by Emery Hale
‘Waterboarding, not fun,’ Lily croaked, letting go of Grace’s arm and flopping onto the couch. ‘I will overlook it now he’s here, what food did you bring?’ she asked James, but he shook his head.
‘Why would I bring food?’
‘Because they cut our supplies again this week,’ Lily said, as if it were obvious.
‘They did what?’
As their conversation filtered into the background I focused on Grace. She looked like she’d seen all the horrors of a lifetime, even glimpsed the other side. Her figure was slender and carved but not in a healthy way, in a sickly way. Then, just like that, my stomach rumbled and I remembered I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. Then I realised none of the girls in this room had eaten anything proper apart from Quinn. How were they still functioning?
I glanced over to Jessica who lay back down on the couch, her eyes closed as she breathed what I could only guess was a sigh of relief. Now I saw her for what she truly was – broken. Physically and mentally. Covered with bruises, aching with fatigue and hunger – how could I have not seen this coming? I think she just hit her breaking point.
I placed a soft hand on her shoulder. Jessica’s eyes snapped open but soon relaxed, her own hand squeezing mine. How could I have ever thought of leaving?
‘I want a report,’ I heard James say, and I turned my attention back to him. ‘Now, from everyone. Vitals, health, personal emotions.’
‘Personal?’ Quinn asked.
‘Well, not your sex life, sweetheart.’
‘I don’t have a sex life!’ she shouted.
I burst out laughing, my head falling back. It was a hearty laugh, one I enjoyed. Jess joined in from below and before I knew it, the entire room was laughing – even Grace cracked a smile.
‘OK . . . ’ James trailed off, like he wasn’t entirely sure what he just witnessed. ‘Jess, you first.’
She groaned.
‘Health is fine, no sign of the cold, physical wounds extend from the face to the knee meaning I won’t be able to walk without a significant limp for about a week. Bruising is healing nicely apparently, doesn’t feel it. Haven’t eaten properly in two weeks and personal emotions – well, while we’re on the subject I haven’t had sex in a while, so feeling a little down.’
‘Jess I don’t need to know that!’ James exclaimed. ‘But on the other hand good work, keep your panties on.’
Jessica was smirking, enjoying tormenting her brother. He looked to Grace, who already appeared to hate the idea of this talking circle.
‘Fatigued and starving with no physical wounds,’ she answered. ‘I could murder a piece of chicken right now.’
‘Great,’ James muttered. ‘Quinn?’
‘I mean I’m a little hungry but generally OK.’
‘You sure?’ he asked, prodding a little. I followed his gaze to Quinn who looked more self-conscious and nervous as James walked towards her.
‘What’s the op?’ she asked in return.
I saw Jess glance to her friend with a look of sympathy before she turned back to her brother, shaking her head, telling him not to push the issue.
Wait, was this the part where I left the room? If this op wasn’t controlled by the Academy then it didn’t have much to do with me. They were trained in dealing with terrorists, I was trained in dealing with spiders, and Jenny-long-legs to a certain extent.
‘Well, the town up north is called Brora,’ James started. ‘There has been intel that in the next week Trojan are going to wipe it off the map. We don’t know why but we can assume there’s vital information there. What I want this team to do is to find the information and get out. Simple as. My own team will handle the evacuation.’
‘Brora but that’s where – we’re not a full team,’ Jessica groaned, her eyes screwing shut.
‘I’ll just call in another agent, then.’
‘Like anyone would even take a look in our direction.’
‘Well then, Naomi can step in as a Carrier.’
I can do what now?
‘I – Uh, what?’
‘You can’t just replace Willow,’ Quinn shot out. ‘She’s not even been buried yet and you want to replace her?’
Jessica winced as she pushed herself around to sit, shaking her head vigorously.
‘No, no way, she is not getting involved.’
‘I’m sorry, can you not see her standing right there?’ James pointed to me. ‘She’s already involved.’
