Folding her arms over the edge of the table, she watched an array of expressions dart across his handsome face. “Maybe you should just spit it out, Adam.”
With a nod, he shifted, easing his frame deeper into the wood. “I’ve thought over your proposal. My initial thought was to tell you no.”
“I sort of saw that coming.” Slumping her shoulders, she pushed her plate away.
“However, then I put a lot more thought into it. I might be my father’s son but I’m not my father.”
“I agree.”
“If I create a life, I’m responsible for that life. I’m sure there are men out there, much better men than I am who would jump at the chance to marry you, procreate, then walk away without a backward glance, but I’m not one of them.”
Her backbone tingled. “Okay.”
“Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper but a commitment.”
“Are you suggesting that we get married and stay married?”
“I’m suggesting that if you and I would do this we do it right. We agree that if you get pregnant we share in the responsibility for the child, even after we divorce.”
CC felt like she had two forces playing tug of war inside her. Although Adam agreed to marry her, he had his own stipulations. For a microsecond she thought he was suggesting they stay married, have a family, and just as suddenly she realized he didn’t want her, but he wanted to be a part of their child’s life. In realty, she should be jumping for joy. He’d give her a child and help her, but instead she felt disappointment. But why? She didn’t want to be married any more than Adam did, and yet, she’d started to have feelings for him. Sharing parenthood responsibilities would open an entire platform of new possibilities and troubles. Visitation. Finances. And where would they live? His homestead was hours away, but she’d heard of parents who live countries apart and they made it work. That made her cringe. This wasn’t part of the plan. And neither had she planned that she would start to feel something for him.
Standing, she took her full plate to the sink.
He joined her. “I have to look at myself in the mirror every day. Knowing I left my child would be a prison sentence.”
She admired this. How could she not? “This switches things up.” She couldn’t meet his gaze.
“I can sign an agreement if you’d like. I know joint parenting can be difficult after divorce but we’re adults. We can figure this out. Hell, I’m even liking the idea of having a son or daughter.”
Her throat ached. In truth, she didn’t have many options. The longer she waited, the more chance her blood levels would go down and the riskier a pregnancy would be. A part of her thought she should tell Adam the complete truth, about her disease, but then why? His offer didn’t consist of spending their lives together. He’d said himself that he would want a divorce, but still be a father.
“Is it really that hard to see me in my child’s life?”
His words made her heart skip a beat. “No…I mean…our child’s life, yes. It wasn’t part of my plan. There’s a lot to sharing parenthood.” She dumped her uneaten sandwich in the garbage disposal.
“I can’t agree to anything less.” The firm set of his jaw warned her he wouldn’t concede.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she thought long and hard over what her answer would be. “This would mean that we’d have to stay married at least until the child was born. Your name would be on the birth certificate and we’d have to figure out early on what the shared parenting agreement would look like. We couldn’t do this halfway, for the child’s sake.”
He nodded, some of the strain gone from his features. “I’m dedicated to making this work.”
Her heart dropped into her stomach. Dedicated in being a father not a husband. She chastised herself for being…what? Disappointed? Saddened? Silly and foolish? This was what she’d asked for, at least for the most part. “Then I guess we’ll need rings.”
Chapter 12
ADAM EXPECTED HE’D feel overwhelmed, doubtful, cold feet stuck in his too tight boots, but that wasn’t the case. In fact, he felt at peace with his decision to marry CC.
“Did you tell anyone?” she asked from the passenger seat.
He wondered if her nerves were working overtime because she kept tugging at the hem of her pink flowered dress.
“No. Since Ash and Lexi are getting married in a few days I thought it was best not to overshadow their ceremony.” Adam liked her hair, her clothes, and especially her cowgirl boots that seemed to tie everything together. He still couldn’t believe he’d be a married man by the end of the day, but he didn’t have any desire to run. Yeah, he was pushed against the wall and he didn’t want to let his brothers down, but he considered himself a lucky man to be marrying CC. One thing he had to do was get her pregnant, but after he’d thought about it long and hard, how likely was she to get pregnant in two months? If she wasn’t then they agreed they would annul the marriage.
