Cowboy State of Mind (Tarnation, Texas Book 4)

by Rhonda Lee Carver

  Chapter 19

  “HI, ABRIELLA,” CC said to her friend who opened the door at the Grinning Spurs Ranch. “I came by to see Adam. Is he here?” After their tense conversation on the phone earlier, she felt bad how terrible things had been. She knew Adam was only trying to help. So, she needed to come and apologize for handling it wrong. And to finally come clean about a lot of things.

  “He’s upstairs watching Corbin. You can go on up, but do you mind taking a bottle with you?”

  “Sure.”

  “Come on into the kitchen. Can I fix you a cup of coffee while you’re here?”

  “No, I’m fine.” CC watched the other woman make a bottle.

  “I’m sorry about your clinic. Did they find out who started the fire?”

  “Yes. They arrested a man and he confessed. Luckily, I can replace everything in time.”

  “True.” Abriella offered her a smile. “Here’s the bottle.”

  Hearing Adam’s voice, she narrowed her eye. “What’s that?”

  “Oh, that’s the baby monitor.” Abriella pointed at a white speaker on the table. “I’ll turn it off.”

  “No, please. Don’t.” CC heard her name. She smiled but it was soon lost. Adam knew about her kidney disease and worse, he had agreed to marry her because he felt sorry for her. The room seemed to shrink as her heartbeat so fast she could barely breathe.

  CC looked at Abriella who looked as shocked as CC felt. “You and Adam are married?”

  “Yes,” she murmured, taking a step toward the hallway. “You know, I just realized that I have some things to take care of.”

  “CC—”

  “I’ll talk to you later.”

  Tears filled her eyes as she practically ran to her truck.

  “Why won’t you speak to him?” Stella asked.

  “He got what he needed.” She patted Ruger on the head and continued to pack her clothes into the empty suitcase.

  “Okay, don’t speak to him, but tell me why you feel the need to fly so far away to clear your head.”

  “It’s called a vacation.”

  “Sure.” Stella popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth. “I don’t want you to go.”

  CC offered her friend a smile. “You’ll be okay. You have Roe to keep you busy these days.” She was so happy for her friend. “You’re radiant, Stella. He makes you glow and I like that.”

  “Adam made you glow too.”

  CC rolled her eyes. “Why are you pressuring me?” She grabbed a handful of panties from her top drawer and dropped them into the suitcase. It didn’t matter if she had included granny panties along with her silk intimates because as far as she was concerned, she didn’t plan to waste her time on another man.

  “Honey, so what if he married you knowing you have kidney disease?”

  “I heard what he said, Stella.”

  “That’s unfair.” Her friend shook her head. “Listening to man over a baby monitor crosses a line.”

  “Is that so?” CC growled. “No one forced him to say that he married me because he felt sorry for me.”

  “That’s not what he said.”

  “Is that what he told you?” CC closed the lid to the suitcase and zipped it with enthusiasm.

  “You tell me.”

  Dropping to the end of the bed, she sighed. “Okay, he didn’t say it in those words, but I knew that’s what he was saying.”

  Stella came over to sit next to CC and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. “Sweetie, you need to be honest with yourself. Your feelings are hurt because you fell in love with him. You were scared that he didn’t feel the same way.”

  Tears filled CC’s eyes and she blinked them away. Denying that she never loved Adam would be crazy, and unbelievable. So she didn’t try. “I didn’t know how to be with him any longer knowing that he felt sorry for me. That was exactly why I didn’t want him to know until I was ready to tell him.”

  “You forgave Cady for telling him. You can’t forgive Adam too?”

  “Cady is my sister.”

  “And Adam is your husband.”

  Pulling away from Stella, CC stood and walked into the connected bathroom to pack her toiletries. “Please, Stella. If you care for me, you’ll stop trying to convince me that Adam was in this for the right reasons. We both signed an agreement.”

  “What if you’re pregnant? Then what?” Stella walked into the bathroom.

  “I’m not.”

  “But you don’t know that.”

  “God, I really have no clue whose side you’re on.” Realizing the harshness in her tone, she sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t believe I’m pregnant. Without a child, I can get our marriage annulled. He can go his own way and so can I. This trip to Bali is exactly what I need. I can immerse myself in clinic there, helping animals, and when I come back I’ll feel refreshed. Then I can focus on rebuilding the clinic.”

  “I want you to be happy.” Tears fell down Stella’s cheeks.

  “Don’t you go and do that. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.” CC hugged her friend. “Now, I’ll be back before yours and Cady’s wedding.”

  “You better be. I need you by my side. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Marrying Roe Robins. I would have never believed he’d make me so happy.” The glow returned to Stella’s cheeks.

  “We never know what’s in store for us.” She applied lip tint. “By the way, what is happening with Corbin?”

  “Ash and Lexi are back and plan to marry and adopt him. Roe agreed to turn his cheek about the entire incident with Ash leaving Tarnation. After all, what could be said about the situation? Buzz didn’t know he had another son when he made the stipulations.”

  “I’m glad. I’d hate to think that Adam would lose his homestead.”

  “Will you take care of yourself while you’re in Bali?”

