A Darker Kind of Love

by Angela Peach

  She looked so sorrowful that I wished I hadn't blurted it out. But in reply she softly touched her lips to mine, and I forgot about everything as my heart soared through my chest and set fire to my soul, reigniting all that I thought had died. It was a gentle kiss, full of tenderness and deep emotion as we reconnected, and we probably could have carried on like that for a lot longer, but we were rudely interrupted by one of Sophie's work-mates.

  “Ahem, when you're ready love, there's a stack of orders on the counter,” she said loudly, making us jump slightly. We broke apart and I had to fight the urge to pull her back to me.

  “I have to go back to work and I've only just started my shift. Shit. Will you...”

  “I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait over in the arcade with Freddie and Ju for you,” I said, already knowing I was just going to gawp at her from afar.

  “I don't finish for another three hours.”

  “Sophie...I'm not going anywhere,” I repeated softly. With one last lingering kiss, she reluctantly went back behind the bar. I stayed frozen to the spot, unable to take my eyes off her and as she served someone, she kept glancing over at me, a smile lighting up her face.

  “Come on, unless you plan standing there looking like a nutter all night,” Ju took my arm and gently pulled me away.

  “It's Sophie,” I whispered stupidly.

  “Duh, we know! Why do you think we brought you here? We hate bowling!” Freddie said, rolling her eyes. I turned around and waved at Sophie, grinning dreamily at her. She waved back, ignoring the waitress talking to her.

  Luckily Fred and Ju wholeheartedly agreed to sack the game of bowling off in favour of some cheesy chips. We sat at a tacky small round table (where I could still observe Sophie at the bar) and they explained how they'd found her.

  “We spent ages looking for her, but it was like she'd gone completely AWOL,” Ju said, hooking a large dollop of mayonnaise onto a steaming hot chip and putting it in her mouth anyway. I waited impatiently as she huffed and puffed from the burning, and Freddie took pity and carried on the story.

  “It was just by pure coincidence that we found her really. A sister of a girl that knows one of the girls Ju works with...”

  “No, it was her boyfriend's sister...” Ju interrupted through a mouthful of food.

  “I thought you said it was her mate?”

  “No, it was Sammie's mate's boyfriend's sister.”

  “Er, guys?”

  They both looked at me, and Ju continued.

  “Sorry, irrelevant to the story. Anyway, I overheard my workmate talking on the phone to her friend...” she waved her hand dismissively. “It's all a bit complicated, but basically her friend's boyfriend's sister recognised Sophie from being in the news last year, and the information just filtered down to me. That was last week and we didn't want to get your hopes up, just in case, so we just thought we'd come by and see for ourselves.”

  “We're actually celebrating Ju's birthday next weekend, aren't we babe? Properly, by the way,” Freddie added, kissing her girlfriend sweetly and smiling.

  “Bloody right. Fucking hate bowling,” Ju muttered, sending a disgusted look towards the lanes where lots of happy people were rolling balls and actually knocking pins over. I looked over at Sophie again, smiling as I caught her looking back at me. Bowling suddenly didn't seem so bad!

  We decided to spend the remaining time in the arcade area, which was actually loads of fun. The air hockey got very passionate and intense and we stayed on the table for nearly an hour until moving on to some of the car racing games. Ironically, it was Fred who beat us both and she'd never driven in her life.

  It was as I was getting eaten by a hoard of hungry zombies on a large, immersive House of the Dead game (for about the umpteenth time) that I knew Sophie was approaching.

  “Looks like blondie's finished work,” Freddie said as I turned around. She was carrying a rucksack and looked uncertain about approaching us for some reason, but Ju jogged over and gave her a big warm hug before whispering something in her ear. Sophie listened, then nodded and allowed Ju to lead her back to us.

  “Right Fred, let's go. Have a nice evening you two!”

  My friends gave me a quick hug goodbye, and practically ran from the bowling alley.

  “What did she say to you?” I asked curiously and she blushed.

