by Quinn Ward
“Going to add a second finger, baby,” he warned me. With as much as I’d struggled to take the first, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to take two, but I trusted Daddy. And I knew how thick his dick was. If I couldn’t do two fingers, there was no way he’d be able to get inside of me.
I wasn’t sure how long Daddy kept playing with my hole. Whenever I’d tense, he’d swat my reddened backside, forcing me to stay with him. Finally, he decided I was ready and sat back on his heels. I heard the condom wrapper being ripped open and I stilled. This was it: the moment everything would change. As soon as Daddy was inside of me, I knew I’d be his forever.
He didn’t shove his dick in my hole as soon as he was wrapped up. Instead, he lay over my body and kissed me deeply before biting his way down my neck. He sucked hard and I knew there’d be a bruise there in the morning. No longer hiding my relationship from my brothers, I welcomed Daddy’s marks.
“Last chance, Angel,” he warned me, rocking slowly, the head of his dick nudging at my hole.
“Do it, Daddy. Make me your boy,” I pleaded, my voice thready and filled with desperation.
I cried out against the pain as he slowly pushed into me. Daddy stilled, whispering encouragement as he gave me time to adjust to the intrusion. I focused on his voice, breathing through the pain as he suggested. My hands fisted the sheets and I bit down on my tongue to keep from screaming my safe word. I was not going to bail now; I’d read online that penetration wasn’t always pleasant, especially when you’d never done it before. That’s all this was.
I swallowed another protest when Daddy pushed deeper. I was beyond ready for the part where this got amazing like everyone said it would. I felt Daddy’s hand on my cheek and leaned into the touch, my eyes clenched shut to keep him from seeing my reactions. He pushed deeper and the discomfort caused spots behind my eyelids. This was not what I expected at all.
“Boy, look at me.” I shook my head furiously. I wasn’t going to ruin this for him. For us. But Daddy wasn’t letting me off the hook. “Now, boy.”
I obeyed, tossing an arm over my eyes as soon as I saw the concern in his gaze. Everything I wanted to say got stuck in my throat. Daddy rubbed my chest in slow, gentle circles, urging me to breathe and tell him what was on my mind. Finally, I choked out the response I needed him to hear, even if it was a lie. “I’m fine, Daddy. Hurts, that’s all. Keep going.”
I expected him to continue, but instead, he pulled out of me. I felt bereft and relieved at the absence of him inside of me. I sobbed, hating myself for being unable to enjoy this with him. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Angel. Talk to me.”
How could I tell him I felt sick to my stomach? I wanted so badly to enjoy what everyone talked about like it was some transcendental experience, but I hated every second of it. My breathing was shallow and ragged, tears flowing down my cheeks. I curled away from him, hating my body because I couldn’t enjoy sex.
I was confused, because I had been certain what I felt for Daddy was love, but now I didn’t know anything. If I loved him, I’d want this. My mind snapped out of the headspace I loved and was instantly flooded with a host of self-recriminations about why it was foolish of me to think I could ever have a normal relationship.
Before Levi, I’d accepted my lot in life and had convinced myself I didn’t need to attach myself as half of a couple to be satisfied. Now, I felt hollow inside, a failure on a scale I’d never imagined.
As much as I dreaded the idea of walking away from Levi, it had to happen. The longer I lay here with him trying to comfort me, the more it’d hurt when he realized this was the way I’d always be. My issue wasn’t that I hadn’t had good sex, it was apparently that my body wasn’t capable of it.
When I tried sitting up to gather my clothes and leave, Levi tightened his arms around my waist, holding me against him. The more I struggled, the tighter Levi held me, tenderly kissing the back of my head. “Please don’t run from me, Angel. We promised to talk whenever something went sideways. What’s going on?”
Resigned to the fact I wasn’t going to escape, I lay back down and buried my face in the pillow to muffle my response. “I can’t… This isn’t… I can’t let you do that.”
“What did you say? I couldn’t understand you.” Levi’s body was still a warm presence at my back. He ran a hand up and down my chest, kissing the back of my head, my neck, my cheek, anywhere he could reach. “Tell me how to fix this.”
“It’s not you, it’s me,” I cried out. “I’m the one who’s messed up. I was begging you to have sex with me and then I freaked out when you did. I’m so sorry, Levi. I don’t think I can bottom.”
“Hey, I told you earlier penetration isn’t something everyone likes,” he reminded me. He relaxed his hold, sliding a hand down my arm and lacing our fingers together. Levi had every reason to thank me for a good time and walk me to the door, but he was still here trying to ease my mind.
“But you like it,” I argued.
“With the right person, I love it. But I can’t tell you how sick I feel knowing you were miserable.” I reached around and noticed his dick was now as soft as mine had gone. Nothing said “night gone wrong” like two guys who couldn’t keep it up. And it was my fault. “I would happily give up penetrative sex if it meant never watching you cry when we’re intimate again.”
“But sometimes you like my tears.”
Levi chuckled, more of a quick exhalation than a sound. Maybe we’d find a way to come back from this.
“Yes, Angel, I do,” he agreed. “But only when we both know they’re going to happen. This is the type of pain I never want to inflict again. Why don’t we call it an early night and talk more about this tomorrow?”
