...sometimes I just don't know about you. She treats you like shit and you're the one who feels guilty? Hanna! Get a grip!”

  “She was alright at first. And it was nice to have company if I'm honest. I'm not sure how I would've coped after her death if it had been just me in that flat, especially the bathroom. It took me about four months before I could have a bath again, and even showering was weird.”

  “So why didn't you move out?” she asked, her voice rising an octave . “Any normal person woulda been out of there and not looked back.”

  “I told you why. I'm the only one that can see or hear her.”

  “So?”

  She stared at me wide-eyed and I sighed, knowing she was right. Then I looked down, seeing that my plate had tilted and gravy was dribbling over the lip onto my jeans. I used my knife to scoop it off, while also hoping my friend would leave the subject if I ignored her long enough. No chance.

  “Well? Since when did you become a babysitter for crazy ghosts Hanna? Have you got any more I don't know about? An old aunty, maybe a grand-parent?”

  “Okay, okay, point taken. It was a bad decision and now I need to rectify it. Oh, by the way, I should probably mention that she's eavesdropped on everything you've ever said when you've been at mine and thought you were alone. I think that's how she found out about Sophie.”

  Ju slapped both hands over her mouth, looking mortified.

  “Oh my fucking life, I always talk to myself when I'm there cos it stops me freaking out. I always said your flat creeped me out Hanna, didn't I? And it was so bloody cold all the time, even in the sum...”

  Her face almost drained of colour and I knew exactly what she was remembering.

  “It's okay, Freddie's told me.”

  “So you know? About her...thingy.” When I nodded she looked relieved and I could tell she'd been dying to talk about it with me, but obviously hadn't been able to. She ruffled her short purple hair and sighed. “I feel so bad about what I did. Well, I feel bloody awful is what I feel. I haven't been able to bring
myself to talk to her since.”

  “Eh? What do you mean?”

  “I thought you just said she told you?” Ju sounded just as confused as I was.

  “I meant she told me about being trans and how she's having the op next year. She didn't tell me anything about what happened with you except that she was gutted cos she blew it, and she wished she'd waited.”

  “Oh Han, I was horrible. But I was really drunk and it was just a bit of a shock. I completely over-reacted.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Well, you know how we were in the taxi, like all over each other? When we got back to her place she kind of went all cold on me. She said I could stay over but she wanted us to wear pj's to bed. So anyway, I went to try and kiss her again and she wouldn't let me and pushed me away, so I got really angry and accused her of just using me for what she wanted when she wanted and it wasn't fair and she couldn't keep doing this to me. I told her if she didn't want me, then I'd leave right then and there and that would be it, I wouldn't bother her anymore and that our friendship would be over as well.” She looked sheepish. “You know how drink amplifies everything into epic proportions and stuff.”

  I remembered my argument with Sophie that same night and nodded. It was quite funny in a way how we'd all wanted the same thing but been cock-blocked by mine and Fred's stupid secrets.

  “She begged me not to walk out, told me that things were complicated blah blah blah. But I told her she was a nob and I didn't know why I'd wasted so much time on her and was just walking to the front door when she shouted out that she was trans. She tried to explain it all to me, about transitioning and stuff, and how she was in love with me but had wanted to wait til she'd had the op to go out with me. I was just in total shock though and I told her I wouldn't sleep with her as a man or a woman cos she was a liar. And then I went off on one about why she hadn't thought to share this with me before, and how could I trust someone who didn't trust me enough to be honest with me.”

  “Oh. Ouch.”

  Ju cringed.

  “I even slammed the door as I left. The next morning I was just horrified at how I'd behaved. I mean I spent the whole day absolutely hating myself for being such a bitch, but I couldn't think of a way to say sorry. It was unforgivable.”

  “Surely that's Freddie's decision to make?”

  “Eh? I know she'll be okay. It's me I can't forgive, Hanna, I'm too ashamed.”

  I touched her shoulder comfortingly.

  “Just talk to her. Cos right now she's blaming herself and thinks you're so disgusted with her that you never want to see her again. She's been totally beating herself up about it.” I paused, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it anyway. “Do you? Want to see her again? I mean, do you still 'like' her?

  “Of course I still bloody like her! I'm not that shallow,” she exclaimed, seeming affronted that I'd even asked. “It was just a big shock to find out she had a you-know-whatsy.”

  “A penis?”

  “Yes. If she'd told me last year when we kissed that first time, I would've been able to deal with it and been a bit more prepared. She's still Freddie, with or without a you-know-whatsy.”

  “You can say the word penis, I won't mind,” I said, amused but relieved for Fred. Ju flinched.

  “Ugh, no thanks. It's a horrible word. And vagina. Who thought them up, eh? They're like the least sexy words for what's supposed to be a sexy part of your body.”

  “What do you call a vagina then?” I asked, curious.

  “A noo-noo.”

  I laughed hard, getting a slap on my arm.

  “Isn't that the hoover thing from the Teletubbies?”

  “C'mon, like I've ever watched that. Anyway, stop taking the piss and let's get back to what we were discussing before you cunningly distracted me. We were talking about you and old narky-pants and what you're planning to do with her? Are you gonna watch Poltergeist and try to get her to go toward the light or something? Send in a freaky little dwarf lady to cleanse your flat and get rid of the tele?” She raised her voice to squeakily imitate the lady from the film. “Go into the li-i-ight, and don't come ba-a-ack, you're not wanted he-e-ere.”

  I laughed, but now it was my turn to look sheepish.

