Prudence and Practicality

by C. J. Hill

  And in this happy cordiality they agreed upon taking a turn about the park before the evening darkness set in, as it is wont to do quite early at this point in the year, and the dinner appeared at table. If any noticed that Mr. Collins was in a far more relaxed and receptive state than he had displayed for the last two days, no one cared to ask about the change. Charlotte certainly did not offer any enlightenment on the subject.

  VII

  Mr. Collins spent the night in a fever of excitement, tinged with occasional bouts of doubt as to the veracity of Miss Lucas’ apparent affection for him which she appeared to have bestowed after a matter of only hours in his company. She had certainly been his most constant and solicitous companion these past two days; she had imbued in him a certain comfort and improvement of his self esteem which had been severely damaged by his cousin. Indeed, when he thought in depth about Miss Lucas, it would appear that she had been his ministering angel, so to speak, sent to remove, where possible, his sadness and suffering and replace it with positive, intelligent, sincere company, ensuring a very speedy convalescence from his imagined deep and anguished love for Elizabeth Bennet.

  Such doubts about Miss Lucas’ feelings for him were, however, immediately dismissed from his mind through his natural inclination to esteem himself and his felicitous position in life so highly that the matter with his cousin two days prior was fading rapidly into the sunset of his conscience. He tossed and turned, willing for the night to wane in order that he might proceed with his intentions at the first opportunity. His hours of wakefulness were employed with alternately composing little snippets of his speech, melding compliments to reasoning so that his object would be clear and delightful to his intended, and with formulating a plan of escape from Longbourn in the early morning without awaking undue curiosity in either his hosts or their daughters. One glimpse of him headed toward Lucas Lodge early on the day before his intended departure would, he was convinced, apprise any onlooker as to his mission and, until he had it all complete and agreed to his satisfaction, until he was quite sure of Miss Lucas’ affection for, and her acceptance of, him, Mr. Collins was not desirous of any persons gaining intelligence or asking embarrassing questions.

  After the weak Winter sun had been up a while and he had heard the movement of the servants below, but long before any of the family would be abroad, Mr. Collins rapidly dressed himself, taking especial care in his toilette, donning his Sunday coat and tie as befitting such an important and life-changing mission.

  Foregoing even the pleasure of breakfast, something that he would never ordinarily consider, he passed silently down the stairs and out of the garden doors that led from the dining room into the large park at the side of Longbourn. This air of secrecy, which usually he abhorred, preferring openness and truthfulness at all times, he adopted like a cloak and covered himself with it until he felt far enough away from any inquisitive eyes that might cast an idle early-morning glance through a bedroom window.

  His movements then became less cautious and returned to their regular gait and stature. The lane was his, the weather on his side being as fine and clear a start to the day as could be wished for a proposal of marriage, and Mr. Collins reverted to his usual state of natural optimism, reflecting with certain satisfaction upon the manner in which Miss Lucas had received his attentions over the past two days and how she, at every possible moment, had been at his side listening with unfeigned delight and interest to all that he had expounded upon. He rejoiced in her solicitousness and the grave concern that she showed him after the vexing denial of his affections by his ungrateful cousin for, although Miss. Lucas was, after all, her most intimate friend, she was not so blinded by that as to misunderstand that he had been most grievously abused by not only Elizabeth but also her entire family.

  The respite offered at Lucas Lodge had been as water to a fire and Mr. Collins had been afforded the opportunity of observing, with awakened pleasure, the differences in temperament that existed between the two lifelong friends. Where Elizabeth, as shown through her actions and her own mother’s excuses, was wilful and outspoken, Charlotte was tractable and diplomatic; where Elizabeth refused to listen to reason and sense, Charlotte was reason and sense personified. Yes, he had made the offer of marriage in order to benefit his cousins and out of his own disinterest in his needs other than that of finding a wife but he had been cruelly rebuffed, scorned even, with no account taken of his situation, connections or authority as a rector under his noble patroness. While not wishing his cousin ill, Mr. Collins could hardly help but to heartily hope that his warning to her, after her refusal became finally apparent, that she could not rely upon having another such offer ever being made to her, might prove providential. Such wanton lack of regard for her future belied the common sense that he believed he had first observed in her and provided further ballast for him to thank God for the narrow escape he had experienced.

