by Emery Hale
If they were filtering the drugs down through the years would that mean that the girls like Eve and the rest of them who were what – Sixteen, fifteen? – would just disappear. Would their days soon blend together until it was nothing but a big messed-up jumble in their heads? Because that’s what mine was becoming.
I heard the swing of the door and without turning I knew Jamie had left; everyone does in the end. I hadn’t managed to push Naomi away, but she was different. Family had never been one of my strong suits: my dad left for some unknown reason, and my mother was consumed by work after the death of my older brother Charlie. Grandparents were never in the picture – after dad left I guess they never really wanted to get to know me, and our mother was too busy moving us around to ever see them. Probably wouldn’t want to get to know them anyway.
Naomi and my girls were now all I had left; I wasn’t going to lose them. Now I had to play by the rules, no matter what it took.
What I didn’t expect though, was the warmth of my brother’s hand – this time clenched in desperation. It was Dr Williams who had left the room, not him.
‘I’m begging you, let me help.’
It was then I knew it wasn’t just me that was scared of losing him. James was terrified of losing me.
CHAPTER 18
Delassation
Weariness; fatigue.
NAOMI JADE
‘Something’s wrong.’
For someone who was blatantly innocent, sweet and kind, Quinn had a great talent for pessimism. I couldn’t exactly blame her; after what I’d witnessed there were countless scenarios running through my head. Maybe Harkness had killed them, maybe they were still being tortured, or he could have taken them out for a public execution. Would they come back at all? Well of course they might come back, but not them, not truly. The Jessica I knew would fight Harkness and Ames off with her bare hands to stop them from hurting her friend. The girl I knew had disappeared.
The toughest spirits can be broken, even the most fucking stubborn ones.
I’d thought Quinn would have been a little more optimistic, but she’d cleaned the bathroom twice since I got back and looked like she might go for round three any minute.
‘They should have been back by now, something must have happened.’
‘Yeah, Lily was waterboarded and Jessica looked like an extra in a horror film, of course something happened to them.’ I said bluntly.
I wasn’t in the mood for playing detective anymore, I just wanted to go home and forget this had ever happened. As soon as I got out I wanted to call my mum and tell her to drop the story, publish the videos online and see if it did anything. I wanted out of this mess. My mum was all I wanted right now but I couldn’t call her because of this stupid, fucked-up Academy monitoring every call sent out of the building and I wasn’t about to abuse the server in case we needed an emergency call out of here.
‘We need more evidence,’ Quinn said, biting her lip as she grabbed the bleach from her desk again. ‘We have the video you took today, no doubt we’ll get the audios from the microphones if they get back –’
I stood bolt upright, grabbed the bottle of bleach from Quinn’s hand and threw it on the floor. I was done with all of this. Every single thing I had seen in this fucked-up place was, well, fucked-up. Maybe if my mum released the videos they’d gain traction and someone would do something. Not me though, there was nothing I could do here.
‘Open your eyes, Quinn!’ I exclaimed. ‘You know as well as I do that the Academy has people in every inch of society. Their lawyers will shut us down the moment I try to take this to court. I’m sorry.’
I was tired, I didn’t know what to say to her. What could I do?
‘You’re giving up?’ she asked timidly.
Once my mum uploaded the videos then someone else would take the case. I was eighteen, I couldn’t be caught up in some media frenzy. I needed safety and security but none of that would happen if I continued to support these girls. I didn’t want to be tortured or abused. Someone else would come along to help them.
‘No, of course not.’
‘That’s what it sounds like,’ Quinn, said crossing her arms over her chest. ‘I came to you for help, you can’t just give up.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Yes you are.’
‘Someone else will come along.’
‘Who?’ she asked. ‘I sent those videos to your mum because I knew she was a journalist. At ten o’clock sharp, because that was when your mum would go through her emails.’
‘What?’
‘I’m good with tech,’ she sassed. ‘I know your mum’s routine because I’ve been checking in. I thought she could help.’
‘Well, you thought wrong. If Harkness finds out we’re involved there’s no telling what he’d do to her, to me. Grace said it herself, I’m not putting my family on the line for some wannabe spies!’
It was then I knew I’d said something I could never take back; the look on Quinn’s face was like I had pulled her heart fresh out and held it in front of her.
‘Is that what you think this is?’ she asked, her voice just above a whisper. ‘That we’re just running around playing pretend?’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘You were our last shot,’ Quinn told me.
She moved to sit at her desk, resting her head in her hands for a moment before she looked back up, but not at me, out the window to the little birdhouse that sat in the tree just outside. Jesus, I didn’t even think. She’d lost her friend, what did she say he was, sixteen? Did she mention his age? There was something in her eyes that was unfamiliar to me, something that I didn’t quite understand. It wasn’t dread or shock, it wasn’t worry. It was hopelessness. What? I thought Quinn never gave up – surely me passing the torch on to someone else would have given her boost rather than a sedative.
‘We didn’t choose this, none of us did. We chose to be trained in combat, weaponry and technology, but not this. Drugs, abuse, starvation. Naomi, we are losing our footing here. Jessica and Grace aren’t themselves. Lily and I can only stop taking the pills for so long. You were our last chance.’
