Bedlam & Breakfast at a Devon Seaside Guesthouse

by Sharley Scott

  “Where have I put them,” she muttered.

  I heard a chink, followed by an angry curse. She’d hate it if she thought I was spying on her, so I spoke louder this time. “Hi.”

  “Katie?” She jerked upright, but she didn’t spot me. Her tone was deep, blurred by drink. “I’ve dropped my lighter.”

  Lighter? I didn’t know she smoked. Beneath the street lamp, I spotted a glimmer of metal on the gravel drive and handed the lighter to her. She flicked it into life, the flame reflecting in her shining eyes. As she took a deep lug, I gazed at the burning tip. Why would a woman in her mid-twenties start smoking? Wasn’t that a teenager thing? And Lucy had always been so sensible too.

  “When did you start smoking?”

  She swung round to face me but lost her balance and staggered back into a wheelie bin, thankfully full enough to withstand her weight. Clutching the wall, she pulled herself upright, her head following her body, which gave her an odd arched movement, as if she was lifting herself out of the crab position. A childhood favourite of hers. She jabbed her cigarette at me, keeping one hand planted on the wall.

  “Are you judging me?” Her pitch had risen. “You have no idea why I smoke. Look at yourself first. You only gave up a few years back.”

  “I’m not judging you.” I wished I didn’t sound so prissy. And what did she mean by ‘look at yourself first’? I didn’t dare ask, certain it related to more than my ex-smoking habit.

  She took a drag of her cigarette, drawing so hard her cheeks hollowed, the shadows lending her an almost skeletal appearance. Lovely but stubborn Lucy. I wished I could hug her but instead I stood there, desperately thinking of something to break the silence that engulfed us. She took another lug and threw the cigarette down, grinding it into the gravel.

  “Are you going back in?” I couldn’t think what else to say. This was one of the few times I wished I still smoked. I could have asked Lucy for a conspiratorial cigarette.

  She couldn’t have heard as she lurched off, not stopping even when her heel buckled to one side on the stones. Then I remembered! I could ask about her boyfriend. But the click of the front door told me I’d left it too late.

  The faint strains of Oops Upside Your Head filtered out. Not one of my favourite songs but something to guarantee a laugh at a party. I’d go back inside and dance with Emily and Lucy. Everyone would be sitting in a row, swaying forwards and backwards, patting the floor on each side.

  As I headed to the front door, it opened and Jason stepped out. He didn’t smile.

  “What are you playing at upsetting Lucy?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “I rarely see her. It wouldn’t have hurt for you to make an effort to be nice, especially with everything she’s going through.”

  “Eh?”

  But before I could question him, he disappeared inside. What on earth had Lucy said? Confused, I reeled our conversation back, but I couldn’t see how I’d upset her enough to cause Jason to be angry. And what did he mean about Lucy? I had no idea she’d been having problems. But why would I? I’d chosen to stand on the touchline of her life, so I couldn’t expect to be handed the ball.

  Someone had turned the music up. The thumping beat vibrated, interspersed by occasional shouts and the sound of laughter. I couldn’t face going inside. Not now. People would wonder why I’d left but better that than causing more upset.

  With Emily, I’d try to talk through any issues even if I had to tread carefully. I should treat Lucy the same. I’d speak to her tomorrow, once we’d all sobered up. Jason and I had two girls. It was high time I stepped up to the plate for both of them.

  Chapter 8

  Jason appeared five minutes before breakfast started. After spending much of the night stewing over his unwarranted outburst the previous evening, I’d half-hoped he wouldn’t come down, although how I’d cook and serve breakfast for eight guests, I didn’t know. It doesn’t sound a lot, but breakfast is never a simple affair. There’s the cold buffet, a range of hot options which are ordered on the morning to be cooked fresh, and as much toast and tea or coffee as people want. A full English involves pretty much every pan, especially when guests ask to change their eggs to poached or scrambled. So, when Jason staggered into the kitchen, I’d reached the conclusion that I’d rather see him than not.

  That is, until he said, “It would have been nice for you to say goodbye.”