  He shuddered now to think of the impression Miss Bennet would have made at Rosings Park when presented with a view that was not her own; Lady Catherine would undoubtedly find his choice of a wife who presented too much wit or vivacity to be counter to her advice to him when he left on his visit. A disagreeable choice could have constrained her condescension towards him. While his intentions had been of the kindest and most disinterested nature, seeking only to amend the entailment, they had been thrown back in his face - fortuitously, as it now appeared.

  As the short miles passed beneath his feet, Mr. Collins’ thoughts turned to happier and more positive employment, namely the manner and words with which he would woo and win his one desire. It had to be done in a timely manner as he was due to leave for Hunsford the very next day and he hoped that his proposal would be received with not only assent but also alacrity by both Miss Lucas and her family.

  Once again, for the second time in only slightly more days, Mr. Collins marshalled his thoughts to prepare the polite compliments and effusive love making he believed was required to win his suit. While feeling rather more diffident about this second attempt, he did, however, find himself in the fortunate position of believing that he could, without much trouble to himself or much fear of discovery by Charlotte, re-employ several of his already-prepared phrases which he considered were particularly fine, even if they had fallen on ungrateful and unreceptive ears in their first airing; he considered that those he felt had not had sufficient impact when first presented to Miss Bennet could certainly be renovated or removed entirely.

  “My dear Miss Lucas….let me proclaim to all the world the violence of my affections….I am utterly entranced by you…. your modesty, amiability and sensibility are truly inspirational…make me the happiest of men…my position and connections are such that you will enjoy respect and friendship wherever you go…. I am your abject servant and grateful friend…using the most animated language…” he muttered to himself as he approached the Lodge.

  And so, on that fine, crisp November morning, Mr. Collins proceeded towards what he envisaged would be the final successful, if not his first designed, outcome of his fortnight’s stay in Meryton.

  At the same time, early that Friday morning, Charlotte Lucas was in a flutter of indecision, intermingled with hope and fear. Hope, that her attentions to Mr. Collins had been clear enough for even someone as perceptive as Mr. Collins, and fear, that she had irrevocably changed the course of her life through her actions of the previous two days. She had encouraged his observations, consoled the loss of his first choice and the hurt pride from which he suffered, and, while remembering that the ungrateful recipient of his advances was, indeed, her very close friend, managed to sympathise at length with his thwarted attempt while not adding anything to the conversation that could reflect negatively upon her or Eliza.

  On the whole, Charlotte was of the opinion that, although, unfortunately, Mr. Collins, due to time constraints and the requirements of his profession, was obliged to return to his parish in Hunsford on the morrow, she had done everything in her power to transmit her w
illingness to accept an offer, should he be inclined to make one, within the approved boundaries expected of such encounters. And now he was going back to Hunsford, leaving her without a clear indication of his intentions or the ability to increase her value in his eyes. Although she knew that the whole of the Bennet family welcomed her assistance in relieving them of their cousin, especially when he was in such high dudgeon, she did not have a particular invitation to the Bennet’s today, indeed, there might be some suspicion hinted at if, once again, for the third day in a row, she conspired to remove Mr. Collins from Longbourn to Lucas Lodge. Her father was to be in Town for the whole day and, therefore, she had no pretension upon which to build her invitation.

  As these thoughts were running through her head, Charlotte decided that she should, at the earliest opportunity, perhaps even today would not be out of the question, merely visit with her friend and, while discussing the local news, intermingled, she had no doubt, with references to Mr. Collins’ failed attempt, stay cognizant of his actions and intentions through those means. Maybe, in some way, Charlotte thought, she would be able to continue her impression on Mr. Collins from a distance and this may convince him to return to Meryton at some time in the future.

