The Curse of the Deadly 7

by Garth Jennings

  Nosh popped the stone into his mouth and closed his eyes.

  BANG!

  They were gone.

  A MUMF AGO

  BANG!

  They were back under the mango tree.

  Only now it was raining hard enough to hammer a nail into a plank of wood, and thunder was rumbling loudly in the sky above.

  ‘What the heck are we doing here again?!’ yelled Stan. The others groaned and sighed and shoved Nosh around for being such an idiot.

  Nelson was so disorientated he couldn’t speak. You have to remember that all of this has happened in just a few seconds. They were in the gold vaults of London, then they were under a mango tree in the early morning, and now they were beneath the same mango tree sheltering from an extremely heavy rainstorm.

  ‘I must say, I am very confused. Was it not the plan to go back home?’

  ‘Course it was, Hoot!’

  ‘Mangoes!’ roared Nosh triumphantly. He was bobbing up and down and looking up into the branches of the tree.

  ‘I say, Nosh is absolutely right. Look at this! Mangoes galore!’ said Hoot as he flew into the branches and brought a mango down from the tree in his beak. Nosh grabbed it from Hoot and ate greedily.

  ‘Mmmm,’ groaned Nosh, his eyes rolling back in their sockets as he savoured the delicious fruit.

  ‘What is going on? How did you make mangoes just appear like that? Nosh? How come there’s a storm now?’ asked Nelson.

  Nosh took a break from eating to speak. ‘I was just a-wishin’ I was here a mumf ago for da mangoes and here we is – a mumf ago,’ he said as if it were no big deal.

  ‘We’ve gone back in time? Seriously? And all to get a fresh mango?!’ said Nelson.

  ‘Well, well, I didn’t know time travel was possible,’ said Hoot.

  ‘Neither . . . did any of us,’ said Puff, arching his back and widening his eyes. ‘I don’t like it. We’ve . . . we’ve crossed some kind of line . . . It’s freaking me out.’ Puff’s fur was standing on end.

  A little ball of anxiety started to grow in Nelson’s stomach. ‘Puff’s right. This is wrong. This feels really, really wrong. We should not have done this.’

  ‘Izz not wrong, izz delish!’ said Nosh, licking his lips as he tucked into his fourth mango.

  ‘Nosh, you have got to stop thinking with your stomach,’ said Nelson. ‘Give me the stone.’

  ‘Wait!’ said Spike, holding up his scrawny hands. ‘You better think very, very carefully about not just where you want to go but when.’

  Nelson nodded. Except for Nosh, who was still eating, the other monsters fell silent and watched him think. Thunder boomed overhead. The rain pounded the tree above them. Lightning flashed and for a second the volcano was silhouetted against the clouds.

  ‘Honk! Honk! Honk!’ said Crush as he hugged Nelson’s leg to comfort him.

  ‘OK, I’m ready. Just hold on tight, everyone,’ said Nelson, and they all did – even Nosh, his mouth overflowing with mango juice.

  Nelson closed his eyes, put the revolting stone in his mouth, and BANG! They were gone.

  The train used to carry construction materials at night roared past the end of Ivan’s garden.

  ‘Miser, wait here. I’ll be right back,’ said Nelson.

  BANG! The sound was buried beneath the loud clatter of the passing night train.

  Miser coughed and spluttered in the grass.

  ‘What has happened to me? Where is Nelson? Where are the others?’ he said breathlessly, but Celeste could not see or hear him to answer his questions.

  You may be thinking that you have read these lines before, and you are right. It all happened a few minutes ago, and it was precisely this time that Nelson was returning to.

  BANG!

  Celeste stepped back in shock. ‘That was quick! Are you OK? Why are you soaking wet?’

  Nelson blinked the rainwater out of his eyes and turned to face his sister.

  ‘Oh, it’s good to be back,’ he said with a great sigh, and collapsed with relief on the grass next to Miser.

  THE INCREDIBLE EFFECTS OF SUPER-SLEEP

  Since the mango fiasco, Nelson had had to concentrate harder than ever before at school. No matter what lesson he had, even rugby practice, Nelson found his thoughts drifting back to the night under the mango tree. How strange it was to have travelled through time. It dawned on him that he now possessed the power to go back to any point in history. He could use it to answer questions no one on earth knew the answers to. Photograph real dinosaurs. Meet the very first human beings. Shake hands with Jesus. Find out exactly why and how Stonehenge came to be. And could he travel into the future too, he wondered? Could he see what would become of the world? Did we find a solution to global warming? Would he grow up to be a happy man? Could he discover secrets and bring them home, make himself rich?

