by A B Turner
“You’re a real prize, you know that ?”
I nodded and feeling the tension had eased, I moved slightly nearer to her, she reached distractedly for my hands and held them tightly in her own. We sat in silence, both relieved some kind of connection had been achieved, I waited patiently for her to speak, sure this would be better, than my trying to say something worthwhile about a still uncertain situation. Finally, she told me about Michael, she had been convinced he was different from the others, they had even talked about marriage, until the gossip started.
“At first, I ignored them, but then....well...they became less of a story and more of a truth, until, in the end, I had no choice but to ask him straight out...” she paused, wiped a stray tear away, “He looked me in the eye, swore it was all crap...he even had me apologising for doubting him, can you believe that ?” she asked, shaking her head sadly. I wanted to speak, but there was obviously still more to come, although as I saw the tears falling, it was incredibly hard not just to grab her and hold her in my arms.
When she had managed to regain control, she told me about the other woman, who had contacted her, boasting about everything she had done with Michael, what he had told her about Vanessa and how she was going to tell the whole story to the press. Vanessa angrily pulled her hands away,
“Why was I so fucking stupid ? I should have known better, in the end, everyone takes what they want until there’s nothing left...” the words came spitting out like sparks from a fire, almost instantly, her anger turned into total despair, she collapsed, her whole body seemed to be sobbing as she buried her face in my lap. I stroked her hair, as I knew there was nothing I could do or say, until the storm had passed, so again I waited, although inside, it felt like my own heart was breaking, having to watch, and not being able to make this any easier. At last, she calmed down, as she started to sit up, her hand slipped on to my lap,
“I’ve made you all wet,” she said apologetically, “I’m sorry.”
I smiled, pushed the hair out of her face and wiped her face with my hands,
“Don’t be sorry...it’s not for the first time, is it ?”
Almost looking embarrassed, she smiled back,
“No, I guess not.”
“Perhaps you should wash your face properly, or maybe even have a shower, might make you feel a bit better ” I suggested gently, feeling more like a mother than anything else. Vanessa nodded in agreement, she clambered off the bed and wandered to the bathroom, before going in, she turned back,
“You won’t go, will you ?” she asked hesitantly.
“No, Vanessa, I won’t go,” I replied firmly, she smiled again and disappeared through the door, seconds later, I thought I heard her call out, but, as I listened more closely, it was apparent, she had just seen her own reflection and was genuinely shocked, this was confirmed when she peered round the door to announce she could be some time, before disappearing again.
I looked around the room , if I was going to make some sense of the chaos, I needed some light, so I drew back the curtains carefully, then turned hesitantly to survey the damage, what greeted me was infinitely worse than I had anticipated. The floor was strewn with tangled sheets, every object was either resting precariously on its side or half-covered by creased clothes or the large cushions I had tripped over on my way. I quickly started to tidy up, first by making the bed, then replacing the numerous ornaments back where I assumed was their original position. Using the ornamental fire irons, I was able to sweep up most of the broken bottle and, after wrapping it carefully in a newspaper, put the remains in the small wastepaper basket. I could still hear the shower running, so I quickly left the bedroom to speak to Marcella, when I appeared at the door, she sat bolt upright, her face etched with concern,
“How is she ?” she asked, almost in a whisper, as if fearful she might be heard.
“Not too bad, but I was thinking some food might be an idea....” I began.
“I’ll call room service,” she interrupted, but then she paused, “But her room, it’s...” her voice trailed away, clearly she was remembering the state it had been in the last time she had been in there. I quickly put her mind at ease, by assuring her, things were almost as they should be, so any hotel staff going in there, would be unlikely to notice anything untoward. On hearing this news, Marcella smiled gratefully, as I darted back into the bedroom, I heard her on the phone ordering food to be brought up immediately.
