CHAPTER NINE: 70’s Flashback
Benny grabbed the knob and swung open the door. Nick and Andie cringed in anticipation of Benny seeing Kat. They looked and saw a vision, which made them sigh in relief.
“Presto Pizza,” said the man outside. His jeans were torn, his shirt looked as if a garden threw up on it, and his long, dark brown hair windblown in different directions.
“Like, are you the guys who ordered the five medium pizzas?”
Andie smiled. “Yes, we are. We’re so glad to see you.”
Pizza Guy recognized Andie. “Hey, like I’ve seen you before. I brought a pizza to your pad last week when I was gigging at the Eastside location. You were there with this dude who wouldn’t shut up.” He turned his head and noticed Nick. “Oh wow, man. Like, you’re that dude.”
Nick was embarrassed. “Sorry about that, man.”
“Like you kept me in that pad all night, talking about the devil and this high school chick. You almost got my ass fired, dude.”
Andie jumped in. “Whoa, wait a second. What about a girl in high school?”
“Nobody wants to hear about that,” said Nick.
“Oh, yes we do,” said Andie. She was ready for the answer Nick wouldn’t give her.
“Man, like this dude was all in love with this chick…”
“Thanks for bringing the pizzas,” Nick interrupted, as he grabbed the pies.
“You’re not getting off the hook this time, sweetheart,” said Andie. “Go on.”
Pizza Guy continued, “Like I was trying to say – this dude was all in love with this hot babe, but she wasn’t giving it up. He figured it was because she was a virgin, and wasn’t ready to do the mattress mambo. He was cool with that until he found out she had been sleeping with someone else in school. He, like, freaked out, totally. She said the rumor was bogus, or something like that, but she still couldn’t convince herself to sleep with our boy, here. She left town after graduation, and didn’t let him know where she was motoring. This dude was crushed. Ain’t that right, dude?”
Nick looked whiter than the sheets on his bed used to look. “I think you made your point,” he said.
Andie was astonished. She was sure Nick was in love at one time. This confirmed it.
“Is it true?” asked Andie.
Nick lowered his head. “Yeah.”
Benny was smiling. “Well, it looks as if a whole can of worms has been opened up.”
Pizza Guy got defensive. “Hey, like there’s no truth to that bogus rumor about worms being in our pizzas, dude. They’re like, you know, pre-made and we just add the toppings and nuke ‘em. No worms – just primo ingredients. We just do it quick. I don’t know how that rumor started.”
Andie put her arm around Nick. “You might as well tell us the whole story, Nick.”
Nick pulled away from Andie. He walked to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of Patron tequila from the freezer, and took four gulps. Taking a deep breath, he stumbled back to the front room and sat on the couch. Andie sat next to him and Debbie sat on the other side. Tony sat in one beanbag chair and Benny in the other.
Pizza Guy stood by the door and said, “Oh, no. Like, he’s going to tell that story again.”
For the first time since the high school incident, Nick was about to tell the story to people that actually knew him. He interlocked his fingers together into one fist while raising it to his sweaty forehead. He took a deep breath and started talking.
“I met Jamie at a place called Pizza Village after a game one Friday night. I was treating all the majorettes to…”
Nick stared at Jamie with lovesick eyes. He ignored the other six girls the rest of the night. Jamie had his complete attention. He asked her to watch his band perform the next night. This was the first time Nick brought a girl to a gig. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her green eyes, framed by her long, wavy, red hair, seemed to stare right through him. Skyway was about to play their most important gig to date – a wedding reception for Mayor Alphonse LeBlanc’s daughter. They were supposed to start off with light background music. Nick had other plans. He was out to impress Jamie.
“Let’s start out with Play that Funky Music,” he yelled to the band.
The drummer, Alvin, yelled right back, “You out your cracker mind, man? That mayor cat will throw our ass on the street if we start out with shit like that.” Alvin was 6’2”, black, and sported a six-inch Afro. “I ain’t doin’ it.”
