Miss Alice Lovelady's Second Omnibus of her Inexplicable Adventures

by Sadie Swift

  “Oh, my,” whispered Sir Percival when he caught sight of it.

  A path over the rock-strewn ground followed the magma river and led between the stalagmites that speared up towards the cavern’s high ceiling. The sound of our hurried steps was eaten by the vast emptiness.

  I could feel the heat coming off the magma river as we followed the path’s course. So too could my legs. Perhaps the lack of screams or some other expression of disgust meant that Sir Percival was deliberately looking everywhere else but me?

  “Ow! Blasted rocks.”

  Apparently so. I debated whether to replace his hand upon my shoulder so I could lead him along the path and he could keep looking at the far safer rock formations than my legs.

  But just then a screaming roar sounded behind us as the white bear emerged into the cavern.

  I glanced back and almost stopped in my tracks at the sight of the beast. Its once pristine white fur was mostly burned off. Between the few remaining patches of fur huge black scabs oozed blood as it painfully limped in our tracks. The side of its body and face that must have been towards the magma pit showed white bone through the missing fur and skin. That sides eye also looked to be missing. I couldn’t image the amount of pain it must be in.

  More blood oozed from the burns upon its neck as it cast its head about searching for us, its prey. When its remaining eye caught sight of us it raised its head and screamed a roar that echoed around the cavern.

  Was there some way to quickly put it out of its misery? Even as grievously wounded as it was I still didn’t fancy my chances against it. But, now we were in a far larger space, I could use some of my lethal weapons against it without being concerned that we’d be hit as well.

  I reached into a pocket where I’d secreted some of my clockwork weapons. With a quiet rip! sound the material disintegrated and my spherical weapons fell to the ground. “Blast!” I said as before I could retrieve them they quickly rolled away down the slope into the magma river.

  “Watch out, Sir Percival!” I cried out as the magma bubbled and seethed where my weapons had fallen in, and then small explosions sprayed droplets of red hot rock towards us.

  “Oh god!”

  “Are you hit?”

  “No! Can’t you hide your legs, Miss Lovelady?!”

  I ignored his idiocy and hurried off the path and in amongst the stalagmites and fallen stalactites away from the magma river, fearing that this was but a taster for what was to come.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I believe some items haven’t exploded yet.”

  Sir Percival hastily scampered after me into the darker recesses of the cavern. Another screaming roar sounded and echoed around us. Maybe I could somehow force the poor beast to its death in the magma river?

  We crouched down behind the remains of a large dusty fallen stalactite and peered over the top towards the grievously-wounded beast.

  “I’m puzzled by something, Miss Lovelady,” he whispered.

  If this was going to be about my legs then… then…? Well at that moment I didn’t know exactly what I’d do but knew he wouldn’t like it very much.

  “What?” I whispered back, fearing the worst.

  “Why can we breathe?”

  What?

  “Because there’s air?”

  “The magma is releasing a large amount of sulphur gas into the air. So much so that I’d warrant that we wouldn’t be able to breathe. But why are we?”

  “Because…?” Then the answer hit me, “Ventilation!”

  “Exactly. There must be somewhere allowing air to enter and the noxious fumes to leave.”

  At last, some good news!

  “But it may take too long to search for it. It appears our only hope of escape will be back the way we came.”

  I watched as the burnt bear lowered its head, blood coursing from the blackened wounds upon its body, to smell the path in search of us. “That may prove difficult.”

  “Indeed.”

  A large explosion sounded from the magma river, throwing red hot molten rock high into the cavern and onto the bear. My weapons had exploded at last.

  The bear screamed in pain as the fresh magma burnt more of its already ravaged body.

  Movement caught my eye to my right and I glanced over and froze in shock. The largest snake I’d ever seen was slowly making its way along the path towards the bear.