  As it was still too early for a social visit, even to friends as close as the Bennets, Charlotte made the decision to check on the poultry which she was fattening up for the Christmas season, and then to take advantage of the crisp, sunny morning to walk before breakfast in the lanes surrounding her father’s estate.

  Upon checking the weather from her upstairs window, however, her heart missed a beat in rising excitement as she observed the unmistakable black outline of Mr. Collins walking with a determined step and billowing coat up the lane to her house! He was abroad early and the purpose in his stride heralded more than a polite farewell visit to her or her family. Indeed, even from her elevated position, he appeared urgent and more determined than she had ever imagined he could be. Deciding to forestall him before he arrived at the house, Charlotte hastily threw on her shawl and hastened to the lower gate where she could emerge into the lane, appearing to have returned from an early morning walk and not from the house.

  To meet him accidentally was her intent so that any conversation or the hoped for professions of love would be heard and endured only by her, and not provide her siblings with humorous fodder for the next few months. Public humiliation, which he had so recently endured, was something Charlotte wanted to save both herself and Mr. Collins, familiar as she already was with his obsequious manner of speaking.

  With a pounding heart and a sickening feeling of excitement and expectation that had risen very rarely in Charlotte over the years, she passed through the lower gate and slowed her steps so that Mr. Collins would come upon her as he rounded the bend towards the house. She walked with purpose towards the front gate as if returning from a walk and heard his feet behind her strike the various small stones embedded on the lane as he hurried to intercept her.

  “Miss Lucas! My dear Miss Lucas! Pray slow your walk; how fortunate! I am come from Longbourn to speak with you particularly. My dear Miss Lucas! Pray wait with me here whilst I gather myself; I have been walking for too long and at great speed in order to relay some thoughts of great importance to you.”

  Charlotte turned to greet him, affecting great surprise.

  “Mr. Collins! What a surprise to see you abroad at this time of the morning. My goodness, you have indeed been walking quite strenuously, as it would appear.’

  Charlotte allowed herself a personal inward smile at the obvious dishevelment presented before her - hair awry, face red and perspiring, breath rasping and laboured - Mr. Collins looked the part, at least, of the anxious and nervous lover. She looked discreetly away whilst he feverishly dabbed at his face with his handkerchief and strained to regain control of his breathing.

  Undoubtedly, she mused calmly, he had envisaged being far more presentable than this when making his speech. It was well known that ladies never arose at this hour, and his early arrival at the house would have given him the upper hand as he waited impatiently below in the parlour for her to appear before him. She would have been the one to be discomposed, not him.

  While unsuccessfully trying to flatten his brown hair into some semblance of order, Mr. Collins attempted to regain some of his composure and collect his thoughts which had flown to the winds the minute he saw her figure before him in the lane.

  “My dear Miss Lucas, allow me to accompany you back to the house this beautiful morning.”

  “I was tempted out early myself by the sun and my work with the poultry. Pray, sir, what was your intention of being out so unseasonably early?”

  “Miss Lucas.” Mr. Collins stopped speaking and walking, and turning to face Charlotte, took her hands in his, and looked directly into her eyes. Charlotte lowered her gaze, mainly to maintain her composure before the ardent look that was levelled at her.

  “I confess that I was coming to Lucas Lodge with the sole purpose of speaking with you in private before I leave, as leave I must, tomorrow. As you are painfully aware of my previous circumstances with regard to my cousin, I need not elaborate on that matter but, Miss Lucas, you have been such a solace to me these past few days. I do not know how I would have endured the humiliation if you had not rescued me and opened my eyes to the folly and impossibility of my intentions towards my cousin. It is clear now; and I believe it was God’s will that I did not succeed with your friend.”