  “She asked if they could leave you with me...y'know, for the night. Is that okay, I mean, I said yes, but...”

  “No, that's good, that's like really good. Do you live near here?” I asked, trying to make polite conversation while my mind and loins went into hyper-drive at the thought of staying overnight with her. I now knew why Ju had insisted I have a proper girly shower before coming out, making sure my legs and armpits were shaved and that I was wearing my best perfume. I'd just gone along with it because it was her birthday!

  “I live about five to ten minutes away, but...well I wasn't expecting company so it might be a bit of a mess.”

  I smiled and took her hand, saying in a low voice,

  “You could live in a cave and I wouldn't notice anything other than you.”

  “Hmm. Yeah, we should go now,” she replied huskily, leading me quickly out of the bowling alley. I still couldn't believe she was here, with her hand in mine! And wow! The palpable energy between us was intense and sexually nuclear, and ready to explode.

  Outside in the car park she walked us to an almost brand new Prius, and seeing my surprise she rolled her eyes.

  “So Mum and Dad bought this for me so I could get to work and I'm paying them off monthly. Or, if you want to look at the real reason, it's emotional bribery.”

  We got in and I looked around in awe - it was like a space ship!

  “Emotional bribery for what?”

  “You know, to make sure I don't try and kill myself again,” she said, sounding frustrated. “To show me how much they care, so I know I'm loved.”

  I turned to her in surprise.

  “What do you mean?”

  Sophie sighed.

  “You asked me earlier why I left you. I sort of didn't have a lot of choice in the matter.”

  As she drove us to her place, she briefly explained what had happened to her after Christmas, and her story shocked and saddened me.

  After being assessed by the hospital psychiatrist, Sophie had found herself at the mercy of her incredibly over-bearing parents. They'd struck a deal with her (it seemed everyone had wanted to strike deals with us) saying that if she moved back into their home, they'd support her until she managed to get back on her feet. However, she hadn't realised this meant they were going to strip her of her civil rights and take her back to being a teenager in their house again.

  For the first couple of months, Sophie had been increasingly depressed about me and the Doctors she'd been forced to see had prescribed her some pokey anti-depressants. These had made things worse, numbing her emotions to a strange blur. She essentially had no energy or enthusiasm to stand up for herself and had let them control her every move.

  But then she'd had a dream about me which had scared her into searching for herself again, and with a lot of determination and courage, she'd come off the anti-depressants, convincing her family she was getting better.

  My name had been banned in their house, as her parents seemed to think I was the reason behind their beloved daughter's slide into mental illness. So Sophie had learned to act how they expected her to act, gaining their trust so that she could get a job and earn enough money to move out again. This had been a slow process, and a painful one as she suppressed her true emotions down.

  By the time summer had sprung, she'd just about managed to convince them she was back to normal – she had a job delivering mail and parcels and was starting to save up enough for a property that was a decent way away from them. But then my life support was turned off and, thinking I was dead, moving out became a top priority for her so she'd taken on a second job. Working nights at the bowling alley was mainly to keep her
time and mind occupied so she didn't have to think about me.

  “I moved in here about two months ago,” she said, pulling up outside a tiny cottage. “Mum and Dad tried to buy me a flat in town and said I could pay them back for the mortgage, but I was like no-no-no. I could handle them buying me the car, and if I'm honest I actually love this car, but there was no way I was letting them have that much control over my life. So I'm renting this place, which I chose and I paid for, and I've gradually been getting used to living on my own again. But I just couldn't get used to knowing you were dead,” she finished softly.

  “Maybe you couldn't get used to it cos it wasn't true.”

  She studied me quietly, touching my face in the dark.

  “You know they called us The Lesbian Suicides?”

  “It's been mentioned to me a few times,” I admitted, wincing slightly. “I tried telling the police you and Danny had been attacked, and that when I got there the attacker was still there and had threatened me, but I'd bargained with them. I said that they'd allowed me to call you an ambulance before I was pushed out of the window. They seemed a bit uncertain about my story, but...” I let the sentence trail off.

