by Maggie Ryan
“I was wondering if you planned on ever getting out of that car.”
“Hi, Mama! Just taking a few minutes to process. It was a long drive.”
“Did you make the whole thing with your windows down?”
Belle couldn’t resist the smile that teased the corners of her mouth. Her mother preferred her hair tame and out of her face. Belle preferred her curls big, wild, and all over the place. They’d long since agreed to disagree.
“Mama, signature look, remember?” Belle asked, rhetorically, using her index finger to draw an imaginary circle in front of her face.
May ushered her best girl into the house. The family home sat on three and half acres of land and the nearest neighbors were her grandparents. Belle loved the house and the smell of her mother’s cooking.
“How soon do we need to get to the hospital? I don’t want daddy up worried and waiting for me to make an appearance.”
“No, he won’t be worried. That man has every detail of your trip committed to memory. He always does. His BuBelle doesn't go anywhere without her daddy knowing the specifics. Besides, he gets tired pretty quickly these days. He’s taking a nap. How about you freshen up and I’ll warm you up something to eat?”
“How about I have a few of those cookies first?” Belle grabbed two in one hand and took off across the room to the back stairs. Her mama knew her well and a quick shower would help her get her game face in place.
Hospital Visits
May hung back as they as they approached the door. The hospital had been given a very expensive makeover a few years back and every effort was made to minimize the antiseptic, sterile, white environment in lieu of warmer hues, more wood, and less metal. Yes, it was still a hospital, but you weren’t smacked with that paralyzing hospital feel that assaulted your senses and emotions upon entering. Still, Belle reached back for her mother’s hand. Strength and reassurance flowed from the older woman to the younger and they gave one another a squeeze, before Belle gave a gentle push with her face wedged in the crack to see if he was awake.
“Little girl, don’t be sneaking around corners and doorways.” Belle breathed a sigh of relief as she heard his voice loud, strong, and clear way before she got the door fully open.
“It’s the sneaking around that makes me so good at my job,” Belle answered back as she swung the door open all the way. “Looking good, old man!”
“Get over here, little girl. Oh, you are a sight for sore eyes. I tell you, seeing you is literally renewing my strength.”
“Boy he’s laying it on thick. She’s not smuggling in any contraband for you either, mister.”
May went over to the other side of her husband’s hospital bed to kiss his cheek and fuss over his bedding. It made him a little nuts, but he knew it was about giving her something to control and take care of in a way she couldn’t do over most of their situation.
“You ask for one little piece of steak and a gum moistening sip of wine and suddenly you can’t be trusted.”
“I see your sense of humor isn’t suffering any. You look good, Daddy.”
“I look like hell, but all of that changes tomorrow. Now, get over here and give me a proper hug. I promise not to break. Come and sit with me.”
Witty banter was a lot easier for Belle then dealing with the hard stuff. She could detach and cover heartbreaking stories one after the other, but when it came to her own life, she was quite content to avoid them as much as possible.
“So, I know excited is the wrong word, but are you ready for tomorrow, Daddy?”
“As much as I can be, baby. The doc has explained, in way too much detail for your mama, exactly what to expect at each stage. My donor is young, healthy, and blessedly willing to share one of his perfectly healthy kidneys with me, so all I really need to do is be a willing receiver.”
“And, follow the doctor’s orders to the letter, Mr. Grayson.”
“Yes, dear.” Matt knew May wasn’t a fan of this response, as she rarely believed it meant the total giving in he portrayed it as. But, she really didn’t have a place to drag the conversation when the man gave up so willingly.
Belle sat in bed with her father the way she’d done most of her life. Both were straight up against the headboard and her head rested on his shoulder. The only difference had been where her head rested the taller she got. They had a fun visit and a lively discussion while they watched snippets of news shows, reality television and back-to-back episodes of Seinfeld. Things were so typical of a visit on the occasions when Belle came home that she almost forgot where they were or why she was there. It wasn’t until she noticed her dad wasn’t laughing, but softly snoring that Belle slipped out of the bed, and from the room to give them unrequested privacy as tears rolled down her face. She could only pray in the quiet moments she had alone for a love like her parents’. It wasn’t a perfect relationship, but it was a perfect love. A visible peace settled on her mom the moment her hand was connected with her beloved’s. The creases in her brow smoothed out and Belle heard the audible sigh as she backed away.
Encounter
Pulling herself together, she headed in search of coffee and something sweet. She hadn’t indulged in this much sugar in months and knew she would be paying for it by the time she headed home. Keeping her figure intact was an uphill battle that often involved serious measures of self-denial. Anything she knew she would enjoy too much was usually off limits. Just thinking about a sticky sweet vending machine honey bun had her mouth watering. She would deal with the consequences later.
It must’ve been the semi-sweet food daydream she was in that had her counting coins while she walked instead of paying attention to what was ahead.
“Oomph! Maybe more focus and less counting, lady.”
“Oh, so sorry. I just have this craving for… Morgan? Morgan Martin?”
“Yes.” The younger girl was distracted by her own thoughts, but when recognition clicked, she threw her body into Belle’s without reservation.