The bass player, Doug, had the same sentiments. “I ain’t gonna play anything that draws attention to my skinny butt.” Doug was 5’11”, wearing a wig that cascaded down to his hips, and spoke with a heavy Texas drawl. He had slept with all three of the mayor’s daughters, and heard a rumor that the mayor wanted to deport him back to Texas (Nick enjoyed a good practical joke). “Y’all can do that there song without me.”
Nick didn’t care. This was their best song, and he was going to play it – now. He started the opening guitar line to the song as the crowd of socialites turned in shock. He played the line seven more times.
Alvin yelled, “Screw it,” and started the drum part. Doug had no choice. He played his bass with his head down, so his hair would cover his face. The rest of the band didn’t care. They did what they always did – follow Nick’s lead. Nick was singing the song, lost in Jamie’s eyes. He didn’t notice the mayor running up to the bandstand.
“What in the hell are you punks doing?” he hollered, as he grabbed Nick’s microphone. Doug looked up in surprise, causing his identity-hiding wig to fall, revealing his wavy brown hair and traumatized face.
The mayor looked and noticed him. “You son-of-a-bitch. You’re the punk who’s been screwing my little girls. I’ll kill you.”
Doug took off running, with the mayor close behind him. The bride started sobbing – not because her reception was ruined – she realized she was still in love with Doug; so were her two sisters.
Nick grabbed Jamie and left the disaster area. They spent the next day together, which was usually reserved for Dina. He also took Monday night away from Shelly. Jamie had to stay home Tuesday, so Nick kept his date with Tabitha. She was the kinkiest of Nick’s girlfriends. They would have sex in the strangest places - the 50 yard-line of the football field, the roof on top of her parent’s house, and the back seat of a school bus on a band trip. That night, Nick couldn’t bring himself to have sex with her – which was very unusual. He got together with Jamie on Wednesday, forcing him to stand up Wanda. Wild Wednesday with Wanda was Nick’s favorite date night. They would get high and have sex for hours, while Wanda’s parents went to bible study on that night. Jamie had to stay home Thursday, so Nick reluctantly kept his date with Angelle. She was the prettiest of all his girls, but she seemed to pale next to Jamie. Angelle was also the most passionate of all because she really loved Nick, but that night, Nick’s head and heart were someplace else. His entire life routine had been disrupted.
He didn’t care. Nick and Jamie grew closer. She didn’t like the fact that he smoked pot, so he gave it up. She didn’t like him seeing the other girls, so he quit that, also. She said she needed time and space for herself, so Nick gave that to her, too. He had plenty of male friends so he used that time to hang out with them. He didn’t enjoy it anymore. His friends noticed a difference in him. Even though Skyway had broken up after the reception incident (Doug deported himself back to Texas), Alvin remained Nick’s closest friend.
“That bitch got you by the balls,” Alvin told Nick, as they were watching Charlie’s Angels on TV. “She must have some wild stuff.”
“We haven’t done it yet,” said Nick.
Alvin was amazed. “You mean to tell me, you dumped all your fine women for someone who ain’t givin’ it up?”
“It’s not like that,” defended Nick. “She’s a, you know, a…”
“Fine looking piece of ass,” said Alvin. “You better be tapping that soon before some other stud gets his Johnson in the scene.”
“She’s a virgin,” said Ni
ck. “I have to respect that.”
“That’s cool, man,” said Alvin. “But, you’re what, eighteen? You’ve been getting it steady and now you’re gonna stop cold turkey?”
Nick proudly said, “That’s right. When the time comes, we’ll do it.”
“That’s bullshit, man,” said Alvin. “Whoa, that Farrah Fawcett is one fine looking mama.”
Nick said, “No, man. I’m going to do it right. I think I…”
“Don’t say that word,” said a frantic Alvin. “Man, I know she’s a fine mama and all that, but check out the facts first. She’s from up north, where, you know, their values ain’t as uptight as down here. You think a piece like that ain’t got none before?”
Nick started having doubts. “I don’t know.”
“Ask around,” suggested Alvin. “I’ll bet she’s tapping somebody at school.” The seed had been planted and against his better judgment, Nick started asking questions.