By the time Vanessa emerged from the bathroom, although she still looked exhausted, she seemed a little more relaxed. She glanced around at my handiwork,
“You must have been a maid in a past life ?” she asked, her eyes rested on the now-laid table and announced she wasn’t hungry. She glanced at me, when she saw my uncompromising expression, she sighed resignedly and started towards the spread. Although I knew she had to eat, I couldn’t help but think of Marcella, who had taken her place back in the other room, although she was as highly-polished as ever, she too looked incredibly tired. So before Vanessa had a chance to sit down, I asked her to let Marcella have the rest of the day off, after all, she had probably been awake for the past 48 hours, in a permanent state of worry. Vanessa dutifully padded to the adjoining door and asked Marcella to come into the bedroom for a moment,
“Marcella, I want you to take a break from all this, have a rest....” she began, when Marcella was about to protest, Vanessa was in no mood to hear her complaint, she ushered the older woman to the door, reassuring her everything would be fine now and we would see her later. Reluctantly, Marcella left the suite, only after extracting a promise from me, I would call her if we needed anything.
Once we were alone, Vanessa and I went back into the bedroom, and sat opposite each other at the small table where the food was laid. At first, she merely picked at a few grapes, but the taste clearly reawakened her appetite and she was soon piling a small selection on her plate, it was nowhere near enough, but I was just relieved to see her eat at all.
Over the meal, we just exchanged general comments about our lives, I tried to keep the mood as light as possible, by talking about Lainie going to Rome and our recent visit to London at Christmas. When it was obvious she was not going to eat anymore, I suggested we move over to the sofa and finish our drinks there, I had asked Marcella not to allow any alcohol accompany dinner, initially Vanessa complained, but as she was still feeling the affects of the wine, she grudgingly agreed this was probably for the best.
We curled up at opposite ends of the huge sofa, as I glanced across, she seemed a little more relaxed, but I still had no idea what to say that could be any real use at all, sensing my unease, Vanessa placed her glass down and took my hand, her large eyes looking directly into mine,
“I’m glad you came, and about before, I didn’t mean.....”
I squeezed her hand,
“I know...it’s alright,” I said, when seeing her doubtful expression, I added I was just glad Marcella had called, on hearing this, Vanessa sat back, clearly impressed,
“She called you ? You should feel very honoured, she doesn’t find admitting defeat easy at all.”
We both reached for our drinks and sat silently for several minutes, Vanessa suddenly seemed lost in thought, so I waited for her to speak again, not wanting to interrupt, at last, she glanced up at me, for a moment, she looked slightly confused, as if she had got so lost in her own mind, she had forgotten I was there.
“Are you alright ?” I asked gently, she nodded sadly and apologised again for being, as she put it, ‘so vacant,’ suddenly, she leant forward,
“I just don’t know what the fuck to do, Carrie.”
I still had no real idea what I was going to say, but the almost-desperate tone in her voice, gave me no choice, but to answer.
“Well, it seems to me, there isn’t much you can do about the story being in the press, I don’t doubt Marcella’s tried everything to stop it,” I paused, Vanessa nodded in agreement and indicated for me to continue.
“It�
�s going to be rough while it’s news, but after a couple of days, someone else will do something, or be seen somewhere, the press attention will move and the public’s interest will move on with it.”
I looked at her, hoping I was saying something worth hearing, but instead, she shook her head,
“ Carrie, I learnt a long time ago, not to give a fuck about stories about me in the press, most of the time they’re shit anyway,” she explained dismissively. “What I want to know, is what’s next for me, is everyone going to dump on me like Michael ?”
Before I had a chance to answer, she looked angrily at me,
“This is your fault, you know, all that talk about love....why couldn’t you just fuck me and leave like everyone else ?”
All my sympathy instantly drained away,
"Why would you say that ?" I snapped, she sighed heavily,
"Because it would have been so much easier, you would have been just another great fuck, but without any of this emotional shit, you opened that fucking door in my head and now look..I've been screwed over again."
