by KT Strange
“You okay?” There was a look on his face when I asked that. He ran a hand through his hair.
“Just... I didn’t ever think we’d get here, honestly. It was always, y’know, move around a lot, playing on street corners for change to keep us all fed, and then we got on this house show circuit and played the shittiest, dirtiest places and slept rough.” Finn blinked, and I realized there was moisture on his lower lashes. “When you’ve had everything ripped away from you like we did, this? This feels like we’re being given a second chance. Then you came along, Darcy, and everything slotted into place.”
His words bounced around in my mind for a moment.
“Me? But I’m—”
He leaned and hushed me, pressing a finger to my lips. I narrowed my eyes. The guys really needed to stop pushing me around like that.
“You’re just what we needed,” he said, voice rough. “You think it’s bad you’re a witch—” He rolled his eyes when I made a noise of protest, “—used to be a witch, whatever, you think it doesn’t work for us? It works for us.” His hand came up and then he was cupping my chin, and leaning down. His blue eyes were large as his face came in close, and my heart was suddenly thudding in my ears and my throat, right down to the tips of my fingers. Was he—were we—
Bang!
The door kicked open and we jerked apart.
“That’s the table, there’s chips!” Finn pointed at the far wall as if he was explaining to me where everything was in the room. Looking over my shoulder, I felt my gut clench unpleasantly.
Jake Tupper stood in the doorway, frowning at us.
Sixteen
“Gunner,” Jake said with a tip of his head, and looked at me. “Llewellyn. I’m glad you’re on the tour. You keeping these guys in line? They’re not giving you a hard time, are they?” The way he paused over the word hard made my nerves frizz with tension. Had he seen us doing whatever? Had he seen Finn nearly kiss me? I didn’t need to know. I didn’t want to know.
Sometimes it was just better not to wonder.
“They’re easy to work with,” I said with a shrug. “Although I’m not looking forward to finding out who snores.”
“I bet you snore,” Finn countered before shifting in front of me, as if he wanted to block off Jake’s line of sight to me. “You need something, Tupper?”
“No, I just heard that Darcy was here.”
“Yeah, she’s here, but we’ve got some show stuff to talk over. So if you don’t mind?”
Jake looked frustrated at Finn’s not-so-obvious-but-obvious cock-blocking. Gratitude was the only thing that I was feeling. Jake Tupper was persistently annoying. Were indie rock stars really that thirsty? He should’ve had a thousand girls hanging off of him. Why was he bothering me?
“Well,” Jake said, and went silent, leaving without another word. The door shut behind him and I let out a breath I’d been holding.
“He’s a fucking creep.”
“Sharp observation there,” I replied. But you’re the one who brought me here, to this empty green room, and almost kissed me, I didn’t say. Except it wasn’t creepy. I was anything but creeped out by Finn’s behavior. I think in a way, that I was probably, somehow, encouraging it. He hadn’t heard me protest and I hadn’t stepped away.
The thought had been tripping around in my brain, just out of reach, since Charlie had first mentioned it.
“Don’t freak out... small packs are usually a group of males and a single female mate.”
Don’t freak out, he’d said. Little too late for that. Every time I closed my eyes I thought of it. I’d slip into Bad Idea City, Population: Darcy Llewellyn.
Because every time I closed my eyes? It wasn’t just Cash pressing me into the couch, his mouth on the curve of my breast the night at Candy’s show. Finn was there, his hand steady on the back of my neck as he whispered in my ear how bad he wanted me, how bad they all wanted me. Ace, eager to please, would tuck his fingers into the waistband of my jeans and peel them down my hips.
Who was I kidding? Charlie’d be on his phone, and Eli would stand in the corner, glaring and growling. Then my family would burst in, human hunters at their heels, and the next thing I’d know, it would be the experience of watching the men, the guys, I was starting to fall for, get cut down before a black bag got pulled over my head.