“You’re not mad at me for wrecking tonight?” I needed his reassurance that he wouldn’t stew in his anger tonight and kick me to the curb in the morning.
“Angel, you didn’t ruin anything. We tried something you wanted to try and you didn’t like it. Now, we both know, and we’ll find other ways to be intimate. Get some sleep. Tomorrow’s another day and we’ll get through it together.” I relaxed a bit, putting my faith in Levi that we’d work this out, and eventually, I felt myself drift off to sleep.
The next day, I woke up with a sore butt in more ways than one. The marks from where he’d taken the belt to me made me smile, knowing I’d feel his presence as a reminder throughout the day. With any luck, he’d add to them tomorrow morning and get me through the night we had to be apart. The other discomfort... well, I was trying to forget about the aborted attempt at losing my virginity.
I rolled over, expecting to find Levi clinging to the edge of the mattress the way he did when he overheated in the middle of the night, but the sheets were cold. Music played from somewhere at the other end of the apartment, so I swung my legs over the edge of the bed to investigate.
Cold air assaulted my sleep-warmed skin and I practically dove for the clothes Levi had set out for me, trying to not be disappointed when I realized they were normal clothes, except undies with monsters on them. I was looking forward to a little day at home with Daddy, but it seemed he had other plans for us. Perhaps it was presumptuous of me to think Levi hadn’t changed his mind after a night of sleep. I clutched the underwear in my fists; they were my only reassurance that I hadn’t destroyed everything.
Once I was dressed, I followed the scent of vanilla into the kitchen, a huge smile crossing my face when I found Levi making waffles. My anxiety settled a bit more when I saw my race car plate on the counter next to him and the matching cup already filled with orange juice. Okay, so maybe I was getting some little time after all. And then I noticed it: sitting in my chair at the table was the biggest stuffed sloth I’d ever seen.
“Do I even want to know what that is?” I asked, giggling as I went over to inspect the toy. Its fur reminded me of the diaper I’d been roped into wearing the day we met. My dick, which I’d been certain was permanently broken after last night’s debacle, twitched to lif
e. I hugged the stuffed animal tightly, nuzzling my face into its fur.
Daddy set down the spatula and turned off the waffle iron before bringing breakfast to the table. He took me into his arms, pressing his lips to my neck. “I wanted you to have something to cuddle with when I have to go out of town. This way, you’ll know I’m thinking about you even when we can’t be together.”
“I love it!” I exclaimed, carefully setting it in the chair across from me so I didn’t spill anything on it while I was eating. “It’s super soft. Where did you find a stuffie so big?”
“You can find just about anything online,” he told me. “Luckily, this one was available locally and I was able to pick it up yesterday. I was going to wait to give it to you until tonight, but after everything that happened last night, I thought you might want something to remind you of your place this morning.”
Somehow, he’d once again known exactly what I needed. Daddy took his seat next to me and started cutting my waffles. The first time he’d done it, I’d felt uncomfortable with him taking care of such basic needs, but now, it helped me sink further into my role. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not realizing sooner that you weren’t ready.”
“You couldn’t have known,” I countered, trying to reassure him the way he always did me. “You listened to what I asked for and tried giving it to me. I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.”
We chatted our way through breakfast and I felt like I was in some sort of limbo-land. It’d be so easy for me to fully sink into little space, but the conversation was very adult. Daddy curled his fingers around my hand and lifted it to his lips, sucking syrup off each finger. Then, he narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips and the world tilted again. I had no idea what I’d done now to upset him.
“Don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again,” he warned me. “I understand this was a situation where you thought you wanted something, but I don’t ever want you feeling pressured by me. The only way this arrangement works is if there’s total honesty. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“Excuse me?” he growled, cocking his head to the side while he waited for me to correct myself. I sat up a bit straighter in my seat, pleased we were getting back on track.
“Yes, Daddy.”
He pushed away from the table, holding out a hand. “Now, unless you object, it’s time for your morning spanking. Someone needs to remember who will always take care of him.”
“I know you will, Daddy.” My voice hitched as I followed him into the living room. Normally, morning spankings were administered in the bedroom, but today I welcomed the change.
“Strip,” he commanded without turning to look at me. “And don’t even think about making a mess, Angel.”
I neatly folded my clothes and set them on the back of the couch, pausing when I got to my undies. They were my armor and I wasn’t ready to take them off. Not to mention the living room blinds were open, meaning anyone in the building across from Daddy’s could see me if they looked.
“I’m waiting.”
“Sorry, Daddy.” I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath before pushing my undies down my thighs. Daddy won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, I reminded myself as I walked over to him on shaky legs.
I stood before him, the way he’d instructed me, fighting the urge to check over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching us from across the way. He wouldn’t let anyone spy on us. And if he did, I’d ignore them, because he’d always protect me. Always. That’d been his promise, and he’d proven it again last night. And if I pushed aside my insecurities, the idea of someone seeing Daddy and me taking care of one another was kind of hot.