However, if she became pregnant, then the whole plan changed. He’d be married to her until the baby was born and for one year after and then either CC or Adam could file for divorce. It all seemed callous, but he guessed as long as each of them got what they needed—wanted—from the agreement, no one would get hurt.
Again, he doubted CC would get pregnant. His plan in this wasn’t to take advantage of her, yet he wasn’t sure he could reject her if she wanted to have sex with him. He had no clue if his soldiers worked because he’d never tried to have a child. Shoved and tossed around on the back of a bull and bronco in is twenties, there was always a possibility that he had damaged something important, but at least they could have fun trying.
Guilt poured through him.
Thinking of the women he’d slept with in the past, he didn’t feel guilty, so why did he feel so much guilt thinking of sleeping with CC? After all, this was her idea. Well, actually, this was all Buzz’s idea. Having sex with someone and knowing there was a countdown to divorce seemed not only callous, but almost criminal.
He’d made a promise, though, that they’d try to make a baby. They didn’t agree how often they’d have sex.
Adam had thought this over. If he didn’t have sex with her, she couldn’t get pregnant. Well, he wouldn’t hold out, but he wouldn’t pursue it, no matter how much his body wanted her. Was he crazy?
“Thank you for getting the tests I asked for. If we’re having unprotected sex then it’s good that we know we’re clean.”
Although having tests done for diseases kept this situation more clinical, fact was, he’d never had sex with a woman without wearing a condom. Not once. So he’d been sure he was clean, but he respected her desire to protect herself. And she’d been checked too. “No problem.”
“By the way, I didn’t tell anyone either, not even Cady. I guess they’ll all know soon enough.”
He dared a glance across the seat. If he didn’t know the facts, this could easily be just a normal dinner date between two people wanting to get to know each other better, not a fast wedding in a private chapel in the secluded countryside. She couldn’t have been prettier if she was wearing a glitzy gown, if he said so himself. Her shiny hair laid over one bare shoulder in the off the shoulder dress. She looked angelic with pink lips, pinker from lipstick. Not too much, just enough to bring out the plumpness of her full lips, not that they needed much help. The simple flowered dress showed off her curves in a way that would make a man curious.
“I’m sorry that you won’t be getting the honeymoon you’ve probably dreamed of having. Under Buzz’s requirements, my brothers and I can’t leave Tarnation for more than twenty-four hours.”
“I don’t need a romantic honeymoon.” She clasped her hands nervously in her lap. “So, who is the lucky person who is babysitting you cowboys to make sure you behave for six months?”
He chuckled. “When living in a small town like Tarnation, I’m sure Roe Robins has his ways. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past Buzz to have hired someone to watch us for six months. Just waitin
g for one of us to screw up.”
“You believe that Buzz wanted you to fail and that’s why he placed these stipulations on you?”
“He certainly wasn’t our biggest supporter.” He gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Who the hell requires that his five sons, strangers, live under one roof, to run a ranch and properties? That’s enough to make a man’s head spin. Buzz could have introduced us at any time over the years before his death. How about when he found out that he was dying? Did he even think to reach out? The marriage clause is the big one though. I believe he knew none of us were married and decided he could control that fact.” Adam clicked his tongue. “That’s downright insane in anyone’s book, but everyone I’ve spoken to has said my father was clear headed all the way up to his death.”
“Buzz was smart and meticulous. He had a reason behind everything he did. I’m sure if you ask a hundred people what they think of this situation ninety-nine of them would say this is all crazy. But that one person, the visionary, would understand that happy stories don’t come wrapped in pretty boxes. Sometimes finding our path isn’t as easy as stepping outside of our door and there it is, shining a brilliant light in our face. Maybe Buzz wanted you and your brothers to step out of your comfort zone, maybe even see things through his perspective. Get a taste of Tarnation. This town is magical.”
