Miss Alice Lovelady's Second Omnibus of her Inexplicable Adventures

by Sadie Swift

  Miss Alice Lovelady’s

  Second Omnibus

  of her

  Inexplicable Adventures

  All Story Copyrights © Sadie Swift 2017, 2018

  Cover design by Jacqueline Sweet.

  Distributed by Smashwords

  www.sadieswift.com

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your own use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  All rights reserved.

  All the characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Contents

  Opener of the Ways

  Vengeance in Venice

  Snow Beast

  Also Available

  Opener of the Ways

  Sent on the first available flight out of Britain to avoid questions concerning the destruction of a certain Russian airship, Sir Percival and I find ourselves in Egypt, the land of very large, very strange, structures.

  Not having travelled overseas before I’m determined to enjoy the experience but find myself having visions of strange beings, women worshipping me, and my own violent death.

  What do they mean? And what must I do to prevent my dream death from becoming reality?

  One

  I was happier flying through the clouds, imagining we were on a ship on the ocean sailing through a thick fog. Even the bursts of sunlight and blue sky above could be explained away like this, but the glimpses of the ground, so very far below, couldn’t.

  Sir Percival and I were aboard an airship heading for foreign parts, more specifically Egypt. Why? Well, mainly to avoid having to answer direct questions concerning our possible roles in the destruction of the Russian State airship, the strange disappearance of two of the Russian Royal Family, the lack of a rather tasty aetheric device from the aforementioned airship’s wreckage, and not even beginning to hint at the merest mention of the disappearance of the world’s largest sapphire. This type of thing does tend to put a crimp in the number of one’s afternoon tea invitations.

  The Department, in its wisdom, had decided to remove our presence from Britain’s soil to let the situation between the two superpowers cool down. I note, with some irony, that they neglected to mention to anyone the aetheric device (of most doubtful provenance) currently residing in an anonymous house in London. I could tell Sir Percival was champing at the bit to get back and see how it worked.

  There was also the fact that I was mourning the loss of Katherine, my lover. Thankfully Sir Percival seemed to know enough to leave me be. He probably wasn’t used to dealing with such ‘women’s emotions’ anyway. Or perhaps it was just the way I growled at him whenever he mentioned I was being a nervous ninny about how so very high we were flying.

  I wished I could enjoy the flight more. Travelling on an intercontinental airship used to be a dream of mine, but discovering, quite by accident, I had a fear of heights meant that I avoided the quite stunning panoramas out of the large windows. Sir Percival, curse him, had no problems and always wanted to sit us as close as possible to the outer edge of the sumptuous dining room. I, however, wished to avoid the downward views and therefore preferred sitting as far away from the windows as possible, so we usually agreed on a table somewhere between the two extremes.

  Thankfully the non-height parts of the journey were splendid. The adjoining rooms we had were even better than those at the Department’s stately house (although not as ostentatious as those aboard a certain, un-named, Russian airship), and I’m sure even Mrs Miggins would grudgingly approve of the food.

  In all, life wasn’t awful. It was just terribly black without Katherine.

  After several days into the journey I had the misfortune to glimpse a large area of blue below us and Sir Percival took great delight in informing me that we were over the Mediterranean Sea. Our journey was nearing its end. What we were supposed to accomplish whilst in Egypt was a mystery. I wasn’t even sure we had a purpose in the country, and had an inkling that the Department had only paid so much money for us to go because it was the earliest foreign journey out of Britain available when I arrived back at the stately house after losing– No, I wouldn’t go there. It was still too painful.

  “Ever fancied being an Egyptologist, Miss Lovelady?” Sir Percival enquired at breakfast the day after I saw the Mediterranean horribly far below us.

  “Not really,” I replied, over some splendid eggs.

  “I hear some chap by the name of Howard Carter is trying to drum up support for something or other.”

  Well, bully for him. “Oh?” I said non-committedly.

  “Indeed. Apparently the fellow seems to believe he’s onto the biggest discovery of the century.”

  “I hadn’t taken you to be interested in such sensationalism, Sir Percival.”

  “I find it pays to keep abreast of a wide range of diverse topics,” he said, I felt rather haughtily.

  Especially those within a certain weekly publication, I snarkly thought to myself.

  “Indeed, in my younger days I was rather caught up by the romanticism of the Sphinx and the pyramids and the mummies.”

  This conversation could end here, thank you very much.

  “Oh, look!” I said pointing to the closest window (without actually looking at it).

  “What?” his head jerked towards it like that of an overly hairy gun dog.

  “I thought I saw a bird.”

  He turned back and eyed me speculatively as I innocently took a last spoonful of my grapefruit. “Looking forwards to setting foot back on terra firma?”

  “Indeed.”

  “We should be arriving tomorrow morning.”

  “Excellent news, thank you.”

  “One last perambulation of the viewing deck, Miss Lovelady?”

