by Jenni Sloane
Cole backed away, hands up. “I have a right to be angry!”
“Come with me. At once. You too, Miss Reiter.”
I was still watching Bennett, whose entire body blazed with a fury I’d never seen. I put out a hand to steady him as he righted himself, but he slapped it angrily aside.
“I am not a dog!” he shouted at Cole.
“Mr. Baker,” Callahan said. “Try to have a modicum more maturity than the other players involved in this.”
Ainslie was openly enjoying the scene. I could have killed her.
“I’ll pack my things,” Cole told Callahan icily. “But I’m not going to sit in your office to get lectured or assigned detention. I’m done.”
Callahan’s eyes narrowed. “After my conversation with your stepfather today, that’s not a choice I would make.”
Cole’s face tightened. “Why not?”
Callahan’s lips pursed with contempt and satisfaction. “He said one more report of violence on your part, and he would bar you from his house and get a restraining order to keep you away from his children.”
“They’re not his kids!” Cole roared. “Or his house!”
Callahan gazed at him coolly. “Legally, they are.”
Cole’s hands clenched into fists.
“He wants you to stay here, Mr. Heller.” Callahan gave a small shrug of her bony shoulders. “Otherwise, believe me, I would gladly expel you.”
I could hear Cole’s ragged breathing. See the vein throbbing at his temple. I longed to comfort him, but he despised me now. It hurt more than it should have.
“Technically,” Callahan continued, “I could tell him what you just did to Mr. Baker. But if you come with me now, I won’t do that.”
With a furious sigh, Cole followed her as she turned and walked toward her office. Forcing myself not to look at Bennett, I followed. Ainslie trotted along too, still looking supremely self-satisfied.
I was sweating and queasy. I was afraid of being expelled, even though I knew at this point it would be a mercy. My parents’ reactions would be a small price to pay compared to staying here at Strathmore knowing that Cole hated me. And Bennett too, apparently—even though he’d known about me using the serum. But if I wasn’t expelled—if Callahan decided this was more fodder for the Strathmore Challenge social media…
What would I do?
Would I leave, and risk the school sabotaging my whole future?
Or stay, and risk things going back to the way things were with the bullies of Strathmore Reform?
Chapter Twenty-One
I stared at the gray walls of my new room. It was barely large enough to turn around in. There was no wardrobe, just two drawers under the narrow cot. The floorboards were bare and cold. The bars on the windows were thicker here—they looked like actual prison bars—not decorative iron rails.
This was where I’d be staying from now on, since Ainslie had told Callahan she felt “unsafe” rooming with me.
I shuddered with anger and humiliation as I remembered Callahan’s cold eyes boring into me. “You truly are a challenge, Miss Reiter. And we’ll do whatever we have to in order to bring you in line.”
Any hope I had of graduating in June was gone. Callahan had assured me that “bringing me in line” would require at least another semester. If not a year.
That was horrible. But was it worse than running away and ruining my chance at college? A career?
There were surely places out there that had never heard of Strathmore Reform. That didn’t care about the school’s opinion of me. If nothing else, I could work at a fast food joint until I figured out a way to set up an Etsy shop for my costumes, or maybe even make money with my music…
Ian. I had to talk to Ian.
Problem was, I couldn’t.
I wasn’t allowed to wander the school on my own. I had to go directly from class to my dorm room and vice versa. I could come down for rec and dinner—and for detention—in the company of a third-year named Nova Hastings who, judging by our brief interaction, had no qualms about showing up late to escort duties in order to make me late and get me in more trouble.
But if Ian had heard that I’d been planning to give him the serum too, he’d hate me just as much as Cole and Bennett did. So what was the point?
Unless…unless he could put aside his personal contempt for me and focus on my voice. Maybe he could tell me what to do, who to contact, to get a foot in the door in the music industry.
I’d see him in Algebra tomorrow. Maybe there was a way to get him alone after class…
I started at a knock on my door.
