Abdominal Snowman: A Feel Good Holiday Romance

by Sloane Peterson

  Nole grinned. “You’re not crazy. Heck, the fact that you’re having such a hard time believing in me, even when I’m right here in front of you, is a pretty good sign that you’ve been blessed with a healthy enough sense of skepticism. I mean, you could reach out and touch me if you wanted to...”

  The temptation to do just that made me bite my lip and flare my nostrils at him. I shook it off, though.

  “Obviously I know you’re real,” I countered. “Like, you’re a real, a tangible person. I just don’t believe you are what you say you are.”

  “Your snowman?” he asked, still smiling.

  “Um, yeah,” I said dryly.

  He laughed. “Well if you don’t believe what I am, would it help if I tell you why I’m here?”

  “I doubt it,” I said with one eyebrow cocked. “But try me...”

  At my prompting he lifted up both of his hands, and made a kind of sarcastic twinkling motion with his hands, his eyes widening as he spoke.

  “Christmas magic!” he whispered, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Okay yeah, you really aren’t helping your case at all,” I said, but I couldn’t help but smile at the explanation all the same.

  “Like I said,” he went on, “a perfectly healthy skepticism. You’d be surprised how many people don’t believe in Christmas magic, even when they’re staring it right in the face.”

  “Would I, though?” I asked. “I mean, really?”

  “I certainly don’t have a complete understanding of how it works myself,” he continued. “I think there are some things in life that we just have to let be mysterious, you know? All I know is that I sensed you needed me. So you built me. And I came to life. So here I am.”

  I scoffed at this, and worried for a moment that it might’ve been impolite of me, before remembering how totally warped this whole situation was in terms of manners.

  “Hold on, I needed you? Just who do you think you are, Mr. Abdominal Snowman?”

  “Oh, you noticed those?” he said with a wink, flexing his muscles beneath the bath robe.

  I blushed and turned away from him. “Look, pal... Nole, or Frosty, or whoever you really are... Even if this wasn’t the weirdest, craziest thing that’s ever happened to me, the last time I needed someone I let him take a decade and a half of my life away from me! I just got out of an awful relationship with a complete nutcase, so what makes you think I’m in any hurry to jump into another one? And don’t say Christmas magic!”

  For the first time, Nole’s smile actually faded. He didn’t appear as assured, as cocky and overconfident in his bizarro explanations as he had up to this point. He simply looked at me, considering me closely, as the firelight twinkled in his cool blue irises, and his rugged jaw clenched in deep thought.

  And then he reached out. His hand, suddenly, was on mine.

  I flinched, but I didn’t pull away from him.

  We sat there, our hands laced together on the couch between us, my eyes finally pivoting up from his thick but gentle fingers to meet the seriousness of his gaze.

  “I was sent here for a reason, Addison,” he said to me in a low, gentle voice. “I come from the wind, and the snow, and the clouds, and the elements. I know it’s hard to understand. But I felt your pain. I experienced your loneliness with you. Your feelings of betrayal. I know what you’ve been going through. It isn’t right. You don’t deserve any of the things that have happened to you. You’ve struggled so much. And I just want to help you. If you’ll let me.”

  He put his hand on mine now. I confess, I was actually beginning to fall for this. Tears were welling up in my eyes suddenly. I was being told all the things I’d been needing to hear for so long, by exactly the sort of man any woman would dream of hearing them from. Sure, the circumstances were a little bit strange... But did that really matter?

  “So... So you’re, like, my guardian angel, then? Or something... Is that it?” I asked, still challenging him, but with a soft, sensual edge to my voice that hadn’t been there before, and that I’m not even sure I meant to let creep in.

  “Not exactly,” he said, and gave my hand a little squeeze. A beautiful shock of warmth traveled its way up along my arm, and made my heart quicken in its pulse. “I came here, into your world, because I’m in love with you, Addison. I see you for who you are. You’re smart, funny, talented. You’re a terrific mother. And honestly? You’re just downright beautiful. From your gorgeous blonde hair, to your intense mahogany eyes, and the fullness of your lips...”