  “But it sounded completely far-fetched and improbable, right? Weird how people were so quick to believe we both wanted to kill ourselves, isn't it? So anyway, let's forget about all that for now...would you like to come inside?” she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

  “Sure, I'd love to.” I got out of the car and took some deep breaths. It was a muggy, warm evening and the air around her cottage had a wonderful earthy scent that was sweet to inhale. Sophie led the way inside, chatting nervously as she did.

  “Okay, so it's really small, but y'know, it's mine and I love it. I bought all the furniture myself and did most of the decorating too. And there's a little wood-burner in the lounge, which I can't wait to get fired up in the winter. Of course, I've never made a fire before in my life, so that should be quite interesting, but...”

  I pulled her into my arms, silencing her with my lips. When she drew back, she exhaled then smiled.

  “Wow. I'm so nervous. “

  “It's okay, you're cute when you're nervous. If it makes you feel any better, I'm nervous too.”

  “Um...I'll tell you what will make me feel better? If you just make yourself at home for a bit while I go and have a quick tidy?”

  I laughed.

  “Sure. I'll just chill here until you're ready.”

  Looking relieved, she gave me a kiss full of promise, then ran out of the room. I took the opportunity while she was gone to look around, not wanting to be nosy but just to get an idea of her life.

  It was indeed very small, but it had such a warm, safe, even comforting feel to it. There was a small wood-burner nestled in the chimney and a large bookshelf filled with old books. I recognised some of the titles from conversations we'd had – Yield to the Night by Joan Henry had been one she'd promised to lend me, and Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti had been recommended to her by myself.

  There was a stereo in a wall nook and lots of CD’s piled around it in messy, but obviously well used piles. I noticed she had a tv, but there was an orange cloth draped over the screen. If I had to take a guess, it was to avoid seeing reflections behind her in the room. I seemed to be able to get a feel for Sophie just by being amongst her belongings and this cottage, tiny as it was, had far more character and was so much more 'alive' than the flat had been. I heard Sophie re-enter the room and my heart started pounding in my chest as I turned around.

  “Sorry about that. Can I get you a drink or...or...”

  We simultaneously closed the gap between us, locking our mouths together in a hungry embrace. I groaned, feeling complete and whole and at peace all at the same time. We were finally free to be together, without hiding anything from anyone or sneaking around. It was a wonderful moment and I was thoroughly enjoying it.

  After somehow guiding us into her bedroom, and also somehow relieving most of our clothing along the way, she ran her hands up and down my back, but pulled away frowning.

  “We can compare battle scars later,” I whispered, knowing she'd found the scar tissue from my fall onto the car. She was wearing an extra-large watch over her left wrist, presumably to cover her own scarring. She hesitated only for a second, then her lips were back against my lips, her tongue sliding to find mine and we continued where we'd left off. We both fell onto her bed, hands eagerly roaming and exploring, remembering sensitive areas, finding new ones. But then her hand slid between my thighs, seeking more. I cried out and willingly opened up for her, pushing onto her skilled fingers working crazy magic on my clit and nearly losing control as she slid them easily into me. I found a rhythm and, needing to feel her too, maneuvered so I could reach her with my hand. She was so warm and wet and soft too, feeling perfect to me in every way. I opened my eyes and found her watching me, a small smile on her face. I smiled in return, and we continued making love. There was no hurry, oddly. We just seemed to relish touching each other, rediscovering our connection and intimacy.

  But obviously we couldn't ride the tsunami wave of pleasure indefinitely, and after a while our movements and cries became less controlled. When Sophie threw her head back to scream in climax, followed closely by her walls clutching around my fingers, it tipped me over the edge and I came moments later.

  In the throes of emotional release, she buried her head into my chest and sobbed.

  CHAPTER 27

  3 MONTHS LATER

  “Honey, have you seen my earrings?” Sophie called out from the bedroom.