  Nineteen

  I judged the snake to be roughly twenty feet long with a body easily the thickness of one of Glenys’, the barmaids, thighs. A bright red forked tongue tasted the air and its unblinking eyes fixed upon the wounded bear. The patterning of scales upon its body reminded me of the mosaic image we’d walked upon on the way to the magma room. Did this mean there were more of the beasts in the cavern? I hastily glanced around us. We were still alone.

  The bear caught sight of the snake and roared a challenge. The snake momentarily stopped its movement and coolly regarded the bear.

  I’d almost forgotten my strange internal warning system with being so used to life-threatening danger for what seemed quite some time now. But it’s cries of ‘get out!’ redoubled when the snake’s tongue flicked out and then it glanced in our direction.

  My blood froze. It knew where we were. We were in so much danger!

  Swaying where it stood the bear used its remaining eye to examine the snake. Slowly the snake resumed its motion towards the bear. Sensing the danger it was in the bear roared again. But the snake ignored it and opened its mouth, showing off its front two needle-sharp fangs. A foot long apiece if I were to judge. Not being very familiar with snakes I assumed that meant it was venomous.

  “We should get away, Miss Lovelady,” whispered Sir Percival. “While they’re busy.”

  But the sight held a strange fascination for me. I didn’t move when Sir Percival tried to tug me away, and even ignored his sound of disgust as the sleeve he’d touched disintegrated and fell away in his hand.

  The bear glanced in my direction and I could have sworn that I could sense Mrs Lloyd’s spirit behind its pain-ravaged eye. Did she know that we were in danger?

  Suddenly I felt vibrations through the ground as, with a screaming roar, the bear sped towards the snake as fast as its wounds would permit, its mouth open, its own fangs ready to tear into the snake.

  The snake reared up and somehow flared its neck to either side. It lunged down at the bear, its mouth wide open. They met in a crash of dust and screams and tumbled over each other away from the magma river, but towards us.

  Quickly Sir Percival and I hurried out of their way. I drew the sword, wanting something to protect myself with.

  The snake’s tail flailed around, beating upon the ground and the stalagmites that reached towards the ceiling. When it was momentarily still enough I rushed at the tail and stabbed at it with the sword, feeling the tip slide past the scales and into its flesh. The tail jerked away almost ripping the sword from my grasp.

  “What are you doing?!”

  “Helping Mrs Lloyd!”

  “But that’s not her, that a bear!”

  I couldn’t describe what I felt as the bear looked at me. All I knew was that Mrs Lloyd was protecting us from the snake. And I wanted to help her as much as I could.

  Again the snake’s tail hit the ground before me and I quickly swung the sword down at it. The sharp points along the sword’s edge chipped away at the hard scales. Again the tail flicked away, this time hitting a pillar made from the joining of a stalactite and a stalagmite. Dust and bits of stone rained down upon us. Sir Percival hurried away from the combatants and myself.

  The bear, already weakened from its wounds, was trying to avoid being bitten by the snake’s long fangs. Its front legs, with the claws out, swiped at the snake’s ever-moving head. I moved closer, slashing at the snake’s body whenever I could. Chips of hard scale flew into the air with each successful hit. Suddenly the bear screamed and I saw the snake’s fangs buried deep into its wounded body.


  “NO!” I cried and ran at the snake, my sword ready to decapitate it.

  The bear slumped to the ground, bright red blood coursing from two large puncture wounds. It still breathed but only raggedly, its poisoned death a foregone conclusion.

  But with the bear out of the way the snake’s attention was now directed at me. I swung at its head, but it just jerked out of the way, and all I sliced was thin air. It’s head thrust at me, its mouth open wide, its poisonous fangs at the ready. Quickly I brought the sword back and aimed a swipe at its right eye. Again it jerked out of the way. I needed something to help me gain the upper hand or I was dead. My gun bumped against my back. Would it work? I had to try.

  I swung my gun around from my back, hoping for at least some residual charge in the Tesla coils to stun the snake. With my left hand I pointed it and fired.