  Seeing the concern in Stella’s eyes, CC turned to her. “Of course. I’m doing fine. Feeling great.” The sparkle of her wedding band on her fourth finger made her cringe. “I guess I no longer need this.” She slid the band off and dropped it into a cup.

  “CC, I—”

  “Stella, don’t. My mind is made up. I could easily spend the next few months with Adam and then what? The end won’t change. I no longer want to be with him.”

  Her friend’s shoulders slumped. “I have to go, honey.” She kissed CC’s cheek. “Call me as soon as you land.”

  “Of course.”

  Stella left and CC sat down on the edge of the tub. She’d managed to hold herself together while her friend was there, but the dam broke and the tears flowed. She’d wanted to be a martyr, brave, not allow anyone to see that her heart was broken. In the short time since she’d met Adam she’d fallen for him. But he wasn’t just a bad date, he was her husband. They’d married and bonded. They’d been consumed with one another. How could she have believed she wouldn’t be affected by him? That she could have walked away unscathed?

  The moment she’d heard his words on the baby monitor, his words of pity, she’d felt her stomach twist and her heart crack. He’d devastated her in one fell swoop without the knowledge that he’d crushed her. What people didn’t get was that she didn’t want to wear her illness as a badge so when people saw her they thought, “There’s CC, the one who has CKD.” When she’d found out she had the disease, she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t allow it to beat her, that she’d be the same person, working hard to overcome any symptoms.

  Then the void started growing wider and more obvious, and she knew what she wanted most was a child. To experience an organic love that a parent feels for a child. She’d given up on finding a romantic love, although she was still fairly young.

  Adam came along and she’d instantly felt…what? An attraction? A kindred connection?

  Grabbing a piece of toilet paper from the roll, she used the strip to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.

  She could have easily stayed with him until she got pregnant, but how could she share a child with him knowing her heart belo
nged to him and always would? How was it possible that in a few months, love had found her, weaving its invisible sweet clutch into her bloodstream, the avenues of her heart, and into the cells of her body? But that was exactly what happened. She’d been caught by something amazingly joyful. Hypnotic.

  Dropping the used tissue into the toilet, she flushed and stood, checking herself out in the mirror. Holy crud! She looked like she’d been dragged a mile behind a horse.

  Her cell rang and she found it where she’d left it on the bed. The screen lit up and she saw Adam’s number. He’d called at least a dozen times and she’d ignored the ringing. Didn’t check the voicemails. Three days had passed since the incident and she’d asked a friend who was also a veterinarian to go to Grinning Spurs to examine the livestock. She couldn’t take the risk of running into Adam. Couldn’t imagine that moment.

  Remembering everything they’d shared and then knowing he felt pity for her came with a deep price.

  Changing her clothes, washing her face and pulling her hair up into a topknot, she grabbed her bags and locked up. For the next few months, she’d be in Bali, doing what she did best. Working.

  Chapter 20

  “SHE’LL COME AROUND,” Ash said from where he shoveled out the dirty straw from the stall.

  “I don’t think she will,” Adam swiped the back of his arm across his sweaty forehead. “I fucked up. Big time.”

  Ash stopped mucking and propped his arm on the handle of the shovel. “Hell, man. We all do at times. I need to ask, is this a good thing? I mean, you’re married which means you’ve met Buzz’s stipulations.”

  “Yeah, I’ve completed my side of the bargain,” he groaned and practically ripped off his gloves and tossed them onto the work bench.

  “You fell hard, didn’t you?”

  Although he wanted to deny his brother’s words, he couldn’t. “Like a face plant on concrete.” He grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and downed it in three gulps. “Who would have known that a baby monitor of all things could have destroyed my marriage.” Every time he thought about that day he wanted to reach into his memories and wipe that particular one into oblivion. How the hell could he have known that a monitor would pick up everything he said? When Abriella informed him of what CC had heard, he’d been floored. She’d missed the most important highlights of his talk with Corbin. Adam had immediately gone to explain to her, but she refused to speak to him. Wouldn’t even take his calls or answer his texts.

  Since then he’d been on a roller coaster of emotion. The sadness had finally turned to anger. How could she blame him for something he said out of context? How could she not allow him to explain himself? Adam realized he had a football field size stubborn streak and it had reared its ugly head several times. If she didn’t want to be with him then he’d have to let her go. He didn’t need a woman who wanted to run the second her feelings were hurt.

  And then he felt like his heart would split into two.

  How could he just let her go?

  She believed that he’d married her out of pity. The truth was he had agreed to her offer because he had a boatload of compassion for her, but never pity. A man couldn’t pity a woman as vivacious, incredible and wonderful as CC.

  “Lexi forgave me for leaving her at the altar,” Ash said. “She could have easily dumped my ass, but after I explained the situation, she realized I did the right thing. That’s all you need to do, Adam. Find CC and make her listen. Tell her how you feel before it’s too late.”

  “Hell, I think it’s already too late. Stella told me she left for Bali and would be gone for a while. She left because of me.” His chest tightened.

  “You’re still married, right? Then it’s not too late. The next few months might feel like shit but keep your focus on how you can win her back.” Ash leaned the shovel against the wall. “Or you could go to Bali. There is that option.”

