She was breathing too fast. Mason cradled her face between his hands and brushed her tears away. “Focus on me, Princess. Take a deep breath.” When she did he said, “Attagirl. You’re okay, Princess. I’ve got you.” He wrapped his arms around her and whispered, “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
Remi blinked several times, coming out of the fog of memories that had consumed her. She pulled back a little, though not completely out of Mason’s arms, savoring his comfort. She had never shared those details with anyone. She didn’t know what had compelled her to tell Mason, but she didn’t want to stop. She wanted to tell him everything that had followed that awful night and explain that was why she didn’t like driving. But she was pouring her heart out to someone else’s man, and that wasn’t fair to him or to his girlfriend. He was her bodyguard, and he was stuck listening to her sob story, which was definitely not in his job description.
She forced herself to break from his embrace and stuffed her painful memories down deep, as she’d learned to do long ago. Swiping at her tears, she tried to calm her racing heart. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall apart. It’s been a long time since I . . .” God, I’m pouring out my heart again. She steeled herself against that urge and said, “I’m sorry. That was way too much information to dump on you.”
He placed his hand over hers, stirring the feelings for him she was trying to ignore, and said, “Remi, don’t apologize. I appreciate you sharing that with me. I had no idea how much you’d been through, and I’m so sorry for your loss. For all of it. Anytime you want to talk, I’m here.”
The sincerity in his eyes and voice made her want to say more, and it hurt knowing she shouldn’t. She felt awkward, having revealed so much of herself to a man who shouldn’t be burdened with it. She could only imagine what he’d say to his girlfriend about the fucked-up celebrity he was babysitting. That thought stung, too, but mostly because she didn’t believe he was the kind of guy to think that way, much less say it.
She pushed nervously to her feet, pulling on her sweater as she headed for the table to clear away the dishes, and said, “I’ve taken enough of your time, but thank you.”
She began stacking dishes, and he did the same, watching her intently. Her emotions were all over the place. “You don’t have to help,” she said as they carried dishes inside.
“I don’t mind. Rain’s moving in. It’s best to get this stuff indoors before it starts.”
Once the table was cleared, they put away the leftovers, the silence broken only by the music streaming through the speakers on the wall. She was glad for the noise, even though it couldn’t completely drown out her thoughts. She hoped it might distract Mason from all that she’d told him.
When she began washing the dishes, he said, “I’m going to secure the house. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, and I appreciate you asking, but please don’t think I need pitying because of my family. It was a long time ago. I’m fine, really. I don’t even know where all that came from.” Her stomach knotted. It was a long time ago, but talking about it had brought all of those painful memories to the surface.
“Remi, what I’m feeling is nothing like pity. I just wanted to be sure you were okay before I left you alone.”
“I’m good. Thank you.”
He went to secure the house, and she scrubbed the hell out of the dishes. Her mind played games with her, sifting through their afternoon at the grocery store, the way they’d danced and joked as they cooked, and the heated looks and closeness they’d shared.
She was putting detergent in the dishwasher, thinking about the stricken look on Mason’s face when she told him she was in the car with her parents, when he strode back into the kitchen looking hot and delectable. Was it possible for one man to be her best and her worst distraction?
“What’s that grin for?” he asked.
“Nothing.” She wiped her hands on a dish towel, scolding herself for thinking of him that way again when he had a girlfriend. Maybe she needed to get that off her chest and acknowledge that he was taken in order to stop thinking about him as if he were a single man. Yes, that’s exactly what she needed to do.
She mustered the courage and said, “I heard you talking to your girlfriend on the phone this morning. You shouldn’t have to turn your life upside down because of me. I can stay with Ben and Aurelia or Willow and Zane for a night so you don’t have to miss your date.”
His brow knitted. “My date? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She moved around the kitchen, scrubbing the already-clean counters to work off her nervous energy. “Mason, you’re allowed to have a life. God knows someone around here should.”
“That’s good to know, but again, I have no idea—”
“Come on, Mason. Unless you call your secretary or the guys who work for you sweetheart, I’m pretty sure I know what I heard.”
He touched her hand, stopping her from scrubbing the finish off the counters. She dropped the sponge and folded her arms, then quickly unfolded them.
An amused smile lifted his lips.
“What’s that smile for? I’m sorry if I seem nosy. I just feel bad for your girlfriend.”
“You feel bad for her? Well, that’s nice of you, and I’d let her know that if I had a girlfriend. What you overheard was me talking to Brooklyn, the ten-year-old daughter of a buddy of mine who was killed in the line of duty. She lives about twenty minutes from here, and I try to see her once a month and take her out for a movie or dinner. It gives her mom, Krista, a break, and it gives me a chance to tell Brooklyn stories about her dad to help keep his memory alive. It’s the least I can do, since I survived and he didn’t.”
“Oh . . .” She understood all too well the burden of survivor’s guilt. How many other brothers-in-arms had he lost? How many other families did he visit?
“Now I feel stupid and guilty for overhearing your phone call and for you missing out on seeing her. I’m sorry. I just assumed . . .” You had a girlfriend.