Sheila, a friend in his math class told him, “Oh, yeah. I know for a fact she’s been seeing somebody on the side.”
He asked Craig, a friend in his English class the same question. “Are you living under a rock?” said Craig. “That girl is wild. I know she’s been getting it steady from somebody here for a while. I just don’t know who.”
Nick even went to his band director, Mr. Robinson.
“Do you think Jamie O'Malley is a virgin?” he asked. He knew he could talk to Mr. Robinson about anything. Mr. Robinson was taken aback with such a direct question. Still, he knew Nick didn’t have a father figure to look up to, so he answered the question as best as possible.
“Nick, that’s a tough one for me to answer. You’re a young man and you’re going to go through a lot of confusing times. I’m honored that you trust me enough to ask such a personal question, but I don’t think I can answer that one.”
Nick begged, “Please, Mr. Robinson. I need an adult’s view on this.”
“Alright, Nick,” said Mr. Robinson. He looked around to see if anyone was listening. “I heard that she was having sex long before she moved here. She’s even had sex with someone at this school. Since you asked me this question, it’s safe to assume that person wasn’t you.” This blew Nick’s mind.
His inquiries kept on for days, each coming up with a similar answer – Jamie was not a virgin. He had to confront Jamie to find out why she wouldn’t have sex with him. It was a Saturday night. Nick and Jamie were at his house. Nick’s grandma was out playing bingo. Sitting on the sofa, Nick turned to Jamie.
“That John Belushi sure is funny,” he said, as they watched Saturday Night Live. “I wonder how many times he and Gilda Radner have done it?”
“What makes you think they’ve had sex with each other?” asked Jamie.
“Well, look at them,” said Nick. “They come on TV every Saturday night and do a live show in front of millions of people. They look like they know each other so well.”
Jamie was confused. “So, you think just because two people get along so well, they’ve had sex with each other?”
“It sure helps,” he said, grinning. “How many people do you know well?”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” she said. Nick was mustering up all the courage he could. “I mean – have you ever got to know someone really well?”
“Have I ever had sex?” she asked.
“I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.” Nick was waiting for a bomb to drop.
“Nickster,” the pet name she adopted for him, “I really like you – a lot – but I’m just not quite ready for that kind of relationship.” Jamie was surprisingly calm.
“Is it me?” asked Nick.
“No, it’s like,” Jamie said with a pause, “Look – I know you’ve had plenty of experience with girls, and I – well, let’s just say I haven’t had the same kind of experience with guys yet, if you know what I mean.”
Nick was satisfied with that. “I knew you were still a virgin. Those guys were wrong.”
“And just what do you mean by that?” asked a startled Jamie.
Nick had never seen her angry, and frankly, was a little frightened. “I mean, you know – a virgin – someone who hasn’t had…”
“I know damn well what a virgin is, you insensitive prick,” yelled Jamie. “What did you just mean about those guys being wrong?”
“Some people at school kind of, uh, hinted something about you having sex or something with some guy and…”
“And you believed it?”
“I didn’t know what to think.”
“I have never had sex with some guy, and for you to even bring up something like that, oh, God. I can’t believe this.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal? “ Jamie was enraged. “Screw you!” She got up and stormed out the house. Nick ran after her. He grabbed her before she could make it off the front porch. Jamie was crying profusely.
“I’m so sorry, Jamie.” He had never had to apologize to anyone in his life. “People tell me these really screwed-up things about you. I don’t know – maybe they’re jealous or something. They’ve never seen me crazy over a chick before.”
Jamie stopped crying, as she gave Nick a hug. “Take me home, please.” They got into Nick’s 1973 Ford Maverick. He drove her home to her house in River Oaks subdivision. He walked her to the front door, and gave her a little goodnight kiss.
“I’m sorry about that virgin thing. It’s just that I lo… like you a lot.”
“It’s okay, Nick,” she said. “Call me tomorrow.” She gave Nick another kiss, this one lasting a little longer than the first.
