by Lindsey Hart
He nearly laughed. “Trust me. I like everything.” When it comes to you. He cut that off, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable than she probably already was.
“Alright,” she whispered in a tiny voice.
He knelt on the bed, sure to keep the lower half of him away from her. She seemed shy and nervous, which was a little strange after she’d been so lusty and alive and- and loud- in the shower. He’d bank those fires again. He’d bring her back to the point where she needed him, where she was moaning and whimpering and crying out his name again.
Matt braced himself on either side of her slim shoulders. He bent his head and claimed those beautiful kiss swollen lips before he broke away and moved to her breasts.
“God, you have beautiful breasts,” he panted. They were full, but not too full. The little pink buds stood on end and he closed his mouth over each one in turn, licking and suckling.
“Really?” Her little gasp was adorable.
“Really.” He bit her left nipple gently just to emphasize his point.
She arched up under him, pushing her breast into his mouth. He licked and suckled her, and she writhed and moaned below him. Her hips bucked beneath him, but she froze when his cock hit her thigh. He froze too, stilled and just enjoyed throbbing against her delicate skin.
“I want to ride you,” she said, out of nowhere.
Matt was completely blindsided. He hadn’t seen it coming, but damn, he sure as hell wasn’t going to refuse. He reached down and gripped Callie’s hips, turning her easily so that in one swift motion, she was the one on top. She shifted, untangling their limbs, straddling him. The warmth of her thighs burned right through him. Just when he thought he couldn’t get any harder, she gripped his cock.
“Fuck,” he ground out as her hand closed over him. She immediately relaxed her hold.
“I’m sorry,” she gasped. “Did I hurt you? Oh god, I said I wasn’t very good at this-”
“No,” he ground out. “No, you did not hurt me.”
It took a second for that to sink in, but when it did, Callie let out a nervous giggle and her small hand closed around his shaft again. She gripped him tight and he did his best to control another groan. He ground his teeth together so hard that it actually hurt.
She whimpered when his cockhead grazed along her clit on the way to her entrance. She eased down on his cock with absolutely no other foreplay. Which he was damn glad for. If she stroked him any more with that tight little fist of hers, the fun might be over right there. Which would be damn embarrassing.
She took him slowly, inch by inch. She was so tight and warm, it took a herculean amount of willpower just to concentrate on not fucking coming right that second.
“God,” he groaned. “Fuck…” It wasn’t at all decent language, but he couldn’t stop himself. A groan was torn from his throat just as Callie whimpered above him.
She took him right to the base and then she waited. He throbbed inside of her and her inner muscles gripped him in response. Matt couldn’t tell if she was doing it on purpose. He didn’t think she was, but it felt so damn amazing.
When she moved, he nearly shot out of his skin. Callie, he learned, was the kind of person who knew what she wanted, even if she didn’t think she knew. She knew just how to rock with him, how to grind her clit against him, how to use him to find that perfect spot. She rolled her hips, grinding and swaying.
Matt had to open his eyes and enjoy the show. Callie with her hands resting on his shoulders, hips gyrating wildly, breasts swaying, water droplets still sluicing over her alabaster skin from her wet hair- it was all one hell of a display. He had to close his eyes, simply because he couldn’t look at her anymore. Not if he wanted to retain any kind of control over himself.
He closed his eyes and it wasn’t long before his entire body was vibrating with need. It actually was physically painful for him to hold back. He couldn’t stop himself from gripping Callie’s hips, from helping her rock and sway with him, finding the rhythm that they both so desperately needed.
Matt felt the pressure building, inside himself, inside Callie. He felt those first little trembles, in her thighs and then deeper. Her muscles clenched around his cock and then she cried out. He thought she probably threw back her head, but her wild gyrations, the way her body trembled around him, treated him to one hell of a fireworks display of his own. Lights burst behind his closed lids and his body went into full spasm mode.
He thrust into her hard, pumping her with every one of her wild gyrations. He was as wild as she was, bucking and grinding into her until with one hard thrust, he came deep inside of her. He throbbed wildly and even with the damn condom on, he could feel all of her, every glorious part of her, every spasm, all the heat and the rush of wetness- all of it. And god, it was amazing.
When she’d finally stopped shaking, Callie rolled to the side. Matt went with her. He grabbed for the sheets and covered them both in an awkward motion. He wrapped her up in his arms and she went, if a little stiff.
“Don’t,” he whispered pleadingly. “Don’t pull away yet. Just stay- just like this… for a few minutes.” He could tell she wanted to run. That she was probably already regretting what she’d just done.
And him? He was lying there, marveling that anything could feel so right. It was actually frightening how good it felt, just the two of them. He had never, ever, experienced anything like that in his life. Nothing even came close to what it had been like with Callie.
He knew. He’d known from that first kiss they’d shared at the damn Christmas party, that she would be different. It was why he couldn’t stop thinking about her. It was why he’d been tortured by that kiss.
Matt couldn’t even explain what the feeling was exactly. There didn’t seem to be a word that could encompass the kind of connection they’d just shared. It was fucking earth shattering.
