Religious Liberty On Trial

by Debbie Lawrence

  Both laughed for a few seconds.

  Nancy went on "That would be upsetting to most men."

  Tina giggled "Yeah it would, if I were a man! Sure, it was embarrassing as hell having boys staring at it in the shower, because they would usually tease me and beat me because of it, but to me it just was what it was. I never wanted to be a big macho stud in the first place."

  Nancy nodded "And yet you had a normal male puberty?

  Tina huffed "Normal, compared to what? Yeah, I grew facial hair, and even got some hair on my arms and legs, but that's about it. Even my facial hair looked like a badly maintained lawn, patches of hair that might look like a beard if I grew it out very long. No chest hair and no back hair." Tina looked up "Thank you GOD!"

  "So you don't consider yourself a man?"

  Tina snapped "I do not! I hated being a boy, I hated being a man, and I hate being thought of being one now!"

  "But you have male parts?"

  Tina sneered "I have ugly little boy bits. My teeny-weeny peeny, and my two tiny nuts. Heck, my nuts are more like peanuts that walnuts. Weird shape, long, like a fish or peanuts, not round."

  Nancy's curiosity was now peaked. "I'm not an expert on male anatomy, but that seems a bit unusual."

  Tina smiled "I didn't have nuts at all until I was almost 12 years old. If they hadn't dropped down, they were going to do surgery to bring them down. Apparently, they were too high up, inside, like ovaries.

  Nancy nodded, "And you tried to hurt them, didn't you?"

  Tina nodded "I'm guessing Alice told you about that as well."

  Nancy nodded "I still don't believe the board and hammer."

  Tina laughed "I only did that once, on a Friday night, when nobody was home. I was in agony until Saturday night."

  "Why did you do it?"

  Tina threw back her head. “Isn’t it obvious! I didn't want to be a boy, and I REALLY didn't want to be a man. I didn't want to turn into a hideous hairy roaring beast, like too many men I've known."

  Nancy nodded "Like your father?"

  Tina laughed "You've got to be kidding. Dad was fat, short, and yelled occasionally, but he admits himself that he was 75% feminine?"

  "Are there other feminine men in your family?"

  Tina nodded "My grandmother's brother is also feminine. He has a high squeaky voice. He was useless in the mines, so he taught school, eventually founded the school of economics program in Chicago. He had a wife, but she died when she miscarried. We have a lot of miscarriages in our family. Grandma lost 3, mom lost 2, Doris lost 2, and Liz lost 2."

  Nancy remembered something Dr. Benjamin had said "Did your mom take anything to prevent a miscarriage?"

  Tina nodded "Yes. She was afraid if she lost me, dad would leave her. She'd already lost one, and was shocked when dad didn't leave her then?"

  Nancy nodded "OK. Now, there's one thing I need to get clear. You've already said that if you had to be Ted the rest of your life, you would probably end your life somehow, correct?"

  Tina nodded slowly but refused to answer.

  "So, what if you could be Tina instead?"

  Tina smiled big "I'd want to live and love and have a wonderful life helping people. I wouldn't wake up, look in the mirror and want to smash it. I've already noticed that I like looking at Tina in the mirror. I'm not perfect, but I'm a lot better than Ted."

  Nancy smiled, "Good. I want you to be Tina as much as you can. People know about Tina, so it shouldn't be as much of a problem, but at least be Tina on weekends and as many evenings as you can. And stop trying to hide her behind Ted. Just because you're wearing Ted's pants doesn't mean you're not there!"

  Tina giggled.

  Nancy was puzzled. "What's so funny?"

  Tina had an impish grin "I don't wear Ted's pants, Ted wears mine. I have wide hips and a big butt, so I go to unisex shops to get pants that fit. If I wear boy's pants I must gather the waist everywhere or they fall down, and I look like I'm going to a flood. In girl's slacks or jeans, I can get longer inseams because girls often wear pants like that with heels."

  Nancy saw the humor "GOOD! So now you can be Tina any time you want. You just won't be wearing a bra all the time!"

  Tina nodded "Yes. the only time I really dress like a boy is when I'm wearing a suit."

  Nancy smiled "I'd like to see you next week. OK?"