It took a second, but Belle soon wrapped the girl in a tight embrace. “Oh my goodness, Morgan, you look beautiful. It’s been, wow, too long. I’m so going to sound like my mother, but how old are you now?”
“I’ll be twenty-one in six months. I’m finishing up my degree at state, but I’m home for about a week to help mother with Jake.”
No, no, no! Belle could tell from the calm look on Morgan’s face that her screams were completely internal. She could not handle something being wrong with Jake the same time something was wrong with her dad. It was one thing to choose not seeing him, but she wanted him on the planet, alive and well should she ever change her mind.
“I haven’t seen your brother in nearly a decade, so this may not—is not—any of my business, but why’s Jake in the hospital?”
“What do you mean? I mean, you kno—” Morgan was suddenly pulling from Belle like she was covered in poison oak.
“Morgan. What are you talking about? I don’t know anything. I told you I haven’t been in touch with Jake.”
“He’s right you know. Big brother always says, my brain and my mouth run on opposing circuits. I never know when to stop talking. I have to go. It was great seeing you, Belle. You look great!”
Morgan was practically racing down the opposite corridor. She was no longer concerned with her own search for a caffeinated beverage. Her brother was going to murder her when he found out. Sure the odds were in favor of them running into one another, but she knew she should have said hello and kept moving. Chitchat was a dangerous place to be for Morgan. She rarely lied or acted with guile, so her propensity to blab things she shouldn’t was great. It was the same reason she was kept out of the loop for most family surprises.
Belle wasn’t willing to give up her honey bun and coffee dream, but the run in with Morgan had her head spinning. She could only hope that her mom was up on the latest town gossip and could clue her in.
“Oh, good you’re not sleeping.” Belle was nervously chomping bite after bite
of her pastry so fast she was barely enjoying it.
“Belle, Daddy is going to be fine, sweetheart. Yes, the surgery is serious, but you really don’t need to be so nervous.” May was in front of her child before Belle even registered the words fully.
“Of course he is, Mama. I’ve done so much research on the procedure I could probably scrub in.”
“That would certainly send the man into cardiac arrest.” May was speaking calmly to her daughter all the while steering her into a seat and removing the Danish and wrapper from her tight little grasp.
“I wasn’t done.”
“Trust me, when all of those furious bites land, your tummy will be filled to bursting. Now, sip your coffee and tell Mama what has you in knots, especially if it’s not your daddy’s surgery.”
“I just had the weirdest encounter in the hallway.”
“With who, sweetheart?”
“Morgan Martin. I mean I haven’t seen her in years, and then suddenly I’m crashing into her in the hallway of the hospital. She said she was here for Jake, but then she got all weird and clamped her mouth shut so tight she could hardly squeeze out a goodbye, before she fled down the hall.”
“Well, sweetie, did you maybe say something to make her uncomfortable? Maybe you started your rapid fire questioning without even realizing it.”
“Mama, it was a two-minute conversation. It wasn’t like I was expecting to see her.”
“Lower you voice before you wake up Daddy.”
“Daddy is awake already.” Matt Grayson stretched his facial muscles and rolled his neck. He started reaching for the remote to bring his bed up to a more seated position, but his wife was there before his hands ever reached it.
“Thank you, dear. Now, what’s going on?”
“Well, Belle ran into Morgan. Morgan Martin. Here in the hospital lobby.”
“Daddy, on this floor! Something is wrong with Jake. Now, this town is too damn small for anyone’s secrets to stay hidden for long. One of you must know something. Mama? Church gossip? Craft store chitchat? Daddy? You still have friends all over this hospital.”
“Slow down. I don’t appreciate your yelling or language. Now, take a breath.”
May and Matt stole furtive glances at one another as she scolded her daughter and feigned busyness pouring water, straightening covers, and rearranging the rolling bedside table and chairs. On her third pass by the bed, Matt grabbed her wrist to halt her movement. Belle watched their nonverbal exchange in awe. She was always a little in awe of her parents. They seemed to go about one another in anticipation of the other’s moves, looks, and words. They didn’t need words where so many couples her own age seemed to need hundreds. May was shaking her head slightly. Matt wouldn’t release his hold and the look on his face was resigned. He only uttered two words.
“Tell her.”
“No.”
“May. Tell her now.”
Pacing in front of the bed, Belle’s entire body froze. Her imagination was going faster than the words and scene she was taking in. She felt her body swaying, but everything was feeling far away.
“BuBelle!”
“Uh.” Belle reached for the foot of the bed.
“You need to sit down.” Matt wasn’t feeling at full strength, but he was strong enough to get his daughter’s attention.
“Belle, we made an agreement. Daddy’s life depended on it.”
“Mama, please just say it. Is something wrong with Jake? Is he sick? I mean I check in on him online, but who knows, right?”
“Jake is fine, honey. He’s better than fine. He’s Daddy’s donor. Your father is getting one of Jake’s kidneys. He was a match. He was the only match in the one-to-one search. Jake is a blessing.”
“Two, nine, three, eleven—”
“Honey, what are you doing?” May was alarmed at her daughter’s reaction. She expected some surprise, but certainly not upset. Belle, however, was clutching the side of her chair, swaying back and forth with her eyes closed, counting in a crazy order.