Nick walked back to his car a little confused. Instead of going straight home, he decided to pass by Alvin’s house. There were about ten cars parked in front, loud music blaring through the window, and people dancing. Nick didn’t know about this party. He parked his car on the opposite side of the street, got out the car, and stared. He could see Alvin dancing with Dina, Shelly was making out with a guy he couldn’t recognize, and Wanda was running around without a shirt. A car pulled up behind Nick. He turned and saw Angelle and Tabitha with dates.
“So, Nick, where’s your little innocent slut girlfriend bitch?” asked Angelle. It was obvious that Angelle had been drinking for quite some time. Nick got in his car without saying a word, and drove off. His life had changed dramatically. He didn’t care. He was kicked in the butt by love.
Nick and Jamie continued their relationship. Things were progressing a lot slower than Nick had hoped. His friends quit talking to him. He was spending all his time with Jamie. One night, he decided to have a talk with his grandma. She came home after bingo, and Nick was alone on the couch watching Happy Days.
“What you doing all alone here?” she asked.
“I’m watching the Fonz get all the chicks.”
“You were a lot like that, yourself. That Jamie girl got you wrapped around her little finger like a tiny puppet.” Grandma Peltier wasn’t too fond of Jamie.
“Maw-Maw,” he asked. “What is it you don’t like about Jamie?”
“Ah, cher, that girl been changing you to somebody I don’t know no more.”
Nick was confused. “What do you mean?”
“T-Nick,” she said. “Look at you. You don’t have no friends like you use to have, and I don’t see your little girlfriends come around no more. I saw Angelle’s mama at the beauty shop and she done told me her daughter was upset about you and that Jamie girl. Then I saw Shelly’s grandma at the grocery, and she done told me the same thing. Mais, what the heck is wrong with you?”
Nick had to defend himself. “Maw-Maw, aren’t you proud of me because I’m settling down?”
“You too young to be settled,” she said. “All those girls you had been with were so nice. You were happy all the time. I bet that girl got you doing drugs.”
“No, Maw-Maw, I’m not doing drugs.”
“Well, I bet you having sex with that girl.” Nick was shocked. He never h
eard his Grandma use the ‘s’ word.
“What makes you say that?”
“I was talking to Dina’s grandma and Wanda’s aunt. They told me about that Jamie. She’s been spreading her legs like Parkay.”
“Why in the hell are you talking like that?”
“You see? I done told you. You and that little whore been having sex and smoking that cocaine pot stuff. You have never been disrespectful to me like that. She’s got you talking about hell. That’s the devil’s home, you know.”
Nick had enough. He ran out the house and drove to Jamie’s. He talked her into taking a ride to Girard Park. They stopped at a convenience store to pick up a loaf of bread. They sat on the shore of the duck pond and fed them. Nick hadn’t said much to this point. He was irritated with his Maw-Maw. Jamie was amused at Nick’s throwing technique.
“Why do you throw the bread with your left hand?” she asked.
“It’s the way my stupid grandmother taught me. Something about the awkward motion makes the ducks go to the bread faster – or that’s at least what the stupid bitch says.”
“She upset you tonight, didn’t she?” She was concerned. Nick didn’t answer. He put his arm around her and they started kissing. They were slow and tender at first, but then things started heating up. The cool spring air didn’t bring the temperature down between them. They were alone near a tree and since it was 10:30 at night, darkness made their interlude more private. Jamie was wearing a sundress that did little to hide a beautiful, well-toned body. Nick caressed the small of her back and gave her soft, squeezing sensations. Jamie started to moan. He never heard those sounds come from her. This was it. He crept one hand around the front of her dress. He slid it underneath the top, and cupped his hand over her lace-covered breast. She moaned louder. He gave it gentle squeezes. It had been months since Nick had sex, but he was displaying an enormous amount of self-control.
Nick looked around to make sure they still had their privacy, when Jamie grabbed his head then shoved her tongue in and around his eager mouth. He laid her down onto the cool, damp grass. He slid his body on top of hers. Suddenly, small footsteps were heard. They looked to the side and saw a duck about six inches from their faces.