“You respected Buzz.”
“Yeah, I did. I’m not defending what he’s done to you and your brothers, but he has done a lot of good for the community, and townsfolk. Unfortunately, there was more to him than just the man running Grinning Spurs. He just didn’t let many people close and see that kind part of him. Too bad he didn’t reach out to you boys a long time ago.”
“For a man who never let people close, he certainly did break the hearts of many women.” He realized his words sounded bitter, but it wasn’t until CC laid her hand on his arm that he realized maybe the time had come that he needed to let go of his buried emotions—let go of the pain he’d held onto for years.
“We all make mistakes. Some are worse than others. You’re a wonderful man, Adam. He did follow your accomplishments in life, each of you Colts. He was proud.”
“He talked to you about us?”
“I happened to visit him one afternoon, regarding a horse, and I saw an open photo album sitting on the coffee table. Inside were clippings and pictures of you and your brothers.”
Scratching his temple, he didn’t want to talk about Buzz another second. This was Adam’s wedding day. “We’re not too far from the chapel. The minister said he’d meet us there at noon.”
“Surprise. I guess I should tell you now. I rented a cabin close by. I hope that’s okay. The area is so pretty and we’re here. Otherwise, what else would we do on our wedding night?”
Damn, he hadn’t gotten any further than the ceremony. He guessed they needed to stay somewhere. “Great idea. It is beautiful.” Yet thinking of being alone, in a cabin, with CC only meant resisting her would be that more difficult.
“Now’s your last chance, Adam. If you don’t want this, then it’s not too late to change your mind.” She played with a loose thread on her dress.
“I won’t change my mind. How about you?”
“I’ve known from the second that I asked you this is what I want.” Her gaze met his across the short distance of the cab.
Pressing the brake, the truck stopped and he turned to face her. “Are you positive, CC? I won’t be a jerk like Rob, but I can’t promise that I’m husband material.”
“Good news is, you only have a year at most to keep your zipper closed.” She laughed, but he felt the tension.
Not once in all this had he even considered the idea that he would be a taken man. And not once had he thought he would miss his bachelor life. He wouldn’t. He would enjoy getting to know CC better.
“Let’s get back on the road and get this over with.” He pressed the gas and continued on the back road.
They stopped at a stop sign and she asked, “Do you have any idea where we are?”
“Looks like someone stole the road sign, but I’m pretty sure we need to turn right.”
“I trust you, Cowboy.”
After taking two wrong turns and almost fifteen minutes late, they finally found the church. “Thank God, there’s the chapel.” He saw a sign and he turned onto the gravel lane. “I guess you’ll never trust me again with directions.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’ve always liked long drives on a country road.”
“I hope the pastor is still here.”
“Oh he’ll be here. Don’t worry. Time is different out here in the backwoods.”
The drive led to a small, white chapel with a high steeple that looked stunning against the backdrop of the bright blue sky. The front was lined with colorful flowers and a yellow lab laying by the steps lifted his head and watched them pull in, wagging his tail vigorously.
Adam climbed out first and met CC in front of the truck. She stopped to pet the dog on the head.
The intricate wooden door swung open. “Hello there! You two must be my bride and groom,” said the short, balding man wearing a blue button down shirt and black slacks. His bright blue eyes were hidden behind square glasses. He looked familiar, but Adam couldn’t place him.
“Pastor Calvin?” Adam greeted the man with a handshake. “I’m Adam Colt and this is CC Peladora.”
“Hi there, young lady. As promised, my wife is inside and will serve as your witness. Come in, please. I’ve been pastor here for twenty years and I believe I’ve only been privileged to officiate a handful of weddings. Most people want glitz and seating for a thousand.” He waved them in and closed the heavy wooden door. “Raina? The couple is here.”