My heartrate picked up. I went to the door cautiously and cracked it open.
Bennett stood there.
I tensed, surprised to see him. He shifted, hands jammed in his pockets. I couldn’t help the heat that burned through me at the sight of him.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
I opened the door wider, unsure what he could want.
He entered, shutting the door behind him. “I don’t have much time.” His voice was bitter, but I thought I heard a note of regret.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I came to see if you were okay.” The lines in his face were tense, but his gaze seemed sincere.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
He nodded. He seemed agitated. Like he wanted to pace the room, except there was barely enough space for us to stand here together. I could feel his body heat from where I was, and it brought back memories of lying in Cole’s room, Bennett between my legs, Cole’s lips on my neck.
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Bennett burst out suddenly.
“Who?” I asked stupidly. “Cole?”
I’d tried to talk to Cole as he was leaving Callahan’s office. “Don’t come near me, TT,” he’d snapped, shoving past me.
The memory hit deep in my stomach, leaving an ache behind.
“Yes, Cole!” Bennett’s eyes were burning again.
“I drugged him,” I half-whispered.
“He deserved that and a lot worse.” Bennett looked like he wanted to put a fist through the wall.
“It doesn’t make it right.”
“Why do you care about him so much?” His jaw was so tight that the words came out clipped. “He hurt you.”
“So did you,” I pointed out.
“I know.” He took a deep breath. “And I’m sorry.”
“So is he.”
“He’s a user, Amma.”
“Then I’ll let him use me,” I snapped, surprising myself. I took a shuddering breath. “Sorry. I just... I want you both,” I said softly. Probably Ian too, though what was the point in bringing that up? I forced myself to meet Bennett’s gaze again. I was practically pressed to him. The heat between my legs became unbearable as I inhaled his scent, felt the warmth radiating from him. I couldn’t help myself. But how did I talk to him about this? “I thought you…you and he…”
Bennett’s face flamed. “I am not…his fucking…dog.” He ground out.
“But you like it,” I whispered. “Don’t you? When he does that?”
He shook his head, but it hardly seemed like a no.
“What are you hiding?” I asked the question carefully. Tried to let him see how badly I wanted to know. If anything was going to grow between us, I needed to know. “Tell me about you and him.”
He inhaled shakily. “You don’t know anything about him. Not really.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore what I know or don’t know about him. Does it? He hates me.” The sorrow I felt admitting that was almost overwhelming. On an impulse, I let our hands touch. We were only a couple of inches apart; all I had to do was bump my hand forward slightly, until my hand touched his. He flinched. Stay with me, I willed him. Don’t pull away. Goosebumps rose on my skin, and I felt a desperate need that turned my knees weak, and my core molten. I’d lost Cole. Did I have to lose Bennett too?
“You’re not his dog,” I agreed. �
��But…I know what it’s like to want things you don’t understand.” My fingertips brushed his again, but I didn’t take his hand. I wished now that I’d done more with his body when I’d had it at my disposal. That I’d run my fingers through every furrow in his muscles. That I’d scratched my nails down his sweaty back, made him moan again and again. I wanted to watch his thighs tremble with the rush of his release. Wanted to hear him shout my name. “It’s okay if you like…being talked to like that.”
He went absolutely still. I could hear him swallow, and the sound was like a knife through me. It reminded me of the moments he’d been vulnerable with me. Let down that icy façade and showed me the man I desperately wanted to know.
“It’s okay to want him.” My voice was barely audible.
“You don’t know anything about me.” He swallowed again.
“Tell me,” I urged again. I took his hand and gently ran my thumb over her knuckles. His skin was pure fire. He wrapped his hand around mine, and I felt the power in his grip. The way he could have broken every delicate bone in my hand if he’d wanted to. I wasn’t afraid. “I want to know who you are.”
He took an immediate step back, pulling his hand away. “No, you don’t. I didn’t come here to… For fuck’s sake…he’s…he’s toxic, Amma. Don’t you see that?”