  “You had a pop at me for no reason.”

  “What? Being mean to Lucy?”

  “I wasn’t.”

  His harrumph in disbelief rankled me more than it should have done and I found myself ratcheting up the ante, refusing to speak to him, although from the point I opened the breakfast room door and the guests started to troop in, it was outward smiles. But hidden from view we stung each other with hissed barbs and the occasional bit of sign language in case guests heard us. Childish, I know, but sometimes sticking two fingers up at someone can be quite cathartic.

  Neither Lucy or Emily had made it out of bed by the time we finished cleaning at one o’clock, so I took out the ironing board and started on the duvet covers until I heard the floorboards creaking in Lucy’s room above. I gave myself a few minutes to finish the duvet while I worked up my courage. I had to do this. I’d promised I would speak to Lucy and there was no time like the present.

  It took an age for her to come to the door.

  “Hold on,” she shouted on my first knock. I started to wonder if she’d forgotten me and was just about to knock again when the door clicked open. She peered through the gap.

  “Yes?” she said, her tone cool.

  “Can I come in?”

  She hesitated but finally opened the door, flinging herself onto the bed like a sullen teenager. She’d thrown on a pair of jogging bottoms and a baggy t-shirt, the hem of which she wrung between her fingers. Her bare toes dug into the bedding. Nervous, like me.

  I had to take care, unless I wanted a replay of the previous evening. I cleared my throat.

  “I’m sorry about last night.”

  “Why?”

  “I didn’t mean to sound patronising or anything.”

  “Why would that be any different to usual?”

  She locked eyes with mine, daring me to respond. Get it wrong and the bell would ring for round two. I sat down beside her – not too close – giving myself a moment to think. My hands nestled in my lap. They’d started to show signs of ageing and in daylight looked more like paper mâché than baby soft skin. With age came wrinkles, but it didn’t always bring wisdom. I should know what to say. I should be kind and loving and perceptive.

  But instead I found myself saying, “Oh for goodness’ sake! Do you really think I’m going to say well done for smoking? I may only be your step-mum but I’ve known you since you were knee-high to a grasshopper. I really, really care about you. More than you know. And I do want to make things better between us. Like they should be.”

  We both fell silent. She drew up her legs and sat picking her toes, while my gaze dropped back to my hands. To my wedding ring. She’d been one of our bridesmaids. We’d had a job getting her to wear the pink, flouncy dress but coerced her with the promise of chocolate cake. She and Emily – then just a tot – had worn flowery pink bands but, as soon as the ceremony ended, Lucy had switched back to her favourite yellow Alice band. She kept the dress on though, enjoying the attention. It had been a wonderful day. I remember looking at her, Jason and Emily, and feeling hopeful for the future.

  “I was just thinking about when your dad and I got married.”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “It was such a lovely time.”

  “For you,” she said.

  “How do you mean? Please tell me. I won’t do my usual trick and go all school teachery on you.” I hoped I’d said the right thing.

  She resumed inspecting her feet, while I sat listening to the strange click-click of fingernail jabbing toenail and tried not to shudder.

  “Funny enough I was just
talking to Emily about it last night. The drink made me talk too much. If I don’t tell you, no doubt she will. You know what she’s like.” She smiled and, for a moment, the shadows lifted from her face. “Not that it’s a big deal. I feel a bit stupid talking about it to be honest.”

  “I’d really like to know.”

  She bit her lower lip and her eyes met mine. This time without a hint of challenge. “I was saying how it all fell apart after Dad got married. Not that your marriage had much to do with Pete leaving Mum.”

  I’d forgotten about that. Her mum had left Jason for Pete but a few months after our marriage, Pete ran off with another woman. Every time Jason went over to pick up Lucy, she would recount stories of eating cold beans on toast or opening her school lunch box to find a bag of crisps, a chocolate bar and a bottle of pop. It took Marie, her mum, months before she got herself back on track.