“I’m trying to calm my breathing down, Mama, while I process this unbelievable lie.”
“BuBelle, come here. Sit with me.” Matt hated that they’d lied and he was never clear why, but he’d been willing because he trusted Jake. Unlike his wife, he never once believed that the young man would go back on his offer. He just wanted the act to remain anonymous, and regardless of the why, Matt agreed to honor that request.
Climbing into the space he made, Belle snuggled in and tried to focus in on her father’s words and the rhythm of his heartbeat.
“Jake had his reasons for wanting to keep this private.”
“Not private, Daddy. Secret. Jake wanted this to be a secret. A secret from me.”
“I love you, baby, but you need to talk to Jake about his reasons for doing things. He’s been great through this process and I can promise you he’s never spoken one negative word about you.”
“Your dad’s right. I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you upfront, but now that you know, I think you have to go and talk to Jake.”
“I’m here to spend time with Daddy. I’ll sort things out with Jake another time.”
No one in the room believed that she would do any such thing. A second after the words left her mouth even Belle knew she would be seeing Jacob Martin before the night was over.
Down the Hall
Dinner was ruined. It wasn’t because of the crappy hospital food either, although that didn’t help. Two pages describing all of the changes in the menu and the superior chef they brought in and it was still a mostly dry chicken breast and steamed to death mixed vegetables that stared back at him from the rolling tabletop. He’d tried to calm down, but even after sending his mother and sister home, Jake was still fuming. There would be an apology and likely a gift purchase in his future. The relationship with Morgan was a combination of brother and father, and he knew she felt terrible about letting anything slip.
“Hey, kid! You fleeing robbers?”
“Uh, what?” Morgan came panting into the room and had her body pressed against the door like she expected someone to barge in behind her.
“Morgan, sweetie, did you forget my tea?” Mrs. Martin asked.
“Oh, frick! Sorry, Mom. I’ll go back in a little while.
“Well, if you didn’t get my tea where did you go?”
“Why are you so out of breath and hugging that door? Morgan, come into this room proper.” Jake was sitting on the edge of his hospital bed in scrub bottoms and a tank top.
“I’m in the room. Just give me a minute, okay? I have to tell you something and you’re going to be really, really mad at me.”
“Animals get mad, Morgan. Now, is it school or the car? Those are the only two things you can’t seem to steer away from trouble. I’m not paying for one more semester of failing grades or another ticket, Morgan. So, whatever you found out when you left this room, start talking. And don’t look at Mom to save you. I pay all of your bills, young lady.”
“It’s not the stupid car or my grades, Jake, so relax. This isn’t even about me. It’s about you and your ridiculous secret, which by the way I shouldn’t have been forced to keep. You’re doing a great thing and there’s no reason to hide it, but as usual you make everything complicated for no reason. It wasn’t like I went out of my way to see her. I was just getting Mommy’s tea.”
Jake stood up to his full height and his chest expanded with the anger he desperately wanted to keep stamped down.
“Who did you see, Morgan?”
“I was texting and walking, but she was counting money and walking and we sort of collided into one another. I mean I haven’t seen her in years and we were both caught off guard and just playing catch up. The whole town knows why she’s here, but she was curious about why I was. I just forgot about the secret for a minute. I didn’t mean it.” Twisting the sleeves on her sweatshirt and turning her feet in and out Morgan waited for her big brother to respond.
“You still haven’t said
who. Say it, Morgan.” Jake stood at least half a foot over his sister and he was deliberately crowding the truth out of her.
Morgan managed to fidget as close to her mom as possible. “I don’t know why you’re dragging this out. You know whom. Belle. I saw Belle. She’s here with her mom just like we’re here for you. You’re having major surgery in the morning.”
“It’s major, but it’s routine and you know it, so don’t change the subject. Your running off at the mouth has caused more trouble, little girl. I’m done! You know what, maybe I stopped smacking your behind too soon. It used to work a lot better and faster than taking your car keys and cutting off your allowance.”
“Jacob, no! Now, I’m still the mother in this room and you are not punishing your sister out of anger over a mistake.”
Closing his eyes, Jake pushed down everything that was rushing through his head and heart. As angry as he was, disrespecting his mother was a line he would never cross. During his sister’s wild teenage years, his mom let Jake take on much of Morgan’s discipline. She would feel guilty and get too easily swayed by the girl’s tears. Jake, like his dad, didn’t suffer from that particular affliction. But, as much power as she gave him, they were both clear that she was the parent. The line was not crossed.
“Yes, ma’am.” Jake answered. “You know what? I do need some rest. I’m going to shovel in this last supper and get some sleep. Even the giver’s body goes through trauma, so I need my strength. You two should go.”
Mrs. Martin didn’t want to leave, but she wasn’t planning on getting her son more upset before he went into major surgery. Her boy had sacrificed for her, his sister, for Belle, and now even for Belle’s father. He gave it all away and she knew he was hurting. Jake would never listen to her about fate and how the universe gave back to people who sowed into it so freely, but she believed enough for the both of them. Morgan running into Belle, that was fate, and she prayed that the fates would keep working in their favor.