A surge of guilt, followed by anger, white-hot as a newly forged blade. “I do see it. But I see more than that.”
He laughed incredulously, shaking his head. “Because he’s got you under some kind of spell.”
All the shame and guilt I’d felt at being attracted to Cole came rushing back. “Maybe I just know what I want!” I snapped. “And if you can’t accept that—”
“Then what?” he demanded. “You’ll kick me to the curb? I’m here, Amma. I was the one who rescued you. I was the one who understood why you did what you did to us. And now he’s God knows where, and I’m fucking here.”
How dare he? What, he wanted credit just for showing up? “And I told you both that I’m not a bone for you to fight over! You don’t win because you’re here right now. My feelings are more complicated than that!”
His teeth flashed, but it wasn’t a smile. “You really have no idea.”
“Then tell me.”
“Who do you think put your brother in prison, Amma?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked through my teeth.
“Mason insists he’s innocent, right?” Cold crept into my veins. What did he know about Mason? Why did he know anything about my brother? He went on, “An anonymous tip told police he was the gunman. That was no tip, Amma. That was an instruction. From the Heller family. Specifically from Cole—with the support of Reed. The cops reviewed the tape, and lo and behold, they decided the Hellers were right. The gunman was Mason. And Mason was put away, instead of the real culprit. Cole’s little brother, Nathan.”
It was my turn to take a step back. But there was nowhere to go. My legs hit the bed, and I had to lunge forward to keep my balance, nearly stumbling into his broad chest. I put one palm out—for balance? To keep us apart? I wasn’t sure. The cold froze over, turned to ice, expanded every vessel inside me until all I could feel was pain. “Why would he do that?” I asked faintly, even though I already knew the answer.
“I’d do anything to protect him. Anything.”
“You know,” Bennet said softly, echoing my own thoughts.
Cole would frame an innocent man? My brother? “But why would the cops listen to him?”
“The Hellers might not be old money, but Cole’s stepdad is a big fucking deal. Has a fair percentage of that town under his thumb. Just like Cole owned a fair percentage of this school—until you came along.”
“It wasn’t me,” I said blankly. “Callahan…I guess she decided she didn’t like him. Didn’t want to give him any more special favors.”
“She didn’t like his obsession with you. The way he interfered with the Strathmore Challenge narrative, or whatever.”
Callahan had been keeping tabs on Cole and me?
“How do you know Cole did that to my brother?” I demanded.
“Because he told me.” Bennett’s voice was hard, bitter.
“Bullshit.”
He let out a short, sharp laugh. “My family used to be on fairly good terms with the Hellers, before Cole’s mom remarried. Cole’s mother and his real father didn’t make as much money as Reed Lawrence, but they made enough that occasionally our circles crossed. Whenever my family deigned to step out among the lesser nobility, that is.” He said it contemptuously. “Then his mom married Reed, and Reed hated my family. We became rivals.”
Part of me wished I could put some physical distance between us. But part of me was frozen, unable to do anything but listen to the rest of this terrible story.
“Cole came to my place one night. I still don’t know how he got to the house. Must have climbed the gate. He was sobbing. Asked if I’d help him. Said Nathan was in trouble. That Reed would kill Nathan if he found out. He asked if my family would make a call to the police chief, confirming that Mason Reiter was the gunman.”
“Did you do it?” I hissed, my heart hammering against my ribs.
He shook his head. “Of course not. I hadn’t witnessed the crime, I didn’t know who was at fault. But Cole seemed sure Nathan had done it, and Mason had tried to confront him. I wasn’t about to ask my family to help frame an innocent man.”
I didn’t even notice my legs were giving out until I felt Bennett’s steadying hand on my arm. I could have sunk into the warmth that filled me at his touch, could have disappeared in it. As soon as I was stable, though, he jerked his hand away like he’d been burned.
He said, “I guess he must have told his stepdad what was going on. And Reed bailed Nathan out.”