  The next thing I knew, he was running his fingers through my hair. I was trembling and afraid, confused as much as anything, but I didn’t want him to stop.

  “This shouldn’t be working as well as it is,” I said to him, my vision pulling out of focus as I felt my knees getting weaker and weaker.

  “So you admit it’s working, then?” he said, and there was that smirk again.

  “A little...” I confessed, though I was severely under exaggerating. He laughed.

  “I want to be there for you,” he went on. “You’ve been there for everyone else in your life, for so long. Now you deserve a chance to lean on someone for a change. Someone who understands you. I want to be that person for you, Addison. Both for you and your daughter. I need you. And I think that’s why you made me. Because deep down, you know you need me too.”

  “Wow,” I said woozily, feeling intoxicated without having a single drop of liquor in the house. “That Christmas magic is some strong stuff...”

  He smiled a warm smile at me, and let his hand fall gently from my hair to my cheek. His palm felt particularly warm for the hand of a snowman, perfectly firm yet soft against my skin.

  “I want you to have the best Christmas you’ve ever had,” he said to me, and I could feel the ice beginning to splinter beneath the increasing weight of the moment.

  I barely had time to realize it as he was leaning in toward me. And even more astonishingly, I was leaning in his direction to meet him. The plush bathrobe began to slip down along his shoulders, revealing the pulsing thickness of his biceps.

  Weak all over I reached out, and placed my hand against the vastness of his chest, savoring the heat of his skin, and the pulse of his beating heart up against my fingertips.

  Snowman or not, there was no longer any question about his realness, or his humanity.

  He cradled my head in his hands. He pulled my face into his. Our lips met, and I felt my body dissolving away as the hat of his kiss melted over me. His mouth was warm and sweet, and I breathed him in like he contained all the oxygen in the room. His stubble scratched up against my smooth face, and a vicious desire spread throughout my entire body, making me crave him, making me want nothing more than to surrender to him completely, the consequences of this insanity be damned!

  It must have only been a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity pressed up against him, and I wanted it to go on for even longer.

  But then as quickly as it had come over me, the illusion shattered.

  “Mommmmmm,” I heard a distant voice calling me from the top of the stairs.

  Instantly my throat tightened, and I experienced a pang of mental and emotional whiplash. I pulled suddenly away from him- this half-naked stranger in my home, telling me these bizarre stories about himself, and all about how he loved me...

  My God, what was I thinking?!

  “Addison?” he asked me, his brow furrowed with concern as I continued glaring at him in horror. “Is something wrong?”

  “You need to leave,” I said, and stood up from the couch.

  “I’m sorry?” he said. I yanked him up by the arm, and for all his beefcake muscles, he rose to his feet like a child being scolded.

  “I said you need to get out of my house,” I reiterated. “I’ve already got enough on my plate without this... This... Whatever this is!”

  I pulled him back over to the front door, and he followed along without a struggle, but continued to protest all the while. “Addison, please. We’re both adu
lts here. Can we talk about this? I know it’s a little bit odd, but-”

  I shoved him through the door.

  “I’ve heard all I want from you, Mister. I don’t need this in my life, and neither does my daughter. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Just make sure you celebrate it far away from here!”

  I slammed the door in his face, and dead bolted it shut behind him.

  I expected him to start knocking to be let back in again at any second, but to my mixture of relief and disappointment, I heard nothing but silence.

  I waited, and waited, and still nothing but dead air.

  Finally I pressed my back up against the door, and slid slowly down until I was a crumpled mess on the floor, practically in the fetal position.

  What in Candyland had just happened to me, and why had I let it?

  My lips still tasted sweet from his kiss...

  “Mommmmm!” I heard Jule call again, and finally my maternal instincts kicked back in. I rose up from the floor, and snuck a quick peek through the front window for signs of him still hovering out there on my porch.