  As the possibilities of time travel opened up before him, so too did the same uneasy feeling he had had beneath the mango tree. Time travel was a scary prospect. To travel through time meant you had to detach from reality. There would always be a risk of not being able to get back to the present. And if there was one thing he had learned in the last few days, it was just how precious the present was. The thought of being lost in time made Nelson shiver, and that shiver was his subconscious mind’s way of telling him to never, ever, ever travel through time again.

  ‘Well, I’m glad you’re not going to use the Bang Stone any more,’ said Celeste as she hammered a tent peg into the grass. ‘It’s freaky enough to see your brother disappear, but that noise, that massive bang, it’s really scary.’

  Nelson pulled the cord attached to the top of the tent and tied it to Celeste’s tent peg.

  ‘Yep. My monsters agree. None of them want to use it any more. And I’m glad Puff’s wish can just happen here in the garden.’

  They had finished pitching the tent at the bottom of Nelson’s family garden. The sun had set, dinner had been eaten, and their parents were inside watching the news. George, the boy next door, was bouncing up and down on his trampoline but could not see Nelson’s tent as it was pitched behind the garden shed.

  ‘What time are your monsters coming over?’ whispered Celeste as she looked at her watch.

  ‘They’re already here,’ said Nelson.

  ‘I’m going . . . to put us all . . . into a kind of super-sleep,’ said Puff a little later, and he yawned an infectious yawn that the other monsters and Nelson replicated. They were all crammed into the tent, Nelson in his pyjamas and tucked into his sleeping bag, with Crush snuggled beside him and Puff spread out on his chest.

  ‘Super-sleep? Don’t like the sound of that,’ mumbled Stan, who was fidgeting close to Nelson’s feet.

  ‘Don’t worry . . . the only side effects . . . are that you wake up . . . feeling lovely . . . and if we go into super-sleep . . . I can join us all up . . . in the same dream . . .’ Puff was smiling, delighted to be getting his wish.

  ‘It sounds like just the rest we need,’ said Miser, who coughed and shivered. He had not been the same since the gold fever, and there were still little flecks of gold in his eyes.

  ‘The rest you need, ya greedy git,’ snapped Stan.

  ‘All right. Let it rip, Puff,’ said Nelson, but instead of farting out a cloud of gas as he usually did, Puff belched. It was an extremely long belch that made everyone laugh out loud. A glittering lavender-scented purple cloud bloomed out of Puff’s mouth, filling the tent, and as it settled upon Nelson and his monsters, their laughter faded and they fell into a deep sleep.

  The sun was shining. Nelson was wearing his red swimming shorts. His skin had been browned by the sun. He jumped from the black rock he was standing on and for a few seconds he was airborne before he crashed into the cool blue sea. A curtain of bubbles rose around him and when it lifted he could see as clearly as he could on land. Fish surrounded him. They were happy to see him. So was Miser, who Nelson could see looking up at him cheerfully from the ocean floor.

  �
�Miser! I can see underwater,’ said Nelson to Miser.

  ‘You can speak underwater too,’ said Miser.

  ‘Oh yeah!’

  Splash! Crush, Stan, Puff and Nosh had jumped from the rock and arrived beside him.

  Nelson laughed. ‘This doesn’t feel like a dream. It feels totally real!’

  ‘I knew you’d like it,’ said Puff with a grin.

  ‘Lezz go!’ shouted Nosh, and he swam down deeper into the water, his little legs kicking furiously behind him.

  For what felt like an entire day, Nelson and his monsters swam and played in their own private cove on the beach of their dreams. When they were hungry, food would appear upon a blanket laid out on the sand. Doughnuts and peach ice tea and ice cream and mangoes and a never-ending bowl of sweet chilli-flavoured crisps. Whatever they thought of, it appeared. When they were too hot, a cool breeze would blow. When Stan suggested they play Frisbee, a Frisbee popped out of a rock like toast from a toaster. Hoot flew in joyous circles in the sky, leaving a multicoloured trail in his wake. Spike sat in the shade beneath the rock enjoying the sensation of butterflies landing on the end of his cactus needles.