  “Um, I was kind of planning on, y'know, just like, not going back,” I mumbled, forking a final bit of sausage from my plate into my mouth and chewing. “Whatever belongings she hasn't destroyed over the weekend will probably be annihilated now. If there's anything left, I'll get some removal men in to collect it and store at Mum's.”

  “You're just gonna leave her there to torment the next poor tenants, eh? She's not gonna like that one little bit,” Ju stated, leaning forward and scooping some of my leftover mash on her fork and scoffing it.

  “Are you fucking kidding? She'll be furious! But if I'm not there anymore, she might actually look for a way to move on. Do you want my plate?” I offered and she took it happily, polishing off the cooled remnants in three quick mouthfuls. Shaking my head, I carried on. “Anyway, she's crossed a line now. I mean, she's lost all sense of right and wrong...”

  “She never had any sense of right and wrong to begin with,” Ju mumbled through a mouthful of mash and broccoli.

  “Exactly! So you can only imagine what she's like now. She's dead, so she hasn't really got anything to lose. She already tried to kill Danny and if I hadn't got out when I did, it might've been me next,” I said, shivering at the thought. “I'm actually frightened for my life, Ju.”

  “It's such a shame we can't just burn your flat down.”

  I stared at my friend in astonishment.

  “Uh, bit drastic maybe? I don't think it'd burn her though, even if we could. Anyway, she's not my problem anymore and Sophie's looking for somewhere else to live as well, so in the New Year Mel is on her own.”

  Ju looked thoughtful for a second and I could tell she was building up to ask me something.

  “What?” I prompted warily.

  “I was just wondering...was it like Ghost? Were you like Demi Moore and she would just jump into your body to possess you and...”

  “No! God, no!”

  “Oh.”

  “Although,” I added, because she looked so disappointed, “She did find it hilarious to walk through me from behind, or make me jump by suddenly phasing through a wall I was passing.”

  “Nothing exciting though?”

  “No. Sorry.”

  My phone buzzed on the table in front of me – it was a text from Sophie.

  HEY GORGEOUS! EVERYTHING IS ALL FINE HERE. WE'RE BOTH MISSING YOU! :( DANNY IS LOVELY & SNUGGLY, BUT NOT AS SNUGGLY AS YOU OBVIOUSLY! ANYWAY, I'LL COME BY AND SEE YOU TOMORROW AFTER MY INTERVIEW – WISH ME LUCK! XXX

  I smiled, relieved they were both safe. After I'd replied to her, I took the dirty plates into the kitchen and did the washing up before Ju and I settled down to watch a film.

  I'd already started putting Mel out of my head.

  The next day I filled Freddie in so she knew as much as Ju, feeling better now that we'd all shared with each other. Not that I wanted to know everything about their lives or have truth-shares every week with them though.

  However, Freddie was a bit more sceptical about the whole thing, especially since neither Sophie or Ju could corroborate any of it, and suggested that maybe I'd imagined most of it. I asked her if she would be happy to come back with me after work to collect some of my belongings for me, and she rolled her eyes before saying yes.

  So after we'd finished and locked up I drove us to the flats, but approached from the back as Sophie had said to. I was still incredibly nervous and my palms went clammy as we walked along the caretaker's corridor to get to the stairs (I didn't want to risk the lift doors opening on my floor and Mel possibly seeing me.) I gave Fred my keys and a small list, knowing full well she'd be leaving empty handed, and told her how to find me at Sophie's when she was done. Then I went into my girlfriend’s flat for some quick private time.

  Sop
hie and I managed to lock lips for no longer than about five minutes before Fred was banging on her door.

  “What the hell happened?” Sophie gasped, stepping back to let her in. Freddie rushed in gratefully, pale and trembling and with three red marks down the side of her face.

  “Hanna, if I were you I'd never go back there. I mean ever. I was lucky I got out and...jesus! I've never been so scared in my life. You've been living with that?”

  We took her to the bathroom to get some cold wet toilet roll to soothe her face, and with a shaky voice she explained what had happened.

  “I'd literally put the key in and the door just swung open, so I thought maybe you hadn't locked it and went inside. But it was like minus five degrees or something, and I told myself you'd probably left the windows open as well. I only got a few steps into your hallway but I could see all your clothes and...well if I'm honest, pretty much everything was just all over the place, completely destroyed. I'm sorry.”

  “I kind of guessed it would be. It's okay.”

  “So what happened to your face?” Sophie asked, looking anxious.

  “Well, I was about to walk into the bedroom and the toaster flew down the hallway and hit my shoulder. I was a bit angry about this, obviously, and went to go and look in the lounge to see who'd thrown it, but more stuff just...it just kind of appeared and was pummelling me. And there was no one there! I still walked toward the lounge, cos I was really pissed at this point and ready to do some pummelling myself, and I suppose I was secretly kinda hoping there would be someone there. But then I heard something behind me and when I turned around I saw the toaster just float off the floor and come through the air toward me. I managed to duck in time and started running to the door, but it started closing so I just did this crazy dive. I got my upper body through and I'm lying on the floor feeling all bruised and just wanting to get the fuck out of there, but then...then she grabbed my legs and tried dragging me back in. God only knows what I looked like, hanging onto the doorway trying to pull my legs out, but luckily your neighbour heard me and came out to help. I had to pretend I'd fallen over, but I musta looked like a right muppet. Anyway, after I'd thanked him, he went back in his flat, but your door was completely open so I stupidly leaned in to pull it shut, and I felt her scratch me. How is that even possible? I don't even believe in ghosts, Han, but I am one hundred percent certain that Mel is haunting your flat.”