But you don’t.
That reality had her revisiting everything that had gone on this evening—every touch, the kiss on her head, the way he’d held her hand and comforted her.
“It’s fine,” he said tightly.
“No, it’s not.” Her mind spun, twisting everything around until she was too conflicted to think straight about the two of them. But she saw one thing very clearly: She didn’t want a fatherless little girl to miss out on seeing Mason. “I’m sure Brooklyn looks forward to seeing you, and her mom has probably been looking forward to a night off. Aiden never had time off from taking care of me when I was younger, and I know how much of a burden I was to him.” I still am in many ways. “Like I said, I’ll go stay with Ben and Aurelia for a night so you don’t have to worry about me.”
“Let it go, Remi. I’m not leaving you to take Brooklyn to the movies.”
“Then why don’t you bring her here for dinner and to watch a movie? She can roast marshmallows over the fire and go swimming if she wants.”
“That sounds nice, but I would never put her in danger.”
“Danger?” She looked around the kitchen. “Of what? The stalker obviously isn’t around. Besides, you didn’t have an issue with my friends coming over.”
“They’re adults. They make those decisions for themselves. Their boyfriends and husbands know the score.”
“Well, there has to be a way for you to see her. I don’t like knowing you’re letting Brooklyn down because of me. How about if we both take her out? I’ll sit at another table or something.”
He shook his head. “I know you don’t think you’re in danger, but I’m not taking any chances by dividing my attention between you and Brooklyn. That’s not safe for either of you.”
She realized he was right, even if she didn’t believe the stalker had followed her from LA. But that didn’t take away the sting of knowing he was letting Brooklyn down because of her. She pulled her sweater tighter around her
and said, “I’m just trying to help. I’m going to figure out a way for you to see her.”
“Brooklyn will be fine. You, on the other hand, worry me. You’ve just bared your soul, and I know how that can unearth unwanted emotions.”
If he didn’t care about her as a woman, as opposed to just a job, would he bother saying that? If she didn’t get out of there fast, she was liable to make a fool out of herself and ask. “I’m okay, thanks. I think I’ll go to bed.”
She headed for the steps, hope fluttering inside her like birds dancing toward the sky.
“Remi?” he called after her.
She turned with her heart in her throat. “Yeah?”
“I’m just trying to do my job the best way I know how. You know that, right?”
Talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Her hope deflated like a balloon. No girlfriend doesn’t mean no boundaries. “Of course. Good night.”
She stalked into her bedroom feeling stupid for even playing with the idea of there being something more between them, for thinking too much about his comforting touch and all those glances she was obviously misreading. She washed her face and changed into her silk sleeping shorts and tank top as the skies opened up and lightning and thunder crackled and boomed outside. She looked at the rain pummeling her window, and the memories she’d unearthed came rushing back. The flash of headlights on the deer as they darted in front of the car. The skid that sent the car careening down the hill. Her heart pitched as more thunder clapped, shaking her from the horrid memories.
With tears in her eyes, she retrieved her crafting supply boxes from the closet and set them on the floor by the bed. As she laid out one of her father’s favorite books, along with her supplies—a razor, a stapler, glue, construction paper, a wooden cutting board, and hemp—her mother’s voice trickled in. Just breathe, Remi. Everything will be okay.
“I’m trying,” she mumbled to herself.
Her mother had loved crafting, and she’d taught Remi to make paper ornaments, bouquets, and cards from the pages of books and construction paper. She made them whenever she was sad or anxious.
Or, apparently, sexually and emotionally frustrated.
There were several boxes of ornaments and other things she’d made in the closet. She took them with her when she traveled. It comforted her to have them nearby. Though she owned several homes, she’d never felt grounded in any one place. She stole off to Cape Cod for a few weeks here and there, usually by herself to decompress. Sometimes she spent time with her friend Parker Collins-Lacroux, who ran a children’s charity and owned a house in Wellfleet. She holed up in her rural cabin not far from Harmony Pointe when she wanted to be alone or needed to center her mind. They’d long ago sold their childhood home in West Virginia. The sadness outweighed the good memories there. But here, near her friends in Sweetwater and Harmony Pointe, was where she finally felt her roots trying to take hold.
She wiped her tears away, listening to rain drumming against the windows as she used the razor to carefully cut pages out of the book. The measured drag of the razor gave her something to focus on. She set several pages on the cutting board and began marking off one-inch strips with the ruler and pen.
Just breathe, Remi. Just breathe and everything will be okay.
She’d been old enough to have her first crush the December before she lost her mother. Johnny Templeton had broken her heart by asking someone else to the school’s holiday dance. When Remi’s mother had found her crying in her bedroom, her face buried in her pillow, her mother had said, There will be lots of boys like Johnny Templeton in your life. They’re for practice. Nobody is born knowing how to handle everything in life, and the Johnny Templetons of the world help us learn about all types of things, including protecting our hearts. But I promise you, Princess, one day there will be a special guy who will take one look at you and know without a shadow of a doubt how incredibly special you are. He might drive you crazy, because boys are not quite as smart in the love department as we girls are. But mark my words: When he comes along, you’ll know it and so will he, because when true love hits, it’s inescapable. Your heart will soar, and the pit of your stomach will get all knotted up. You might even want to outrun those feelings, but no matter what direction you turn, he’s always going to be there.
