I Kissed The Boss

by Lindsey Hart

  “I got sent to live with my mom’s sister in San Diego. It would have been a nice vacation. I liked my aunt. She was nice to me. She never once made me feel like I was an evil person. I guess she figured the damage was already done. She wasn’t like my parents. She didn’t have that small-town mentality. She wasn’t judgmental or harsh. I went there because she really wanted to help me.”

  “Sounds like she was a good person when you needed her most.”

  “Yes. She was. And then- at two and a half months, I started bleeding. It was just a few spots. My aunt freaked out and even though the nurses we saw at the hospital said it was normal for a bit of spot bleeding, I had an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. None. They sent me home. They thought I would miscarry there, but I didn’t. I went to the hospital two days later. They did- well they did the surgery to remove the pregnancy. My aunt was there the entire time. It was just a short procedure, a few hours. I was out for it and when I woke back up, I needed a few hours to recover and then she took me home.”

  “Jesus- Callie…”

  “I went back home after. To my parent’s house. They all pretended like it never happened. I wasn’t gone long enough for anyone to think anything of it. My parents had made something up about an exchange program or something or trying to go live in San Diego with my aunt because I wanted to take some more challenging courses than what was offered in a small town, some bullshit like that. Everyone believed it. No one knew. And those that did, my mom, my dad, my sister- they never talked about it. I- I went through this thing, this horrible thing, and no one would say a word to me. I had to grieve completely alone. I didn’t know how to do that at fourteen.”

  “Does anyone at any age?”

  “I had a life inside of me. A baby that I wanted. I was fourteen, but I would have fought for it. My mom didn’t go that far as to talk about options, but I knew that I was keeping it. I would have done anything, anything for us. For me and that child. Anything it took to survive and keep us together.”

  “Of course. That’s what being a mother is.”

  “And I’ve been alone in it. So alone. For the past ten years. I told Ben the night before our wedding, like I said, because I thought he should know. He left.”

  “How could he just- how could he just leave you?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he never wanted to be married to me in the first place. Things were- stale anyway. It wasn’t right. It was probably a blessing.”

  “Still. He should have had the balls to break up with you properly over it not being the right thing for the both of you. Not just take the easy way out like a damn coward.”

  “So now you know,” she said softly, eyes closed.

  The weight hadn’t left her heart like she thought it would. It was worse, that pain, the burden of grief. She doubted it would ever go away. People were wrong. Talking didn’t help. It didn’t fix anything at all.

  CHAPTER 14

  Callie

  “You did what?” There weren’t many times Chantara was shocked. She was one of those live life to the fullest type of people and little surprised her. She wasn’t exactly wild. Well, maybe most people would call her that.

  “Yeah. I told him.”

  “Everything? About- about the miscarriage?”

  “And about Ben.”

  Chantara wiped sleep from her eyes. “Jesus. I thought when you rolled in at four in the morning you were going to have something to tell me about getting laid for a change.”

  “Oh, we did have sex.”

  “And after you told him? You told Matt Hilbert things you wouldn’t even tell your own family?”

  “I guess that I did.”

  “After you had sex.”

  “Yes, that’s pretty much right.”

  “Hold on. I need to make us some coffee.” Chantara flew around the kitchen, gathering the things she needed to put on the dark roast she loved. “So, you told him everything, everything?”

  Callie could really use a stiff cup of something black and bitter. Maybe she could scald herself back to reality. “Yes. Pretty much.”

  “Why would you do that? Tell him, I mean? You haven’t even really told your family what went on with Ben.”

  A heaping spoonful of grounds was dumped into a filter, followed by another. The filter was placed in the machine and the on switch was pushed. Chantara did this weird thing where she always had the thing filled up with water and ready to go for the next time she used it.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I- maybe it was the sex. I felt- screwed up after. He was the one who started it and I had my guard down. I felt- all soft inside or something.”

  “Definitely the hormones. Or the orgasms. How many were there?”

  Despite everything, Callie had to bite back a smile. Typical Chantara. There was no one else on earth she could talk to like she was; with her guard down and her heart wide open. “Four,” she admitted.

  “Four? Holy shit. Mr. Hilbert is a demon in the sack. Good god, you kissed the right guy that night, that’s for sure.”

  “Please, don’t call him that. And I might have kissed the right guy. The orgasms might have been good. Really good. But that’s it. He started asking me questions about where I came from and I just- I told him. It just kind of came out. I thought it would make me feel better about the whole thing. About Ben and everything too. It didn’t. I still feel exactly the same way. Talking doesn’t fix things. It only ruins it.”

  “What?” Chantara’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry. I- that sucks. It’s really shitty. Maybe you should see a therapist or someone professional who can actually help.”

  “No. I didn’t before and it’s probably too late now. I’m just going to carry this around with me forever.”

  “That’s terrible. I didn’t honestly realize it was still that bad. I- I thought it just kind of went away with time and got easier to bear. And Ben- well that guy was a prick. Good riddance.”

  “I’m over Ben.”

  “Are you?”

