by Huss, JA
His eyes close a little. Not in a narrowing way, but in a heavy way. “You are a dick sometimes. And even though I’ve known you my whole life, I don’t think I really knew you until we became… friends. Recently.”
“I get it,” I say. I get that a lot, actually. People often tell me I am hard to know. But in the last year I have opened up to Valor more than anyone else in my entire life. Even ALCOR. And God knows, ALCOR wanted my deepest, darkest secrets pretty bad, and never got half as much as I’ve told Valor. “But I don’t think I know you very well, either, Valor.”
“What do you want to know?”
There’s a lot I want to know about him. Mostly about what he and Luck were doing on all those scavenging missions. And not the sex, either. Though… maybe later on that stuff. But first I want to know why he’s attached to me now. I want to know how that happened. Because, while I did figure Valor was my only option to save Brigit, I didn’t seek him out. He came to me. So I say, “Why did you pull away from Luck so hard back on Harem? It hurt him, you know.”
“Yeah. I know. But I also knew Nyleena was his princess. And I can’t compete with a genetically engineered soulmate.”
“Is that what you want from me?”
He lets out a breath that is kind of a laugh. But not really. “I’ve thought about it.”
“And?”
He shrugs. “We’ll see what happens with Brigit, I guess.”
“Did it piss you off then? When you found out that I had a girl?”
He nods. Says nothing.
“Oh,” I say. “I didn’t realize any of this, you know.”
“I know. That’s why I’m telling you now. And just so we’re clear, when you were trying to sell me on this idea with the promise of a new version of Veila and a new life like the one I used to imagine when I was a kid…” He shakes his head. “That’s not why I’m here with you now.”
We stare at each other for a moment too long. And then, just as I’m about to break the silence with something, anything, to ease the awkwardness, the screen pings an alert that we’re exiting the first gate.
“Time to work,” Valor says, getting up and walking back to his captain’s chair.
I sit still for a few moments too long, running that whole conversation through my head. What the fuck just happened?
Leaning back in my chair, I glance up the main corridor of the ship to get a glance at Valor.
Did he just say what I think he said?
“Tray,” he says.
“Hmm?”
“Send me the course.”
“Sending,” I say, on autopilot now.
Fuck. Snap out of it, Tray. There’s no time to wonder about Valor’s sexual intentions right now. Just… focus.
I do. We both do. And we come out, then go back in to the next gate a few minutes later. There’s no time for any more awkward discussions because none of the other time rides are as long as the first one. So our conversation is all business.
When we enter the fifth gate Valor says, “Plan? If it’s a huge station with lots of security?”
“On it,” I say. “I’ve got us programmed to backtrack to the fifth gate, then a diversion course through another nearby gate just to throw off any followers. Once we get there I’ll plot a course through the nearest gate and keep doing that until we know we’ve lost them.”
“Cool,” Valor says.
And he sounds cool. Like that conversation we had earlier is just no big deal.
Luck and Valor. All these years. I have so many fucking questions.
And even though the whole reason we’re out here together is so I can save my girl, I can’t deny that Valor’s offer intrigues me.
We come out of the fifth gate and there’s only a few minutes of full-speed velocity until we’re approaching the last one.
“This is it,” Valor says. “Thirty-second trip and then we’re there.”
“I’m ready,” I say.
“We’re in.” And then, thirty seconds later, “We’re out.”
I scan the darkness before us, desperate to see something.
Because there is nothing there.
“Where is she?” I ask. “Where the fuck is she? There’s nothing here!”
I’m panicked. If she’s not here at these coordinates, then I don’t know where she is. My plans are bust. She’s out there, lost. I will never find her. I will—
“Hold on,” Valor says. “I’ve got something. It’s a debris field.”
No.
My heart sinks like dead weight inside my chest. No. I did not come all this way to find a debris field.
“There was some kind of recent explosion,” Valor says. “Picking up millions of small particles.”
I get up from my station and walk up front, place my hand on Valor’s shoulder and hold my breath as I lean in close to the screen showing the empty space outside.
“Hold on,” he says. “Something else here. It’s a cryopod.” Valor laughs. “A single fucking cryopod.”
I exhale and whisper, “Thank the fucking sun,” as I slip into the co-pilot’s chair. “Activating tractor beam.”
“Locked,” Valor says.
“Retrieving,” I add.
Then a few moments later, he says, “Got her. Pulling her into the airlock.”
We both lean back in our chairs and look at each other.
Valor grins. “Now what?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Are we gonna wake her up?”
“I… don’t know.” It’s only then that I realize… I didn’t really think we’d succeed. I never thought about what to do once we had her on board. I was so worried about fixing the ship, getting him on board, and actually arriving at this moment in time, I haven’t actually thought very much about what comes next.
“OK,” Valor says. “Medical?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Send the pod down to medical. We’ll run some scans and make sure she’s OK and then… maybe I should go inside. Tell her she’s OK and let her know we’re going to pull her out.”
Valor nods. “Sounds good.” But then he pauses. “But I want to go in too.”