Thunder boomed at the same moment a knock sounded on Remi’s bedroom door, startling her, and the pen she was holding tore through the paper. Perfect. What else can go wrong? Maybe Mason wanted to hammer the boundary thing home? Put her hopeful thoughts in a coffin and nail it shut?
She pushed to her feet and threw the door open. Mason stood before her, jaw tight, shoulders slightly rounded, looking sullen and angry at once.
“Hey,” he said gruffly.
She swallowed hard and croaked out, “Hey.”
“I, um . . .” His gaze shifted to the mess on her floor.
“I craft when I’m anxious.”
“You’re anxious . . .” He uttered a curse, and his serious eyes found hers again.
Without a word, he pulled her into an embrace, holding her tighter than she could ever remember being held—except maybe by Aiden the night of the accident. But this was different. This wasn’t the embrace of an older brother. It was the embrace of a lover. The kind of embrace she’d acted out dozens of times in movies, only this wasn’t an act. It was endless and beautiful. She didn’t know why he was holding her like that, and she didn’t question why she was letting him. She was too thankful for the comfort she’d always known existed but had never found in the arms of another.
His heart beat sure and steady against her cheek. Their closeness should have made her more anxious, but as she stood in the confines of his protective arms, her breathing calmed and her tension melted away. She closed her eyes, soaking him in like a sponge.
“I’m sorry for all you’ve lost and for all you’ve gone through,” he said without releasing her, his voice tight, visceral, potent enough to make her legs weak. “And I’m so fucking glad you survived.” His muscles tensed, and he stepped back, his stormy eyes catching hers for only a second before he strode into his bedroom, closing the door firmly behind him.
With whispers of hope in her head and feeling more than a little confused, Remi retreated into her bedroom. She closed the door and leaned back against it, her heart racing, wondering if she wouldn’t be putting a nail in that coffin after all.
CHAPTER TEN
REMI? COME ON, Princess. Remi was having the best dream ever. Mason was in her bed, whispering her name, his breath coasting over her cheek as he pulled her closer. She reached for him, her fingers trailing over his prickly scruff, into his hair. She could practically taste his mouth on hers.
“Remi!”
Her eyes flew open at the very real whisper, and she bolted upright, smacking into Mason’s chest.
“We have to go,” he whispered urgently, helping her out of bed.
Panic flared inside her. She grabbed her sweater from the chair and shoved her hands into the sleeves. “Why? Is it the stalker? Is he here?”
“No,” Mason whispered loudly as he darted into her closet, returning with her Ugg boots. “Put these on. We’re sneaking out.”
“Sneaking out?” she snapped, shoving her feet into the boots.
“Shh! We have to go.” He took her hand and hurried out the bedroom door, speaking in urgent whispers. “You have a late call tomorrow, which means you can sleep in.”
“Why are we whispering?” She tried to keep up as they rushed down the stairs.
“Because that’s what you do when you sneak out.”
She laughed and whispered, “You aren’t like any bodyguard I’ve ever known.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
They snuck out to the SUV, and she stole glances at him as he drove through town. He was wearing his normal attire of jeans and a T-shirt, but his cocky grin made him look even hotter than he had in her midnight fantasy. She looked down at her silk
pajama shorts and tank top, unable to believe they were sneaking out! In the middle of the night! Together! This was so different—better, more mysterious—than ditching her bodyguards.
“Do you always rouse your charges in the middle of the night?” she teased. “Is it your way to get a peek at their goods?”
“Their goods?” He chuckled. “Do I look desperate to you?”
“Desperate is not the word I was thinking of.” But I’m pretty sure telling you that sneaking out with me makes you sexier than ever would only get me in trouble.
He drove to the edge of town and turned off the main road, navigating through side streets.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
She couldn’t stop smiling. It was after midnight, which officially made it Monday morning. They’d gotten so close in the days since she found out he didn’t have a girlfriend and she told him about the night of the accident, it was getting even more difficult to hide her feelings for him. She’d taken him up on his offer to help her with her exercise routine, and they’d been working out together in the mornings. She’d never been so excited to face a new day as she was knowing she’d spend it with Mason. She even looked forward to making breakfasts and cooking dinners together, which was not only fun, but it gave them time to get to know each other better. He was helping her understand and take care of herself, but not in a controlling or demeaning way. He didn’t push too hard, and it was clear that he wanted her to understand why she might want to consider doing things differently, like developing boundaries. He’d even carefully suggested she sit down and have a talk with Aiden about the way he handled her without taking away from her gratitude toward him. Most people thought she should break away from Aiden totally, or just be thankful for the way he cared for her. Remi appreciated that Mason saw both sides of the equation. She never knew everyday things like cooking could be so fun—or that a man could be so enlightening and enticing.
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