  “Mum told me off for telling you, so I kept quiet after that.” Lucy ripped away the jagged edge of her toenail and flicked it to the floor. “But, as I told Emily, she really fell apart. That’s when she discovered gin. And then she went through an uncle’s stage.” She mimicked apostrophes with her fingers. “While I… well, I just wanted my dad home. I asked and asked but it never happened. Emily and you won.”

  Glancing at me, she blushed. “Sorry.”

  I shrugged and rested my hand on her shoulder. No need to apologise. Of course, a child would want their dad back home. I wouldn’t hold that against her.

  I vaguely remembered Jason mentioning more than once that he’d gone to pick up Lucy to find the house smelling like a distillery. Marie would say she’d had friends over the night before and they’d had a glass or two of wine while watching a film. As Jason only saw Lucy at weekends, we’d assumed Marie’s nights were limited to those times, but obviously not.

  “Anyhow, the past has happened, and mum is fine now but…” Hugging her legs, she fell silent.

  I shifted over to cuddle her. At first, she resisted but then she sank into me. No wonder she’d been so reluctant to talk as a child. We’d let distance grow into a habit but, unlike me, she hadn’t had a choice. I should have tried harder to be a loving parent rather than accepting the status quo.

  “That was a lot for a young girl to keep hidden. You poor thing.”

  Should I mention what Jason had told me? It felt right. “Your dad said you were having a tough time at the moment.”

  Letting out a small laugh, she said, “He knows about the break-up with Josh but that’s not the half of it. Look—” She shifted away to the edge of the bed. “I’ve said enough.”

  Josh, her boyfriend? I had no idea they’d broken up. She’d kept that off Facebook. Was our relationship so poor that I only knew things about her she was willing to tell the world? I knew the answer to that one and it didn’t reflect well on me. Strange that Jason hadn’t mentioned it though. Maybe he only found out last night? That would explain why he’d been so sensitive when he thought I’d had a go at Lucy.

  I let my hand fall onto hers. “If I can help, I will.”

  She seemed to move beyond me, into a world of her own. I waited, not speaking, not moving, her hand hot beneath mine, until she whispered, “It’s too late for that.”

  We jumped as someone rapped the door. “Can I come in?” Not waiting for an answer, the door opened and Jason popped his head inside.

  “Dad!” Lucy jumped up. “I could have been undressed or something.”

  “What with Katie in here?” Jason kept his smile, even when his eyes met mine. “Kim and Shona called. As we haven’t got any check-ins, I said we could all go for a walk. Emily’s packed and ready. What time do you both need to get away?”

  “Not until late afternoon,” Lucy said. “Give me fifteen minutes to get sorted. It’ll be nice to stretch my legs.”

  Masking my frustration, I left her to get changed. It would be great for us all to get out before the girls left but a group walk gave me little chance to be alone with Lucy. I needed to find out what she’d meant by ‘too late’.

  ♦

  The consensus was to head to Shadwell Point. Once away from the crowded harbourside and beach, we entered Shadwell Wood where we passed occasional walkers, some with dogs or children but all offering cheerful ‘hellos’. Shona had planted herself between Lucy and Emily, while Kim walked with Jason, leaving me at the rear to admire the views while watching for opportunities to draw Lucy aside. Panting, we climbed wooden steps cut into the red earth. Here and there, tree roots clambered over rocks, unable to break through the hard ground, while the branches formed a canopy of green, shading us from the sun. As we reached the plateau I caught glimpses of the sparkling blue sea below. I stopped to admire the view, not realising I’d dropped so far behind until I heard laughter and sounds of ‘Well caught’ as Emily and Lucy saved Shona from a nasty fall. I hurried to catch up, meeting them at the edge of the woods, where they gazed out over the vast expanse of sea, dotted by trawlers and yachts and the hulk of a distant tanker.

  “This makes me sad to be leaving,” Emily said.

  I squeezed her arm. “You can come back whenever you have a free weekend. Or for longer.”

  We set off with Jason falling beside Lucy, Shona with Kim, while Emily and I acted as the rear guard. We chatted about her going back to her old job and how she looked forward to catching up with her friends, until she said, “It’ll be nice for me to spend more time with Lucy too.”