  Tina smiled "I'd like that. You know, you're the first counselor who actually LISTENED to me. I actually believe you might be able to help me."

  Nancy stopped "Could you come in on Friday night, that way you don't have to go back to being Ted until Monday morning."

  Tina sighed with relief "THANK YOU! That would be so much easier. My last class is earlier, so I could see you earlier on Friday if you'd like. Three or Four?"

  Nancy nodded "Let's make it four, that way you can go straight from there to dinner, let everybody meet Tina."

  After Tina left, Nancy dialed the phone.

  "Harry Benjamin, how may I help you?"

  "Harry, it's Nancy. The situation is much worse than I thought!"

  "Nancy, good to hear from you. This is about Ted?"

  "She's calling herself Tina when she's in girl mode."

  "OK, Nancy, what's going on."

  "Tina isn't a cross-dresser, she's a hard-core transsexual!"

  "Are you sure Nancy?"

  "Yes Harry! Positive. She's even tried to castrate herself and attempted suicide during puberty."

  "Wow, can you send me the information? Do you have permission to share?"

  "Yes Harry, she gave consent, if necessary I can have her sign a consent form. I'm worried that they might lock her up if the wrong people find out."

  "I think you're right Nancy, this could get ugly. We need to accelerate the process as much as possible."

  Nancy nodded "I don't think she's going to last years. I think we might only have months."

  Daisy's Engagement

  Tina came out every night, after dinner. One night, when Alice and Tina were on the way back to the dorm, Daisy came running up to them.

  "Alice! Tina! Glad I caught you. I've got great news!"

  Daisy held out her left hand. On her ring finger was a 2-carat diamond with two baguettes on each side. "I'm getting married!"

  Tina gave Daisy a big hug "He proposed! I'm so happy for you! Congratulations!"

  Alice laughed "I guess that's why we haven't had any more threesomes. Congratulations Daisy. I'm happy for you too!"

  Daisy nodded "I want BOTH of you to be my bridesmaids. Tina, would you be my maid of honor?"

  Tina almost cried "I'd love to, but I have no idea what I would be expected to do! Alice, would you know what to do?"

  Alice smiled "Yes, I was planning to be Maid of Honor at my sister's wedding."

  Tina giggled "Good, you should be Maid of Honor! If that's OK with you Daisy?"

  Daisy hugged them both "I'd LOVE that. I wanted to ask you first Tina but thank you for letting me ask Alice. Alice?"

  Alice broke out in an ear to ear grin "My sister eloped, so YES I'll be your Maid of Honor!"

  Daisy was so excited. The three of them went to her room to look at bridal magazines and get ideas for gowns, dresses, and weddings.

  Kelly

  "Kelly! What the hell stunt are you trying to pull up there in girly-land anyway? I still can't figure out why you're teaching at that girlie-school instead of the Marine Academy."

  Colonel Jim Kelly smiled "Hi Gordon. I'd done four tours of Nam, and it was time to retire. How are things down there at the Air Force Academy."

  "That's why I called. It seems that one of my cadets was accused of sexually assaulting one of your Catholic school girls."

  Kelly nodded "Uh huh, I heard about that. Security caught him wearing a pink robe, trying to get his uniform out of the bushes."

  "Yeah, he says he was set up! He didn't attack one of the girls."

  "Gordon! Come on! There were 30 girls in the dorm who witnessed the threats and the a
busive language. He even tried to hit one of the girls!"

  "But Kelly. The girl he tried to hit, wasn't a girl!"

  "What are you talking about Gordon, she was a girl, there were a few, Shelly, Alice, and Tina. I've had Alice in my classes, smart as a whip. Shelly is a bombshell, blond, blue eyes, legs, and big tits to die for."

  Gordon started to laugh "THAT'S why you teach in girlie-school, you like the tits!"

  Kelly got serious "No Gordon, it's not like that at all. Let's just say I'm doing my penance!"

  "OK Kelly, wherever, but that one girl, Tina, what do you know about her?"

  Kelly shrugged "I don't know. I think she's in the theater program, she was hanging out with the theater people at the dance."

  "Kelly, Tina is a Sissy, a faggot, a draft dodging little 4F fruit. Tina is a GUY! Her real name in Ted. Ring any bells?"