‘Yes but not as a Carrier, she’s not trained in the slightest,’ Jessica told him. ‘She’s never been inside the Academy, never mind in the field.’
‘Actually,’ I butted in awkwardly, ‘that might not necessarily be true – a couple of hours ago I went into the Academy in disguise.’
‘You did what?’ she asked.
‘I may have helped,’ Quinn said.
‘See, sorted.’ James shrugged.
For the first time in her life Jessica was utterly speechless, her mouth gaping. I gave her a small smile but that didn’t seem to help as she groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.
I couldn’t get over the fact that I had been sworn in as the Carrier, it didn’t make any sense. I had been in the Academy once but that didn’t mean I was ready to take on the world! It must involve a lot more than following directions from Quinn – these students trained for years. How could I learn the ropes in just one week?
I expected to hear something from Grace, as she’d been quite verbal about my presence, but there were no snide remarks. On the couch across from me she simply looked done, her eyes dull and body limp. Had everyone lost hope?
Jessica had left high school just before her sixteenth birthday, now she was eighteen turning nineteen in October – you needed years to break people.
But when I looked over to Lily, she was smiling at me. Even though she looked ready to keel over, her smile only grew. I knew she always supported me but even after what happened she still believed. What would Lily think if she knew ten minutes ago I’d been ready to give up on the whole thing?
‘I think she’d be a great addition to the team. We have what? A week to train her?’ Lily asked, her voice still soft. ‘I can cover the hand to hand combat stuff, Quinn can work with her on anything to do with the Carrier. She doesn’t need to be an expert.’
‘Yes she does,’ Jessica stated. ‘The reason we train for years is so that we don’t fuck up.’
‘Well our last Carrier died because she fucked up, Jess, we can’t dance around the fact forever. Willow is dead and like you said earlier in class, we need to defend ourselves against Trojan. This is the way to do it.’
Silence. How could I replace someone like Willow, who the girls had known for so many years?
‘No one else will touch Trojan because of their power over the British Security Service – there’s intel that they’re inside Thames House and Downing Street. They’re corrupting us from the inside,’ James admitted, sitting on the arm of the couch.
‘The Academy is flawed,’ Grace said, finally speaking up. ‘But the teams we’re put into work. We’ve had countless successful ops and if we can train Naomi there’s a possibility that it won’t be a complete disaster.’
‘Hold up – you don’t want to chuck her out the front door anymore?’ Lily asked, and Grace shook her head.
I felt like a tiny fly on the wall. I’d love to be a part of a cool spy mission, who wouldn’t? I was getting excited at every little thing and of course it was warranted, but I’d also seen the horrors of this school. Did I really want to be a part of this team?
‘No,’ Jessica said. ‘It’s not happening. James, I’m the Team Lead, I approve all members of this group.’
‘And technically I’d be your superior officer, so I decide,’ James said, crossing his arms. ‘If Naomi agrees to sign on unofficially as your Carrier for this op, it’s up to her, not you.’
All the heads in the room snapped to me, but all I was capable of doing was staring at the trod
den-down carpet, nerves seeping through. Was that what I wanted? Willow was apparently an expert Carrier and she still got killed – my chances of getting shot were growing higher by the second. This wasn’t what I was here to do. I was here to get information, not join the bloody team.
‘You’re pulling rank on me?’ Jessica spat.
‘If it gets you to take the silver spoon out of your ass, then yes.’
Jessica shook her head, looking down to her lap and muttering to herself, fiery hair falling past her cheek. From this angle the bruises were covered, and she looked normal, like she was just tired from performing the night before. I wished that were true.
‘It’s not fair,’ Quinn snapped harshly, before she marched out of the room slamming the door behind her.
I wanted to go after her, but I had a feeling I was the last person she’d want to see right now – after all, I was replacing Willow. I hated that word, replace, you can’t just replace a person. Though apparently in this place you could. I understood both sides of the argument but I sympathised with Quinn the most – she was in a relationship with the girl, after all.
