The One Percent

by Tara Wimble

  She can’t go back to the way they were, Bella as her straight wife and Jacque grasping at straws.

  “You’re being honest with me so I’ll be honest with you.” Jacque states as they walk up to another food stall. They need something to walk around and eat just to fill the silence and the hunger that’s come with confession. “I don’t know how to feel about this.”

  She can see that Bella wants to panic straight away. “Don’t get me wrong. I understand what you’re saying, what you’re feeling and everything that’s messed up in the middle of it. And I know how I feel about you-”

  That melted center inside of her that she taps into. The swelling affection for the pink in Bella’s cheek. The desire for the softness of her body curled next to her. She says it with conviction and a longing that Bella actually feels, truthfully, for the first time. “I love you.”

  The line starts to diminish and soon they’re the next ones to be served.

  “And this is complicated.” Jacque won’t tilt her head up or laugh away what they’ll need to do or the trust they’ll need to rebuild. But she won’t extinguish hope as if Jacque isn’t intending to see this through.

  She slides her hand down the back of Bella’s left arm, squeezing her wrist before slipping down to gently hold her hand. “But we’ve never had things easy.”

  It’s going to take a while. Not just to process all of this but to get used to this. Jacque’s had years and years of emotions pushed down and stoppered concerning Bella. Feelings she never voiced. Desires she never revealed. Actions she was never able to follow through with. Here and now, Bella has just changed the game.

  She’s just come out to her. Not only as having feelings for her but about what London actually meant to her. Her desire for Bella has become something she doesn’t have to hide anymore but the low comes with Bella’s confession of just what motivated her to chase after her at the Olympic celebration. There’s a bitterness to that night now, a different one than there was, even if Bella won’t apologise for it on her behalf.

  Yet there’s something sweet and comforting, a brightness to aim for, when Bella laces their fingers together in the bustle of the festival without a care. Jacque leads the way and holds on with a reassuring grip. She can’t ignore what’s been said today, but she can’t ignore how she feels either.

  The person in front of them leaves with their food and they’re called up next. Jacque leads, Bella follows.

  “What can I get you girls?” The cheery guy behind the stall table rubs his hands together waiting for their order. There’s a platter of rolled tacos spread out in front of them.

  Jacque looks at Bella’s close to tears expression and smiles. “I don’t think you’re gonna have enough food.”

  Bella sniffs and wipes her eyes with the heel of her free hand. “Yeah, no. Can you just get a box for us and fill it to the top?”

  The vendor looks at them a little funny, Bella’s nearly in tears and asking for an entire family serving of Mexican food but it’s his job so he acquiesces and somehow they actually make away with a box full of rolled tacos.

  “I wasn’t being serious.” Bella mumbles, carrying the thing around.

  It’s a light moment and Jacque feels like she can genuinely smile because of it. “I know, but once he actually started filling the thing up we sort of had to take it. Point of no return.”

  “True.” They pull off the main path to a hill that’s not too heavily populated, Bella sits and Jacque joins her on the grass. She holds the box on her lap. “Did I ruin things?”

  “I mean it’s a lot of tacos but I think we can handle it.”

  “Jacque, you know what I mean.” Bella plays idly with the flap of the box.

  “I got it.” Jacque admits. “But I don’t think it has a real answer, you know? We just have to live it and see.”

  It’s not a great answer but Bella decides not to push it, or so Jacque assumes, as she starts eating with an almost competitive fervor. Jacque joins her because, after all, they are at a celebration of food and after a heavy conversation like that pounding a few tacos isn’t the worst idea in the world.

  At least until they have to run it off at training but that’s just a small price to pay to live in the moment.

  *

  “Are you sticking around?” As soon as the question leaves her mouth she realizes how loaded it immediately sounds. She rushes to tack on to the end of it before Jacque can respond. “Chicago. Are you sticking around Chicago?”

  Jacque shifts and with that Bella’s place on her shoulder moves as well, she adjusts so she fits right back in the crook while Jacque thinks. “I guess I just assumed we both would be. Why? Did you get an offer?”

  “No.” Bella mumbles into Jacque’s neck but inside she’s overjoyed to hear that they’re on the same page, for once, not passing right by each other. “I just wasn’t sure, you know, with stuff.”

  “Stuff?” Jacque’s voice raises with the question but Bella doesn’t feel like giving a valid answer, she doesn’t want to put an actual name on everything that’s going through her head. So she doesn’t.

  “Yeah, stuff.” She smiles into Jacque’s neck, right where it meets her ear and snuggles in.

  The season was winding to a close and it looked almost a foregone conclusion that they’d be stuck, once again, outside of that coveted playoff four. But as much as it sucked Bella tried to look on the bright side.

  The side that just got a lot brighter knowing that, irrespective of national team commitments, it would be just the two of them, in Chicago, getting to know each other as whatever they were doing.

  Alone.

  No Sadie to make smirking remarks. No Quenby to stare at them awkwardly like she was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. No Lexi jumping out from nowhere and telling them to just kiss already.

  Maybe there’d be Red Stars straggling around the area but none of them would be their roommates, they wouldn’t be right on top of them.

  And again it’s that magic word.