Raina Calvin, like her husband, was short, round faced, and had a friendly smile. A red rose was perfectly placed in her curly, silver hair. “Aren’t you the loveliest couple!” The sixty-something woman clasped her hands together against her ample bosom where another rose was tucked into her blouse . “Look, husband. Aren’t they a nice-looking couple?”
“Of course, Raina.” Pastor Calvin retrieved his bible from the front pew.
“We love having weddings here, although they’re far and few between.” Raina’s cheeks blossomed into a color that almost matched the rose. “We’ve been married for over forty years ourselves. Did my husband tell you that he’s been the pastor here for twenty years?”
“Yes, he did. That’s wonderful,” CC said.
“Do you have the necessary paperwork?” The pastor was ready to get the show on the road.
“Yes, I have it.” CC took out the marriage license and handed it over.
Pastor Calvin shook out the paper and examined it, looking up at Adam and CC skeptically. “We have a problem here.”
“We do?” Adam felt his gut twist.
“No, I’m only joking.” A smile fled over the elderly man’s face. “How about we get this over with in case anyone here is feeling cold feet.” He handed the paper to his wife.
Adam caught and held CC’s gaze. The natural act to be close to her drove him to take her hand as they approached the altar together. “We’re doing this.”
“Yes, we are.” She squeezed his hand.
The ceremony consisted of an exchange of a few words and simple rings. Adam looked at CC while his throat constricted. He didn’t suggest that he understood how a woman’s mind worked, but didn’t most of them want all the bells and whistles? Maybe one day CC would have that, and why he’d give her freedom in the long run so she could move on and find the man she could love, but in the meantime he’d be the best he could be.
After Pastor Calvin announced them man and wife and they kissed, a simple peck for the sake of the elderly couple who were watching in expectation, they left the chapel. The sun was shining brightly.
“Do you have directions to the cabin?” he asked.
“How about I drive this time, Cowboy?” She took the key from him and slid into the driver’s s
eat.
The cabin was located along a secluded back road nestled in the woods. Thankfully they had no problem finding it. Standing on the small porch and shifting in his boots, Adam said, “I think I’m supposed to carry you over the threshold.”
“You’re not obligated.” Suddenly things were a bit awkward.
“I would like to.” With the nerves of a prepubescent teen, he lifted her easily, her overnight bag swinging from her hand, pummeling him in the back.
“Oops. Sorry.” Her eyes lit.
“It’s okay.” He then realized he needed to unlock the door. He wondered if all men were this nervous on their wedding night.
“Where’s the key?” She must have realized what he was thinking.
“In my right front pocket.”
While he still held her close, she managed to slide her hand between their bodies and slip her fingers into the front pocket of his best jeans and retrieved the key, leaving him a little weak. She slid it into the knob then opened the door for them.
Once he stepped into the foyer, he placed her on her feet. She looked up at him, smiling, bright-eyed. “Home sweet home, for the night.” She took a step back and flipped on the light.
The cabin consisted of a room with a stone fireplace on one wall and a heart-shaped bed against another. A small open kitchen was on the backside.
“Wow. Rose petals.” She ran her fingers through the scattered petals and turned back to him. “Now, who doesn’t want a vibrating heart-shaped bed on their wedding night?”
Feeling like his shirt had shrunk two sizes, he pulled at the collar. Dragging his hat off, he tossed it onto the table where a complimentary basket sat filled with champagne bottle, glasses, fruit, and chocolate dipped strawberries. He took out the note and read, “Congratulations!” He dropped the card.
“Now these are irresistible.” She opened the package of strawberries and took out one of the fruits, biting into it. A piece of chocolate remained on her bottom lip.
Without thinking, he swiped his thumb across her plump bottom lip which triggered an array of emotions within him. He’d already concluded that he was falling for her and it scared him straight. She was his wife and he wanted her, but she only wanted one thing from him.
Cowboy State of Mind (Tarnation, Texas Book 4) Page 10