  And while they dreamed together, their real bodies lay fast asleep inside the tent at the bottom of Nelson’s garden. Their hearts beat in time with each other. Their lungs breathed in time with each other. Puff was stretched out on top of Nelson like a living, breathing blanket. His purple fur glistened and sparkled, and as the joy of their collective dream increased, Puff grew. Well, he didn’t just get bigger; he started to inflate. Gradually he began to float away from Nelson until he was pressed against the roof of the tent, like a furry purple balloon.

  CLOUD NINE

  We all know how lovely it feels to have had a good night’s rest, but Nelson had never experienced a sleep like this. Every single part of his body and his mind felt brand new, and the dream they had all shared had been such a happy one that he could barely stop smiling for five days afterwards. Even the knowledge that there were only three wishes left to go before they had to say goodbye to each other forever could not wipe that smile off Nelson’s face.

  His school work improved so much and so quickly that his teachers started to talk about him on their coffee break.

  ‘Have you noticed a change in Nelson Green? He’s never been interested in my lesson before, but for the last few days he’s been my best student.’

  ‘He’s gone from bottom to the top of my class.’

  ‘You know, he helped carry my books to my car, and I must say I never knew he could be such a chatty little fellow. Always thought of him as a quiet one.’

  ‘He’s reminded me of his sister recently. Do you remember her? Celeste. Delightful girl.’

  And it wasn’t just the teachers who had seen a sudden change in Nelson. Nelson’s classmates couldn’t fail to notice how instead of slinking into the classroom and flopping down into a seat, Nelson now bounded in, humming a tune he had heard on the radio and chatting to anyone who was nearby.

  ‘What’s happened to you?’ whispered Katy Newman one day, as if the answer might be a secret.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Then why are you so . . . so up?’

  They were sitting on the swings in the playground at break-time. Nelson shrugged as he ate the rest of his Lion bar. ‘Dunno. Oh! I totally forgot to tell you. My Uncle Pogo’s already made a prototype splurge gun and he sent a video to see if you like it.’ Nelson pulled his phone out of his backpack, switched it on and showed Katy the video. It started with a clip of a large black toy Nerf gun lying on a workbench. Pogo’s voiceover explained he had sprayed the gun black and added a small compressed air tank to the shaft, which was connected to a liquid foam dispenser. Then the picture cut to a shot of him holding the gun and pointing it at Doody in their living room.

  ‘It has a good range, probably about six metres, but it is completely safe,’ said Uncle Pogo.

  ‘It better be!’ snapped Doody.

  ‘Three . . . two . . . one . . .’ Pop! Pogo fired the gun and Doody’s face was instantly coated in a thick layer of white foam.

  Katy burst into hysterics while on the video Pogo laughed at the sight of Doody shaking his head and wiping the foam out of his eyes.

  ‘Oh my gosh, your uncle is a genius!’

  Nelson felt very proud to be Pogo’s nephew but their sudden outburst of laughter had drawn attention from everyone in the playground, including Mr Mallison, who was on break duty.

  ‘Pogo said if you’re happy with it he will be able to make twelve of them,’ said Nelson as he hid his phone from sight. He was way more enthusiastic about Katy’s play since the super-sleep, and had even agreed to play Bugsy.

  ‘Of course I’m happy with it!’ squealed Katy. ‘Oh, this is going to be the best show ever!’

  It wasn’t just Nelson who had been on a high since the super-sleep. All of his monsters were happier than they had ever been, and Puff was literally high. Instead of crawling around on the floor, Puff now floated a metre from the ground. His body was rounder than it used to be, his paws dangled beneath him, and underneath those heavy-lidded eyes stretched a wide, satisfied grin that never left his face. When he needed to move, Puff could simply swim through the air like a dog in water. This change in Puff meant the monsters could now get around more quickly. Instead of having to carry Puff or wait for him to catch up wherever they went, Miser could pull him along beside them like a balloon on the end of one of his long tentacles, and this was especially useful when it came to the night of honouring Crush’s wish.