  Adam met his brother’s gaze. “How is that an option when we’d land in another fucked up situation like the one you created?” He took some of the harshness from his words by grinning. Although they’d long forgiven Ash for leaving like he had, the days were numbered when they could be free again.

  “Sometimes you got to choose love over circumstance.”

  “No. Not this time. She wants nothing to do with me. She traveled nine thousand miles to prove that point.”

  Ash shrugged. “She’ll be back. As sure as I have a nose on the center of my face, she’ll return. When she does, then you make things right.”

  Chapter 21

  Three months later

  A WEEK BACK on home soil and CC was finally getting over jet lag. She’d never experienced it before, but she guessed under the circumstances her sickness was normal. The doctor had given her a clean bill of health. Her numbers were good, and she’d come back from Bali with bronzed skin and her head on clear.

  Glancing over at the piece of paper she’d placed on the passenger seat, she felt a twinge deep in her chest. Would Adam sign the papers?

  The first thing she did when she arrived back home, she’d asked Roe to write up divorce papers. She hadn’t spoken to anyone yet, hadn’t even asked Roe if all the Colt brothers had accomplished their goal of completing Buzz’s stipulations. In fact, she didn’t want to know.

  Yet, in her gut she knew she needed to see Adam face to face, ask him to sign the papers that would give them freedom from each other.

  Settling her hand on her newly rounded stomach, she couldn’t get used to the fact that a baby grew there. She’d found out only three weeks ago from a Balinese doctor who confirmed her suspicions.

  The idea was bittersweet. Her dream of having a child had taken shape, but how would this reflect upon her situation with Adam? They’d made an agreement that if she got pregnant they would stay married until their child turned one.

  On the plane trip back she’d gone through a tsunami of thoughts. Would she tell him about the baby?

  In the end, she needed to tell him. What he did with the information was completely up to him. CC wouldn’t hold him to any form of responsibility toward her or their child. Now that the six months was over, he had no further obligation to her or his brothers.

  The GPS alerted her that she was nearing Stillwater Spurs Ranch.

  Turning into the gravel lane, she followed it until she came to a man on a horse riding alongside the edge of the road. She stopped and rolled down her passenger window to ask, “Hi there. I’m looking for Adam. Could you tell me where I can find him?”

  The weather-faced man gave her a friendly smile. “Howdy there, ma’am. Did you say you’re looking for Adam?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you CC?”

  Adam had mentioned her? After the initial shock, she finally managed to spit out her answer, “Yes. I’m CC. He’s not expecting me.”

  The man’s grin sprouted into laughter. “Follow the lane to the stables. You should find Adam over there, Miss.”

  “Thank you.”

  Following the lane as the cowboy had suggested, she came to the stables, a large, red building with a tin roof. Several cowboys were leading horses into the arena but none of them were Adam. Climbing out of the truck, she looked around the property but didn’t see any sight of him.

  ****

  “Did she find you?”

  “Who?” Adam checked the last bale of hay that had been delivered that morning then looked over at his foreman, Harvey.

  “Hell, you won’t want to miss her. She’s quite a looker.”

  Adam narrowed his gaze. “Is this a guessing game?”

  “Do you really need three guesses to figure out who she is?” Harvey laughed. He was a big bear of a man with a scraggly silver beard and leather skin. He could be intimidating but he had a heart of gold.

  “CC? Where was she?” Adam’s heart kicked up. Since he’d returned home from Grinning Spurs, he’d hoped one day CC would show up, but as days passed his hopes had dashed. As far as he knew, she hadn’t returned from
Bali.

  Not that he’d been keeping track…

  Angry, he calmed himself. He still hadn’t gotten over the way she’d left him.

  “She stopped on the road looking for you. I sent her up here.”

  “I’ll be back.” Adam stepped outside and glanced around the land and then he saw her truck parked across the yard. His heart dropped into his boots. She was there, at Stillwater. “Pete, have you seen the woman driving that truck?” Adam asked one of his hands.

  The hand looked over the top of the horse he was brushing. “What truck?”

  Adam growled and marched away from the stables. Where the hell was she? And what the hell would he say to her when he saw her again?

  Ash’s words rolled through Adam’s brain, “Tell her how you feel’.”

  Frantically, he searched and searched.

  “Adam?” The soft, gentle voice reached him, and he swiveled on the heels of his boots. She was ten feet away, only ten feet, and he wanted to pull her into his arms. But he couldn’t. Not yet. Not until he knew what she wanted from him. He’d spent every night lonely as hell wishing she was back in his arms.

  “CC? What are you doing here?” Sure, probably not the best first words but he needed her answer.

  “Hi, Adam.” She completely ignored his question. She took a step toward him then stopped.

  Wow, she looked more beautiful than ever. Her long hair was lighter. Her skin darker from the sun. She wore a gauzy white blouse that flowed around her body, whipped around by the gentle breeze. Her cut off denim shorts exposed her lovely toned legs. Her usual cowgirl boots were missing, exchanged for flip flops that showed off pink toenails.

  “Harvey told me you were looking for me.” Of course, why else would she be there? He was screwing up big time.