I frown automatically. “Why?” Does he have some plan I’m not aware of? Will he start telling her she’s not real and fuck things up?
“Because I want to see it for myself. And I want to meet her.”
“Look, Valor, she’s… she’s been locked in there for so long. I don’t want her upset.”
“Why would I upset her? I just want to meet her.”
“You want to meet her because you don’t think she’s real. You want to prove that to me.”
“Maybe that’s part of it. But not all of it. I’m fuckin’ curious, OK? I want to see what you’ve been doing all those times you stole away on Harem to”—he does air quotes—“‘maintain things.’”
I’m scowling.
“I won’t mess with her head. I promise. I’m not a mean guy. You know that. I don’t hurt people for the sake of hurting them.”
He’s not mean. He’s right about that. Valor is thoughtful. But he’s also convinced he’s right. I can tell. Even after explaining my theory about ALCOR and Harem Station coming from another galaxy.
“Don’t ask her any questions,” I say. “And don’t talk about how she’s not real. No one wants to hear that shit. And if we find out there’s something weird going on I’ll be the one to tell her, not you.”
“OK,” he says. “That’s fair.”
“OK,” I say. “We have three pods down in medical. So I can hook us both in. But it’s not safe to do it here. We have to go somewhere safe.”
“We could go back to the spin node,” Valor offers. “That’s the safest place I can think of.”
“Good idea. OK. Let’s pull her in, check her out, and then backtrack to the spin node coordinates and then…” I smile at him. He grins back. “Then we go in and I’ll show you our world.”
“Time?” he says. “When the fuck are we?”
&nb
sp; I shake my head. “No way to tell. There’s no sun or planets around here to grab a when. It’s just space. We need gravitational waves to pull a time. So… I dunno. It took just a little over thirty minutes to get here and it’ll take the same to get back. But once we’re inside the spin node, time will basically stop for us again.”
“So fuck time?”
I laugh. “Fuck time, I guess.”
“Good to know.”
We pull Brigit’s cryopod in and there are a few moments when I think the pod will be empty because the inside is frosted over with nothing but ice.
But someone is in there. Because when we hook her up to the ship’s monitoring machines there are vital signs. A faint heartbeat—normal for the temperature inside. And brainwaves. Number one most important thing after a heartbeat.
When those start bleeping I grin at Valor. It’s an I-told-you-so-grin. See, that smile says. Living, breathing person inside.
He doesn’t respond because the ice on the inside of her pod begins to melt and there’s no need to question it anymore. She’s in there. That’s her face. And the relief I feel when I see it requires me to sit.
Valor stares at her, both hands on the pod, gazing intently at her face. He looks at me and nods. “She’s very pretty, Tray.”
I smile. “She is, isn’t she?”
“OK,” he says, back to business. “I’m gonna go back up and get us moving.”
I get up to go with him, but he puts a hand on my shoulder and says, “You can stay here with her. I got this.”
“You sure?”
He taps my head. “If I need help you’ll know anyway.”
“Truth.” I smile.
Then watch him go and realize… he’s the only person in this entire universe who really knows what I am.
A machine.
I run every diagnostic I can think of as Valor retraces our steps and takes us back to the safety of the spin node. A part of my enhanced brain keeps track of everything he’s doing, but most of it is thoroughly preoccupied by Brigit.
She’s here. She’s really here.
Every primal urge inside me wants to wake her up. And I think about Crux and how long he’s had Corla locked inside her cryopod up in that security beacon.
How? How does he stand it knowing she’s just one wake-up program away from being with him again?
I could never do it. Not a whole year, for sun’s sake. I would go mad. She’s been with me thirty minutes and I’m dying. The only thing that prevents from waking her up as we travel is the uncertainty of what it might do to her mind to just be ripped away from the world I created for her. From all the places she’s familiar with and all the people she knows.
They’re not real, but they are all she has.
So I temper the almost overwhelming desire to hold her in my arms and tell her she’s safe now with that little reality check. I have to go in and explain things now. She knows some of it, but not most of it. She doesn’t know anything about Harem Station or what’s really going on.
And now I’m glad that Valor is here with me. Happy that he’s taking an interest in her. There were a few moments after we had that awkward discussion where I thought, Will he be jealous of Brigit and me?
But I’m not getting that kind of vibe off him. So I don’t think about that. I don’t bother with the complications and what could go wrong.
Hell, that’s all I thought about in almost two decades since she found her way into the Pleasure Prison. Everything that could go wrong.
And lots of things did go wrong.
I didn’t plan on Draden dying. I didn’t see the sudden appearance of Lyra, then Nyleena, then Delphi.
Shit. Delphi.
I almost forgot about her.
There’s something very off about Delphi. I should’ve made that my priority when Jimmy returned with her, but I was so close to getting Brigit out. Everything else had to wait.
And now it’s no longer my problem. Luck, Nyleena, and Crux are in charge of Harem. If everything went as planned then the station is in total chaos.