  “Especially after everything she’s been through.”

  She peered at me over the rim of her sunglasses. “She told you about Josh?”

  I couldn’t lie to my daughter. “She just told me things couldn’t be undone.”

  Frowning, she shifted her sunglasses back up her nose. For a moment I thought we’d reached the end of the conversation, until she added an ominous, “She’s not wrong there. But it’s not my place to say anything.” She pointed towards the archway ahead of us. “I fancy an ice cream. Race you to it!”

  To the sound of laughter – hers, not mine – she sprinted off, catching Lucy by the arm and dragging her ahead. I had to give her full marks for a deft change of subject. Most likely, she’d gone to warn Lucy that I’d asked about her, as they’d slowed to a walking pace thirty or so yards ahead of the group. I mulled over what I knew. Not only had Lucy split up with her boyfriend but there was more to it. Was he stalking her or causing other problems? I had no choice but to speak with Lucy again, especially as Emily would be moving in with her.

  Arms linked, Lucy and Emily strolled beneath the huge stone arch of the fortifications built to protect England from the threat of invasion several centuries before. The first time we’d come here, we’d been stunned to find ourselves standing before what appeared to be a castle façade. Back then, Emily and Jason had dashed off to explore the cannons that nosed from the parapets but now she passed by with barely a glance, engrossed in conversation. I followed the others tip-toeing across the cattle grid, rather than taking ten steps more to the safer option through the gate. As I crossed beneath the archway, Kim waited for me.

  “Shona’s joined the girls for ice cream.”

  As we left the protective barrier of the wall and moved towards the open headland the wind buffeted us. Kim pulled a hairband from her pocket and twisted her braids into a bun to stop them whipping her face.

  “You came prepared.”

  She laughed and rubbed her goose-pimpled arms. “Not enough to remember to bring a jacket. I’d forgotten what it can be like up here.”

  With Jason and the others queuing for ice creams, we strolled towards the headland. On either side of us, the land dropped away, one side a sheer drop protected by a stone wall, while the other sloped down to the sea, peppered by a jumble of squat trees and bushes hunched by the wind. We meandered along the brow of the slope, preferring the landscape of jagged headlands and rocky outcrops to the urban view of Torringham and the distant Berrinton which shimmered across the bay.

  She nodd
ed in the direction of the girls. “You left early last night. Are you stressed about them going?”

  “Sorry for not saying goodbye.”

  She shrugged. “But you’re okay. You’re very quiet.”

  “To be honest, I’m a bit worried about Lucy. I need to speak with her before she leaves but I don’t think they’ll give me the chance.”

  Lucy and Emily came towards us, arms linked, ice creams in their free hands.

  “Glued aren’t they? But not for long.”

  I smiled at her. Many people would be curious to know the issue, but not lovely Kim, who’d put aside any inquisitiveness she felt to help me.

  “Hey Shona!” She waved her over. “Go and chat to the girls,” she told me. “We’ll soon have them unstuck.”

  I headed over to Lucy and Emily. “It’s lovely up here, isn’t it?”

  Wary looks passed between them but they joined in with my inane chatter about the weather and the view. When they finished their ice creams Shona broke between them, insisting on becoming the centre link in their chain, joined by Kim a moment later.

  “Come on, Katie! Don’t be boring!” She pulled me between herself and Lucy.

  Our chain wandered on with Jason, tagging beside us, until I felt Kim’s grip loosen. Lucy jerked round as the group broke apart and stretched out her hand in the hope of relinking.

  “I wanted to ask you…”

  She tried to yank her arm from mine.

  “I know about Josh. It’s more than just splitting up.”

  Her eyes widened. “Emily told you? Great!”

  “No, but I want to hear it from the horse’s mouth. Does your dad know?”

  Her face paled and she flashed a glance at Jason. “Don’t tell him. Please!”

  She took my silence as agreement. Her mouth parted as she searched for words but seemed unable to find them. This wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t force her to tell me something that upset her so much. But, if this Josh was harassing her or worse, we had to help her and keep Emily safe too.