‘I’ll head out and bring back food,’ James said. ‘You decide what you want to do, Naomi, and if you give me the green light we’ll start going through the motions.’
James gave one last look at Jessica but she didn’t return it, then he left quickly through the back door. Grace followed soon after but she headed up the stairs, probably to Quinn’s room. Just as I was about to speak to Jess, Lily motioned me over.
I darted up, seeing her reaching out her hand for mine and pulled Lily to her feet. She pointed to the stairs and I nodded, leading the way. Maybe some time apart would be good. I threw a glance round my shoulder to Jessica. She lifted her head slowly, meeting my gaze, and all I saw was dread. I didn’t get to look for long as Lily tugged me away.
As we started to climb the stairs she spoke. ‘She’ll get over it. Quinn, I mean.’
‘Oh no, I totally understand.’
Lily gripped the banister, knuckles turning white, but she continued nevertheless. It was obvious she was in pain but from the stern look on her face, she wasn’t giving in.
‘You know, I think you’d be great. Mix the team up a bit. We all come from military families or spies, be nice to have a civilian on the team.’
‘Yeah.’ Then I remembered what Jackie had said earlier. ‘You take in five a year.’
‘That’s just so we can be seen to the outside world as prestigious. I think they’re experimenting with compliance. Who’s more willing to do the crazy shit? You or the ones born into the industry?’
‘Uh –’
‘You don’t need to answer that, it’s just a theory.’
‘Right.’
The ascent was a long one but I didn’t mind, it wasn’t exactly like I had anywhere else to be. It did get me thinking though – how many times had they come home like this and Grace had taken care of them? Who cared for the team when she was out of action?
‘Stop looking at me like that,’ Lily said, breaking me from my thoughts.
‘Like what?’
‘Like you’re a puppy and you just got punched in the face. Shit happens, alright. It’s fucked-up but there’s nothing we can do to change it. Willow’s dead and in the next couple of weeks Harkness would have refilled her position with a newbie.’
‘It doesn’t feel right.’
‘None of this feels right, especially my ribs,’ Lily groaned. ‘After Grace has eaten something I’m going to get her to take a look, see if I can’t get myself excused from training for a week.’
‘You can do that?’ I asked.
‘Well, no, but Ames has a soft spot for me.’
I didn’t think that could happen here – then again, he was the empathetic one in the room when Harkness was torturing her. Maybe a couple of the teachers weren’t truly horrible.
‘Jess is going to kick and scream through this whole ordeal because you being involved is her worst fucking nightmare.’
* * *
James came back a couple hours later with a boot-load of food, using the excuse that he was Charlotte’s son and if standards weren’t upheld he would call her. He left out the part that they’d not spoken in nearly two years, but that didn’t matter according to him. Even though I was starving I let the rest of the girls go first, and as soon as it was ready they were grabbing different things from all kinds of pots and pans – I think there was even a wok in there at some point.
‘James, you should become a chef,’ Lily said as she tucked into the beef on her plate.
We were all crowded round the table in the kitchen. The blinds were rolled down and the curtains pulled over, the only light coming from the lamp above us. Jessica had called in sick to the show so someone could take her place, and so had the rest of the team.
Quinn was slow to come down, but the smell of her favourite comfort food, sweet and sour chicken, brought her down like a shot. James even had whisky, but I think that was for him rather than us.
‘Maybe when I retire,’ he considered.
‘See, he can do this,’ Jess started, ‘but ask him to make toast and he burns it.’
‘At least I didn’t put a fork in the microwave,’ he countered and Jess laughed.
Their earlier fight didn’t seem to have affected the pair as James slung an arm around his sister’s shoulder.
‘No more of those pills OK?’ he said to Jess.
‘OK.’
Then he turned to the rest of us. ‘Or for any of you. Dr Williams is prepared to edit the test results and pill prescriptions for the next couple of weeks. After that we’ll figure something out.’