For him, it had been. Did she not feel the same? Or was she scared? After a minute, Callie relaxed against him, and he allowed himself to take a breath. And then he did the worst thing he could have done, but he just couldn’t let her leave him like that. He had to know what had been in her past. What made her want to run? What made her afraid? It was more than just the whole boss thing. It was more than what she’d said, about being at different income brackets.
“Please, Callie.” He stroked his hand over her wet hair. “I… what is it? I can tell there’s something. Something bothering you. Will you tell me what it is?”
She went completely rigid in his arms. Rigid, but she didn’t pull away. That had to mean something. He could feel himself losing her, even though she was right there with him and it just about killed him.
The room was silent for a long time. It was just their breaths, which had resumed an almost normal cadence. She let out a sigh, the smallest of sighs. It seemed like she’d debated with herself, silently, and that whatever was holding her back, had crumbled. Either she trusted him, or worse… he didn’t want to think about her disappearing and never seeing him again. He didn’t want to think about her spilling her heart to him just because she needed it. She needed to tell just one person who would never betray her because she’d never let them.
He was about to tell her she could tell him anything, that he’d be there for her, that it was early, but he already knew that- that she meant something to him. That he felt something he’d never felt before in his entire damn life. He opened his mouth to tell her, but then she spoke, shocking him into silence.
“I- I was engaged once…”
CHAPTER 13
Callie
“So, you were engaged, but you never got married.”
Callie froze. Is this what people meant when they talked about appropriate after sex talk? It hardly seemed like bringing another man between them when their sweat was still cooling, his name barely off her lips, their breathing still irregular, her body still trembling, was a good idea.
Matt turned to face her. Callie moved over an inch in the opposite direction. She
cursed her tipsy drunk self and the remarks she made. Why him? Why does it seem like I can tell him anything?
“Uh- yeah. Something like that.”
Matt frowned. Even in the darkness, Callie could see the little lines bracketing his eyes and mouth. “I want to know where you came from. You turned up out of nowhere. I know nothing about you.” He reached out and caressed a silken strand that tumbled across her cheek and trailed down her neck. He tucked it safely back behind her ear and the gesture was so tender and kind, she almost believed she could trust him.
Don’t. It’s a false sense of security. He’s my boss. And I’m in bed with him. It’s bad enough already.
“Please. I promise, your secrets are safe with me.”
“My secrets aren’t safe with anyone. I’ve learned that in the past.”
“Yeah, well, whoever they were, I’d like to find them and give them a good pounding. Pound out whatever shit they said to you to make you feel like you had to live alone for over a year.”
“I didn’t feel that way, I chose to live alone. I was done with it. I was done with all of it. I’m twenty-four, but I feel like I’ve lived a thousand years. Do you ever get that feeling?”
Matt stared at her blankly. How could he? For him, life is endless parties and women and money. Whatever he wants, he gets.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Matt ran his thumb across her lips, and she resisted the urge to lick it, or even worse, suck that digit deep inside of her mouth. She knew it would be easy, distract him with sex, tell him nothing. Her lips parted, but he pulled his thumb away. “You think that I’m some spoiled rich kid who had everything in life handed to me. You think that I’ve never truly worked a day in my life or felt anything at all.”
“Something like that.”
They stared at each other for a second and then Matt laughed. She couldn’t help it, she laughed too. Soon they were both laughing so hard they were shaking, and she had to reach up and brush away a tear.
“Lord, it might be true. Even if it is, one thing I’ve never done is rat on someone. I’ve never told a secret that was given to me in trust.”
“It’s not a secret. Other people know about it, although they pretend that they don’t.” She clamped her mouth shut. She’d already said way too much. She couldn’t seem to stop though. She sensed, looming in the future, was the release of a burden she’d carried around with her for over a decade. A burden of pain and loss and hurt. “Not Ben though. I told him, the night before our wedding. I thought that I had to. That I owed it to him. That he needed to know since he was going to be my husband.”
“And the bastard left you? You trusted him and he just… left you?” Matt’s incredulity almost made her feel a little better about it all. “I’d like to find him too. Give him a few thumps upside the head and ask him what the hell he was thinking.”
“Not everything is solved by batting someone upside the head or punching someone or fighting. Of course, all guys think so.”
“Better to fight it out than keep it in and let it rot you on the inside.”
Rot me on the inside. That’s exactly what this is doing. Why not? Why not tell him? Callie knew she’d never see him again. She’d given in, given herself one guilty pleasure, the one thing she’d wanted more than anything. She’d given herself a night with Matt. She promised herself too, that if it happened, she’d be gone after. She’d leave before he woke up and she’d disappear. She wouldn’t go back to work. She would find another job. So why not tell him? Just unload it. She was tired of carrying that grief around with her. More than tired. Exhausted.
“Hey…” Matt shifted closer. “Come here. You look like you’re contemplating running away forever. I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. I just- I- you have me now. If you want to talk, I’m not going to run the other direction.”
He would probably leave, just like Ben did. He wrapped an arm around Callie and pulled her close. She went, gave in to the warmth of him, the allure of his body, the hard, broad chest and the crisp smattering of male hair and the delicious scent of skin and sweat and sex. She let him hold her, let herself feel powerless and oddly peaceful up against him. She let him comfort her with his silent strength. I won’t give him the chance.
