“The hell if I know.” He scanned his gaze around the ranch. It was true, he loved the place. In a short time it had become home—a second home. Regarding Buzz and his magical awareness, that was another story.
“Have you read the diaries written by Fancy Grace yet? The ones Alaska found and handed over.”
Adam shook his head. “No, not sure I want to. The old man had fallen in love a time or two, but finding the forgiveness that he ditched us, all of us, that’s hard to find.” He dragged off his hat and thwacked it against his thigh then slid it back on. Remembering what CC had said, “I’ll pray that you find forgiveness” stuck in his head. A discomfort bled through him when they talked about their father. There were a handful of pictures in the house of Buzz, and his sons all shared a resemblance with him, and the dragonfly birthmark. Somewhere in all this, Adam guessed they also shared behaviors and characteristics.
Forgiveness seemed like such a strange, foreign word. Maybe he’d never find it. Maybe he would.
Brennan sighed. “I think I’ll read them. Arc said it could answer some questions, at least.” He buddy slapped Adam on the shoulder. “Hell, in the end of this, I hope we will remain brothers. All of us. Even Ash and me. You aren’t so bad.”
“We will.” But was Adam so sure? They still hadn’t talked about what they’d do at the end of six months.
“Listen, I’m not a romantic expert and this is all new to me, but CC’s a damn good woman. Beautiful. Sincere. Smart as a whip. You could do lot worse, right?”
“She knows about Buzz’s stipulation.”
“Well then good. You didn’t have to break the news to her.”
“I guess that’s the silver lining.”
Brennan chuckled. “No, the silver lining is that you like her, man. More than like her. Maybe you just haven’t admitted that to yourself yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw the way you were watching her this morning, and other times. So it wasn’t a shock for me when you started spending time alone with her.”
“Then why don’t I jump at marrying her?” The rain came down harder, but neither of them made a dash for the house.
“Could you be afraid of change? Knowing you could get hurt in the long run?”
“What if I decide not to hold my end of the pact?” Adam blew out a long breath, wishing some of the strain in his body would fade.
The two men mirrored the same expression. “You’d eventually be forgiven, I’m sure.”
“Eventually.”
Brennan reached down, plucked a piece of grass and rolled it between his fingers. “Sometimes we just got to stop overthinking shit, Adam. Just follow your heart and see where it lands you.”
They were soaked by now.
“What do you say we get inside?”
“You go ahead. I have something I need to do first.” Brennan turned and strolled toward the driveway.
Adam raced for the porch of the house, making it just in time before lightening crashed in the sky. He turned to see a blurred image of Brennan’s truck leaving the driveway. His words replayed on a reel inside Adam’s head as he stepped inside and headed upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. At the landing, something struck him. Brennan was right. Why was Adam dragging his feet on taking CC up on her offer? Not only did he like being near her and had upmost respect for her, he also understood why she wanted this. Cady had shed some light on the situation. CC wanted a child and she feared she’d get too sick before she had the chance. If Adam was faced with the same condition, he would try to have a child too.
He’d always tried to be an upstanding guy. Never wanting to hurt anyone and looking to help others. He’d thought her marriage proposal over, going back and forth. If he said yes, would he keep her from something down the line? What if this was her last chance to have a child? But didn’t she deserve a marriage of love, not a half-baked resemblance of what she had with Rob the dipshit?
In the bathroom, he stripped and climbed under the hot spray of the shower, scrubbing his body. He smiled, thinking how they’d delivered the calf safely. They’d keep a close watch on Sally and her youngin’, but Adam believed they’d both be fine.
Then, his mind shifted to CC.
He’d slept in the same bed with her. When he woke up to the snapping of Cady’s fingers, he’d had his arm around CC’s waist. And it felt right. Like he’d traveled through an ice storm and she’d been the light guiding him home.
Leaning against the cool tiles of the wall, he closed his eyes, the spray hitting his chest.
If he wanted to be honest with himself, he was falling for CC. It didn’t happen suddenly, but gradually. Like getting drunk happens slowly. You stand up and pow! The effects hit you.
Damn. How did this happen exactly?
He’d left his heart unprotected.
CC only wanted him for his sperm.
Shutting off the water, he dried off and walked to his bedroom, looking at himself in the dresser mirror. “You’re fucked, Cowboy.”
Chapter 11
CC SLID OUT of her truck and stepped through the door of her vet clinic. Before she took over for her father, their exam space was in a weather barn, but the first thing CC did was build the new office on the property of her farm. It had larger exam rooms and an attached stable.
Sandy, her assistant, was sitting behind the computer. “Good afternoon, doc.”
“Hello. How was vacation?”
The pretty brunette lifted her left hand, wiggling her fingers, showing off a twinkling diamond. “He proposed.”
“Oh my goodness, Sandy. Congratulations.” CC pushed her glasses higher on her nose. “When’s the big day?”
“Not until next year, but that’ll give me time to finish college.”
“Let me see that thing.” Examining the ring, CC smiled. “You deserve happiness.” She stuck her purse under the counter. “Did you reschedule my morning appointments until this afternoon?”