I squirmed when Daddy ran his hands over the fine hair on my thighs. It tickled and turned me on all at the same time. I thought my knees were going to buckle when Daddy leaned in, kissing the crease of my hip, my hardening dick grazing against his cheek. “Such a good boy for me. I’m going to take it easy on you this morning so I don’t hurt you.”
“I can take it,” I assured him.
“I don’t doubt you would, but this is what I want for today.” He swatted my hip once, the crack echoing off the walls. “If I didn’t know how badly you need this, I’d skip it completely to give your bottom time to heal. Now, assume the position.”
I eased myself over Daddy’s lap, my outstretched hands pressed into the floor holding me up. His fingers trailed over both of my cheeks and I knew what he was looking at. I hadn’t allowed my curiosity to get the better of me, but I’d been tempted to look at his marks on my skin this morning. Then, I’d chickened out because I didn’t want to feel proud of them, only to walk into the kitchen and have Daddy reject me. But he hadn’t.
“Ready, Angel?” His voice was low and tender, settling any lingering nerves.
“Yes, Daddy,” I responded, allowing my head to hang between my arms. Just knowing what was about to happen centered and relaxed me. I couldn’t tell anyone this was why I was so much more focused recently. It was all because of what Daddy did for me.
Daddy’s body shifted a split second before his palm landed on my right butt cheek. I sucked in a sharp breath at the sting, holding it for a moment before releasing. Most days, spankings were drawn out with Daddy massaging me in between blows, but today, the hits kept coming. None were as hard as other days, yet the sting was sharper, slower to fade.
“You’re amazing, Angel,” he praised me as he continued the spanking. “Don’t ever let yourself think you’re not enough for me. You’re perfect and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”
I was too floaty to argue with him, so I allowed his words to sink into my brain. He finished and scooped me into his arms. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“Always, Angel.” I knew I’d never recover if Daddy decided he needed more than I could give him. He had not only my body, but also my soul. I loved him.
11
Levi
Despite my concerns about leaving Teo on his own so soon after we got together, my first work trip proved to both of us that the routines we’d discussed helped him even when I wasn’t there. He checked in with me throughout the day, sending me pictures of the to-do list he’d written out and copied with each new item checked off. When I had to tell him a week after I got home that Denny had asked me to make another trip with him, I was prepared for a meltdown. I hadn’t given my boy enough credit, which pissed me off because I was constantly berating him for doing the same to himself. Every time we left, it seemed harder on me and easier for him to watch me go.
Denny kept glancing at me from the driver’s seat, smirking every time I checked my phone.
“What? If you’ve got something to say, say it.”
“Nothing. I’ve never seen you smitten before. It’s a good look on you.” Denny and I weren’t what I’d necessarily call friends most of the time, but in the past few months the line between working relationship and friendship had blurred a bit. I didn’t point out to him that I wasn’t the only one who was changing.
“I’m not smitten,” I argued, even though I totally was. If I wasn’t already in love with Matteo, it wouldn’t take much to put me over the edge. And maybe time had dulled the memories of what Bradley and I had shared, but I couldn’t remember ever feeling for him the way I did for my angel. He was precious to me.
“Are you still seeing the boy from the shoot we did for John?” Denny asked. I stifled a laugh at the way he said John’s name. Yeah, I definitely wasn’t the only one keeping secrets here.
“I am,” I confirmed. When he directly asked me about my relationship, I couldn’t think of a good reason to lie, other than possibly the fact he’d seen Matteo and me interacting in our roles, even if we’d only been playing at the time.
“And how’s that going?”
“Good.” Denny didn’t miss my hesitation before replying.
“Then why do you sound like someone just shot your puppy?”
I tapped my fingers against my leg, t
rying to quell the doubts creeping into my mind every time I thought about how happy I was with Teo. He was perfect, almost like he’d been created just for me, and that was the problem. Once upon a time, I’d thought the same about Bradley, but the feeling only lasted until he realized he was strong enough to stand on his own two feet. My past had taught me little boys eventually grew up and didn’t need a daddy anymore.
“Everything’s fine,” I reiterated.
“Say it again with enough conviction that I believe you.” He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant where we always stopped for dinner on our way back to town, but didn’t turn off the engine after he parked. Instead, he unbuckled and turned in his seat to face me. “Look, I know I’m not the easiest man to work for. I come off as a distant control freak on the best of days, but I’ve seen the changes in you these past couple months. You’re more focused when you’re at work, but you’re also not sending me proofs and revisions in the middle of the night anymore. That tells me things are getting serious between the two of you. Am I wrong?”
Was he? No, but I was reluctant to admit my feelings because of how my relationship with Bradley had ended. I was trying hard to avoid making those same mistakes again. I shrugged and got out of the car. I wasn’t comfortable talking with my boss about how much I hated not being able to ask Matteo to move in with me because he’d think I’d lost my mind or that I wanted even more control of his life. Whether he’d believe it or not, the opposite was true.
What I wanted more than anything was to give Matteo a place where he could be himself all the time without worrying about his mother coming into his room to gather laundry and finding the little clothes he kept stashed at the bottom of his closet or the coloring books stuffed under his mattress.
“I don’t know what you’re so worried about. It’s obvious he adores you,” Denny said once we’d been seated and placed our drink orders.