  Crush was so excited about getting his wish, he had been making little honking noises all afternoon, though if you had seen how excited all the other monsters were, you would have assumed they were all getting their wish.

  BANG!

  THE ROCK

  ‘We’re ready for you on set, Mr Johnson,’ said Lita, the film’s second assistant director.

  ‘Be right there, Lita,’ said Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, who remembered the name of every single crew member despite there being hundreds of them. Lita closed the trailer door and radioed the first assistant director to say that Dwayne was seconds away, and for everyone to stand by on set.

  The stunt drivers started their cars. The machine guns were primed and ready for firing. The pyrotechnics were switched from safe to standby mode in preparation for blowing up an entire warehouse as soon as Dwayne’s car drove through the wall.

  They had been filming in London for two weeks now, and crowds of fans had gathered every night at the security gates in the hope of catching a glimpse of the star. He would often say hello to them and take a few selfies with them before heading back to his hotel, but tonight Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson was going to meet his biggest fans of all time.

  There was a knock on the trailer door. Dwayne grabbed his jacket from the chair.

  ‘Yeah, I know, I know, Lita. I’m coming.’

  Dwayne opened the door to find he was looking down at seven monsters and a boy. Well, he could only see Nelson, which is just as well because all seven monsters lost their minds at the sight of him.

  ‘HOOOOOOOOOONK!’ blasted Crush as he bounced up and down and clapped his four hands.

  ‘DA ROCK!’ shouted Nosh.

  ‘Look at him! Magnificent!’ cried Hoot.

  ‘He’s a god,’ whispered Puff.

  ‘Indeed he is,’ said Miser.

  ‘Wish I had arms like that,’ groaned Spike.

  ‘HOOOOOOOOOOONK!’ wailed Crush. He was now shaking so violently that the other monsters had stepped away from him.

  ‘I LOVE YOU TOO, DA ROCK!’ shouted Nosh. ‘Hello, Mr Rock,’ began Nelson nervously, and Stan quickly corrected him.

  ‘You call ’im “Mr Johnson”, you numpty!’

  ‘Sorry . . . Mr Johnson. We’re big fans of yours – I mean, I’m a big fan of yours and I wondered if . . .’

  ‘Better do this quickly, kid – they’re waiting for me on set,’ said Dwayne, turning back into
his trailer to fetch a photo. His assistant made sure he always had plenty on standby as Dwayne was asked for an autograph a billion times a week.

  ‘Come in,’ he said to Nelson. When Nelson didn’t budge, his monsters pushed him forward.

  ‘Oopsie, watch the step there. Now, what’s your name?’ said Dwayne as he clicked the end of his pen.

  ‘Crush . . .’

  ‘Your name is Crush?’

  ‘Uh, it’s my nickname.’

  ‘Cool nickname. Here, take a tissue. You’ve got some kinda sticky stuff on your jacket there.’

  ‘Oh. Thanks. That’s . . . weird,’ said Nelson, pretending not to know where it had come from. Having hidden inside Nosh’s belly to get past security meant he still had traces of stomach gloop stuck to his jacket.

  As Dwayne wrote a little message and signed the photo, Crush rushed up to his left leg and very gently hugged it. Crush’s little orange body shivered with delight and he let out a honk so deep that the trailer started to vibrate.

  ‘Hooooooooooooonk.’

  ‘Whoa, what was that?’ said Dwayne, putting his hands on the table to feel the shake.

  Nelson shrugged.

  ‘Easy, Crush. Don’t get overexcited,’ said Spike.

  ‘Oooh,’ whispered Nosh at the sight of a large sneaker lying by the door. He licked his lips and said, ‘Da Rock’s shoe.’ If Nelson had heard Nosh say this he would have taken action, but he was too busy smiling at Dwayne to notice Nosh gobbling up the movie star’s sneaker.

  ‘So, Crush, I guess if you got to my trailer you must know someone working on this movie,’ said Dwayne.

  ‘Uh, yes,’ Nelson lied.

  ‘Who is it?’

  ‘Uh . . . Mo . . . lly . . . Hoo . . . shh . . . eemoo?’

  ‘Molly Hooshimoo? I don’t think I’ve met Molly.’

  Nelson blushed bright pink.

  ‘Molly Hooshimoo? What kinda name is that to come up with, you idiot!?’ said Stan in an angry whisper.