  Am I? Callie stared at the slow drip of the coffee, making its way down into the pot below. It seemed infinitesimally slow. “I’m over Ben,” she said carefully. “But not over what he did. I think we both know that. It’s why I haven’t been with anyone else. I don’t trust them.”

  “But it’s different with Matt?”

  “No. No, it’s not. I should never have slept with him. I should never have kissed him. Good god, he’s my boss. How much more inappropriate can I be? Which is why I’m quitting. As of this morning.”

  “What? No!” Chantara’s blinked eyes that were red-rimmed from lack of sleep. “You can’t! I’ll be all alone there again. I love working with you. So what if you slept with him? It’s not like he’s going to tell anyone. He won’t want a sexual harassment suit on his hands.”

  “It’s not that. It’s that I told him everything about- well. You know. I shouldn’t have. I just- I knew that I was going to do it right after I slept with him. Quit. I can’t face going back there and seeing him after I- well it’s going to be so awkward. You can’t sleep with someone and just pretend it never happened.”

  Finally, the coffee was ready. Chantara poured two mugs and handed one over. Callie took it gratefully. She held it between her palms, even though the heat was scorching. That little burst of pain felt good. It was something else to think about other than the shit that was going on in her head at the moment. Her head and her heart. She wasn’t sure which one was worse.

  “You could if you wanted to. It might be awkward, but you could get on with it. Maybe he’d want to see you again. If you like him and the sex is good, what’s wrong with that?”

  “Everything. He’s still my boss and now, he knows what happened too.”

  “Well, did he say anything? Did he say it was your fault or that you were a terrible person or that he wanted you to leave?”

  “No,” Callie confessed. “I waited until he was asleep and then I snuck out. He just- kept holding me like he was doing the e
ntire time. I think he did say something that it wasn’t my fault or- I don’t know. I don’t even remember. It’s like a blur. I was saying those things because I thought if I did, it would help me. It- it didn’t. I feel exactly the same.”

  Chantara set her cup aside and wrapped her arms around Callie. “Oh, honey. It will be okay. Everything will be okay. If you don’t want to work there anymore, I get it. But sneaking out at four in the morning after some great sex? Four orgasms! What’s Matt going to think when he wakes up?”

  “I don’t know. It’s not my problem anymore. He’ll think that we had a great night and then I left and that was that. He will probably be relieved that I quit. Or maybe he won’t even care. We all know he likes the ladies. He’ll probably just hire another assistant and be in bed with her in no time. Maybe that’s why I felt I could tell him those things. Because he’d listen and then just- forget. Like he’ll forget all about me.”

  Chantara’s arms tightened around her waist. “That’s a terrible thing to say.”

  “But it’s probably true.”

  “Don’t you think this is odd? That I’m the one comforting you after a one-night stand? Usually, you’re the one wiping my tears and offering me popcorn and a movie or wine and tissues. You’re always the one telling me everything is going to be okay.”

  “Yes, well, your sex life is a little more vibrant than mine is. Has been. Will ever be.”

  Chantara laughed softly. “I know it’s five-thirty in the morning, but with another cup of coffee, we should be good to go. How about a bowl of popcorn and our usual break up chick flick?”

  “Popcorn? Isn’t it too early for that?”

  “It’s never too early for grease and salt. I’ll make us up a batch.”

  “The neighbors might complain about the noise. We should at least wait until eight.”

  Chantara pulled away and shot Callie a look that was absolutely hilarious. “No way. This place might have paper thin walls, but if anyone complains, I’ll just talk about how Mr. Jones gets up to pee eighteen times a night above us or how Mrs. Fredrick stomps around swearing at her husband until the early hours of the morning.”

  “I swear, there might be a frying pan related death there someday.”

  “Right. And that girl down the hall, the one who we don’t even know her name and we never seem to see her, but we always hear …”

  Callie winced. “She had someone over again?”

  “Oh god. All night. I think she might have rivaled your four orgasms if all that screaming, and moaning was to be believed.”

  Callie allowed herself a small laugh. If there was one safe place left in the world for her, it was home. Not the home she’d grown up in, but her dumpy little apartment she shared with the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

  “Alright, alright.” She capitulated. “Make the popcorn. I’ll get the movie.”

  She relaxed against the counter and let some of the stress melt away. She noticed, with the movement, how sore she was, in spots she didn’t even know she could be sore in. Her nipples chafed against the lace of her bra and between her legs… well, she wasn’t even going to start thinking about that. Of course, that hurt.

  She knew it wasn’t allowed, really. There were rules, unspoken, invisible, in her own life and governing her professional conduct. She’d crossed every single line. Other than the aftermath, the part where she’d spilled the most private details of her life like it was safe for her to do it, she couldn’t regret the sex. Who knew? It might be another fourteen months before she enjoyed anything that much again.

  CHAPTER 15

  Matt

  The first thing Matt noticed on Monday morning was the empty receptionist desk. Of course, she called in sick. I should have expected it after she ghosted in the middle of the night. He had to admit that as good as the sex was- and it had been fucking mind blowing phenomenal, he felt like he’d fucked things up a little.

  He kind of got the feeling that Callie was telling him that stuff about her past life kind of as a goodbye. Like she was getting ready to disappear out of his life completely and she felt safe telling him before she left.