  "Gordon, I saw her at the dance, she weren't no guy, she was ALL girl. Auburn hair, legs to die for!"

  "That's him alright. He set Tom up. Apparently, Tom made a bet with another cadet that he couldn't get into her panties. It was a sucker bet. Nobody would admit to groping a guy's cock, even if he was wearing a dress. Tina made Tom pay up."

  "Gordon, I still think your cadet must be making this shit up. Tina is a beautiful girl. She danced with several guys at the dance. Any of them would have loved to get into her pants."

  "Tom said he also danced with a bunch of girls too!"

  "Yeah, she did. All the girls dance with each other. It's a girl's school for Christ's sake. Most of the guys at the dance are cadets who have steady girls here, or the guys in the theater, and they're all queer."

  "Kelly, do me a favor, check this Tina girl out and see if I'm right. If Tom's lying he'll be kicked out of the Academy and he's the son of a Senator. I'll be in really hot water."

  Kelly nodded "Oh, and if Tina is really a dude, then they will drop the complaint and Tom stays in the Academy with a clean record."

  "Exactly! Can you help me?"

  "Gordon, after all those napalm drops you made to save my cookies, the least I can do is check it out. If your story checks out, it may be that TINA will be the one leaving college early."

  Kelly looked for Tina the rest of the week, but he never saw her around. He decided he'd see if she came over on the week-end. If Tina WAS a guy, he might only be visible on the week-ends.

  Colonel Kelly started watching the theater group, but there were so many "swishy little faggots" that he had no idea which one of them could be Tina.

  Tina didn't come out until after dinner, and even then, she was mostly in the girl's dorm or looking at wedding stuff with Daisy. Or coaching songs with Anna.

  Nancy talked to Tina about the week. Tina had to admit, the week had been a struggle. She wanted to come out and play even when she was supposed to be pretending to be Ted. A couple people noticed Tina in things that Ted had always done. Several of the kids at lunch had been discussing Tina when she came to the table as Ted. Ted smiled "Did I miss anything really terrible?"

  Larry and Ed had always thought that Ted was just a Nelly queen, but was still hiding in the closet. Now that they had seen Tina and Alice together, they realized that Tina really was a lesbian.

  Shelly and Shannon had smug looks. Shelly said. "I figured you were really a girl inside, but I was afraid that if I asked you about it, you'd freak out, run away, and never speak to me again. I tried to talk to my cousin about it and he never spoke to me again, even to the day he died."

  Tina was sympathetic "Oh, that's horrible! How did he die?"

  Shelly paused "He dressed up as a girl and hung himself in his room. He'd tried to tell his parents, but they refused to listen. They even sent him to a camp that was supposed to make a man out of him. When that didn't work, and he ended up leaving due to a broken leg, they sent him to a shrink who loaded him up with a bunch of drugs. He stopped taking them, and then he hung himself. In his suicide note, he told his parents that since they didn't want a daughter, they wouldn't have a son either."

  Alice hugged Tina close "That's why your parents and other therapists couldn't talk to you. They loved you and didn't want you to feel rejected, but they couldn't help you be a girl either."

  Tina was visibly upset. "What about now?"

  Alice gave her another hug "Nancy's working on that, we just have to trust her, meanwhile Tina, you have a bunch of people who know you and love you, as Tina!

  Tina hugged back "Thank God in Heaven that I met you Alice, and Daisy, thank you for being there for me too!"

  Alice nodded "You've been there, haven't you?"

  Tina nodded, "You know I have. You know that the only difference between me and her cousin is that he used rope and I used drugs."

  Everybody stared at Tina but were silent.

  "I never knew it would be possible to be Tina. I thought I would just have to endure 50 or 60 years of testosterone hell. Now that I'm experiencing LIFE as Tina, I want to live more than I thought possible."

  Sarah was stunned "What if you had to go back to being Ted all the time?"

  "I'd find some way to end it. I'm never going back to boy hell."

  Alice hugged "Let's make sure you never have to."

  Soon, all the girls, and Larry and Eddie were hugging Tina, giving her words of encouragement.