  Twenty

  The snake’s body flicked towards me just as I pulled the trigger. It hit my gun and must have jolted something back into position as a lightning bolt burst from it illuminating the cavern with eye-searingly bright white light. But the bolt wasn’t aimed at the snake, but at a huge stalactite hanging from the ceiling directly above the magma river.

  The snake hissed in anger as it shied away from the electricity burning through the air. White tendrils of charge flowed up and down the stalactite causing sharp gunfire-sounds as small explosions took place from the trapped gases and water in its structure. All of a sudden a far louder explosion echoed around the cavern as a crack near its top rapidly spread around its circumference.

  I let go of the trigger and instinctively used the gun to bat away the snake’s head that lunged towards me. It gave a strange sound as I saw I’d bent back one of its fangs.

  “Miss Lovelady! We need to get out now!”

  The words startled the snake and I quickly took the opportunity to thrust my sword at it’s head. The razor-sharp wavy edge sliced against the other fang and cut it off. The snake reared back as yet more pain exploded in its mouth, then it quickly slithered away out of sight into a darker area of the cavern.

  “It’s going to fall down!” cried Sir Percival, hurrying towards me.

  “What? What is?”

  “The stalactite!”

  He pointed upwards as he ran past me. I looked up to see that the crack at the base of the stalactite had rapidly widened. More sharp explosions sounded as it split even further. We needed to be away from here! I followed Sir Percival’s lead, but caught sight of the mortally wounded bear. It had been through so much. I knew I didn’t want it to suffer any more. I diverged from Sir Percival’s lead and ran to it. It’s remaining pain-filled eye seemed to recognise me.

  “I’m so sorry, Mrs Lloyd,” I whispered, standing over it.

  Raising the sword above me I quickly stabbed down where I hoped the heart would be. The blade sliced through flesh and bone, then the bear shivered and gave a long sigh as the life left its body.

  Loud creaks and groans came from the stalactite that was slowly splitting off from the ceiling. A light rain of small stones fell upon us and the cavern’s light was hazed by falling dust.

  “Hurry up!”

  I looked round and saw Sir Percival near to the entrance where we’d entered the cavern from. But where was the snake?

  Heaving the sword from the bear’s remains I made to follow Sir Percival but something smashed into my body, throwing me to the floor with a thump! Winded I let go of both the gun and sword. They clattered across the dusty rock ground and fetched up against the base of a stalagmite.

  The snake reared up above me, ready to finish me off with what remained of its fangs.

  Frantically I tried to catch my breath and coughed at the dusty air. Behind the snake the stalactite gave a groaning shriek as it ever so slowly separated from the cavern’s ceiling.

  A stone hit the snake startling it. Seizing my opportunity I scrambled up onto all fours and hurried to my weapons. I grabbed the sword and spun round pointing it in the air behind me. The snake’s head hit it and the serrated blade slid across its scales.

  Another stone hit the snake and from the corner of my eye I saw Sir Percival aim and then let fly with yet another one.

  The snake’s thick body landed across mine. A heavy splash sounded and I knew the base of the huge stalactite had hit the magma river.

  Frantically I wriggled and stabbed at the thick body trying to get it off me before the rest of the stalactite toppled into the magma river.

  The snake’s body momentarily lifted and I rolled out from underneath it. I got to my feet and ran for my life towards Sir Percival. He threw another stone at the snake behind me then turned and hurried into the tunnel entrance.

  Deep rumbling sounds came from the cavern behind us as we sped down the passage. The ground under our feet and the passage walls vibrated as if in an earthquake.

  Not being able to see anything Sir Percival had his arms out in front and went where the passageway walls weren’t.

  “It’s going to flood!” he cried out in front of me.

  “What is?”

  “The river!”

  Did magma rivers flood? What would happen to the cavern?

  I heard something behind me and glanced behind. The snake was following us. But I also saw an orange glow from behind it. The magma river was also following us!