“Yes. Where were you?”
“Delivering a calf over at Grinning Spurs.”
Sandy clicked off the computer and turned on the swivel stool to face CC with a knowing smile. “Hmm.”
“What’s that look about?” Averting her gaze to the open planner, CC flipped the page.
“Oh, well, I don’t know. I saw you and the sexy Cowboy leaving this morning as I was coming to work.”
“I was sick and he stayed with me last night. Nothing more.”
“You know I love you, but you can’t lie to me. He’s hunky and if you try and tell me you don’t want to jump his bones, I’ll call you out.”
CC had never been more thankful when the door opened and Mrs. Crawley stepped in with her Chihuahua, Dodo, held on a leash. The ten-year-old dog growled as he did every time he came to the clinic. He was the only animal that hated CC. She’d barely scraped by without a bite the last time she examined him. But if facing Dodo meant she didn’t have to admit to Sandy that she had feelings for Adam, then so be it.
“Hi there, Mrs. Crawley. Dodo is being awfully quiet this morning.” Usually he was barking his head off. “How are his allergies?”
The older woman sighed. “I’ve been giving him the allergy medicine, half a pill just like you said, but he’s still chewing.”
“Why don’t you bring Dodo back to the exam room.” Stepping around the counter, she felt Sandy’s eyes following her.
“We’ll talk later,” Sandy said with a smile.
Ignoring her employee, and friend, CC led the way into the room and flipped on the lights. “Put Dodo on the table and I’ll examine him.” She grabbed her stethoscope. Dodo was growling, his fur spiked. “Don’t bite me, little man.”
“Settle down, precious,” Mrs. Crawley warned the dog.
CC was within two feet and he snapped at her. She pulled back just in time. “Maybe if I do it this way.” She opened the cabinet, found the pretzel sticks and spray cheese. CC knew the way into Dodo’s heart because when she showed him the fo
od his tail wagged, but when she started for her stethoscope he growled.
“Hey, CC, I’m heading out and grabbing the supplies we need. I’ll be back soon,” Sandy said from the doorway.
“Okay.”
“Want lunch?”
“Sure. Surprise me.” She was busy trying to prepare a plan on how to examine Dodo without needing stitches.
Thirty minutes and a muzzle later, CC was alone in the office when she heard the bell ring above the door. “Let me guess, you intentionally stayed away while Dodo was in the office? Good news is, I didn’t get bit. I’m starving.” CC finished wiping down the table and when she didn’t get an answer, she stepped into the outer room, coming to a halt.
“Rob? What are you doing here?”
His hair was disheveled and dark circles lined his eyes. “Hi, CC.”
“Rob, I’m working.”
He swiped a hand through his longish hair—long for him. “I needed to speak to you.”
“I’m expecting my next appointment any minute.” The last thing she needed was to speak to him.
“I came all this way to see you.”
“You couldn’t call instead?”
“You can’t do this, CC.” He closed the gap between them and she caught a whiff of whiskey and cigars. His habit was to indulge in the two when he was upset.
“Rob, please, I don’t have the time—”
He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, not enough to bruise the skin but to keep her steady. She pulled away but he didn’t let her go. “Don’t marry this guy. Please don’t!”
“Let go of me!” she demanded. He did without pause and she touched the stinging spot where he’d held her. “I’m not going to talk about this with you. You should leave. Sandy will be back any time.”
He rubbed his tired eyes and when he looked back at her, she saw a suspicious moisture. He cleared his throat. “I’ sorry that I hurt you, CC. I’ve been so wrong. I wish I could go back and change things. I still love you. I believe we can give this another shot.”
She blinked, absorbing his words that came from left field. “Stop. That ship has long sailed. You’ve had too much to drink and it has led you down the wrong path.”
“I know you want a child. I’m ready to give that to you. Just like you’ve always wanted. I’m a changed man. I know what I want and I’m willing to do anything.”
Her breath caught and she felt sick. “Don’t do this. We’re over and have been a long time. What’s history between us needs to be left there,” she pleaded, taking a step away from him.
His shoulders slumped and his jaw turned lax. “Tell me what I can do. What I can say to change your mind?”
“There isn’t anything.”
“You can’t do this to me.” His jaw turned tight again and his lips thinned.
“I haven’t done anything to you. You decided your fate a long time ago, and, in the long run, it was best for both of us. You needed to move on, as I allowed you to do. Now you need to let me move forward.” Once upon a time, she’d loved him. Thought she’d spend the rest of her life with him, but now she could see they were two different people. When she looked at their past relationship in a more detailed picture she realized they were not made for each other. Even if he’d never cheated their relationship would have ended eventually. For the first time, she could face him and feel no feelings except remorse that she’d married him.
The bell dinged and with relief CC saw Sandy. “Hi, Sandy.”
“Sorry it took so long. Everyone and their brother was at Los Taco.” Her assistant’s smile was overtaken by a frown. “I didn’t realize you had company.” She gave CC a questioning gaze.
“Rob was just leaving. Weren’t you?” CC crossed her arms over her chest. “Take care of yourself.”