If everything didn’t…
Don’t think about it, Tray. You’ve worked too hard to get to this moment.
Enjoy it.
Eventually that weird left-behind feeling returns and I know we’re back inside the spin node and when I check an exterior camera for a view I see Angel Station spinning off in the distance.
Valor’s boots clomp down on the nearly vertical stacked stairs and when I look up he’s jumping down the last flight.
Suddenly I see us as kids again. Running around ALCOR Station. Just fucking around and having a good time.
Well, that was mostly him and Luck. But I watched them, wishing I could join them.
But things were too weird for me back then. I didn’t understand all the code running through my head. Like I knew how to do everything ALCOR wanted done, but I didn’t know how I knew. So I kept myself apart from my brothers. And even when I did begin to understand who and what I was and how all this information got inside my head, I didn’t join them.
It felt too late.
So this is another second chance for me. A way to bond with Valor and be something to each other that we never were before.
“I’m ready,” he says, jogging over to me. “She’s OK, right?” And for a moment he looks worried as he gazes down at the cryopod.
“She has all the signs of being OK,” I answer.
Valor looks at me, cracks half a smile. “Let it go now, Tray.”
“Let what go?”
“That little voice inside you that says you have to be rational every moment of the day. You won, dude. You did it. You got her. We’re here. We’re going inside. Together. And then we’ll come out and fix this shit.”
I nod. I want to believe him. But I know too much to allow myself to feel like we’ve won.
Valor rubs his hands together. “OK. What now? I get in? It’s just like getting into the Pleasure Prison back on Harem?”
“Yes,” I say. “It’s exactly like that.” I take the drive out of my pocket and hold it up. “She’s not really in there,” I say, pointing at the pod. “She’s in here.”
“OK,” Valor says.
“So you go in first. I have to upload the world to the ship data core so we can sync up. Then I’ll join you once that’s done.”
“Cool,” Valor says. “How long will it take?”
“Couple minutes,” I say. “But once you’re in there, time is weirdly fast. Or slow. I guess it depends on your perspective. It’s gonna feel like a long time before I come in after you. It’s not. It’ll just feel that way. So… you know. Explain things. And tell her I love her and I’ll see her soon.”
Valor nods. “I will.”
“And tell her this is the last time. I’m waking her up and this is the last time. And if she starts to get worried, just… keep her busy. Keep her mind off things. Make her laugh. And smile. Just make her happy, OK? I want all her fear to go away right now.”
I want her to feel the way Valor does. Like we’ve won. Like it’s all a done deal even though it’s not.
“I will,” Valor promises.
“You’re gonna wake up in a green space, probably. There’s a garden. And community buildings all over. Our building is like a light orange color. Number one. And people. They won’t notice you, but—”
“I got it,” Valor says. “I know how to go into a virtual.”
“OK, so just knock on the door and tell her who you are. I leave a… placeholder avatar behind when I leave. So when I come back in I’m already in the house. In the bedroom, actually. Sleeping. So that’s where I’ll be when I appear.”
“Tray. Seriously. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything.”
I nod back. “OK.” Then point to one of the empty medical pods we’ll be using for the virtual experience. “Get in.”
He opens the lid and climbs in, stretching out his long legs and lying back with arms at his side.
I
don’t need to explain the entrance procedure to Valor. He’s gone through this many hundreds of times back on Harem Station. And he doesn’t wait for any more instructions, either. Just presses the screen embedded into the open lid and it lowers over his face.
There’s a pressurizing sound as the pod seals up.
“See you soon,” I whisper. Then I turn and walk over to the nearest data station, plug the drive into a slot in the side of the console, and let my mind take over as I upload the program.
CHAPTER TWLEVE - BRIGIT
I am content and happy. My world is simple and perfect. An ocean, a beach, a small hut. I make it rain every once in a while. There’s fruit but I don’t really need to eat it. And there’s no one else here except the animals, and the birds, and the plants.
I’ve been here a long time now so it’s perfectly suited to me. But when I first arrived there was an end to it. The gray fog swirled along the borders of my world like a threatening menace.
I didn’t like it. I knew it couldn’t hurt me because this is literally my world. I control all of it. But I didn’t like it. So every day I would venture forth and create. More land, more trees, more plants, more birds, more everything.
So now when I stand on the highest point of my little personal utopian compound, there’s no gray fog in any direction. It’s my own endless paradise for as far as I can see.
I considered adding people. I tried to conjure up Aieena. But it didn’t work right. She appeared, but she didn’t talk. Or move. Or do anything but stand there like a statue. I figured making people is a lot of work and… eh. Did I really want to spend my time creating her? Molding her? Shaping her?
She wouldn’t be the same person because I didn’t create her, Tray did. And things could go wrong. It’s pretty perfect here and I have been busy every moment since I started to reshape things.
So I decided no people. Maybe one day I’ll get bored and give it a go.
But then again, maybe not.
Not having to deal with the fake people makes my world better. Less virtual, in a way.
I think about Tray. Sometimes. I try not to think about Tray most of the time.