  “I feel I shall decline your kind offer, Sir Percival.”

  We parted company, myself to pack for our arrival, Sir Percival to probably revisit his romantic mummy passion.

  Two

  Strangely enough my spirits seemed to soar the closer we came to the ground. Cables had been thrown overboard and attached to winches, which slowly drew us closer to the blessed landing area. Low sandy-coloured buildings surrounded the wide open space. The shadow of our airship looked like a great black whale slowly moving over the cityscape.

  The inflight publication I found in my room had, amongst some quite fearsome-looking appliances to aid in one’s health and beauty regimen, advised of the most suitable clothing to wear in such hot climes. I therefore eschewed the more constricting apparel and a few layers and felt quite unusually free in my blue travelling dress. My pink hair was covered with a semi-veiled black hat and my indispensable umbrella was in hand ready for combat, in this case against the fierce sunlight. My valise was hard by my feet and contained my travelling essentials, among which were several items that would have been of intense interest to the local security forces.

  We sat in the cleared dining room (equidistant between the windows and walls) listening to the various unintelligible shouts of the crewmen fighting to bring the great beast down to earth. My fervent hopes were that they’d win.

  Whilst accidentally glancing out of the large windows two large structures came into view and astonishment kept me looking as they slowly grew wider as we
descended.

  “Sir Percival?” I enquired, pointing towards them.

  He glanced over (breaking his appreciation of one of the male stewards) and turned back to me with a smile. “The great pyramids of Giza. One of the seven Wonders of the World.”

  “They are quite…” I stopped, taken aback by the sight of the sandy-coloured structures seeming to get forever wider and wider. Another strange structure came into view. “What–?”

  “The Sphinx, Miss Lovelady. Part human, part lion.”

  I glanced over at him. He was enjoying this far too much.

  With a noticeable powering down of the steam engines we bounced slightly against the taut cables. At the urging of the steward we joined the queue waiting to exit, but not before I got as close as I dared to the windows to take in the astonishing sight. So this was Egypt, land of very large, strange structures.

  The main doors opened and bright sunlight with a wash of air, that gave the distinct impression that it would be far hotter later, flowed over us.

  Once out of the relative darkness into eye-scorching sunlight I caught sight of swarthy men wearing what appeared to be long dresses being kept back by members of the airship crew. As soon as they saw us they began shouting, offering their wares and indicating camels and donkeys roped together.

  “Why are they wearing dresses?” I whispered.

  Sir Percival sniffed disdainfully at me, “They’re not dresses, they’re thawbs, Miss Lovelady. Most sensible in hot climates.”

  Oh yes, Sir Percival the pedantic Egyptologist. I decided to leave it that.

  “Stay close, Miss Lovelady,” Sir Percival said as he perused a small notebook he’d taken from his jacket pocket.

  Slowly we followed our fellow passengers down the gangway towards what looked like a well-mannered riot. Suddenly one of the airships propellers fired into life and a dust cloud was blown high into the air. Cries of surprise came from the passengers and crew. I looked up and had the strangest feeling that like some optical illusion the billowing dust and sand were forming into a large strange-headed figure. And that it was looking directly at me. I felt a chill run down my spine and shivered in spite of the heat. But before I could be sure of what I saw the dust and sand had settled down over the complaining passengers and local entrepreneurs. Thankfully I’d remembered to raise my umbrella against the sunlight and it just coated that instead of my clothing.

  With a sigh Sir Percival dusted his khaki suit down and headed forthrightly into the bedlam of beasts of burden and men wishing to gain as much money as possible from their hire.

  I stood by letting him do the work and took in the sights and sounds and smells of the first foreign land I’d ever set foot upon. I hoped other parts were better.

  Three

  Riding a camel could only have been invented by men. Who else would want to put their bodies through such torture just to get from A to B? I was seriously considering swapping places with our luggage upon the donkey trailing behind us. But now I was somehow atop the beast it seemed only prudent to stay – I got the feeling that getting off would be far worse.

  Within the scrum of men and camels and donkeys Sir Percival had somehow managed to meet an old school chum, who was now leading us down several alleys and across a number of roads. From the swarthy bearded look of the fellow I’d never have guessed he’d once shared spotted dick with Sir Percival. His name was apparently, Badru, or ‘Baddy’ according to my companion, who’d introduced us and was apparently rapidly reverting back to his childhood (but from some if the things I’d heard about his relatives, school was one of the more pleasant times in his life).

  The conversation, what there was of it, seemed to consist of many half-finished sentences and giggling at the japes they’d got up to. I left them to it and hoped our journey would end up in some lovely hotel.

  We headed down one thin, smelly alley and suddenly found ourselves facing a river, which I could only assume was the Nile. In the distance the ubiquitous pyramids rose into the sky. Sir Percival gave a gasp of surprise. He was putting flesh onto his childhood dreams.

  “Miss Lovelady! The Nile!”