“Duck off,” said Nick, as Jamie started laughing.
“Nickster, you make me so happy,” she said, as she grabbed Nick’s blue-jean covered butt. Nick smiled and kept on course. He slid the straps off her dress to reveal a hot pink lace bra. He unsnapped the front of the bra and almost fainted at the sight of Jamie’s naked breasts for the first time. The moonlight made the scene more surreal. Jamie showed no signs of backing down. She unbuttoned Nick’s polyester shirt and rubbed her hands all over his chest. Nick was about to reach between her legs when he felt the sudden urge to blurt out those three words.
“I love you,” he muttered.
Jamie was in shock. The tears poured down her face.
“You can’t love me. What are we doing?” She started crying with the vigor of the water hose that Nick washed his beloved car with, three times a week. Nick got up and she snapped her bra and adjusted her dress.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, in disbelief.
“I’m sorry, Nick. Can you please take me home?” He didn’t argue. He drove her home as she was crying all the way. He kept asking what was wrong, but she continued sobbing. To make matters worse, the only music he could find on the radio was disco. When he stopped in her driveway, she ran into her house without so much as a good-bye. Nick ran after her, but she slammed the door in his face. He knocked for five minutes until her father came to the door. Mr. O’Malley was about 5’5”, with a small build – not an intimidating sight.
“Can I do something for you, Nick?” he asked.
“I need to talk to Jamie.” “Well, I don’t think she wants to talk to you.”
“I really need to talk to her. It’s important.” Mr. O’Malley smiled.
“I’ll tell you what I’ll do. Wait right here.” He closed the door. Nick figured he was getting Jamie. The door opened and there was Mr. O’Malley – holding a double-barreled, 12-guage shotgun. “I’ll blow your scummy little brain all over my nicely manicured lawn, if you don’t keep the hell away from my daughter.”
Nick got the hint. He went home. Grandma Peltier was sitting in the living room, watching The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. She noticed Nick, looking like a train wreck.
“I done told you that girl was bad news. She’s a devil child,” declared Maw-Maw.
Nick couldn’t object. He went straight to his room. The next month was pure torture for Nick. Jamie refused to talk to him at school and he wasn’t allowed near her house. Graduation activities ruled the next weeks, but Nick wasn’t participating in any. He sulked during what should have been the happiest weeks of his life. On graduation night, the Lafayette Municipal Auditorium was packed. The seniors were sitting in alphabetical order, so Jamie was a couple of rows in front of Nick. When her name was called, Nick got a pain in his heart. Somehow, he knew this would be the last time he would see her. She grabbed her diploma, and then walked up the opposite aisle. Nick’s row had to get lined up to the stage. As he was getting up, he didn’t see Jamie continue walking out the auditorium, instead of following her classmates back to their seats. Nick’s name was called. As he stepped to the podium to receive his diploma, he looked where Jamie should have been seated. This is when he saw the empty seat. He was so horrified; he didn’t hear the Principal announce his music scholarship to Loyola University. He grabbed his diploma and scholarship paper, wondering why he had two documents in his hands, and walked off the stage. He didn’t stop at his row. He kept walking, and then started running up the aisle to the lobby. Jamie was nowhere to be found.
Later that night, Nick went to the graduation party at The Sting, a local dance club, hoping that Jamie might be there. He had no such luck. He found Alvin at the bar. He bought Nick a shot of tequila.
“We going to the real world, brother man,” said Alvin, as they both downed their shots. It was the start of a seventeen-year drinking binge for Nick. From that moment on, he knew his life would be pure hell.
“Nick, I had no idea,” said a surprised Andie. “That is one of the most sweetest, yet saddest love stories I’ve ever heard.”
Benny was laughing. “Sweet, my butt. He’s been screwed up all these years because of a girl he couldn’t score with in high school? I thought I was bad. That’s pathetic.”
Debbie was sympathetic. “No, it’s just that he loved her so much at a tender, young age and he never got over it.”
Tony was smiling. “I believe it was because he – so to speak – struck out with his chance to bury the big one with the young nymphet.”