  But there was no longer any trace of him, no sign that he’d even been here at all, other than that strange set of footprints in the snow.

  I let out a brief sigh, tried to shake it off, and made my way back toward the stairs.

  “Coming, Jujyfruit!”

  I hurried up into Jule’s room and leaned in through her door.

  “What’s the matter, Honeybun?” I asked her. She sat there groggily in bed, rubbing her eyes as I hovered in the doorway.

  “Who were you talking to downstairs?” she asked feebly. “I heard voices...”

  “That was the TV,” I lied, smiling a little too eagerly.

  “You were on TV?” she asked.

  “I- no, I... Oh, that. It was just an old Jeopardy rerun. I... I guess I just got a little bit carried away trying to shout out the answers. Or I mean, the questions. Or... Well, you know what I mean.”

  “Oh,” she said, and I couldn’t tell if she was unconvinced, or just too sleepy to give a Mouse King’s behind about whether I was making any sense.

  I swept quietly over to her bedside and pulled the covers up over her where she’d shaken them off in her sleep, then leaned in and kissed her with the same lips that had just been on the Snowman a few moments before.

  The irresponsibility of having even let him set foot inside my home made me shudder.

  “Go back to bed, sweetie,” I whispered to her, and she let out an adorable yawn that reminded me of her as a baby.

  “Okay,” she said, putting up no fight whatsoever. I sat there quietly stroking her hair until I could tell by the steady rise and fall of her breathing she was fast asleep again.

  Then I took a deep breath, sighed, and crept back out of her room.

  I went downstairs again to make sure there were no lingering signs of my snowman guest. Then I put out the fire in the hearth, crept back into my bedroom, and sealed myself beneath the blankets, sure even as I did so that any meager attempts at sleep I made at this point would be a completely lost cause.

  Chapter Four - The Cold Shoulder

  “Is everything alright, dear? You seem a little bit distracted today...”

  I’d been staring out the window at work all morning, watching as the increasingly rare odd flake of snow whirligigged itself past the glass. Presently, though, I rounded on Marie, who was gazing at me with a look of concern on her sweet Mrs. Claus face.

  “Did you just say I seemed attracted today? That’s crazy! To who? Who would I even be attracted to?! To who, Marie?! That’s what I want to know!”

  Marie, collected as ever, didn’t seem to take any offense at my attacking her like this. “No, dear. I said you seem distracted today.”

  I sighed, shook my head, and ran my flour-covered fingers across my face.

  “Gosh, I’m so sorry Marie. I didn’t sleep at all last night. That snowstorm we had kept me up. Then this morning I got all hyped up on peppermint lattes just to try and keep myself awake, so I’m totally wired on caffeine. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

  “No harm done, dearie,” she said with that genteel grin of hers, and patted me on the back. “Did you have a nice time with your daughter this weekend at least?”

  “Oh... Yeah, yeah, I did,” I said, having all but forgotten about Jule and I’s bonding time together after the total madness of last night’s events.

  The truth was, as harshly as I’d thrown him out on his snowballs, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Nole ever since he left my sight. A part of me had even wondered whether the whole thing had been a dream- the thundersnow, the knock on the front door, the kiss...

  But I’d taken Jule to school that morning and saw that the real life snowman’s footprints were still there, leading from our yard to the front porch.

  “Hey, our snowman is gone!” Jule had observed as I pulled us out of the driveway, after having spent a good half hour or so just trying to get my car defrosted.

  “Yeah, must’ve got knocked over by the storm,” I’d said with feigned disinterest.

  “But there are footprints in the snow!” Jule protested, pressing her face against the window.

  “Probably just some kids,” I’d managed to pull out of my rear end, and sped off from the house before she had time to do any further investigating.

  “That’s nice dear, I’m glad you had fun together,” Marie said presently.