“ For fuck's sake Vanessa ! " I exploded, “ It's been no walk in the park for me either..since you..I haven’t been able to find one single person, who makes me feel even half what you do, and God knows, I’ve tried , but it doesn’t matter who they are or what they do....they’re never you and they're never going to be."
I noticed her lips part, as if to speak, but I hadn't finished,
" So looks like we are both totally screwed, doesn't it ?" My voice heavy with both anger and sarcasm.
I grabbed my glass and gulped down some water, then glared back at her, she seemed to be incapable of saying anything,
" Fuck and leave you ? Like that's even possible."
I banged the glass down on the table, causing tiny droplets to shower across the small table, despite myself, I took a napkin and carefully wiped up the mess, before resting back in the corner of the sofa, breathing heavily.
“Are you done now ?” Vanessa arched an eyebrow, I nodded, feeling slightly awkward about how I had just ranted, but equally justified in the point I had made, she sighed then took my hands in her own and stared down at them,
“ Carrie, I'm so sorry for what I said, but you have to listen, when you first told me you loved me,it was so fucking hard to believe, after all, you'd seen the worst and yet it didn't seem to matter..and I have to tell you, at first, I thought you were crazier than I am !” She looked up at me and smiled, “But then, after that last night at the hotel, I knew you meant it because I could feel it, we both know, nobody can fake that, so it got me thinking, if you could love me, well, maybe someone else could......but, it seems, I was wrong.”
I shook my head, reached forward and touched her cheek, it felt warm again,
“You weren’t wrong, he was a stupid jerk who will, one day, look back, realise what he could have had and spend the rest of his miserable life kicking himself !”
She shrugged while saying I might be right, but she wanted know about me, asking for reassurance I would be alright and not spending the rest of my life alone because of her. I suddenly felt guilty for my earlier outburst and quickly reassured her, but I added, she had to agree, she was always going to be a tough act to follow, she briefly smiled and then a serious expression immediately took over her face again.
“So you’re going to be alright then ?” she asked, “Really alright ?”
“Of course,” I answered, “As long as you are, why don't we shake on it ?” I extended my hand, which she shook warmly , we toasted each other with the remains of the water, then put the empty glasses back down on the table. Not wanting to go through another difficult goodbye, I stood up and started collecting my belongings together, Vanessa watched, until I started to put on my jacket, which caused her to suddenly move,
“Do you have to go ?” she asked, almost immediately struggling to stifle a yawn.
“You’re worn out, go, get some rest,” I insisted, walking slowly towards the door, trying to make each step last as long as possible. When I reluctantly reached for the door handle, Vanessa appeared beside me, thanked me again and asked me to think of at least one thing she could do for me. I only needed a moment to decide , I put my bag on the floor and turned to face her,
“You do mean anything ? ” I asked.
“Absolutely anything,” she confirmed, I smiled, took her face in my hands, leant forward and kissed her, almost as soon as our lips touched, it felt as if every nerve ending, in my body, came alive at once. As our tongues circled and caressed, I made a deliberate effort to remember exactly what it felt like, just in case, I would not be there again, to have that beautiful, generous mouth embracing mine. When I was sure, every detail was firmly imprinted on my memory, I pulled back and smiled broadly.
“That’s all you wanted ?” Vanessa asked, a bit bemused.
“That’s everything,” I answered firmly.
“But I thought being with me screwed with your mind, hasn’t that just made it worse ?” she laughed, I smiled back at her,
“Oh God yes, much worse, but it was worth it."
I picked my bag up, we hugged, after reiterating my instruction about getting some rest, I left the room. As I walked to the elevator, I realised I had none of the sadness I had felt when we had said goodbye before, I knew the reason, it was because maybe, just maybe, like before, there might be other days to share.
Chapter 20
As I waited for the elevator, Marcella came out of her room and hurried down the passage way,
“I’m so relieved to have caught you before you left,” she gasped as she arrived at my side, I quickly explained, I would have said goodbye to her, but I was hoping she was resting, so I had not wanted to disturb her. She thanked me for my consideration, swiftly adding her sincere gratitude for my help with Vanessa,
“I do not mind admitting, I do find emotional turmoil rather difficult, in that respect, Frank is so much more adept than I.”