  Here, Charlotte sought to demur and utter some denial of any such thing but he was not to be interrupted; indeed he meant to air his feelings and seek an answer without hindrance. He had experienced the confusion previously when his cousin had insisted on interrupting him; it certainly did not, in his opinion, improve the suitor’s chances if he was to be stalled at every profession of love by fact, objection or even, God forbid it happening again, complete rejection.

  “Your sincerity and forbearance concerning your friend only increases your perfection in my eyes; however, I will not mention the matter again for it is you whom I wish to impress now with a new and clear adoration.

  “My dear Miss Lucas….let me proclaim to all the world the violence of my affections for you; your modesty, amiability and sensibility are truly inspirational and clearly marked to be put to some Christian purpose. I came to Meryton in search of a suitable wife, one who could be a useful and amiable companion in my life, backed, of course, by the solicitations of my patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, who urged me to marry a gentlewoman, an active, useful sort of person. But through my own good but misguided intentions I directed my search without knowing who the true jewel of Meryton actually was; I believe that with divine intervention you have been thrown in my path at the eleventh hour; oh! but, not that I wish you to understand by that anything detrimental or second-hand - please do not think that, I beg of you - but I am humbled by the clarity of God’s work.

  “I see that you are uncomfortable with this declaration but why else would you have appeared at the Bennet household when I needed you the most?” Mr. Collins was finally forced to draw breath and again apply the handkerchief about his face.

  Here, Charlotte had the most trouble maintaining her composure; who but Mr. Collins could impute that because she had chosen to visit her friend, as she usually did each day at about the same time, God’s work was abroad? She wondered silently as she stole a glance at his earnest face, what, exactly was running through his mind. Did he truly think that she had fallen deeply in love with him and in such a short space of time? Did he even really consider his own feelings in the matter? Did he actually have any feelings, more to the point, other than not returning to Hunsford without securing a wife? But still, unabated by her silence, perhaps even buoyed on by it, he continued with his ardent application.

  “I must restate the depth of my belief that you are truly the woman who will make me the happiest of men. I admire you in every way and respect your talents and goodness. God obviously had a w
oman in mind more suited to my purpose that the one whom I first thought suitable and He presented you to me in my hour of greatest need.”

  Mr. Collins drew another long-overdue breath and considered his next argument with which to convince his object to accept him. He thought he perceived a little weakening in her demeanour and decided to push his point home with the long-accepted custom of humility.

  “I do not have much to offer you other than a modest home, a comfortable living and a useful life in Hunsford as my wife, along with the entailment of Longbourn when that time should present itself. My position and connections, as you know, are such that you will enjoy respect and friendship wherever you go, not to mention the patronage of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. I am convinced that we should be of one mind and one way of thinking as to the running of both our home and the parish and for that I believe we have been designed for each other.”

  He drew a last, shuddering breath and plunged forward, like a man stepping off the precipice into the unknown blackness beyond, trying, but failing to make his words emphatic and resonant.

  “I am, therefore, standing before you, as your abject servant and can only urge you, using the most animated language and professing my deepest feelings for you to please, I beg of you, make me the happiest of men by consenting to be my wife.”

  The silence was deafening. Charlotte realised that what felt to her like hours of listening to his ardent and utterly embarrassing proposal had probably only taken two or three minutes at the most, but she thanked her foresight which meant his nonsense had been restricted to her ears only; it would truly have been an ordeal if any of her family had overheard.

  She was already cognizant that he was the most stupid, conceited, pompous, narrow-minded, silly and disagreeable man she had ever met and that she could expect to suffer many mortifications brought on by his character as his wife; however, her desire for a household of her own where she could do good and be of use, and his position in life answered every requirement that she had of a marriage partner. With her eyes wide open and her heart still as firmly closed as it had always been in matters of men and marriage, Charlotte raised her gaze to meet Mr. Collins’, and hoping to stem any further torrent of ardour and affection, smiled generously into his anxious eyes.