“At the expense of my brother!” In my mind, my voice was thunderous. But in reality, it was high and thin and shaky. “So why would you…” I paused, fumbling for words. “Knowing what kind of person he is, why would you be his lackey? Why would you…?” Kiss him? Let him snap his fingers and give you orders? Get turned on by it?
How could I ask him that, when I knew what it was like to face Cole Heller in all his cruelty? And want him?
Bennett’s lip curled “You knew what kind of person he was too! Why is it different when the victim is your brother? What about when he was hurting you?”
That question was too difficult to answer. So I turned my back on him. “How do I know you’re not just telling me this story to get him out of the picture?”
He laughed grimly, disbelief evident in the sound. “You think that’s what this is? I just want you to myself so badly, I’d—”
“That’s not what I said. But yes.” I surprised myself with the strength of my voice. “I think this has something to do with us.”
“Us.” He practically spat the word.
I stood my ground. “Yes, us. I want to know what we’re doing. I want to know if…” I stopped myself. I wanted to know if he cared about me. Maybe love was too strong a word to use this soon. But God help me, the attraction I felt to him was more than sexual. I could feel the memory of his arms after he freed me from the Station. The gentleness with which he’d soothed me. I wanted so badly to be there again. Out of this nightmare, and safe in his arms.
For a second, the longing in his blue eyes matched what I felt. He shifted just the slightest bit closer to me, his head dipping as though he might kiss me.
I shifted too, tilting my chin up involuntarily. Bennett, I thought. Bennett, I can’t survive another semester here—another year—without someone on my side.
But he drew back.
On some level, I think I was expecting him to. It hurt all the same.
His eyes darkened to a deep sapphire. “You used me. Both of you.” He paused, the last of the longing vanishing from his gaze, replaced with a cruelty I knew too well.
“I didn’t,” I said firmly. “I wanted you. And you damn well wanted me too!”
“Stop thinking about yourself!” he shouted. “Did you even know your friend was expelled?”
I jerked back. Kayle had been expelled?
He put his face level with mine. “I’m not your pet. And I’m sure as hell not his. I’m going to make your next semester hell, Miss Reiter.” He stressed the “miss” ironically. “I’ll come down on you like a ton of bricks for every single infraction. And if you get any ideas about sneaking out of this room when you’re not in class or at a scheduled activity…” A bleak smile formed on his lips. “You’ll be sorry.” He rolled his shoulders and turned. “You and Heller deserve each other.”
My heart sank. First Cole. Now Bennett. And my rock, my only friend, Kayle—I’d gotten her expelled. Her future would be ruined.
I would be completely alone.
“Bennett—” But he was gone, the door shutting firmly behind him. And I was left alone in my prison cell.
Chapter Twenty-Two
At dinner, there was an empty seat where Kayle usually sat. The chatter around me hushed slightly as I walked to the table and took my usual seat across from her empty one. I tried to ignore the stares. I should have been an expert by now. Ever since Cole and Callahan had done their best to thrust me into the spotlight at Strathmore, offer me up as a target, I’d had to ignore these stares. Tune out the laughter and hateful words. Dodge the legs stuck out to trip me, the hands extended to shove me.
But tonight, for the first time, I felt I deserved the contempt of my classmates. I wasn’t sorry for standing up to my bullies. I wasn’t sorry for having wanted revenge. I especially wasn’t sorry now that I knew what Cole had done to Mason. But I was sorry for implicating Kayle. I was sorry for screwing everything up.
When it was my table’s turn to go up to the line, I got whatever I thought would be easiest on my stomach—rolls, a small salad. Then I returned to my seat.
I couldn’t keep myself from glancing around the cafeteria. No sign of Cole, or Bennett. Whoever was on monitor duty—I couldn’t remember her name—was flirting with a boy a few tables away. Ainslie sat nearby with her friends. She caught my eye briefly. Smirked, then whispered something to the brunette beside her. They both laughed. Other students turned away when they accidentally met my eye. So I’d gone from being a target to a leper. I could live with that.