  On Friday, Ted rushed out of his dance class directly back to the dorm. When he got to his room, he realized he was already wearing a girl's top. All he needed was a skirt and her bra. Tina pulled her arms out of the sleeves, fastened the bra behind her back, and then pulled up the sleeves again. She slipped off her ballet slippers and stepped into her heels. She wore a short skirt, because she knew Alice wouldn't be able to resist a feel. Her black tights were still sheer enough to show color.

  It took her 10 minutes to do a quick shave and light makeup. She didn't have to be perfect, but she knew what needed to be minimized, covered, brightened. By 3:30 she was out the door.

  She walked over to Nancy's office and walked right past Col. Kelly's office. He didn't look up, so he didn't see her.

  When she knocked on the door, Nancy opened it immediately.

  "Tina! Look at you! You look beautiful! Come on in!"

  Kelly's ears perked up, but by the time he got to the door, he was too late, Tina was already in Nancy's office.

  "After stalking Cong in Nam, waiting out a pansy like you should be a piece of cake."

  Tina updated Nancy on several of the conversations she had had during dinner as well as in the dorms. She was so happy that she had so many people supporting her.

  Nancy was so happy to hear this progress.

  "Tina, I've talked to Dr. Benjamin, and have arranged with the school nurse practitioner and the school doctor to start you on hormones starting next month."

  Tina was thrilled "I thought that I would have to wait a year or more?"

  Nancy nodded "Normally that would be true, but after reviewing your test results, your history, and your experiences as Tina, he feels that making you wait could be dangerous."

  Tina nodded "I understand your concern. I must admit that it is only since I first came out as Tina that I have wanted to live, going back is getting more and more painful. I look forward to the day when I can be Tina all the time."

  Nancy smiled "I suspected that was the case. You need to start expanding your hours as much as you possibly can, even before dinner if possible? And of course, all weekend."

  Tina smiled "I could do like I did today, switching to a skirt and light makeup after my dance class, perhaps after my singing class."

  Nancy smiled "Consider going to the singing class as Tina. Didn't your teacher just ask you to sing a song made popular by a woman?"

  Tina smiled "Maybe I can wear jeans and leave the top exposed rather than covering it up?"

  Nancy smiled "Excellent! Try it this week and see how it goes. I know that the temptation is to jump in with both feet, or dive in immediately, but perhaps lowering yourself into the water a b
it at a time isn't such a bad approach."

  Tina giggled "Maybe I can do some Marlena Dietrich songs."

  Nancy howled "Falling in love again, complete with Leotard, tights, and jacket!"

  Both where howling. Tina started singing "Falling in love again, can't help it."

  Nancy covered her mouth "You MUST sing that in your class!"

  Tina giggled "I'll ask. Maybe I can do it next Friday right after dance class."

  "Wonderful, I want a full report, and perhaps an encore performance!"

  Tina left the office, and Nancy closed the door to complete her notes on the session.

  As Tina headed toward the stairs, Colonel Kelly barked out.

  "Freeze Faggot! I wanna talk to you, you little sissy bitch"

  Tina turned to him, it wasn't the first time some bigot used such language, but often such people could be talked down.

  "Colonel Kelly! I've never met you, but Alice tells me wonderful things about you. The school is very lucky to have you, a former Green Beret Colonel, teaching social sciences."

  Kelly was caught off balance "Thank you, Alice is an extraordinary student. She will be an excellent social worker, but I suspect she will be destined for greater things."

  Kelly recovered "Enough of that. Listen, you lily livered draft dodger, you fucked with the wrong people when you fucked with Tom. His commander called me and told me about how you set him up and falsely accused him of rape."

  Tina looked him straight in the eye "I was NOT a draft dodger, I registered, I was declared 4F because I had asthma, epilepsy, and mental health disorders. I contributed to the effort in Nam in ways that are so classified that even YOU and your Air Force buddy can't get clearance, but you don't need to know, so I can't tell you."

  Kelly stopped short. "What the hell are you talking about?"

  Tina smiled "I've already said more than I should. Let's talk about Tom"

  Kelly nodded "Tom is a senior, he's about to become an officer in the Air Force, and he has connections. You do realize that to be admitted to the academy, the applicant must be recommended by a member of congress?"

  Tina nodded "Yes, the other girls have told me a little about that. Several classmates have gone on to marry cadets when they graduate"