  Matt didn’t really want to believe that, but then Jenny from HR knocked on his office door at ten minutes after ten.

  He let out a groan and motioned her in. Fuck, did Callie go to HR? Is she filing harassment charges against me? Is consensual sex harassment? The fact that he didn’t know, only proved to him how inadequate his knowledge about that kind of thing really was. He knew better, keep it out of the workplace. Callie had said so as well. And then we didn’t. We freaking didn’t.

  “Hey, Matt, do you have a minute?” Jenny smiled at him and Matt’s cramped stomach eased a little. She probably wouldn’t be smiling if Callie had accused him of doing something vile to her.

  Which I did not fucking do. And would never, ever do. She was into it. She was. You can’t fake four orgasms, thank you very much. Still. They wouldn’t be nearly as good if he got fired over them.

  “Sure.” He shut his laptop and closed down the screen desktop beside it. He pasted on a face that was what he hoped could pass for bland and stared back at Jenny, who took a seat in front of the desk.

  Jenny was one of those proper women, even though she was young, probably not more than thirty. She had nice blonde hair but always wore it in a severe bun. She could have been pretty, but her features were always so intense it was hard to find her that. Not that I want to. It was just a casual observation, like looking at a paint job and noticing it could have fit better with the décor if it was a different color or something.

  Jenny always wore matronly clothes as well. A white blouse and a black shirt, which on her, were somehow not the whole typical secretary garb. She never wore anything else. She was always all business, and she was damn good at her job. Guys who might have thought she was attractive, he’d never been among them, learned fast to steer clear. She wasn’t interested.

  Because she is a professional. Unlike me. The perv who fucks his secretary. Total cliché. Fucking totally fucking cliché.

  “I just wanted to inform you that your secretary, Callie Canahan,” she said the name like he didn’t know who his own damn admin assistant was, “phoned in her notice this morning. She said that she had some personal issues come up. She’s very sorry, but she’s resigning as of this morning. As in, she’s not coming back.”

  “Oh.” His stomach hollowed out. It absolutely winded him to find out that his worst fears had come true. “I- I see.”

  “I’m sorry. We are working hard on finding you another assistant, but it might take a few weeks. And then there is a matter of training her. So, you may find yourself with a heavier workload. I’m just wondering if there is anything I can do to help out.”

  Matt thought fast. He was usually intelligent. Witty. On top of things. He hadn’t felt that way since he met Callie. No, since that kiss at the damn Christmas party. He’d barely noticed her before then and she’d been working for him for three months. She’d been so damn mousy and polite, just like Jenny, that he’d paid her almost no attention. He knew she did good work, but that was about it. He’d taken no other interest in her. Then she’d shown up at the party wearing that little tight black dress and she kissed him, and he was just… gone. He was lost from that point on. His equilibrium was definitely off and he wanted, desperately, to get it back and get a hold of himself and the situation.

  “I- yes, there is something you can do. Can you ask Jeff if he’d be willing to lend me his admin assistant just to catch up on emails and the more pressing things? Two afternoons a week would be great if he wouldn’t mind.”

  “Right. Chantara?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll go ask him. That’s a good solution. She’s been with the company for a long time. She can probably help with some training as well, so that frees you up.”

  “Right. Thank you. That would be great.”

  “Thanks, Matt, for taking this so well. I’m sorry
again. We’ll get you a replacement and have everything flowing smoothly again in no time.”

  He nodded and watched Jenny as she stalked swiftly out the door, ready to solve all their corporate problems. He liked that about her, her efficiency, but at the moment, he didn’t want everything flowing smoothly. Not if it meant not having Callie there.

  She ran. She got too close and she ran. She’s like the damn moth that got singed in the flames. Bad analogy. That would be assuming that I’m good enough to be a flame and she’s helpless like the moth. She could have left for other reasons. Maybe something personal really did come up. Matt doubted it. She’d told him about her past and he got the feeling she didn’t tell anyone about her past.

  It made sense that she’d do something she regretted, namely sleeping with him, likely because he was her boss, and feel obligated to resign. Which meant when she told him about the things that had happened to her, she already knew she wasn’t going to see him again.

  She’d used him like a confessional. She’d poured her heart out to him, or something like that, because she knew that he’d never tell anyone because he wouldn’t ever get the chance. It would make no difference. She’d unloaded her burden on him and walked away, just like that, without a backward glance. She hadn’t even stayed to tell him. She’d waited until he was sleeping and left.

  No. No way. I’m not going to let her go like that. For one, he wanted to tell her he wasn’t her emotional punching bag. Two, he needed to let her know leaving him up shit’s creek workwise wasn’t appreciated. And three, he had to find her because he needed to see her again. He needed to assure himself she was going to be okay. He did care and that hurt. She obviously wasn’t used to opening up and he wasn’t used to having that matter. Caring. I’m not used to caring and worrying.

  Really, that was the only reason. He’d just use the other two points as a way to try and pretend that the third reason didn’t exist. He could admit to himself that deep down and not so deep down, he was a lot like Callie. Afraid. The whole once burned, twice shy deal.