“CC?” His eyes pleaded.
“Goodbye.”
When he was gone, Sandy asked, “What the hell was that about?”
“You don’t want to know.” She stepped over to look through the glass door, watching as Rob got into the backseat of a cab. At least he had sense to not drive.
“Well, I grabbed you a quesadilla with that avocado dressing you love.”
“I’m so hungry.” She unwrapped the foil and bit into the triangle. “I love their quesadillas.” She dipped it into the dressing.
“You okay?” Sandy looked concerned.
CC realized her assistant was looking at the finger marks on her arm where Rob had grabbed her. “I’m fine. It felt good to not feel anything for him. I’ve healed.”
And she meant it.
At the end of the day, after Sandy had left, CC was finishing up an exam on a Pygmy goat when she looked through into lobby to see who came in and saw Adam. His hat was in place and he wore a white T-shirt and dark jeans that showed off his muscular thighs. Like every other time she saw him, she felt something much like a ball of light ignite in her core. She liked being near him, liked seeing him.
Baaaa.
The goat drew her back to where she was examining his eyes.
Finishing up the exam, she took him out to his owner. “There you are, Pete. He has a clean bill of health. Continue to monitor him for a runny nose, but right now, he’s much better.”
The elderly man paid and when he left, CC turned her full attention onto Adam. “Do you have an appointment?” she teased.
He slid off his hat and held it against his chest. “Do you have a minute?”
“I have more than a minute. I was getting ready to head up to the house for some dinner. Want to join me?”
“Sure.”
They stepped into the house and Adam asked, “Where’s Ruger?”
“Back at home.” She placed her keys on the table and headed for the kitchen. Adam followed and situated himself in one of the wooden chairs at the table. “I hope sandwiches are okay. I’m not much of a cook after a long day in clinic.”
“Neither am I. I’m not particular when it comes to food.”
“How’s Sally and the calf?”
“Doing great.”
Over a head of iceberg lettuce that she’d taken from the fridge she glanced at him, seeing his brooding expression and dazed eyes. “Hey, Cowboy. What’s on your mind?”
He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his bended knees, making the strong muscles of his arms flex. Although he wasn’t gym-rat pumped, he had powerful biceps and wide shoulders. Of course he would. She knew the life of a rancher wasn’t an easy one.
The long hesitation made her wonder if he debated whether he should talk to her or not. Then he mumbled, “You knew Buzz.”
“I’d say I knew him just about as good as most people in this town, or rather as much as he’d let me get to know about him.” She peeled pieces of lettuce leaves off the head.
“Would you consider him lovesick? Broken hearted?” With a labored sigh, Adam shifted back into the chair causing the wood to creak under his weight. Probably similar to the turmoil churning in his body.
“Great question.” Taking the loaf of bread from the cupboard, she thought over the question as she laid out slices of bread on the cutting board. “It’s possible. Losing someone we love can have a profound effect on a person’s heart.”
“Apparently he fell in love when he was a teenager and her parents didn’t approve. Buzz and her snuck around a while, but when they were caught, the parents forced her to stay away from him. I guess he wasn’t good enough, or rich enough.”
“Really? Who was she?” She looked up from where she swirled a knife in the mayonnaise jar.
“Fancy Grace.”
“Fancy Grace? I remember her. She passed away a while ago. She always wore bright clothes and a smile. She greeted everyone as she passed them on the street, but I knew something was missing. It makes sense that she had a broken heart.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She lived out there at that B&B all alone. I often wondered if her large smile hid something deeper. You know, when you look at someone an
d they seem like they have it all until you look into their eyes and there you find something that makes you wonder. That was Fancy Grace.” Realizing his gaze hadn’t faltered from her, she asked, “What?”
“I know what you mean. Well, Alaska Kellington found diaries at the B&B that Fancy Grace had written. Dated all the way back from her teenage years. She gave them to my brothers and me to read.”
“And did you?” She piled on slices of deli turkey, cheese and tomatoes.
“No, but Arc did and he told me the basics.”
“Hmm, I’d think you’d jump at the chance to read the diaries.” Topping the tomatoes with bread, she cut each sandwich diagonally then took the two plates to the table and handed him one.
“I’m not that eager to read.”
“I get that, but you did say you couldn’t understand Buzz and what made him tick. If he and Fancy Grace were in love then it’s possible her words might answer some questions.”
With a thoughtful shrug, Adam took a bite of his sandwich, chewed, then said, “A broken heart doesn’t give a man the right to leave his kids.”
She paused with her sandwich mid-air, a feeling that this conversation headed somewhere outside of Buzz and Fancy Grace. “True.”
His gaze came up as an introspective expression made the lines around his eyes deeper. “I guess most men my age are married and have kids. If not, then they’ve thought about it a time or two.”
“And you haven’t? Not once?” She suddenly lost her appetite.
“Hell, maybe but not enough that I was in any hurry.” He swiped his thumb down his temple, looking uncomfortable.
Cowboy State of Mind (Tarnation, Texas Book 4) Page 9