  It was made of water. It was wet. So?

  “The… the pyramids!”

  “Splendid sight,” I replied sourly, ignoring the shared raised eyebrows at my tone.

  Sir Percival moved around so much atop his camel to take in the sights that I swear it gave me a pleading look to take him off.

  My thoughts were of somewhere cool, a comfy bed, and food. From underneath the shade provided by my umbrella I couldn’t but help notice the large, splendid-looking hotels facing the river and hoped that our destination would be one of them. Unfortunately our slow perambulation alongside the Nile didn’t lead to the reception area of any.

  “Sir Percival?” I asked, as yet another hotel failed to partake of our custom.

  “Yes, Miss Lovelady?”

  “Where are we heading? We seemed to have passed by some very serviceable hotels?”

  He turned back to look at me, “Baddy, has generously invited us to stay with his family.”

  My heart fell. No room service, unknown quality of food and bed. Hopefully the department would require our return fairly sharpish. “Oh, that’s… very generous of him,” I added lamely.

  “Yes, isn’t it.”

  I took solace in the sight of the Nile lazily flowing somewhere probably much nicer.

  Four

  Badru’s house seemed to be on the outskirts of Cairo as it took us ages to get there, the stifling heat increasing all the time.

  From the length of the tall clay-coloured wall I could see it covered a fair bit of land. Whether that also translated into comfort was yet to be seen. We rode alongside the wall until arriving at an elaborate wood and decorative metal-covered gateway.

  Our arrival must have been spied by someone inside as at our approach the gates slowly swung open. The sounds of chuckling water came to me and as we entered I saw several delightful glazed fountains, water cascading into the air and falling into fish-filled pools. Green grass and trees provided a much needed respite from the dun-coloured buildings we’d passed. Cooler, moist air flowed around us and I only then realised just how arid the air outside was. Many bright fragrant flowers grew around the building which looked like it’d come straight out of Burton’s translation of The Arabian Nights. It appeared that ‘Baddy’ was not unfamiliar with having lots of money.

  Two male servants in the usual long thawbs closed the gates behind us and then helped Badru and ourselves down from the camels. While furling my umbrella I stood swaying slightly, not used to stable ground.

  Baddy stood by watching our expressions at his house. Sir Percival was gaping like a fish. “It’s… It’s…”

  I swore tears would soon spring from his eyes.

  “It’s lovely,” I interrupted and grabbed his arm to pull him towards it or he’d be there all day.

  Smiling, Badru invited us to enter and I saw the gleam of gold in his mouth. I reckoned that there may be more to Sir Percival’s schoolboy chum than he knew.

  The luxuriousness continued inside what I was beginning to think of as a palace. Polished white marble appeared to be the main stone used in its construction as it was used on the floors, walls and ceiling. Beautiful rugs and carpets lay on the floor, intricate multi-coloured tile designs covered the walls and ceilings. Cool flower-scented air surrounded us. In my dusty travel dress and semi-veiled black hat I felt somewhat shoddy in comparison.

  I looked at Sir Percival and wondered if he’d ever cease gaping around himself in astonishment.

  A short old lady wearing an all black dress that went from her head to brushing the marble floor but leaving her wrinkled prune-like face free walked towards us.

  Badru turned to Sir Percival and indicated her, “Perhaps, Miss Lovelady would care to accompany my mother and freshen up?”

  At least it would get me away from the juvenile reminisces of those two. I smiled politely at her
and nodded my thanks to Badru. Before following her out I gave Sir Percival a look that said he owed me for this.

  Five

  High windows let light into the many-sided room, but not the burning, searing light, more a soft whiteness that seemed to flow and pool in certain areas. A tiled waist-high fountain sat in the centre, the light sound of trickling water providing the only noise. Low wooden tables held plates of cut fruit and glasses of juice and water, while large cushions were there to be sat on. The air was filled with delicate flower scents. I had no idea such a place could possibly exist.

  The black-covered old lady led me past and through an archway into another room created from white marble, but this one was much more interesting - white marble steps led up to a sunken bath from where fragrant steam rose. With a clap of her hands that echoed around the room two ladies in long white dresses entered, giggling at the sight of me. Their smooth black hair was held back by metal bands, bronze on one, silver on the other, and their kohl-rimmed dark eyes had a certain look that something inside of me answered to.

  “Please, refresh yourself,” the old lady said, indicating the bath, large fluffy towels, and some lighter, white cotton clothes for me to change into afterwards.

  I appeared to have discovered civilisation.

  The old lady left me alone with the two servants whom she’d introduced as Hasina and Shemei. Not one to stand on ceremony whilst among the fairer sex I carefully unpinned my semi-veiled black hat and shook out my pink hair. This seemed to have remarkable effect on the two young ladies who looked at it with their eyes wide open in surprise. I knew it would be sweaty, and dust would have found its way in and stuck to it, but I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.