  “Uh, they were on the shelf next to your perfume.”

  “Not anymore.”

  I finished doing my hair and went in to help her search. (Well, obviously that was a big fat lie – I actually went in to see if she'd got dressed yet and to gauge the chances of getting a quickie in before we went out!) I stood close behind her as she peered at the contents of her dressing table, cluttered with a mixture of both our perfumes, make-up and jewellery. Leaning in, I nibbled softly on her neck, fresh and smooth from her recent shower.

  “Mm, you don't need them. Or this for that matter,” I whispered, hitching her dress up suggestively.

  “Han, don't distract me,” she said without any force of conviction whatsoever as she tilted her head to give me better access to her neck. “I've only just finished dressing.”

  “We-ell, you can leave it on if you want? I can just put Ruby on and take you from behind over the dressing table while you carry on looking for your earrings if you want?”

  Ruby was the strap-on we'd bought a few weeks ago and spent many, many happy hours introducing into our relationship. Sophie groaned as she debated this very tempting offer, but then she very firmly grabbed both my hands with her own and held them tight.

  “Now, now, naughty! Let's stop right there, shall we? Otherwise we'll be late for dinner.”

  “Aw, c'mon baby, you know it won't take long! I bet you're wet already.”

  “Well I am now!” she admitted, turning to face me. “But we cannot be late for this. It's way too important.”

  “But I'm horny,” I whined, although in good-nature and backing off from her, knowing she was right. Tonight was a dinner date where I was meeting Sophie's parents for the first time, but my parents were coming along as well. We were hoping they'd all see that we were neither crazy or bad influences on each other and give us their blessings.

  “You're always horny. And you'll still be horny later when we get back, and then...” she trailed off as she pulled my hips against hers firmly, her eyes conveying a very sexy message to mine. “Then I will make you beg me to stop.”

  “Mm, you can try.”

  “Oh, I will!”

  I leaned forward to kiss her but she pushed me backwards onto the bed, laughing as she jumped out of my reach.

  “Later!”

  “Alright, alright,” I grumbled happily, trying to tell my throbbing loins to be patient. I watched her
from the bed as she found a spare pair of earrings and hooked them in before nervously checking her reflection in the mirror.

  “You look beautiful,” I said, sitting up and catching her eyes in the mirror.

  “So do you, gorgeous. Come on, let's go.”

  She awkwardly helped me stand and waited for me to walk out in front of her. Her bedroom, like the rest of the cottage, was a tiny box with just enough room for her double bed and chest of drawers-dressing table. The wardrobe was a walk in one luckily, because there was just enough room to walk around the circumference of the bed as it was.

  Although I tried not to bring too much of my stuff with me when I came to stay, bits and pieces always seemed to end up here anyway, and having Danny over as well just seemed to make everything super compact and cosy! Danny shared his time with me at Ju's (which worked perfectly for us as Ju spent lots of time at Freddie's now) and here with Sophie. He was with Ju and Freddie tonight so that Sophie and I could relax with our parents.

  We'd mutually decided to keep our own places and not move in (at least not just yet, anyway.) This way, we appreciated our time together as extremely precious and always felt like we were seeing each other for the first time, every time. It was like a constant honeymoon period!

  Sophie had given up her evening job at the bowling alley, freeing her evenings for us, and I was doing some part-time work at a Holistic Therapies studio in town while also earning qualifications in Massage and Reflexology. I'd done my Reiki 1 and was feeling happy and content in my new career path. Sophie fully encouraged me and loved being my practice model for it all! As a result of this, our spiritual connection blossomed considerably.

  Occasionally we'd know exactly what the other was thinking or feeling, which came in handy fairly often. From small things (like I'd really crave a Thai green curry for dinner, and she'd cook one without my saying anything to her) to the bigger things (she got a flat tyre on her way home from work one evening, and I'd decided to surprise her with a visit. I came along only two minutes after she'd broken down and realised there was no signal on her phone to call for help.)