I asked where Frank was, as perhaps in light of what she had said, he was the obvious person to take care of the situation. Marcella agreed and explained he had gone back to the States for his daughter’s graduation, but was due back in a few days, conceding she always missed him when he was away, she followed this admission by quickly extracting an assurance I would never tell him.
“...as I’m sure he would relish in reminding me of this confession at every available opportunity,” she added, smiling, I laughed and promised my silence.
The lift arrived, as the doors slip effortlessly open, a uniformed bellboy stepped out,
“Which floor do you require ?” he asked politely.
“Ground floor, please,” I answered, then after shaking Marcella’s hand warmly, I stepped into the lift, as the doors started to close, she thanked me again and wished me well.
Once in the lobby, I could see there was an unusual amount of activity, staff were bustling everywhere, all seeming to know exactly where they were required. Two obviously more senior staff, were striding across the marbled floor, deep in conversation, pausing only to order someone to attend to flowers, or rearrange a disobedient cushion on one of the large sofas. I hesitated by a long table, pretending to read a perfectly-folded newspaper, while continuing to monitor the situation, I suddenly felt anxious, supposing all of this was related to Vanessa in some way, supposing any minute now, the press were going to swarm in, the pudgy photographer among them, and here I was, trapped, with nowhere to go, no escape. I could feel my heart starting to race, so I quickly told myself to stop being so ridiculous and remain calm, after all, if the worst came to the worst, I could always step back into the elevator and find Marcella.
Suddenly, two uniformed doormen, opened the large glass doors at the entrance, a woman swept in, closely followed by three other women, obviously younger than the first, who were almost scuttling behind her, carrying an assortment of small cases. The first woman, lowered her enormous sunglasses, as the two senior staff raced to greet her, whi
le ordering others to collect her luggage. The entrance doors swung open again, two young men clattered through with trolleys piled high with large, dark green cases, each with a large monogram stamped on the side.
“Be careful !” barked the woman.
As I watched, one of the younger women whispered in her ear, the older woman smiled smugly and waved her away, turning to the senior staff, she loudly informed them, members of the press wanted to see her and she wanted an appropriate room made available at once. The two men nodded, excused themselves, then sent numerous staff members through a pair of large French doors at the far end of the lobby. The first woman replaced her glasses and marched across the marble floor towards me, as she passed, a cloud of perfume seemed to fill the air.
Without pausing, she disappeared into the waiting elevator , I stayed motionless, as the receptionist walked to the entrance door and spoke to the doormen, before returning to her place behind the large desk. Almost immediately, the doors opened and a group of men were ushered into the lobby, some were smartly dressed, their cameras hung over one shoulder, others were infinitely more casual, causing raised eyebrows amongst the staff as they ambled into the lavish surroundings. I scanned their faces, but he was not there, perhaps I had been worrying about nothing, just as I was about to move, the doors opened again and there he was, the pudgy photographer. I quickly sat down in a leather chair, the high back, blocking him from being able to see me, I glanced up, on the wall hung an ornate mirror which thankfully gave me the perfect view of the activity behind me.
The hotel staff held the French doors open, as the group sauntered through, within minutes, they were all inside the distant room, except him, he had stopped and was looking intently round the vast lobby. Fortunately, one of the doormen walked over and escorted him firmly through the door, but not before asking him to remove his cigarette, which he did reluctantly. At last, the doors closed, I stood up slowly, my eyes glued to the mirror in front of me, suddenly numerous flashes of light scattered across the French doors, taking this as a sign, he was now occupied, I darted towards the front doors, almost crashing into the one being held open by the doorman. I thanked him quickly then raced outside, luckily a taxi was just about to pull away, so I leapt into the back, named a station and we sped away.