The road through Bad Idea City always turned into the roaring freeway right to Nightmare Valley right after it.
“Darcy?” I jerked when my name called me back. Finn’s expression was concerned. “You vanished on me, sweetheart.”
“That’s not a professional nickname.”
“I’m not a professional guy,” he said with a shrug. “C’mon. Let’s go check out the stage, and take some pictures for Chrissy back at music HQ.”
The guys barely got a soundcheck, not even fifteen minutes, and I could tell that Cash was pissed. The sound crew only partially mic’d his drums, because the ‘big guns’ were going to be brought out for the headliners later that night, so we didn’t get the full sound system treatment. Charlie had to remind him to keep his cool over it, because one day we’ll be playing stadiums, and these guys’ll wish they treated us better. It was more than obvious that we were on the tour because of Jake and his unhealthy obsession with getting in my pants or whatever. The guy was there every time I turned around. It was a damn good thing we had our own tour van, even if it was smaller than the fancy Prevost bus Jake and his friends in Glory Revolution were on. The thought of sleeping under the same metal roof as Jake was enough to give me nightmares, and I was already having a few bad dreams.
But the looks on the guys faces when they peered out from backstage at the crowd made it all worth it. I’d deal with ten Jakes to see them that happy, like they weren’t even thinking about the future of their pack or the hunters trailing them. It didn’t matter, none of it, when the size of the crowd got to them.
Finn sought me out, right before they went on stage.
“Good luck kiss?” he asked, in the shadow of a large stage riser which was shoved behind the curtain for the show.
“Are you kidding?”
“Not really.”
I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. My lips brushed his skin and I shivered, hesitating before I pulled away. His eyes glittered in the dark as he watched me settle back down on my heels.
“That’ll keep me, next time aim a few inches over,” he said, and sauntered back to just off the the stage, grabbing his wireless microphone off the table and checking that it was off. I watched him go, my belly fizzing with nerves. The van was calling me, but I didn’t want to go. Earlier the guys had rounded on me in our small green room and said they’d decided for me that it would be better if I hung out in the tour van while they played, just in case there was another incident. And yeah, it was probably better if I did that.
Except I wanted to test my own resolve. Could I resist them, the call of their music, if I was mentally prepared?
And, the stupidest part of me, wanted to know, would I regret it if I wasn’t able to? It was becoming clear that if we hadn’t gotten interrupted, that things would have gone a lot further between me and Cash back at that house party. I didn’t think I’d have a single bit of regret over it.
I closed my eyes, ducked between two rows of curtains where I couldn’t be seen, and waited for the first scream of guitar. It hit me moments later when the house-lights went down completely. There were no cries from the crowd yet as the boys stepped out on stage.
Just wait, I promised the audience. They might’ve not been overwhelmed with what could only be called some sort of crazed sex hormone like I did when I heard the guys perform, but the audience was still going to be assaulted by some powerful music played by an amazing band. The drums started up, then the bass, and Finn’s voice echoed through the room.
I grabbed onto the curtains behind me and held them tight, waiting for the swamp of emotions to overtake me. I couldn’t see them, which I hoped would help.
There, in my chest, the first flutter of heat as my heart started thudding in time with the 120 beat. It wasn’t as strong as before, and I could still breathe. I closed my eyes tighter, and just listened.
Dirty Secret was their opening song this time, and when they got to the second chorus I could hear the audience start to clap along. Someone had started a clap, and it spread across the audience, thudding along with Cash’s bass drum. Getting out from between the curtains, I rushed to stage-side to watch. Opening bands almost never got an audience to clap along, and definitely not for the first song in their set either. The way the guys played was working for the audience, winning them all over.
My toes lined up with the glow-in-the-dark tape on the floor that marked where we’d be visible to the audience if we stepped past it, and I stared at the band. Ace was closest to me, on his knees, back arched, the bass strings vibrating and blurring as his fingers worked them through an athletic performance.