Debbie was appalled. “Tony – I’m surprised at you. How can you be so insensitive at a time like this?”
“I’m sorry, my Parmesan, but it is humorous to hear that Mr. Stud man lost his big chance to hide the salami.”
Debbie was disgusted. “I can’t believe you – of all people – just said that.” She ran out the apartment, slamming the door behind her.
Tony was still smiling. “Oops. I think I have committed a – how would you say it – a boner,” he said, as he turned to go after Debbie. “Which is what you were stuck with your senior year. Ha ha.” He was still laughing as he walked out the door. Benny was holding his stomach in pain. He hadn’t laughed that hard in months. Andie pleaded with him to stop.
Pizza Guy said, “Dude, your so-called-friends sure are rough on you. I mean, like, even on the way up here, some chick was outside, calling you names I never heard before.”
Nick hung his had. “Now you all know the truth. I’m a pussy.”
“No, you’re not, sweetheart,” said Andie. “Come here and let’s talk about it.”
“You guys owe me twenty-seven fifty for the pizza,” said an uncompensated Pizza Guy.
“Oh, by the way,” said Benny, as he slowed his hysterics to a slow chuckle, “when I was on t
he phone earlier, I found out Mr. Levon hired some kind of assistant to help out the company. She wants to meet with us Tuesday.”
“She?” asked Nick.
“Yeah,” said Benny. “And they said she has a reputation for being a real rhymes like witch.”
Nick was worn down. “That’s just what I need right now.”
“Somebody here owes me twenty-seven fifty,” said Pizza Guy.
“How come you couldn’t talk about this before?” asked Andie.
“It’s not something I’m exactly proud of,” said Nick.
“Twenty-seven fifty, dudes”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I just haven’t gotten over her.”
“Like, where’s my money?” asked Pizza Guy.
“I wrote her name down on some paper,” said Benny, as he started digging through his pockets.
“While you’re digging in there, try to find my twenty-seven fifty, dude,” said Pizza Guy.
“Did you ever find out what happened to her?” asked Andie.
“I tried to find out a few times, but Mr. O’Malley always threatened me.”
Benny found the slip of paper. “Did you say the girl’s name was Jamie O’Malley?” he asked.
“Yeah. Why?”
“I thought that name sounded familiar,” said Benny. “That’s the same name as the woman we have a meeting with.”
Nick was shocked. He reached out and clutched Andie’s arm.
“No way. No fricking way. This is not happening.”
“Really, Nick. I’m sure it’s not the same person. I’m sure there are hundreds of Jamie O’Malleys in the country,” assured Andie.
“What else does it say on that paper?” asked the frantic Nick. “Nothing,” replied Benny. “I just wrote her name and Tuesday on it.”
Nick grabbed the note from Benny’s hand. “Oh, God. That’s her handwriting.”
“Come on, Nick,” said Andie. “Get a hold of yourself. Benny just said he wrote it”
“She’s coming back to haunt me. She’s channeling through Benny. Maw-Maw was right. She is the devil woman.”
“All I want is my twenty-seven fifty, dude. No need to get all mental on me.”
Nick grabbed his wallet. He pulled out two twenty-dollar bills and handed it to Pizza guy. “Here, thanks, now leave me alone.”
Pizza Guy smiled and said, “That’s cool, dude. Like, is this my change?”
“Yeah, whatever, just go.”
“Oh, dude. Something fell out your wallet when you grabbed the cash. Later, dude.” He left, smiling.
Benny bent down to pick up what fell. It was a fortune cookie insert. “Is this yours, Nick?”
Nick was starting to calm down. “I guess so. I never really look at those things. What does it say?”
Benny handed the fortune to Andie. “You tell him.”
Andie looked at the slip of paper then glanced at Nick.
“Well, what does it say?” asked Nick.
“It’s just a silly fortune - no big deal.” She started walking to the kitchen. Nick grabbed the slip of paper from her hand. He turned pale as he read it and said nothing.
The fortune read: “A former love will re-enter your life.”
The Devil's in My Bathroom Page 10