‘I’m sorry.’ I didn’t know what else to say.
‘The bystander, you help in the beginning but when it gets too tough you decide it’s not for you anymore.’
‘Hey, that’s not fair.’
‘Not fair?’ she scoffed. ‘I want to see my mother, I want to live a life where I can leave this compound without worrying if I’ll end up dead in an alleyway because I spoke to the wrong person. I want to be able to love who I want without having disciplinary action. I don’t want to take drugs, I don’t want to be tortured. I just want my friends back.’
How was it selfish of me to want a good future for myself? How was it selfish of me to want my mum to live a long life without fear that the police will break down the door?
‘You can go back to your life, get a job doing whatever, live to your nineties – but here’s the thing, sweetheart, you wouldn’t be here without us. You went to the theatre: without this team you yourself would be dead. We saved your life, and today I helped guide you through the school so you could get evidence. Now you want to quit? How about the consequences for me if you do that? I stuck my neck on the line for you because you said you would help us.’
‘I want to,’ I tried, ‘I really do.’
‘I get that you’re scared but if you wanted to help us you’d stay.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Then don’t come crying to me when your best friend is six feet in the ground, because I will not help you. I will not comfort you, I will bring your memory back to this very moment; the moment you decided to walk away.’
Christ what had I done? I just wanted my family to be safe. When I got involved sure, I knew the risks, but now I’d seen the truth of the Academy. I wasn’t any use here and clearly didn’t belong. All I felt right now was guilt. Quinn had stuck her neck on the line for me, and so had the rest of th
e team. Lily and Jess were tortured because of the wires; they wouldn’t have had them on if it weren’t for me.
It seems a lot of things wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me. Grace wouldn’t resent Jessica and Harkness wouldn’t be cutting their supplies. All I had done was cause more harm.
God, if I said the words I or me one more time I was going to smack myself. If I walked away I’d live a reasonable life, but none of these girls would. Jessica could be in a grave within the next year as could Lily or Grace – dammit, even Quinn. All these girls wanted was the basic right of choice, but all I seemed to care about were my own priorities. Before I left my mother told me to damn the consequences. It had nothing to do with her selflessness or honour, it was simply the right thing to do.
Quinn let out a pained sigh, leaning back in her chair, eyes fixed on that birdhouse. It was like she herself was a little bird trapped inside the wooden box. What could Quinn’s life have been like if she hadn’t attended Reign? She was incredibly smart and frankly scary. Never judge a girl by her cover, never judge a Technical Support by her hardware.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said again.
‘If you’re going to go, just do it,’ she told me. ‘I’ll tell the girls if they come back.’
If. There was always that threat for Quinn. I think that’s what her biggest fear was, being alone. The Technical Support was the one in the van or the one in the command room. There was always the chance that she would be the survivor of this team and that day could be today. Even though she looked to be the youngest in the group her eyes were like an eighty year old’s: worn, tired and fraught with knowledge.
Knowing so much but being able to do so little must have driven her to insanity – so much so that she reached out to someone she’d never met in the hope of changing her life. I thought she was always the one brimming with hope, but now I knew she wasn’t, she was running on fumes. There’s a tell, when you give up hope. Quite a few, actually.
Quinn had chosen my mother and me to help her with this case and a couple of minutes ago I turned her away. Now what was she left with? It certainly wasn’t hope; I feared it was acceptance.
When I watched all those old documentaries in school about oppression and segregation I wondered why no one ever stood up. It was only now I realised why. I was the person on the screen who I proclaimed I would never be.
What Quinn said rang with truth – if I didn’t step up who would? I knew the answer, no one.
‘I won’t leave.’
‘Don’t patronise me.’
‘I’m not. You’re right. You’re right, Quinn.’
She turned, throwing a hard stare, like she was trying to anticipate my next move. I knew now that there was no way I’d be walking out that door. I certainly wasn’t going to attend any of my friends’ funerals, because there wouldn’t be any. Of course I wasn’t trained or smart like Quinn, but I was a fast learner.
The idea that I could live a secure life was an utter joke. The Academy could access anything and everything, they were probably monitoring the entire nation. Maybe I didn’t have security but what I did have was choice. I could choose to walk out the door or I could grow a pair and stay.
‘What in the holy ghost?’ Those were not the next words I expected out of Quinn’s mouth.
‘I don’t think I’m holy but thanks,’ I said, trying to take it as a compliment.
‘No, not you.’ Quinn stood up from her chair and walked over to the window, pulling back the sheer curtains. ‘It’s James and Jessica.’
I joined her by the window and looked down to see the pair, their arms linked as they walked, and soon saw the heavy limp that Jess tried to hide. Her face was covered in cuts and slashes but at least she wasn’t bleeding. I only had one thought about her brother: he looked different from the last time I’d seen him. He was a lot older than Jess but they shared a resemblance. He was tall but well built, his hair gelled back while his shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His eyes flickered between the path ahead and his sister. There was this kind of aura around the guy, something superior.
‘I thought we’d already established he isn’t dead.’