  Alone.

  *

  The season ends as they knew it would and though they slot into that fifth position it’s still a disappointment to once again not be playing for a championship. But they do get a few individual accolades including Quenby, once again, managing to make the NWSL Best XI so it’s not all a wash.

  Slowly the apartment gets emptier and emptier just like she’d predicted it would.

  Oliv flies out to Chicago a few days after the season ends and she and Sadie road trip to Edmonton where they’re going to be hanging out for a few months until camp. Quenby and Lexi both head back home, St. Louis and Denver respectively, and then it’s just the two of them. The rents paid up through a couple of months so there’s not really anything to worry about.

  Except each other. But they’re slowly trying to figure that out.

  It’s become a little unspoken thing that they make breakfast for each other. A thing that started when Jacque did it that first morning after and continued on.

  Bella’s day are always better than Jacque’s because if there’s one thing Jacque has known almost from the beginning it’s that Bella is the better cook. She tries to use this to her advantage and turn them cooking for each other into Bella always cooking for her but she’s altogether unlucky in that endeavor.

  Bella claims that it’s endearing to see Jacque struggle to try and make new things and make them taste good and then eventually default back to omelet's every single time.

  Plus Jacque thinks that Bella gets just a little bit of a kick out of being the one standing behind her trying to teach her how to flip the perfect pancake. It reminds her of the cliché of trying to teach someone how to shoot pool and she chooses to blame that on why she still can’t master flipping pancakes, such a rudimentary skill.

  But today is a lucky day because it’s Bella’s turn to make breakfast which means something good is going to come from that. But first, it always starts with coffee because they’
re both turning the same way and if they don’t at least get a whiff of coffee in the morning they drag and they’re useless until they do.

  Bella’s busying herself in the kitchen, pulling out the little coffee cup cartridges and loading them into the instant coffee maker.

  Jacque is content to just watch her do her thing and she’s struck with the feeling she used to get all of the time, just watching Bella look so natural and so domestic. It starts to kill her but then she remembers that this isn’t like before, she has an actual chance, there’s a way that maybe she could do something about it.

  Bella finishes with Jacque’s cup of coffee and turns holding it out to her with a little bit of a sleepy and content smile still plastered onto her face.

  She doesn’t say anything to Bella, or even take the cup being offered to her, but she does watch for a sign that Bella is opposed to her backing her against the counter. The coffee cup is put down, quickly, when Bella realizes that Jacque is going to crush it between them rather than take it.

  The clink it makes being put down is a thunderous noise compared to how close Jacque gets to her, noses almost touching, and their hips with the smallest of spaces. It drives her a certain kind of wild to see Bella fix her eyes on her lips instantly before her tongue darts out to wet her own. This desire is something she daydreamed about.

  “If I kissed you now,” Jacque murmurs. “Would you kiss me back?”

  Her confirmation is a gasp. “Yes.”

  “Yes?” Jacque closes her eyes and feels the word, the simplest word, rush through her. “Okay.”

  Bella is blinking in confusion when Jacque opens her eyes again. “Okay?”

  “Yes.” Jacque puts a step between them and takes her coffee. She adds further confusion to those eyes when she kisses Bella’s cheek. “I just wanted to ask.”

  She leaves the room, sipping her drink, to the sound of shuffling and then a sudden patter of footsteps following her. “Do you want to kiss me?”

  Jacque places her drink down and settles onto the right end of the couch. “That’s a stupid question.”

  Bella pulls at the sleeve of her orange University of Illinois shirt. “Why didn’t you just kiss me then?”

  Because we’re doing this on your terms, she thinks. Jacque doesn’t say it though because the terms in Bella’s eyes say that she’s asking because she wants to kiss her. To be kissed. She is the picture of relaxed, of waiting for Bella, while Bella stands in front of her shifting from foot to foot.

  There’s no beckoning or anything, Bella sits when she feels comfortable enough to. Her knees bump against Jacque’s legs. “I feel like a freaking school girl with a crush.”

  “Don’t turn this into a role play.” Jacque jokes, turning her body in Bella’s direction.

  “Don’t laugh.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Meet me halfway.” Bella asks. “Seriously.”

  “I will.” Jacque props herself as best she can with her elbow on the back of the sofa. “Halfsies.”

  Bella looks like she wants to say something about the mocking but she bites her lip instead. Everything is less funny when Bella scoots forward on her knees. Jacque is the more relaxed sitter, with Bella choosing to kneel on the couch so that when she leans forward she either has to press her hands to her knees or-

  To Jacque’s face.

  “Halfway.” Bella reminds her. Jacque is past talking now that Bella is acting, so she nods and does meet her halfway when Bella gets there.

  It’s lulling blue eyes and Jacque being the one to bring Bella’s hand to the place where it’s supposed to fit against her cheek, fingers tickling the back of her jaw by her ears. Halfway isn’t a waiting game but Bella, as with all things since she sat Jacque down to talk to her about the aftermath of London, has to move first.