“Imagine yourself at fourteen…” Matt’s hand paused on her arm. He was clearly confused at the abrupt change of subject. “Go on, imagine it. I’m- I’m going to attempt to talk about it, but… there are other things that need to be explained first.” She couldn’t really believe how calm she was being. Everything inside of her screamed at her to be quiet, to keep her secrets inside, to not wound herself further with yet another person’s condemnation. Her heart ached, and it was that she listened to. Just for one night, for once, she wanted that pain to be a little lighter than it had been for so very long.
“Okay. Myself at fourteen.”
Matt stroked her hair away from her forehead. It felt nice, the touch of his firm fingers dancing along her scalp. She turned into him and draped an arm across his chest. Her mouth was right above his nipple and she tried not to look at it, the way it was still slightly hard. Worse, she had to control her tongue from snaking out and tasting it. What is wrong with me? God… one second we are talking, the next I’m so distracted I can’t even think straight. It’s because I’m a mess. One hot mess.
“Myself at fourteen…” Matt went on. “I guess I would have fucked everything in sight. Or at least tried to. Teenagers are horrible. They are these walking- just- walking hormone bags.”
“You wouldn’t if you grew up in Hundville.”
“Where? Hundwhat?”
“Hundville. Population of four hundred. Half an hour north of St. Paul, Minnesota. For the town being as close to a large city as it was, it was so- backwoods.”
“I would have expected that down south, but really? Up there?”
“Yeah. I- it was a crazy religious town. Not the kind that does bad things. At least, not overtly. The kind that kills with silent judgment. I swear you couldn’t even be in your house and take a breath without someone knowing and talking about it.”
“Oh. That kind of thing.”
“Yeah. The kind where everyone goes to church on Sunday, there were two churches and no bars, but then the rest of the week they just forget that they are supposed to be nice good people. Unless their neighbor or someone else messes up. Then they are pretty quick to remind them.”
“So, you grew up there?”
“My mom and dad worked in St. Paul. They commuted since that was less than the cost of houses in the city. I hated Hundville. I hated that they made my sister and I live there. I hated that there was nothing to do and nowhere to go. It got worse as I got older. I was always a deep thinker. I had too much independent thought, that was the problem.”
“I could imagine it, in a small town like that.”
“When I was fourteen, this family moved to town. It was actually the church closest to our house. It got a new pastor and that pastor had two sons. One of them was in my grade. Johnathan. He was- he was incredible. My fourteen year old self thought so. I started taking notice of how I looked. I started doing my hair every day. I started caring about what I wore. I wanted to wear makeup, but that was out of the question.”
“It’s hard being fourteen,” Matt said sympathetically.
“It gets worse.” She braced for judgment, for a stream of questions, but none came. No, of course not. He hasn’t heard the worst of it yet. “So, it turned out, that what they said about pastor’s kids was true. At least, it was about Johnathan. He noticed me too. I probably wasn’t very subtle. It wasn’t long before we were sneaking out. I said I was at volleyball practice or basketball or going to do homework or watch a movie at friend’s houses. My curfew was eight and I was always home before that.”
“Sounds like something kids do.”
“Not in Hundville. It wasn’t the kind of town where anyone did that. No one cheated, no one got divorced. P
eople didn’t drink. They didn’t do drugs.”
“Are you sure? Maybe they just did all that shit in secret.”
“No, I’m sure. The shaming would have driven them out of town.” Matt stiffened, as though he knew what was coming next. He stayed silent though, which was a small mercy. Callie took a deep breath. Her arm tightened on Matt’s chest and reflexively, or maybe because he wanted to, there was more pressure in his arm around her. “I- well, I found out I was pregnant. I knew right away. Even though I was young I’d had my- uh- cycle for a year and I missed it. That never happened. I couldn’t ask anyone, and this was before we really had the internet out there. I would have been too afraid to google it.”
“You were- pregnant?” Matt asked, amazement in his voice.
She expected him to thrust her out of bed, to stare at her and tell her what a wretched person she was, but he didn’t move. He didn’t move at all, just stayed with her, comforting her and protecting her with his solid presence. I’m never going to see him again. I can tell him the rest and then maybe, maybe I can stop thinking about it all the time. Maybe I can just let part of it go…
“I had to tell my mom. She told my dad. They talked with Johnathan’s parents and of course, they wouldn’t do anything about it. They denied everything. Even Johnathan.”
“What? A pastor?”
“Yes.”
“Figures.”
“Does it?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry. I won’t interrupt you again.” There was no judgment in Matt’s voice and Callie felt safe enough to continue.
“My mom said she knew for a fact that her daughter wasn’t a liar. She swore everyone to secrecy, and she did what she thought was best. She tried to spare me the shaming of the entire town. Of having to go to school, at fourteen, pregnant. The town probably would have driven my parents out. Not with pitchforks and fire, but with angry glares and harsh words. It’s just as bad you know. The shame of it.”
“Yes. Words hurt far worse.”