He turned his head and saw me there, for a moment his hand hesitating as his lips parted into an ‘o’ of surprise. Then he jerked up onto his feet and lunged forward, out of my view. I’d have to step out onto the stage to still be able to see him. The music was so loud; I hadn’t even put in ear plugs. I could just see some of the audience. They weren’t reaching up and grabbing at Finn like the girls at the house party, but they were pressed right against the barrier, watching with open mouths and cellphones up.
Cash went into his trash-can ending, signaling to the audience that it was time for the song to be over and their turn to perform by clapping for the band. Finn stomped his foot and pulled the microphone away from his face, up into the air, theatrical in every inch of his body as if he was born for it. I stepped back.
The magnetic pull of the band was still there, but knowing it would happen helped me brace for it. I could deal with that. I wasn’t going to fling myself out onto the stage, and probably not at them when they got off the stage.
Progress. It comes in small steps, but I was going to be grateful for whatever I was given.
Ace walked up to Cash, and someone brushed past me. It was Paul, carrying Ace’s second bass, this one tuned down for one of their songs that was in a different key, drop-D, I thought.
The audience kept clapping. It was so loud, and Finn’s voice barely cut through it to thank them, before announcing,
“We are Phoenixcry, and tonight, Redding, we are gonna have an awesome time! Get those phones out, let’s party!”
Cash held his arm up, and went into the count-in, shouting out the time as his sticks struck the drums. I watched his arms, fluid and flowing as they licked out. My gaze followed them up to his shoulders, and then his face—
He was staring at me, eyes narrowed and almost glowing in the shadowed light that didn’t quite hit behind the drum-kit where he sat on his throne.
Guilt nipped at my heart. He’d thought I was out in the tour van. I lifted my chin and crossed my arms over my chest to show him how unaffected I was by the music. He tossed his head and glanced back over the audience. Ace must have told him I was there.
Well, no big deal, right? I was fine. Big girl, handling herself. They could just suck it up. I dug my heels in, mentally anyway, and stuck it out, watching the audience get worked up. It mirrored my own feelings, as my chest grew tight, and my nerves were tingling with each new song. By the end of their set, the audience was reaching up to Finn, and I was breathing hard, white-knuckled and determined not to leave but knowing I should go hide out in the green room, or better yet, the tour bus.
“Darcy.” Jake appeared at my left side with no warning, and I jumped. He caught me, one arm on my shoulder, to steady me. I pulled away without thinking. “Their set is almost done, but I thought you might like to join me for a pre-show drink in my dressing room?” he asked. “I’m not on for another 45 minutes.”
“I can’t.” The excuse popped into my head immediately, and it wasn’t even really an excuse. “The guys are doing a signing at their merch booth right after the show, and I need to be there.” Jake frowned.
“It’ll only be—”
He was cut off by the last song ending, and the roar that swelled up from the crowd. As it died off, a bemused expression crossed his face.
“They’re doing well, huh?”
“Yeah,” I said, and bit my lip. “Thanks for inviting them.”
Jake watched me with a guarded expression.
“I’m a nice guy, Darcy, but I gotta say, you’re throwing off a lot of mixed signals,” he said after a moment. I had to bite my tongue, and was about to ask him what he meant, when he shook his head. “Good luck at the signing.” He turned and left. I guessed he was going back to his dressing room. He might’ve gone, but he’d left a gnawing worry eating at my insides.
Did he think I was interested in him? Nothing could be further from how I actually felt. The only guys I wanted to be close to were the ones currently thanking the audience and telling them they’d be back at the merch booth in ten minutes. I didn’t have time to think about it though, because Ace was racing off stage.
He whooped and grabbed me up in his arms, throwing me in the air.
“Ace!” I gasped, but he caught me easily, his muscles flexing around my waist.