This was amazing – James had sorted things out and he’d only been here half a day. Well, he hadn’t sorted everything out, but he’d made the next few weeks more bearable.
I picked at the remains of my chicken, I was too busy watching them all. The rest of the group, minus James, had scoffed their first helpings of food and were on seconds.
‘Helen may come in and check the place,’ Quinn said. ‘What are we gonna do when she sees all the food?’
‘I’ll pull the mother card,’ James said. ‘Everyone’s terrified of her when she’s cross, and Helen’s a housekeeper, not much of a standing here anyway.’
‘We need to get Naomi out of here for this op, how are we going to smuggle her past the cameras?’ Grace asked.
‘Leave that to me,’ Quinn said. ‘I’ll deal with the cameras and her disguise.’
She’d perked up a bit, after everything in the living room. I still hadn’t said yes to the job but wondered if she would hold it against me if I took the spot on the team – unofficially, of course. I could never be an assassin – geez, I’d be terrible. You’d know I was coming from a mile away because you’d hear the clattering of every object I bumped into. Just because I was fast didn’t mean I was agile.
‘So do I get an answer?’ James asked. Everyone went quiet again, and I realised he was talking to me.
‘Oh uh . . .’ I trailed off, not knowing where to look.
Jessica pulled away from her brother and Quinn’s eyes immediately fell to her plate. Should I accept? Would they hate me for it? Lily said that if I joined the team it would be Jess’s worst nightmare and I knew why. If I joined this team then I was involved with everything and my chances of staying alive would run thin. This didn’t deter me, though – in fact it excited me.
I didn’t want Quinn to feel like I was replacing Willow, though. If they hadn’t even buried the poor girl, was it the right thing to do?
‘Stop thinking about everyone else,’ James snapped and I jumped, my fork clattering onto the plate. ‘If you’re gonna make a decision don’t let it be because of what you think Jess and Quinn want.’ Was this dude a mind reader?
Shouldn’t I consider the girls’ feelings? If I was going to be on this team then I needed to know that no one would resent me for it. Jessica was staring straight at me, noddin
g encouragingly, but her eyes begged me to stay quiet.
‘Naomi, I need a decision,’ James said. ‘Now – so that if you say no I can start making phone calls for another Carrier.’
‘I’ll do it,’ I blurted out, without another thought.
When the words tumbled out of my mouth Jessica’s face dropped, but her eyes never left mine. What had I done? I had just agreed to be trained and then go on an op to stop known terrorists! Had I been taking the pills without noticing? What the hell had I just signed up to?
‘It’s what you want?’ Jess asked. ‘Truly, you’re not just doing this out of obligation?’
‘No. I’m in too deep.’ I looked to Quinn and offered a small smile. ‘No going back now.’
The rest of the dinner passed with idle conversation and some chatter about the new binge-worthy TV series that James said he’d done in one sitting. Despite feeling guilty about replacing Willow I couldn’t help the rush of adrenaline – I was going to be trained as a Carrier! I wouldn’t feel useless anymore because now I was going to be a part of this team (temporarily).
As the dishes were cleared away, everyone headed upstairs to get ready for bed and I planned to follow soon after, I was knackered.
‘You can crash in my room,’ Jess said to James as she stacked the dishwasher. ‘We’ll both fit.’
‘Great. Be like old times, just don’t steal all the covers,’ he warned, before heading outside. He had his phone out so he was probably going to make that call to his boss or girlfriend, whichever it was.
Jessica and I walked around each other in uncomfortable silence. It had never happened before, but things were different. Of course they were.
Just as Jessica closed the dishwasher and started it up I opened my mouth to speak, but for a moment no words came out. Nowadays it seemed like they either fell out or not at all. Jess noticed, and held up a hand.
‘Don’t. It’s fine, it’s one op. You’ll be trained, and besides there’s not much I can do about the decision. It was yours.’