  “Thanks Marie, I appreciate that,” I said brightly. I tried to wipe some of the streaks of flour from my face, but I had a feeling I only worsened my powdery war paint in the process.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and take your lunch a little early today?” Marie finally asked, giving my arm a little squeeze. “You look like you could use a break.”

  “Oh gosh, are you sure?” I asked, not wanting to foist my responsibilities onto her once again, but genuinely feeling like I was about to fall to pieces.

  “Sure as sugar,” she said with appropriate sweetness. “We haven’t been too busy today. I can hold down the fort just fine while you’re out.”

  “You’re such a sweetheart,” I said to her, and couldn’t help but lean in and give her a hug. You almost always just wanted to lean in and hug Marie whenever you were around her for very long. She just sorta gave off that kind of energy.

  A few minutes later I’d cleaned myself up in the employee bathroom, and I was headed down the block for Patterson’s Deli, separated by only a few very old buildings from us at Loveland from the Oven. Patterson’s made an absolutely killer turkey club sandwich, but right now I had a craving for one of the pickle spears they served alongside their sandwiches as much as anything else.

  Anything to get my mind off of last night, I told myself. Just one foot in front of the other, focus on what you’re doing, and don’t let your mind wander...

  And then I looked up, and practically shrieked at the sight of the man in the black pea coat across the street. I ducked into the alleyway behind Patterson’s, then very carefully peered out from behind the wall at the figure across the way.

  “Can I help you with your bags, Miss?” he was asking old lady Turnbull, who was about half his size and struggling with two armfuls of groceries.

  “Ohhhh, aren’t you a sweetheart!” said old lady Turnbull. “Thank you dear, that would be a great help!”

  It was unmistakably him, I could see. The same dark crew cut, the same broad figure, the same mesmerizing air about him. The only difference was that now he wasn’t totally stark naked, although I thought I could see he was still wearing the scarf Jule and I had wrapped around our snowman.

  “What is he still doing here?!” I hissed to myself, as I watched Nole scooping Ms. Turnbull’s groceries out of her arms, and loading them into the trunk of her Buick.

  At least now I’d established beyond a shadow of a doubt that he hadn’t simply been a dream. The only trouble was, I had no idea whether I should be overjoyed or furious about th
at fact.

  This guy was getting under my skin, in a very big way- and I mean how could he not have, showing up at my house at 2 A.M. in the state he was in???

  I watched and waited until the groceries were loaded up and I heard the slam of the trunk, followed by old lady Turnbull disappearing inside her car. She pulled out of her space and Nole waved goodbye to her, and that was when I decided.

  I gathered up my courage, took a deep breath, and vowed to go over and confront him. I didn’t know whether I planned on telling him to leave me the heck alone, or whether I just wanted some excuse to talk to him again. Either way, though, I was doing it...

  But just then, as I took a single step forward in his direction, an old red pickup truck came zooming past through the street between the two of us, hauling a Christmas tree along in its bed.

  I waited for the truck to pass, took another step forward, and then stopped.

  Suddenly there was nobody there. The spot where Nole had been was now totally vacant, with no trace of him anywhere.

  I jerked my head quickly around, from left to right and back again, sure that he must be playing some sort of trick on me.

  But there was nothing. No evidence that he’d even been here in the first place.

  My disappointment quickly turned into frustration. I balled my hands into fists, and wheeled around on my heel.

  “Christmas magic my butt!” I muttered to myself, then stormed back across the street to drown my angst in a double turkey club with extra pickles at Patterson’s Deli.

  _____

  Any expectation that I might’ve had of our encounter on Main Street being a one-shot deal was very quickly thwarted.

  After a night of much-needed rest (although still occupied by wild, sexy dreams about myself and an unclothed Nole engaged in all kinds of holly jolly antics together), I drove to work the next morning feeling only slightly better than I had the day before. Any hopes I had of avoiding thoughts of Nole were almost immediately put to rest, as on the way to work I noticed a minivan broken down on the side of the road, its hazard lights flashing.