“Holy shit, did you see us?” he asked. “Did you, Darcy? You did, cause you were supposed to be in the van, but you stuck around. Eli’s so pissed, but who cares, did you see us? They loved us.” He talked a mile-a-minute and I laughed.
“Put me down.” Kicking my legs, I wriggled. “Seriously, Ace.”
“But holy shit, holy shit, it was amazing, it’s never been so good, not ever.”
“Shut up, Wesley,” Cash drawled as he came off stage. Ace dropped me on my feet and glared at Cash.
“Don’t call me that.”
“Why, that’s your name,” he said with a hitch of his shoulder. I looked between the two guys and ventured the question,
“Seriously? Your name is Wesley?”
Ace’s cheeks went pink.
“Why do you think I go by ‘Ace’?” he growled.
“We said shut up Wesley one too many times to him, and now he’s sensitive about it,” Cash explained with a snort.
“You guys are rude,” I replied, and tucked my arm into Ace’s. “C’mon Ace. Let’s go to the merch booth and find all the girls who totally prefer bassists to crappy drummers.”
Ace grinned down at me, and tweaked my nose.
“You’re my favorite manager,” he said.
“I’m your only manager.”
“Details.” He waved his hand, as Cash watched us.
“So, no unwanted side effects?” Cash asked, and I felt my face grow a little hot under his scrutiny.
“Nope,” I said, because the little tremble of heat between my thighs wasn’t exactly unwanted. He didn’t need to know that though. Cash paused and then,
“Good,” he said. “Mind if I join you at the merch booth, Wesley?”
“I do if you keep calling me that,” Ace said through gritted teeth.
“Don’t be a rude jerk,” I interrupted their fight.
“Who’s a rude jerk?” Charlie came up, slipping his hand around my other arm. I didn’t shrug him off, and instead revelled in being close to both men.
“Cash,” Ace answered for me.
“What about Cash?” Finn asked, trailing Eli, joined our group just off stage.
“Ugh, it’s nothing,” I said. “C’mon, I have to get you guys to the merch table. We want those t-shirts to sell.” I also wanted to get out of there before Eli could corner me and ask me what the hell I was thinking. Getting him out in front of the public again would prevent that.
I was right.
As soon as I brought them out onto the venue floor behind the mech booth, there was a flood of girls and guys waiting for them, with records in hand, and t-shirts, waiting for them to be signed. I held back against the wall and watched, skimming the crowd for a moment just in case. Nobody
looked out of place. There was not a single audience member that looked suspicious to me. Tension leaked out of body; tension I didn’t realize I’d been holding onto. Would every show be like this? Me, getting caught up in the music and then panicking that I hadn’t done my part in keeping the guys safe from a potential hunter, or hunters? I relaxed slowly, and let the feeling of buzzy satisfaction bubble away inside my stomach.
They’d done amazing that night, and I was so proud. This is what being part of a real family is like. Before I’d left home, Willa pulled me aside and gave me a long talk, girl-to-girl about the realities of the road in the conference room at XOhX.
“No matter how much you try to stay removed, they’re gonna be your family by the time you get back, Darcy. You guys are going to fight, and make-up, and go through the most amazing, tough, incredible time, more intense than you’ve ever been through. But if you get through it you’ll be a family.”
She hadn’t known it then, but I was pretty sure she was about to be right in the deepest, most intimately possible way. When Finn looked back at me over his shoulder, and gave me a wink that went right to the soft spot down between my legs, I knew she’d been right. Whatever was happening between us all was creeping up on me, the tension winding around me and inside me, and soon it was going to snap.
I just had to be able to handle it when it did.
Seventeen
Load-out was sometime after 1AM. I leaned against the side of the van and tried to hide the yawns which were threatening to crack my jaw right off.
“Tired?’ Finn asked, his voice hoarse as he ambled up to me.
“Mmm, yeah,” I said, hiding another yawn behind one hand.
“We’ve got a three hour drive tonight,” Eli called from the back of the trailer where he was passing gear up to Cash.