  “I can see! I hope we’re not too late!” Sir Percival cried, using the increased light coming from the magma behind us to see where he was going and speed up.

  “What of the house and your apparatus?!”

  He paused for a few paces, then replied, “I fear they will be destroyed!”

  “What of the village?”

  “It’s on a slope down from the house. It may already be gone!”

  Glenys! I had to warn her to get away! “Hurry!”

  I didn’t want the snake to follow and kill us after all we’d been through, so surprised it by suddenly stopping and turning, and stabbed the sword at its head.

  The sword’s tip slid across its snout scales but then got trapped in a nostril slit. With the snake’s forward motion the sword entered, widening the slit and slid into its head. It jerked back and its body flailed around in intense pain hitting the passage walls.

  I didn’t know if I’d mortally wounded it but saw the brighter yellow-orange glow of magma behind it. I turned and ran after Sir Percival, feeling the intense heat against my back and bare legs.

  Twenty-One

  We came to the mosaic floor and Sir Percival must have used his memory of our first traverse of it as he unerringly led us through the maze made up of passages and rooms. The smell of sulphur was incredibly strong, bringing tears to my be-goggled eyes. The light was also far brighter than I remembered. The heat felt like we were in an oven.

  Sir Percival stopped at what I remembered was the entrance to the magma room. Quickly catching his breath he turned to me (making sure to avoid looking at my bare legs) and said. “Ready for this, Miss Lovelady?”

  I glanced behind me but couldn’t see the snake anywhere, just the magma’s glow.

  “Yes.”

  We entered the magma room.

  Furnace-like heat and fierce yellow-orange light met us as we turned the corner. The roiling magma level in the pit was now but a few feet from overflowing onto the floor. It was so bright and hot that it looked like the sun was trying to force its way up into the room.

  Even though I covered my nose and mouth the air was so scorching it felt like it was burning my lungs. I held my breath and hoped I could get out fast enough before needing to take another one. The white marble room had splashes of magma all over it from the explosion of Sir Percival’s gun and looked like it had somehow melted. The lizards that the magma hadn’t hit seemed to have been flash-burned to a crisp.

  The magma hadn’t had time to cool down and Sir Percival and I tried our best to run on tip-toe to avoid any of the still molten splashes on the floor.

  We escaped from the room with our boots smok
ing and gasped for breath in the only slightly cooler air.

  Sir Percival reached down and grabbed the lantern the now late Mr Lloyd had left next to a statue and cried out as the hot metal burned his hand. But he persevered and turned the wick up. With a glance at me he held the lantern up for light and began racing along the passage that led back to the house.

  Along the way, and quite to my surprise he grabbed one of the statues that inhabited the alcoves along the way.

  “Sir Percival?” I queried, as our feet pounded along the passage.

  “Priceless!”

  Still holding my gun I re-sheathed sword and grabbed one of a rather fetching lady in a long-flowing dress. She didn’t deserve to be destroyed in a flooding magma river.

  I felt heat slowly increasing against the back of my legs and glanced back. The yellow-orange glow was increasing as well. It looked like we’d come through the magma room in the nick of time!

  We reached the end of the beast-imaged mosaic floor and hurried over packed earth. Then I felt relief at seeing the flat side of the foundation wall - we were almost there.

  Racing up the slope we turned the corner and entered the staff waiting room.

  “There’s no time to get anything or change. We have to go now!” cried Sir Percival.

  “Our coats! In the entrance foyer! They’ll give us some protection!” I replied, knowing they’d afford us some defence from any inclement weather, and the sight of our bare legs. Relief flooded through me at being able to take my goggles off and running along the blessedly cool corridors.

  Quite to my surprise I saw that it was still daylight outside through the windows we passed. Somehow it felt we’d been underground much, much longer. But with a shock I saw that even though it was snowing heavily again the front gardens were clear of their thick layer of snow. And they seemed to be steaming slightly.