  Her first thought is sweeter than the last time. It’s short and it’s Bella growing confident after the first kiss. Smiling runs through Jacque like a shiver when Bella’s hand on her cheek moves a little more to cup her jaw, rubbing the pads of her fingers just to the side of her hairline. It’s the noise that their lips make, the pop of start, stop, more and Bella’s half surprised gasp when Jacque touches the bottom of her chin when they kiss again.

  Bella grows into it. Her knees bump against Jacque’s thigh as the kissing brings them closer together, physically and emotionally. There’s that charge pulling them. Bella doesn’t seem to be aware of how close she is to Jacque tucking her hands behind her knees to help her onto her lap. It’s hard to resist when they’re already so entwined with each other. The restraint she exercises is one that Bella appreciates.

  Lightheaded spots inject themselves into the moment when Bella’s hand falls and catches on her hair just to twirl it in her fingers. She’s never done that before. The playful touching sends a shiver along her arms. Kissing for the sake of it. Touching because she’s allowed. Bella sighs into her mouth and makes all the noises to test Jacque’s resolve, yet she overcomes them.

  Of course she wants more. Bella’s body is something she hasn’t felt against her, even during that one night, and the longer they spend time together with this undefined connection, the more she thinks about it. In the privacy of her own room and company of course. She thinks Bella knows a little about it but she’s past teasing her now that these things are serious.

  But she doesn’t discourage her either. This is Jacque’s thing as much as Bella’s and with kissing comes thoughts and feelings and the casting of a new light on each other. The light brings difference and washes away the lingering shade of what they’ve endured together.

  Newness becomes addicting.

  A pleased gasp that seems to come from both of them breaks the kiss and rather than sit back entirely, Bella catches her balance against Jacque’s shoulder.

  “Okay?” She asks.

  Bella seems to do everything but give her the answer straight away. She touches her lips only to bite them after. She’s clenching her hands over her knees to then reach for Jacque’s resting arm. She’s stalling but she’s giving off all the right signs.

  “Yeah.”

  Jacque boldly laces their hands together, feeling like they’re just starting where they should have started if the past was real. “I’m good aren’t I?”

  “You’re a jerk.” Bella ducks her head and Jacque pulls her arm. She yelps as she falls into Jacque’s side, her face catches low on her chest and Jacque won’t even think where Bella has just quickly moved her hand from. “God damn it.”

  “Alright thunder, settle down.” She teases but her arms have broken out in goose bumps that start to trail down her body.

  “Now you tell me.” Bella blushes deeply and Jacque mocks her just a little while they get comfortable against each other again.

  Jacque rolls her eyes and kisses the top of Bella’s head before deciding they should just turn the news on while they’re sitting here. “Now you know how I felt.”

  Bella sinks into her side and listens to the dull opening headlines before suddenly pulling back. “Did you just call me a tease?”

  The news is forgotten. Jacque pushes Bella back and gives her just enough warning before she kisses her again. “I’ll tell you later.”

  *

  Chicago’s a different place when they’re not constantly dragging back and forth between practice and games and other cities. And when they’re not constantly surrounding by swarms of teammates wanting their attention and watching their every action like it’s some sort of reality show.

  It’s nice.

  Her new favorite activity is just walking around with Bella, it’s amazing how much you don’t see of a city you live in when you’re always training. And sure she might joke, much to Bella’s chagrin, that all cities are basically the same, made up of shopping and restaurants and the same touristy hot spots. But Chicago feels different, or well, it’s started to feel different.

  Because Chicago’s made itself special for what it means to her, to them rather, and
what it’s started to create. Even if Jacque isn’t quite sure what that is exactly yet.

  It’s comfortable but not in the way that they were before. There’s a big difference between comfort and complacency. They grew complacent in their friendship, in the rigid parameters of their arrangement until those parameters got blurred and everything went to shit.

  And now it’s slowly being rebuilt, or rather built up from the ground, because rebuilding implies there was something to be broken from before and irrespective of a few stray feelings on her part there wasn’t.

  But now? Now is good.

  There’s kissing firstly, that’s a huge step up in Jacque’s opinion. And the kissing is really really good. She’s learned in a pretty quick space of time that there’s not much better than the feeling of having Bella in her lap, kissing until their lips can no longer handle it. And then holding her until they fall asleep.

  Nothing more. It’s all keep very PG rated and despite the fact that she sometimes feels like she’s 18 again and almost has the inclination to go drop Bella off at her family home once they’re done, it’s nice. It’s a progression, nothing too fast. Not taking any more than either of them are ready to give physically or emotionally.

  Chicago in the offseason. Yeah, she’d say life’s been good so far.

  *

  There’s one camp in the offseason. John doesn’t want to burn them out before the big lead up to the World Cup so it’s one month from the end of September to Mid-October in their new state-of-the-art training facility in Vancouver. It has covered, heated fields, brand new weight training equipment, and a fancy film room that puts their old classroom looking room in Chicago to shame.

  It’s an honor, as always, for them both to get invited and as they get older, Jacque especially, there’s an understanding more than ever that each call is not guaranteed. So when they do get that call it fills them with a latent excitement. It’s time to get the gang back together.

  For once they aren’t the last people to arrive to camp, having booked their tickets so they’d get a few days in the city before they started their residency and it was time to focus on soccer and the team and Canada.