‘Yeah but I’ve never actually seen him in person before,’ Quinn told me. ‘I’ve only read his record, it’s weird. He’s classified as dead to most parts of the intelligence agency except some of the highest offices in MI6. He’s a hero, for the most part.’
‘The most part?’
Unfortunately, Quinn didn’t answer my question – instead she let go of the curtain and ran out of the room. I heard her hurtling down the stairs. Was this like meeting a celebrity? If James was here before his sister called then something must have happened, or he could have overheard something through the grapevine, was that how secret service agencies worked?
I ran after the girl as fast as I could but stayed on the first landing, just in case there was a camera outside pointing through the door. I heard it close but no voices, so peeked out from the side to see that Quinn had Jess locked in a hug, her head buried in the crook of her neck.
‘Quinn, I’m fine.’
‘Jess, if you say that one more time I will hit you with my shoe,’ James said, and I cracked a smile. ‘Now come on, you need to sit down so we can sort this out.’
Sort what out? Was there a plan I wasn’t aware of? I didn’t get time to ask because the man caught my eye and suddenly his guard went up.
‘Who are you?’ he asked coldly – it reminded me of the way Jessica spoke.
‘Naomi.’
With that, James paused, a hand propping on his hip.
‘Hold up, your childhood friend gets to hang out here undercover, but if I come to visit you threaten to call security on me?’ he asked, offended.
‘Don’t start,’ Jess groaned.
‘Quinn, help my idiotic sister to the living room please,’ James said and the girl obliged with a kind smile. She took Jessica’s arms and, despite her protests, led her into the living room.
That was when James turned to me and I inched my way down the stairs. His face was set firm as cement, lips pressed into a thin line while he stuck his hands in his suit pockets.
‘Nice to finally meet the real you,’ I said to him. ‘I thought you were dead.’
‘Most people do.’
Awkward silence, what the hell were you supposed to say to that?
‘So, tell me your story,’ James said.
‘My story?’ I asked.
‘Well, you didn’t just walk through the front doors now did you?’
‘I mean technically . . . ’
It took a little to explain but James got the idea of my role here pretty quickly, but he was not a fan of me getting dressed up and walking into the main building. Something about being an untrained civilian. I tried to fight my corner but he did that thing with his eyes that I thought only a mother could do, ya know, the look.
I had told James that the videos, if he wanted to review them, were on Quinn’s computer. He quickly agreed, but said he wanted to sit down and discuss the next move before going any further. That was the reason all four of us were now sitting in the living room – well, Jess was lying down on doctors’ orders, and because James had threatened to sit on her.
‘Trojan is getting more aggressive, that information is correct. In fact there’s been some speculation that they’re going to hit a small town up north in the coming week.’ James told us.
‘Hit?’ I asked.
‘Explode,’ he answered bluntly.
Say what now?
‘Of course the Academy wants to strike back with equal, if not better force, however their methods are . . . barbaric, in a word,’ James said as he begun to pace at the front of the room.
‘You don’t have to say that again,’ I muttered.
‘What I want your team to do, is stop it.’
Say fucking what now?
Jessica sat up a little on the couch.
‘You’re giving us an op?’
<
br /> James nodded, shrugging his shoulders.
‘I don’t see why not, I’m an officer in MI6, I’ve commanded many a team. I’m sure I can delegate this op.’
Jessica laughed.
‘Harkness would never allow it.’
‘Well it’s a good thing I’m not going to ask his permission. If my superior wants specific agents out on loan, Harkness can’t refuse.’
‘And how are you going to convince your boss?’ Quinn asked.
‘Well I shag her quite a lot and take her on romantic dates, so I hope she’ll do it as a small favour,’ James replied smugly.
Everyone’s mouth dropped open at the comment. I certainly knew Jess didn’t expect that as she sat up on her elbows and gave him a pointed look.
‘You landed Nicola?’ she asked. ‘You are punching there, did you blackmail her to go on a date with you?’
That was when James stopped pacing, walked over to the couch, ushered me and Quinn out of the way and sat on his sister’s stomach.
‘James!’ she groaned, hitting his side, but her brother didn’t flinch. ‘James, get off of me!’
‘What happens if you’re sarcastic when we’re trying to have a grown-up conversation?’ he asked.
‘You’re the one who said you’re shagging your boss!’
‘Quite vigorously, I might add.’
‘Make it stop!’
Quinn and I couldn’t help ourselves from laughing, I mean it was one way to pull in a favour.
Then the front door opened and we all fell silent. Was it Harkness? James stood up and moved in front of Jessica, blocking her from view; Quinn pushed me behind her and I took that as a cue to hide. I crouched down next to the sofa, holding my breath as two sets of footsteps approached, one heavier than the other.
‘Lily?’ I heard Quinn ask.
I shot up from behind her and saw Lily and Grace hovering at the door, both looking the worse for wear. Lily’s entire figure shook, her eyes bloodshot and face rash-red. Her top and hair were still damp, but thankfully I couldn’t see any blood. Grace was ash-white, still in her scrubs but she seemed a little more stable than her friend. What had happened to her? Had Harkness let her go?